I wake up the next sunny morning and go downstairs to see Jongup nervously sitting on the couch, his elbows placed on his shaking knees.

“Did Daehyun, Himchan, and Yongguk already leave?” I ask.

He nods his head, “A couple minutes ago.”

I sit down next to him and place my hand on his knees to stop the shaking, “You alright?”

He nods his head, a little harder this time in place of his still knees, “I'm fine.”

“No you're not.”

“Okay, I'm not.”

I sigh and shake my head, “You'll do fine, Jongup. You're the only one out of all of us who actually considered college –which makes you the smartest. Go say some imspirational and pass that ing interveiw.”

I give his back a hard slap and he stands up, “Thanks noona, I'm going to go know.”

“Alright, good luck. But what happened to dropping the honorifics?”

He stops in front of the door, “Oh right. Thanks, Saehee.”

Jongup shuts the door behind him and I pray, “Lord. Please calm him down and make him get into that college.”

I open my eyes and see a maid walking in with a smiley Hanwul in her arms. He makes eye contact with me and frowns immediately, hiding his face in the maid's neck.

I roll my eyes, “Good morning, Hanwul.”

He digs his head deeper into the maid's shoulder and even lets out a tiny groan. The main nervously smiles back, but I head to the dining room to eat breakfast. I plop myself down in my originaly seat and Hanwul sits all the way on the other end of the table.

“How was your sleep?”

He only sinks in his seat and frowns.

What have I done to make you hate me this much?

After many moments of staring (glaring) at each other, the maid finally comes in with a plate of steaming egg on top of warm fried rice.

“I don't like fried rice,” Hanwul whines.

“Then what do you like?”

“Chicken nuggets.”

“Do you have some of those? I ask the maid, “Can you get him some chicken nuggets?”

She quickly leaves the room and prepares Hanwul's desired meal. I start eating first and he continues to stare at the steaming plate.

“Try having a bite, with if you actually like it?”

He shakes his head, “I hate it.”

“Why?”

“Because Mom died because of fried rice.”

I freeze before placing the spoon into my mouth, “Who made your mom die because of fried rice?”

“Dad. He says he never did it but I know because Mom and Dad always yelled at each other.”

“Were they not it a good relationship?”

“Never.”

I nod, absorbing all the information until Hanwul speaks up, “You guys are going to kill me, aren't you?”

I frown, “What are you talking about?”

“My dad said that I'm going to be killed soon by you guys so just sit still.”

“Is that why you were laying down in the subway station?”

He nods his head, and the maids come back with a plate of crisp chicken nuggets. They replace it with the now cold egg and rice and place a variety of sauces next to his plates.

“This is a peer pressure for young kids. There are too many sauces to choose from,” I mumble to myself.

Hanwul attacks his chicken nuggets and stabs them into each sauce before taking a bite. He smiles in his delicious victory and even hums a little.

He's sort of cute.

“Are they that good?” I ask.

He happily smiles and stretches his arm out to hold out his thumb.

“You must really like food, don't you?”

Nodding his head, he even exaggerates in his chewing.

Just like Daehyun. Well, .

I take this chance when he's happy and clarify, “Hanwul, you have to listen to me carefully. I'm not going to kill you. But Youngjae-hyung and my job is killing people –but not you. If you tell me your dad's name, Youngjae-hyung and I will kill him for you if you like.”

He stops chewing and ponders if he really wants us to kill his dad and says, “Choi Yukyung”

“Choi Yukyung,” I repeat, “I'll remember that.”

But wait, where is exactly Youngjae?

The maid comes along to check up on us and I ask, “Where's Youngjae?”

“He's out searching a place for Hanwul to be raised in,” she replies, “He said that he'll be gone for the whole day though.”

At least he's actually going out now. Will he be fine on his own?

I shake my thoughts away. He's old enough and he'll be fine, no reason to be worried. –But what is Hanwul going to do? There's nothing to do in this spacious home for a kid his age unless he wants to kill himself by screwing around with guns and other dangerous weapons. Plus there's nothing for me to do today.

“Do you want to go to the amusement park with me, Hanwul?”

His eyes bulge open as soon as he swallows his last chicken nugget, “To ride roller coasters?”

“Sure, why not? There's even a mini zoo in the place where I'm planning to take you.”

“Everland?!” He squeals.

“Have you been there already?”

He shakes his head but gets up and starts jumping in his seat, “I wanna go I wanna go I wanna go!!”

“Alright, we're going. --But first, go brush your teeth and wash your face.”

He jumps out of his chair and dashes back upstairs into the bathroom. The maid hurries to follow after for assistance.

++

What could be even better than smelly, sweaty, crying children and their parents trying to make everything best for their kid who obviously wants to go home but the parent is to stupid to realize that and continue wandering around in this amusement park?

Hanwul sticks right next to me as we wait in line for the safari tour. Apparently there's a tiger and lion mix along with standing bears. I was glad Hanwul seemed excited, but I couldn't stop rolling my eyes at the couple making out in front of us.

Seriously? When there are little children running all around you guys?

It was finally our turn and as soon as we took our seats in the bus, Hanwul couldn't take his hands and face of the window as we pass all the tigers, lions, and the mix. But when it came to the bears, Hanwul sat back down in his seat and scooted a little closer to me.

“And here we have our friend, Chingoo. Say hello Chingoo!” Our tour driver tries to be excited over the mic. The bear stands up and the girlfriend of the couple that was making out in front of us in line was squealing and clinging onto her boyfriend when they bear actually stood up and waved. It was well trained and was more calm than I thought.

The tour driver made the bear do a lot of tricks like clapping and posing whenever the driver could out a pose, and the tour driver rewarded the bear with its favorite treats through the tiny bus window. He told the bear to roar and it did, causing Hanwul to jump and cling onto my arm, his tiny body trembling next to me.

“Are you scared?”

He shuts his eyes closed and nods his head.

“But the bear is funny.”

He shakes his head, “It's big and brown and furry.”

“Alright, does anyone want to give the bear a treat?” The tour guide asks. Many people eagerly raise their hands as many other people bend down in fear.

“How about the lovely mother sitting next to her son in the middle seat?”

“Me?”

“Yes, I'm talking to you.”

This is not my son and I'm not a ing mother.

But as if I can say that allowed, so I accept the request and make my way to the front where the bus driver was sitting. He hands me three treats and asks me to order the bear to clap and pose, and then just throw the treats up into the air through the window.

“Chingoo, clap,” I order the bear. It does what I told him to do and I smile a bit. “Chingoo, do a cute pose.” Chingoo puts one of his arms on his waists and sticks his hips out a bit. I let out a laugh this time and then throw the three treats into the air like the tour guide explained and did. As I walk and sit back to at my seat, Hanwul immediately clings onto my arm.

“Wasn't it scary?” He stutters.

“No, it wasn't scary at all. Chingoo was very friendly,” I look down and move the piece of hair that was covering his face.

“It's time to say goodbye! Everyone, let's say bye and wave to Chingoo!”

“Bye, Chingoo!” Everyone says in unison and waves to the bear and the bus starts moving once again and the bear waves back. I see Hanwul timidly waving to Chingoo and smile, “See, he's not scary, right?”

“I guess so. Since you gave me treats I think he's happy.”

A smile comes up to my face and my hand moves his long hair behind his ears. We walk hand in hand to one ride after the other, and by the time we went into a restaurant my age revealed itself as I was almost all knocked out. This is my first time going to an amusement park, and the screaming toddlers annoyed the out of me and all the baby rides tired the heck out of me. How is Hanwul still energetically eating his burger in front of me. I just want to literally throw my salad into the air and go back home and sleep.

I stab my fork into the green lettuce and watch Hanwul as he read through the brochure –more like he looks at the pictures in the brochure.

“Can we watch the fireworks before we leave?” Hanwul asks.

“What fireworks?”

I want to go home.

Hanwul hands me the brochure and I look at the page with the pictures of green and purple fireworks.

I flip a couple pages back for the park's map and search for the mystic river. It was a little away from where we were eating, and when I checked the time it was already ten to 8:30.

“If you want to watch the fireworks, we better get going right now.”

Hanwul shoves the last big piece of his burger and adds a french fry into his mouth and makes his way out the door first. I roll my eyes at his silly behavior and takes his trash to follow him after throwing his unfinished food away.

By the time we got to the river, there were already a large amount of people sitting. Couples romantically sitting on a blanket right next to the river, and children playing with their toys, waiting for the show to start. As soon as we find a spot a couple of the streetlights turn off and we hear a loud “boom” as the show started. Hanwul let out a couple of “wows” and “whoas.” By the time it was the grand finale and all the fireworks that fired together into a large amount of lights in all different sorts of patterns was over, it left Hanwul with his mouth open wide, staring into the starry sky.

I push his jaw so his mouth closes, “Careful, you might catch flies in your mouth.”

Hanwul looks at me with sleepy eyes and rubs slowly with his fists as he lets out a yawn.

“Ready to go home?”

He slowly nods and I was a little taken aback when he sticks out his arms at me because this is probably the first time I've ever held a child in my whole entire life and just this morning Hanwul hated my guts, but is now asking me to carry him.

I lift his light body and start walking to the waiting limo. He looks around the people and shops next to us but soon places his head onto my shoulder, unable to stay awake any longer.

++

By the time I got home with Hanwul sleeping in my arms, nobody was yet home, not even Jongup. All the maid and servants already let to their own homes, and I make my way to Youngjae's room and tuck Hanwul to sleep. I stare at his innocent sleeping face, and all of the sudden our conversation from this morning about his situation comes back and this great feel of compassion and pity comes into me.

God damn it, this feeling makes me want to keep Hanwul.

I sigh and quickly get out of Youngjae's room, turning the lights off and quietly closing his door. My feet lead me to the kitchen to search for the bottle of wine and glass. I sit myself down on the table and pour myself some wine into a glass and drink it.

What if we actually keep Hanwul? We'd probably have to make a lot of sacrifices for that kid and it would be a lot of hard work. Would Himchan and Yongguk and the rest of the guys be alright with it? Youngjae would probably like that, wouldn't he? Then he wouldn't have to go through so much trouble. Did he even find an orphanage for Hanwul? Where is he right now?

By the time I got to my fifth glass I started feeling dizzy and leaned against my elbow to get a hold of myself.

Just then I hear the door open and see a blurry figure walk in. He comes towards me.

“What are you doing?” He asks.

“Are you stupid?” my words lazily articulate, “Can't you see? This is wine, this is glass. I'm drinking a glass of wine!”

He comes closer and sniffs my scent, “Are you drunk?”

I let out an exaggerated sigh and stretch out my hand, dropping it on his head and pulling his hair, “Why, is it some kind of rule that I can't be drunk? Bro, I just turned twenty today, I'm pretty sure I'm old enough to drink this much!” I pull his hair even harder.

“Wrong person, I'm not Daehyun,” he says, relating to the pain.

My hand releases from him and he gently pats the place where I violently pulled his hair, “Oh my god. I'm totally not sorry, Jongup.”

He lets out a deep breathe, “I'm not Jongup either,” he mutters.

Just then I wrap his arms around his neck, “Hell no, you can't be Youngjae. Whenever I see Youngjae I just … I just want. .. I just want to kiss him.”

He nervously stays still, wondering why my face was coming closer to his. My lips automatically press against his for a long time.

“Like this, I want to kiss him like this,” I mumble after I release our lips.

That was the last thing I remember doing to Youngjae before everything turned black.