Ed Sheeran - Thinking Out Loud

http://listenonrepeat.com/?v=G2ZvdEfswR0#Ed_Sheeran_-_Thinking_Out_Loud_(Official_Audio)

In the previous day...

No matter how many times Joohyun screamed for her mother to wake up, or regain conscious, Mrs.Seo showed no sign of response as she laid there. Tears began to roll down the young girl’s cheek, as she threw herself onto her mother, while pleading her to wake up.

“Miss.Joohyun, please let go of your mother. The ambulance is here,” the bodyguard tried to pry the young girl away from Mrs.Seo, but it was futile as the young girl clung on tightly to her mother.

“No, mommy! You need to wake up, please wake up,” she sobbed, her voice hoarse while she shook her mother roughly. A trauma considered to be for such a young age, Joohyun wasn’t prepared for such an unlucky accident.

A few minutes later, with the help of a paramedic, Joohyun was finally pried apart from her mother as she struggled within their graps, while screaming for her mother. She then sobbed as her blurry vision fixated on the young girl, who was being attended to, and she cried even harder.

Joohyun can still make out the girl’s features despite her teary vision, and she heard the girl’s name. Kim Taeyeon.

Joohyun let out a scream, and the next thing she knew was that there were loud poundings on her door, followed by loud voices. She then cried ever harder, while curling into a ball, as she croaked,” M-Mommy.” 

Jongin pounded on the door loudly, as he called out,” Noona, noona! Please open the door.” His voice was hoarse and strained after the endless knocks on his sister’s door, and he was afraid that his sister might do something stupid. Sehun then placed his hand on his shoulder,” Hyung, let her be. She just need some time alone.”

“Some time alone? How much time? Couldn’t you hear her screaming in that voice and hear her crying? Sehun, she witnessed our mother’s death, how could you expect me to be calm when she is inside handling everything alone?” Jongin shouted, while jerking his brother’s hand away.

Kyungsoo then stood in front of Jongin, and spoke gently,” Jongin, Sehun is also concerned for Joohyun and so are we. Y-“

“I can’t calm down. Noona is the only person that I can ever trust and rely on. You’ll have no idea how much pain we have to undergo when we lost our mother. We were so young, and we lost our mother in just an accident. Not even allowing us to speak to her, or anything. She was dead when the minute the she was being knocked. How could you guys ever understand the pain we have?” Jongin cut in, as he staggered a few steps backwards.

Sehun then approached him, when Jongin flinched just as his tears were rolling down his cheeks,” You guys don’t know the pain we had to undergo. You’ll don’t know how lost we were during that period, you’ll don’t know how much we wanted to follow Mother! You guys just don’t understand us.” He then crouched down at the centre of the hallway, while burying his head in between his knees, as he sobbed.

“Hyung, I know that I didn’t went through the same pain as you but I lost my mother too. It is something t-“ “You didn’t lost her at the age of 3,” Jongin hissed harshly, as Sehun flinched in his position. The tanned latter then stumbled to his feet, and glanced at Luhan,” G-Get the keys from Grandmother, and do something, please.”

With his pained expression, Jongin turned around on his heels as he staggered towards his own room and shut it behind him. Jongdae then cleared his throat, while squeezing Sehun’s shoulder,” They just need time. It a traumatic experience for them.”

“I-I know. I want to help them, but I don’t know how,” the youngest male replied softly, before looking at Luhan. “Since hyung asked you to do something, I shall pass you the keys. I hope you can talk through to noona.”

The doed-eyed male glanced at Joohyun’s room, and nodded his head,” I will.”

Sehun then headed down to the ground floor, and the huge group of friends along the hallway glanced at one another. “I-I had no idea that Joohyun was also hiding such a painful past,” Sooyeon said softly, as she held onto Yifan’s arm tightly. Yoona then nodded her head, while lowering her head,” And we all were selfish by thinking for ourselves, and never noticed about her always trying to make us happy.”

“It isn’t your fault, guys. That’s just her, Joohyun likes us to be happy, even though she herself is in pain. Don’t worry, just head down and accompany her grandmother. I will talk to Joohyun,” Luhan shook his head, while looking at the faces of his friends. He then added,” Joohyun will be fine.”

Kyungsoo then spoke up,” I am going to talk to Jongin.”

“But he does-“

“I can’t leave him alone! He is like Joohyun, who needs some support emotionally and physically. Look at both of them, they are like related by blood and when one is pain, the other is in too. Joohyun has never been in a proper emotional state, you heard them just now. Jongin became expressionless for a period of time, and I don’t want that to happen to him! T-That boy just needs help, and I don’t care even if he is going to reject me, I won’t give up. H-H-“ Kyungsoo argued, while trying to find words.

Jongdae then raised his hand,” I understand, so just go.” Kyungsoo then shot a thankful glance at his best friend, before they went down to the ground level, leaving both Luhan and Kyungsoo there.

“H-How are you going to talk to her?” Kyungsoo asked, as he faced the taller male. Luhan then gave a pained smile,” I don’t know. I need to see her.”

The shorter male then nodded his head, while lowering it. “Hey Kyungsoo, don’t you think Joohyun is a strong girl?”

“She is, and I really do thank her because if she had given up, Jongin would have also given up.”

Luhan then placed his hand on Joohyun’s room door, and spoke,” Joohyun, I am going to come in a few seconds.  P-Please don’t be afraid of me.”

The door creaked open, and Luhan took a step into the room. He then glanced around the room, and studied the interior. He then quietly shut the door behind him, when he heard a sniffle. “Joohyun?” he called out, while locking the door. He then heard the shuffles of footsteps, and he moved further into the room.

“I am here. Where are you?” Luhan asked, and his heart raced wildly at the sight of the broken glass lying a few feet away from him on the ground. Shatter pieces of the broken vase were lying on the ground, along with the flowers that were already soaked by the water.

Just as he was about to walk towards the broken object, a voice surprised him,” I-I am sorry, Luhan.” The male recognised the familiar voice, as he turned around towards the sound source. “Joohyun,” he called out, his voice filled with relief when Luhan spotted Joohyun huddled at the corner of the room.

“Joohyun,” he called out again, gently and softly as he walked towards her and his heart shattered at the sight of her. Her face was still covered with the tears that were spilling non-stop, and her eyes were slightly swollen. The latter looked at him with her painful, and broken eyes.

He knelt down in front of her, while looking at her. Joohyun looked so messy, and broken that the crying sight of her just pained her even further. Luhan stretched his fingers out to wipe her tears, when out of the blue, Joohyun lunged into his embrace and wrapped her arms around him tightly, sending Luhan tumbling onto his .

“I-I am sorry,” she whispered, while burying her face into his neck as she cried softly. Luhan then smiled gently, before embracing her and replied,” It’s okay. I am here, so just let it all out.” He then cradled her onto his lap, and hug her gently while patting her head.

Joohyun grabbed his shirt tightly, and cried,” It is s-so scary.” “I know, and I am sorry that I wasn’t here here earlier for you,” he apologised, while her head, as he shifted himself to lean against the wall.  He then stared at her bed before them, while keeping his right arm on her head and his other around her waist.

“You know, since I know of your past now and seeing you in this state, it really pains me Joohyun. I know that you are afraid of witnessing the same thing happen again, but think about it in a different angle, your mother is someone who is admirable and respectable. She sacrificed her life to save another life, and her act was just filled with so much genuine selfless value.”

Joohyun then sniffed, while placing her head against his chest as she listened to the deep rumble of his voice. “She is somebody that I have to thank for because if she didn’t have you, I probably wouldn’t even be happy in my own life. I know your mother means the whole world to you, and I know that her loss was devastating and that you wished that it didn’t happen or it should had been you instead, but your mother wants you to survive in this world. She wants you to see the beautiful world, and not just locked yourself up.”

“W-Why is she the one who died and not the other girl or the driver? Why must it be my mother?” she asked, as her voice quavered and cracked slightly. Luhan then stared at her, and wiped her tears,” God probably needs her back beside Him. D-Don’t ever throw your life away, please. I don’t want to see you falling back into the darkest pit of depression, and let that depression take you away. I know that now may seemed like a wrong timing, or something, but you mean the whole world to me.”

Luhan then caressed her cheeks, while wiping another tear,” Seeing you and hearing you in such a broken state, it is really pains me. I don’t want to see you suffering in such a silent, and endless pain. For surviving for so long in this world, with such a terrible memory etched in your mind, you are so strong and brave. But I am here now, for a reason. You don’t have to shut the whole world out, and locked yourself in. This memory might be painful for you, but I am here now. You can lean on me, and share your pain with me.” Joohyun shut her eyes, letting her tears fell again.

“Your mother doesn’t want to see you in such a state too, and I am sure that even our friends, they are all worried for you. But I am proud of you. You lasted for so long, and when you break down, you shut everyone out to prevent them from feeling the same pain you went through. But, don’t do it again anymore. Come to me when such a thing happens, because I promise that I will never leave you, and that I am always here for you. Endlessly.”

Joohyun then sobbed,” I-I miss her so much, and I just want her back here. I want to show her that I found a boy who I love, and a boy who loves me, and I-I want to show her that I got a group of great friends and I-I want to show her how capable I had grown up to and how Jongin and Sehun have been maturing. I-I just want her presence back here, w-why did she had to die? M-my mother was the most amazing lady, and yet, she had to leave in such a horrible fate. I-I just need her, Luhan. I-I really miss her so much. She was a victim, but she died and not the others. W-Why? Why must it be her? Why must she be gone?”

“I am sorry,” he whispered, while hugging her tightly as he listened to her. Luhan was glad, he was glad that Joohyun was leaning on him, and letting him into her painful past. She then cried even harder,” S-She is really important to me, and I really looked up to her. I-I want her back so that I can talk to her about my life, and everything but I can’t. She is gone, but she is no longer here anymore, and I really want to speak to her.”

Luhan nodded his head, while hugging her,” But your mother wants you to be happy. Even though she went on in a very horrible way, but I am sure that she never wanted both her children to give up on life, and stuff. She wants both of you to be strong, not losing faith in life and everything else.”

Joohyun didn’t respond, but bury her face into Luhan’s chest, while they sat there in silence.

***

“How is she?” Yoona asked, the moment Luhan turned up at the dinner table. The male just smiled,” She is fine, and I am going to bring up dinner for her. I will be eating our dinner there with her, to make sure that she eats and not just lie on the bed.”

Sehun then asked,” Is she calming herself down?” “Yeah, she is. And, Sehun, don’t blame yourself for all these. Stuff just happened, but it doesn’t happens because of you, so don’t worry.” Luhan then looked at his friends,” And, tomorrow, Joohyun and I will be heading out in the morning, so don’t panic when you don’t see us in the house.”

“Where are you going?” Yifan asked, while taking a sip from his glass of water. Luhan then shrugged his shoulders, while carrying the tray filled with plates of food,” I don’t know. She wants to bring me to this place. Don’t worry, I will take care of her.”

Sehun then called out,” Hyung, thank you.” Luhan smiled, before heading back up to the room.

“It is sweet potato, and you are not going to eat?” Luhan asked, while placing his hands on the bed, as he leaned closer to Joohyun, who was lying on the bed. She then shook her head, as she threw the covers over her,” I-I am not hungry.”

Luhan then frowned, as he tugged at the cover,” Don’t lie. I heard your stomach growling a second ago, and you aren’t hungry? That’s ridiculous, because you are hungry.”

“I am really not hungry. You can just leave the food there.”

“Joohyun, you will have gastric if you don’t eat.”

“No, I won’t. I will be perfectly fine.”

“Joohyun.”

“I am not in the mood.”

Luhan then sighed, as he pulled the covers, and nagged again,” You need to eat.” Within a few seconds, both of them were facing one another as they stared at the food placed on the table.

“Why did you take so much food?” Joohyun asked softly, while reaching out to grab the small piece of sweet potato. Luhan then shrugged his shoulders,” I didn’t choose the food. I took what the lady passed to me.” He then watched as Joohyun nibbled on the piece of sweet potato, and smiled.

She then stared at her boyfriend’s smile, and raised an eyebrow,” What is so funny?”

“The way you nibble on the sweet potato.”

Joohyun then blushed slightly while turning around to stare out of the window. “H-How are the others?” she asked randomly, and Luhan just nodded his head. “They are fine, still worried for you. Jongin is still hiding in his room, and Kyungsoo is trying to comfort him.”

“I am sorry.”

Luhan then shook his head,” Don’t be sorry. It even isn’t your fault to begin with. Don’t apologise.” Joohyun then faced him for a second, before asking,” Don’t you think that I am a weird person now? Like, I went through depression, and you will have the thinking that I am like a depressed person who couldn’t smile or laugh.”

“I don’t. Trust me, I won’t leave you just because you used to have depression or something like that. Everybody has their own story to tell, and yours isn’t that happy. But, at least you let me know more about you. But Joohyun, please don’t ever fall back into depression,” Luhan pleaded.

Joohyun then said,” But I don’t know anything about you. Like you unexpectedly found out about my hidden and traumatic past, but I don’t know yours.”

“I grew up in a place not filled with love. My parents had the mind-set that money was the only thing that could make people happy, so they worked and worked. They expanded their business, they came up with new products and collaborate with people and now, they are the richest people in Beijing, but they are still not stopping that thinking. So, i faced 4 walls everyday since young, and I was sick and tired of it.”

Luhan then sighed softly, and Joohyun stared at him silently, not wanting to interrupt him. “So, I came to Seoul to live with my grandmother that time when I was young. But she didn’t last till now, and she died when I was few years older. I then grew up in the place with maids and butlers, and people serving me consistently. On my birthdays, there will be cakes and presents, but my parents just send me money, not even a wish. That’s how I grew up in, without family love or anything. I just sat there during graduation with no parents, and it dawned on me that having me as their child was a mistake, like they created a mistake. They wanted a child to take over the business, to prosper and make sure their money grew. But I didn’t want to be a puppet, only thinking of money. It is disgusting just earning so much but ignoring that little child of their own, and not bothering to even turn up during events. And, I kind of had an argument with them regarding the career that I want. I told them I didn’t want to be their successor and stuff, and they flared and raged and I decided to stay in Seoul permanently.”

“If we do have kids in the future, don’t make the same mistake,” Joohyun said, while stuffing a spoon of rice into . She watched from the corner of her eyes as Luhan’s face lit up at her statement, and he asked,” Wait, you are going to marry me?”

She then remained mute, and Luhan asked again,” You said to have kids, so it means you are marrying me, right?”

“No, I meant in general, like we head to different paths and meet different people and have children, that kind of scenario,” Joohyun corrected him, as she watched him frowned. “No way, you are not going to meet any other man that me.”

She then raised an eyebrow,” We only started dating.”

“But I know a lot of stuff about you. And, I bet he didn’t know this about you.”

Joohyun’s face turned tint pink, as she began to focus her attention on the food while giving a small smile. Luhan then laughed,” Thank you for smiling again, Joohyun.” She then stared at him, who began to tuck into the food.

‘No, thank you for being here for me.’

“So, the place that you decided to bring me to is this hill?” Luhan asked in a puzzled tone, while passing Joohyun a bottle of water. Both of them headed out early in the morning at 6 am, to climb the hill next to Joohyun’s grandmother’s house. She then smiled, while gesturing towards the view before them,” Yes. Look at the sun rising.”

The latter turned around, and for the first time, he witnessed the sun rise with the girl he likes. Luhan then began to grin wildly, while glancing at Joohyun,” I-It is beautiful.”

“It is beautiful,” she repeated, as the two of them stood there, in awe of the view.

Luhan then looked at Joohyun,” But, why this hill? I mean, you can like look at the sun rise even from your bedroom.” “I know, but I wanted you to meet someone too.”

“Who?” he furrowed his eyebrows together, and she gave a smile while intertwining her fingers around his. “My mother,” she replied, while leading him to a tombstone, situated a few feet away from them.

Luhan then widened his eyes, while panicking,” I-I didn’t bring or pluck any flo-“ “Don’t worry, I already brought them,” Joohyun laughed, while holding out the bouquet of yellow tulips in her hands.

“Here, let you do the greetings,” she held it out, while smiling at Luhan. The male then widened his eyes even larger, while pointing towards himself,” Y-You want me to do the greetings, and not you?”

Joohyun shook her head, while nudging him forward as she followed behind. Luhan then placed the bouquet of flowers down at the tombstone, while making a formal bow,” Hello, Mrs.Seo, I am Luhan, Joohyun’s friend and I brought you this bouquet of tulips. It is nice meeting you.”

“Mum, this is my boyfriend, Luhan. Remember that time when I told you I began to like this guy, that guy was the wrong one. It was a mistake, but now, i found somebody even better and that I managed to return the exact feelings. Luhan, I want you to meet him because he is really a great guy, and without him, I probably couldn’t bring myself to stand here again,” Joohyun bowed formally, while crouching down at the tombstone.

Luhan then followed suit, while staring at his girlfriend. Joohyun then drew in a shaky breath,” He talked through me yesterday, and I realised that whatever he said to me was true. You are looking at dad, Sehun, Jongin and me from heaven and I am sure that you are watching over us from there. You want me to be happy, and not cry over your passing. Mom, I miss you and I still do miss you. But falling back into the past won’t bring you back, which is why I am going to let go. Not of you, but your presence. I won’t cry or hide my feelings anymore, I am going to a-accept the fact that you are gone, and that you send an angel in return to me. Thank you, and I love you mom.”

“That was random, I mean you could have told me and I will like head off to a quiet place. I mean, this is like you and her private conversation, and it is really rude of me to stay here and listen,” Luhan said, as he watched Joohyun rested her fingers on her mother’s name.

She then shook her head, while facing him with glistening tears in her eyes, that surprised Luhan,” I wanted you to hear this, to prove that I wouldn’t hurt myself again with such thoughts. I want my mother to meet this you, an angel and that I wanted her to know that I am going to like be strong. I am going to just talk to her like that, from this spot. I want you to know that I won’t let depression take over me, but more importantly, I want the both of you to meet one another.”

“Joohyun,” Luhan whispered her name, and Joohyun wrapped her arms around Luhan,” I don’t know, but thank you for everything. For yesterday, and even today. I am honestly grateful, and thank you so much, Luhan.”

Luhan just chuckled, while returning the hug. A few minutes later, the both of them are sitting beside one another as they looked at the sun rise. “So, why is your mother’s grave at the top of the hill?”

“Because she likes watching the sun rise, and dad decided to place her here, the place where she grew up in and stuff like that. She favours yellow tulips a lot, so every time I came up here, I will bring her favourite flowers, and place them beside her.”

“I see, then who made you want to play volleyball?”

“My mother. She was a great volleyballer, and she met my dad at high school, not University,” Joohyun laughed, while leaning against Luhan’s shoulder. Luhan the laughed, and asked,” What sport did you dad played then?”

Joohyun then lifted her head, and smiled at him,” Do you really want to know?”

“Why? Is it that bad?”

“No, but it is going to be super shocking.”

Luhan then laughed,” I think I can handle it.”

“He played soccer,” she laughed, while watching the expression on Luhan changed. He then widened his eyes in surprise, and asked,” Are you serious? Your dad used to play soccer?”

Joohyun then nodded her head,” Dad used to play soccer, and Mom was playing volleyball. But they stopped when finals were approaching, and yeah, they got married after they graduated from University and stuff.”

“Too bad we only began to converse in University,” Luhan made a face, while lying on his back against the green grass. Joohyun then placed her head on his chest, allowing him to play and twirl her hair around. “We still have quite a long way to go.”

Luhan then hummed in response, and she asked,” I didn’t ask you before, but what are you going to be when you graduate?”

“A doctor.”

Joohyun then titled her head,” Serious? Which hospital then?”

“Your hospital,” he laughed, and Joohyun joined along. “Why? So that you can win my dad over and let him hand the hospital over to you?”

Luhan then rolled his eyes, while chuckling,” I won’t be that kind of son-in-law. I just want to be closer to you, so that’s why I chose that hospital.”

“Sweet tongue,” Joohyun commented, before asking,” Then, what about you family’s business?”

“I don’t know, one of the cousins is probably going to take over or something,” Luhan replied and Joohyun sat up. “Do you think your parents will arrange a marriage for you?”

Luhan then sat straight up immediately, and protested,” No way. I am never going to agree unless it is the girl I like. Wait, did your dad arrange a marriage for you?”

“No, my dad is free-and-easy. Don’t worry, the only one who ever protests is Jongin,” Joohyun shook her head, while looking at Luhan. The male then let out a sigh of relief,” Thank God, because I don’t want to lose you now.”

Joohyun then smiled,” You won’t lose me, because I am already yours in the first place.”

[ A/N ] and this is like the story of joohyun's life. i am guessing that none of you expected her biological mother too also die, but yeah, joohyun's mother died in an car accident. oh well, this chapter is just to portray how luhan promises that he is there for her so she need not hide everything and fall back into depression. comment below on how you think the story is so far, and i am really trying to get back my old style. i had no idea that not writing for so long left a rusty mark on me. haha. ily guys, thank you for subscribing and even upvoting. it means so much to me, so yay <3 

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