Nam Woohyun had a question for Kim Myungsoo: why couldn’t he treat her better?

And Kim Myungsoo, too, had a question for Nam Woohyun: could he?

***

She was a careful woman. One who took each step little by little, carefully. She took things slow, perhaps to avoid the unnecessary, perhaps to avoid the fear, or perhaps just to enjoy the moment. In each of her decision, she always put a lot of thoughts into it, detailed and very careful. She had her paranoid sides, despite the flashy smile she often showed. She was a paranoid. But then, she didn’t mind being in the rush. She enjoyed the rush. He thought so.

She was different from most women. She was independent, mature, wise, and smart. She could live on her own with no difficulty at all. Her future were self-planned and fixed. She would succeed despite the circumstances. He knew. She was that amazing. He also knew she could live well without him by her side. In fact, she could toss him at any time and still live a carefree life. She will be okay and he was glad.

Yet she was afraid. He knew she was afraid of getting hurt. She had more insecurities than ever, some she chose to hide at every cost. She hated being pitied, she hated sympathy, she hated being weak. She always wanted to be okay and she forced herself on it, often acting okay. But all he had ever given to her was pain and insecurities.

He had lost count of days. Perhaps, she needed more time or perhaps she was simply too busy. He wouldn’t want to know. She needed more time, he wished to believe. But, it was an attempt to fool himself. He knew how she was. On a matter like this, when the decisions were very flat and clear, it was unnecessary for her to be thinking it through. Even he knew what she should be doing by now. He knew what her decisions should be and he would accept it. He knew the outcome of this all.

But why hadn’t he heard a thing?

It had been long. He was engulfed in work as he waited for her. It was suffocating, to be hung low like this. There was no certainty. No, he was confidence of the outcome, but there was no confirmation to it. He didn’t know what to do. If she hasn’t called, maybe she needed more time. Oh, he knew better than that. She didn’t need more time. She wasn’t ready. If she wasn’t ready, then it will be worse for him. She was always ready.

And then the days grew empty on him. He was stuck in the same routine, he set his eyes straight on work. Work became something to distract his mind from going back to her. The backlash stopped after a good explanation and after a while. It stopped and everything went back to normal. But to him, it was a forever. It was different and he simply lost his count on days that passed.

He still remembered the day clearly. What blew him off, in the end, wasn’t any of the member mean and cruel words. It came from an unexpected person and there was so much truth in it that it hurt. He hoped they would at least lie to comfort him, yet he didn’t deserve one.

Four hours after the scandal went viral that morning, their manager returned. He looked devastated and tired. He was worn-out and angry. The door clicked harshly and it was enough to turn all heads inside the dorm. The oldest man must have been having a hard time since it all blew up. They weren’t ready for something like this. Kim Myungsoo didn’t even tell them about this existing in the first place.

“The CEO requested for you,” he stated as he slammed the door closed with a loud thud. “I didn’t cover for you. This relationship existed for a short while, didn’t it?” Myungsoo remained silent and he took it as a yes. “I’d have been angry if you and IU-ssi are the one being found out.” He shook his head and sighed, his shoulder fell to the side. “But I’m furious right now.”

And Kim Myungsoo realized he deserved it.

It was his final blow.

***

It had been one month. One month since the scandal happened. One month since she flew to Paris. One month since she ran away. It had been one month. Lee Ji Eun woke up, greeted by the bakery smell down stairs. The sun shone lightly, warming up her skin. It was autumn and Jieun liked everything about it. She liked the silence, she liked the weather, she liked the sun, she liked the trees, she liked the color – she liked everything. She wasn’t in Paris, she was in Venice. It was three days ago, when she abruptly decided to move out from her best friend’s house. She realized of how different the circumstances were.

The romantic city was an irony to her. This was where she was supposed to spend her time, not alone, but rather with someone she held dear. Yet there she was, enjoying the silence, the loneliness, and the glory of being single. For a moment, she questioned herself if she was still bounded to the man. It had been one month of silence, of no confirmation, of just running away. She ran away. She wasn’t proud about it, but she didn’t regret it either. If she had been given a choice, she would still run. Again, she disappeared.

She simply wasn’t ready. She had made-up long time ago. Barely a week after the scandal happened, she already knew what needed to be done. And after two weeks passed, she was even more convinced. But she couldn’t bring it up. She couldn’t voice out her decision. She wondered why she wasn’t ready, when all of this was too clear already. She purred in her sleep and shot her eyes opened. Another brand new day.

Had she been gone for too long? Except Park Jiyeon and her so-called boyfriend, Yoo Seung Ho, no one really knows where she was. She told no one, not even her manager. She simply called him and requested for a break, which he approved right away. She was involved in a scandal, perhaps he thought she needed a break. She was okay with all the false scandal involving her, but not when it came to him. She couldn’t, she can’t.

The way she found out about the truth wasn’t pleasant at all. It hurt. A bittersweet smile curved her lips up each time she reminisced it. She had met the involved parties in Kim Myungsoo’s scandal one month ago, once she landed her feet in Paris. She had met Kim Hyuna, the model. The latter was so kind and honest, Jieun found an agony on her trials of hating the latter. She couldn’t. It wasn’t in her nature either, to be hateful and revengeful. In fact, she almost liked her. Everything that came after that was a mix of everything come crashing down; frustration, devastation, tears, sadness, betrayed. No one told her about the truth and it hurt so much more.

The way Lee Ji Eun pictured Kim Hyuna was evil. She pictured the latter as evil and cheap, having a huge thirst in money and man. It wasn’t something new to her, if someone in the fashion industry is famous for sleeping around. Jieun had heard rumors and the name sounded familiar for the past year. Kim Hyuna – she knew – was a rookie that shot up to fame in no time. Of course, for a rookie to shot up in no time must have been the work of the infamous Lee Ji Ae. But she was wrong.

Kim Hyuna had the potential to be the perfect model, perhaps she lack luck and ended up falling to the hands of Ji Ae. When Lee Ji Eun met her that evening, she felt an extreme jealousy toward the woman. Kim Hyuna had a beautiful face and sculpted body. She had deep-perfect curves, the porcelain skin, the y gaze, and sultry voice. She had this alluring aura, an aura that was hard to resist. She was sweet and y. Jieun knew she could never be one, and perhaps it was the reason for her envy. Kim Hyuna looked so menacing at first, but she turned out to be very sweet and Jieun couldn’t help it. Lee Ji Eun wasn’t born to be hateful or revengeful. In fact, she almost liked her.

“I’m sorry,” it was the first thing she said, once they were inside her house. She let Jieun settled down for a while, knowing the trip took more time than it supposed to. She served the tea and Jieun was thankful for it. Somehow, she felt fatigued.

“It’s true then, isn’t it?” For her to say that, it hurt. She had so much faith in her boyfriend. Perhaps a little too much that she wasn’t even aware of it. Maybe what hurt the most wasn’t the fact that he did dated someone, but more of the timing. She was away and hurting, and he was dating. “It’s true, isn’t it?” She repeated once more and earned the devastating nod.

“I was the one to lure him,” She cut her off. Jieun was about to open and blabber some rhetorical questions when she was cut off. “I know you must be angry about it. I know how hurt you were at the time. I’m fine with it, if you are angry with me, but I think it will be regretful to be angry at him.” Jieun stared at her, only to find tears in her eyes. “He never loves me. He always loves you. It hurt to be with him.”

“Then, why?”

She let out a sarcastic laugh and Jieun retorted. They both knew where this was going, obviously. “Of course.” Hyuna said. “I was a rookie back then. You knew how the fashion industry often works; you succeed with luck or by sleeping around, rarely by potential. I don’t want to sleep around, I don’t want to serve man, but I don’t want to fail either. The cleanest thing that I could do was to follow your mother. She wanted me to lure a man and I agreed. Everything from that point forward become perfect.” She sighed and her shoulder fell. “But I regretted it,”

“You regretted it,”

“I do.” She smiled and Jieun wondered if such an alluring woman could smile that innocently. “He was so in love with you and he was devastated. He was afraid of losing you, he was waiting for you. He needed someone to lean on and I didn’t mind either. He hurt me without realizing it. On each of our conversation, he never stops mentioning you. You were everything in our relationship and when you came back, we broke up. It only took him a single mention of your name for me to be nothing.”

There was no proudness in it. Jieun wasn’t proud about being Kim Myungsoo’s everything. Jieun wasn’t proud of being their third-party. Jieun wasn’t proud of leaving either. She wasn’t proud about not explaining things. There was nothing to be proud of.

“Do you think he deserved a second chance?” Jieun suddenly asked and clearly the latter was very taken aback by it. Nevertheless, she nodded and Jieun simply stared at the blankness of the white walls surrounding her. “Do you know who I am?” She asked again. Kim Hyuna stared back, confused.

“I do,” She nodded with another smile plastered on her lips. “You are Lee Ji Ae daughter, the famous singer in Korea.”

“No.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m Lee Ji Eun. I’m IU, the famous singer in Korea. I’m Lee Ji Eun, the fashion industry new rookie four years ago. I’m Lee Ji Eun, the rookie who succeeded beyond expectation. Am I unnoticed?”

“You are Lee Ji Eun? That Lee Ji Eun?” She stared at her in horror. “You’re that Lee Ji Eun! Oh my!” As the woman elaborated more about things Jieun wouldn’t want to know, something spun inside her head as she voiced it aloud.

“Am I unnoticed? Am I that weak?”

Her mother played her around and it made Jieun wondered if she was that helpless. All that spun inside her head at the time was countless of questions and one single fact – the scandal was truth.

***

Her endless train of thoughts quickly came to end. A loud knock on her front door was enough to snap her out of it. For a moment, she stared at the white ceilings; her brain might have stopped for a moment or two. These days, she wasn’t fond of thinking. Her thoughts always brought her back to him. She didn’t really want to think about him, to think about anything. She wanted to stop and break away. When she kept still for two more minutes, the knock turned louder. She groaned, as the knocks were quickly followed by constant yelling.

“Shhh…. Jiyeon,” Jieun motioned her best friend to come in and sighed. Something about her sighed was heavy and tired. “The elderly are still asleep. Don’t be too loud, they need some rest.” Jieun closed the door gently and Jiyeon quickly plopped herself on the couch.

“Yeah, I know. I just want to check on you,” Jiyeon climbed to the bed and lied down for a while. She purred at the softness of it. “The train was cramped.” She groaned.

“It’s only been three days, Jiyeon. I wouldn’t starve myself or anything. You know I won’t. I know you hated traveling around in the morning, you could have called you know.” Jieun rolled her eyes. “Seung Ho will be complaining all day long since you left him in bed alone.” Jieun chuckled and Jiyeon showed different sides of pink. “It’s been a month, anyway.” I’m over it.

“Yeah, it’s been a month.”

Jieun knew her best friend wasn’t pleased about her moving out. Jiyeon wanted her to stay longer, until she was sure Jieun would be fine on her own. It had been a month, everyone knows, and the scandal had died down by a lot. Jieun was most probably over it, too. Still, there was no way to figure out what was going on in this lady-like woman. With Jieun constantly acting okay, it didn’t help either. Park Jiyeon would really like to know what was going on inside her best friend head, how she feels, and what she needs. However, Jieun was reluctant and Jiyeon could only speculate, perhaps she lost her trust.

Jieun moved out anyway, prior to the notice one day before her leave. Jiyeon would have felt better if she moved next door, there was an empty spot in the apartment across the building, but Jieun refused. Instead, she chose to move farther away, to Venice. Jiyeon practically exploded at it. Nevertheless, she agreed. Jieun needed peace and it seemed she hadn’t found one since forever. Venice, the old city might be peaceful enough for her.

There were reasons why Lee Ji Eun abruptly decided to move out. It wasn’t anything connected to the scandal, whoever was involved in it or whoever wrote it, it didn’t really matter anymore. Really, she wasn’t mad at Park Jiyeon. She would have done the same, if Yoo Seung Ho turned out cheating on her best friend. What Park Jiyeon did, to put it in another way, was an act to save Lee Ji Eun. Her best friend saved her and there was no reason to be mad about it. Jiyeon didn’t leave her in the dark and Jieun was thankful about it. It’s just that… the circumstances were now different.

Park Jiyeon was no longer the girl she used to know back in high school. Honestly, no one was the same anymore. Everything changed. Lee Ji Eun, too, was no longer the girl people used to know back in high school. Change was an agony with it’s bad and good. Park Jiyeon had life, she had her dreams, she had her jobs, she had her boyfriend – she had a life. She was no longer someone who Jieun could lean on carefully 24/7. Park Jiyeon changed and Jieun realized despite the closeness, they needed space from each other. One month living with them and Jieun realized she was a bother to both parties. Of course they wanted some intimacy, times to cuddle and kiss, but with Lee Ji Eun around, it seemed appropriate. Park Jiyeon may not mind, but Jieun knew Seung Ho does, and that’s why she moved.

Park Jiyeon was relieved when Jieun told her she wouldn’t be living alone in an expensive hotel or in an ordinary inn – she wasn’t going to live alone. Jiyeon was pleased to hear that, especially when her state remained unknown. At least, Jieun wouldn’t be able to do anything stupid. She would be forced to eat three times a day, to sleep through the night, to smile, and to live. Jieun moved to Venice, enjoying the view of the old Venice every single day, together with an old couple who lived downstairs. They opened a bakery and it was nice to be greeted by the cozy smell of bakeries every day. Lee Ji Eun lived a nice and peaceful life in Venice.

Jiyeon wondered if her best friend still spaced out constantly. Since her arrival to Paris, Lee Ji Eun had been constantly spacing out and running away. She took pointless stroll around the town at least three times in the evening and another two rounds in the morning. Her smile too had been very different. It was only recently that Park Jiyeon found out, Lee Ji Eun flew to Paris without telling anyone. People thought she was missing somehow. Lee Ji Eun decided to disappear. So, it was clear how she was not okay at all.

“So, did you meet your mom?”

There was a brief silence in it.

“I did.”

***

It was three days ago.

The morning felt different than usual, as Jieun packed her luggage and prepared for her departure to Venice, Italy. Of course the decision was abruptly made and Park Jiyeon was still upset over it. Nevertheless, she dragged her luggage outside and left. She took the train to Venice, Italy. She knew it would be less convenient somehow and it would take longer hours to travel, but it was what she needed. She needed days to be longer, so she could break away and think. It was two hours before her train departs, when she decided it was time to face one her realities.

Ever since she arrived, Park Jiyeon had been begging her to go and see Lee Ji Ae. Jieun had made-up her mind about her family relationship, whether it was to her mother or father, that she did not want to admit or even care about them anymore. Everything concerning them had been painful for her and so she wished to not be involved in anything. But Park Jiyeon insisted, saying the mother and daughter had something to be sort out quickly, as soon as possible. Lee Ji Eun wondered what it was.

She knew Lee Ji Ae was settling down in Paris. The fashion week ended recently, so she was most probably resting in her home. If Park Jiyeon told her there was something needed to be fixed, that certain something must have been crucial. She called the night before that she would like to meet up on certain places where they could have a private talk. Jieun wasn’t expecting much either, remembering how messed-up their last meeting was. This would be for once and for all.

A private restaurant downtown, something Ji Ae handpicked on her own become their meeting place. It was a classy restaurant, where only top stars and wealthy people could go and enjoy some relaxing dinner. It wasn’t her first time eating at such a restaurant, but Jieun had to admit she was pleased. The food was delicious and for her to be invited to such a place, a pleasant feeling grew inside her. At least, her mother cared about it. The atmosphere would be great too, cozy enough to calm her down. She had been stressing since last night.

Lee Ji Eun was surprised to see Ji Ae’s changed in appearance. She was wearing deep red sweater, matched with a pair of leather jeans. She looked classy, as always, but softer and gentler than before. She had this nice, warm smile on her lips. Her gaze looked softer and less angry compared to yesterday’s. She looked much more welcoming and it calmed Jieun for a bit. Their last meeting wasn’t pleasant, but she hoped this one could be better.

“I heard what happen between you and your father,” She whispered softly once they settled down across each other. The food hadn’t been set yet. The table was empty with only two cups of tea being served. “I’m sorry about it. This is what I can do.” She slides a check across the table. Jieun managed to take a glimpse of it; so many zeros were hanging behind the numbers written.

“I don’t come here to accept such a gift.” Jieun shook her head, returning the check across the table. “It was my choice and I didn’t want to doubt it. I didn’t want to be bothered by it. We made a deal, we won’t be interfering each other’s life anymore.”

“If you insist,” Her mother smiled softly and slipped it back inside her black-colored purse, an expensive brand was written on it. It was a fine purse. “I didn’t expect you to call.”

“I didn’t expect to see you at all,” Jieun replied, “but my best friend insisted.”

“Park Jiyeon,” she noted and Jieun simply nodded at her remarks. “I remember meeting her a while ago. She was devious somehow.”

“You force her to write the articles.”

“And you are mad about it, dear?”

Jieun stared for a while. She observed the older woman, then realized how much changes has taken place inside her. She was thinner and paler. “No,” she answered firmly and her mother smiled. They were so much alike, yet different. “But I’m upset about Kim Hyuna-ssi,”

“So you know about it?”

“Of course, I do.” Jieun sipped her tea nervously. The door soon opened, a few waitresses came in to set the table, breaking the conversation. There was a pause of silence in the tense atmosphere. Once the door closed and the waitresses disappeared, Jieun continued, “Why are you trying so hard to break us up?” No, why are you trying so hard to ruin me?

“Did you ever think… you pick the wrong choice?”

There was a pregnant pause. The thickness of the air changed, the moment it came out of the elder’s mouth. The air was thick and the pause grew longer. The silence was not brief, it was long and awkward; there was a thrill in it. Jieun did not speak for a very long time. She hated this – something grew inside her and she was afraid to pin point why. Somehow, those words made her realize how far she had run away. She realized she had been running away far too long – running away from this sole question. Why was she so afraid? Did she ever regret things?

Before Ji Eun changed her mind and spun her heels, leaving the menu untouched, her mother spoke. The silence was long enough to give both of them a moment to think about it – about life, about everything. Ji Eun did not deny that the thought of leaving quickly passed her mind as soon as the question was heard. She wanted to run, again. She wondered herself, why was she so anxious and afraid. Her mother had this particular smile tugging her lips; it was gentle yet bitter, faint and anxious. When she looked up to meet her gaze, Jieun realized her mother looked more than anxious. There was a mix of anxiety and sadness in her eyes and Jieun wondered if she looked the same. It seemed they both shared the same feeling this time.

Everything that came after that – Jieun noted – was cruel. If she thought her mother had grown a little tenderness inside, then she hadn’t changed in terms of speaking. Her mother words were straight up and cruel, but realistic and somehow true. Jieun didn’t protest, as much as she wanted it to stop. Partly, she knew too much that all of it was truth. There was no speculation as she often suggested. There was no bad judgment. It was a pure fact and Jieun didn’t bother to protest. All of them were truth that she had been running away from. She wasn’t proud of it, but she wasn’t ready either. So, she did what she could, sit and listen.

She was lectured and by the end of it, she realized her mother was as ordinary as any mother could be. Lee Ji Ae was trying to keep her daughter safe, unscratched, and alive. Perhaps, she took the wrong way or perhaps Jieun poorly understand her, or perhaps it was a pure personality clash. There was proudness in her to be given such a lecture. She missed this, what it feels like to have a mother, and what it feels like to be lectured and loved. All of the lecture, however, pin point to one young man: Kim Myungsoo.

He wasn’t the best man out there, she knew. He wasn’t going to make her the happiest woman alive and she knew. He was going to hurt her a lot more than this, perhaps more than what she could handle in the future, she knew. He wasn’t going to grow up quickly. He was going to stay immature for years and maybe she would grow tired of him. About that too, she knew. The fact that she could live a better life without him too, she knew, but she was afraid to admit it. There was a thousand thing between her and Kim Myungsoo that she ran from, things she was afraid to admit.

It didn’t come to her of how much she has changed for him, until her mother noted everything down for her. Instinctively, she thought her mother had gone through the same type of relationship she’s having, and that it didn’t end well. She didn’t ask, she knew her mother wouldn’t be happy about it. Her mother was the type to put up defenses, maybe that was why they clashed so often. Lee Ji Eun had sacrificed a lot for him. Unconsciously, she had sacrificed her career for him, her brighter futures, and almost her education. Everything made sense now, of how much her mother force herself on her. Still, it bothered her.

Among the monologues her mother gave, there was one single question that left a deep impression on her. The long lectures made her think, but this particular question was so deep that Jieun gave a second thought to everything. She knew her answer had impressed Lee Ji Ae’s too and Lee Ji Ae’s next statement impressed her even more. It was then that she realized Park Jiyeon had personally come to Lee Ji Ae.

“I don’t think I agree,” Jieun said after her mother’s asked her peculiar statement – that it is better off to never be happy than getting hurt. “I’d be leading a boring life. I’d want to break free. I’d lead a life where I dread for happiness. I know being with him means getting hurt a lot, but he makes me happy. He makes me feels what happiness is. Despite that, I think I’d have to see it for myself.”

Her mother chuckled with a smile and Jieun raised an eyebrow at her. “You’re lucky to have Park Jiyeon.” And with that, it ended.

The trip to Venice took 10 hours. Jieun took her time, thinking. What her mother said had occupied her mind for a long time. Did she ever think she had picked the wrong choice? Her mother went through all of that, still Jieun wasn’t so sure. Yes, she made a few mistakes here and there. She did things so foolishly. She almost fell to foolishness a couple of times. She had failed here and there. She, too, had accomplished little things here and there. There was nothing to be embarrassed about, nothing to be proud of. Doing little mistakes here and there, failing occasionally, it does not mean she has to regret it. In fact, she didn’t. However, she wasn’t that sure anymore these days.

Did she regret some of her choices? She was afraid of regrets, afraid that she picked the wrong choice at her turning point and regretted forever. It would be fine if it was anything connected to her career or choices she made upon her own path. There was one sole thing she didn’t want to regret at all: it was love. Her choices in love, she didn’t want to regret them. But right now, when the question passed through her mind, she was afraid.

Did she regret dating Kim Myungsoo?

The answer to it was black.

***

“Hn,” Jiyeon sat up, leaning against the bed post. Jieun was sitting at the other side, cross-legged. “Hn,” Jiyeon repeated again than reach for something near the bedpost. “You met her. Good for you,” she nodded. She noticed Jieun was spacing out again. Something must have occupied her mind, but what was it? Park Jiyeon was curious.

“I guess so,” Jieun responded lifelessly. Park Jiyeon had to hold it in, or else her best friend might suffer a crack on her head. Jiyeon wanted to knock some sense inside this woman. She was so sensible before.

“So, have you contacted him yet?” Jiyeon asked curiously and Jieun sighed at her. Jiyeon expected her to shake her head softly and pressed both her eyes closed. Her best friend did. “Then…” she held back again from hitting her on the head. “Has he contacted you yet?” And again, Lee Ji Eun just had to shake her head and annoyed her even more. “No?”

“Not yet,” Jieun sighed again, her shoulder fell to the side.

“For God’s sake, Lee Ji Eun!” Jiyeon yelled and it took Jieun an effort to shut her up. “Where’s your phone? I’m going to knock some senses into that man… and after that I’ll just knock some senses into you!” She yelled again, reaching for the table next to the bedpost.

And then, came another pregnant silence and the thickness of the air was so similar to that time – when she and her mother met for the first time in months. Jiyeon fiddled with her best friend’s phone for a while, stating her frustration a couple of the time, and barking colorful words. Then, it just stopped. Jiyeon lifted her gaze and stared back at a not-so-innocent-looking Lee Ji Eun. She knew, Jieun knew, they both knew.

“It’s off,” Jiyeon stated more of a statement than a question. “Lee Ji Eun, it’s off.”

“I know,”

“Why is that?” Jiyeon sounded so calm that Jieun was afraid. Her best friend had the infamous temper and for her to be acting this calm meant badly. She’d explode and Jieun had been counting to ten inside. “For how long?”

“One month,”

“Hn.”

“Woohyun will be here this evening. He wants to visit you. They have started their world tour, a while ago, I think. They are in London right now, flying to Paris this afternoon. I hope you don’t mind.”

“Okay,”

“You should really call him. He’d appreciate it a lot. I know what happened and everything is-“

“I know,”

“Jieun-ah,” Jiyeon noticed how awkward it was, especially the sudden ‘slowness’ of their conversation flow. She looked up to meet a forceful ‘okay’ look on her best friend’s facial feature. She held her hand and begged, “Break down for me.”

“I….” There was confusion in her eyes, but they both knew how clear it was.

“You’re not okay, Jieun! So stop acting like one!” Jiyeon yelled again and Jieun was clearly taken aback. She tried to hush her again when Jiyeon yelled a lot louder than that. “I was bearing with your ‘I’m okay’ look for weeks and I can’t stand it anymore.”

“Jiyeon-ah,”

“Break down for me,” a pause, “please.”

***

Lee Ji Eun has been fidgeting with her phone over two hours. Her room was empty and peaceful, yet she felt horribly fatigued. She only had two guests earlier today, both were her close friends. She shouldn’t be feeling this way. She should have been happy and cheered up. Instead, she felt very fatigued and tired. She felt like being torn into two with broke backbones. She wanted to break down.

She lied on her bed and stared at the white ceilings for a very long time. It was five in the morning. Park Jiyeon and Nam Woohyun stayed with her through the night. She wondered if it was enough reason to be feeling so fatigued. She felt old particularly. She was still in her early twenty, as far as she know, twenties should be partying all night long and still had a lot more energy in reserved. Maybe it was her brain refusing to work. She didn’t want to think after all. Some words were deeply embed inside her head, perhaps that was the reason for her fatigue.

How long would it be before the sunrise? She wondered since the sky was still eerily dark outside, she wanted to see the sunrise today. The whole inn was so silent and the peace felt weird. Jieun fidgeted with her phone again. When Woohyun came earlier, he talked a bit too much, although Jieun knew it was partly Park Jiyeon’s fault. Jieun had refused to break down and remain so calm that Jiyeon exploded. She refused to break down, she came this far and appeared strong, she wasn’t ready to show what was hidden behind her façade.

So, Kim Myungsoo has been doing fine and well. He didn’t skip his meals, he stick to his schedules, he kept everything professional. He has been doing very well; even their CEO was very pleased. He has been working hard and doing a great job on their world tour. He didn’t seem to be distracted and he nicely sorts things out. Lee Ji Eun was glad. Apart from all of it, she knew he has been waiting for her, or at least he has been trying to reach out for her, but none work. All of the INFINITE – she learnt – has been trying to reach for her. She told Woohyun to keep it low for a while and she’d comeback when she feels like it. Right now, she didn’t.

Should she call? She wondered again. She sighed and tried to press her eyes closed, perhaps sleeping for a while might help. She tossed and turned, but still couldn’t bring herself to sleep. She was too bothered. She needed something to distract her mind, perhaps an early jog at five in the morning? She shuddered when the wind went passed the window. It was too cold. She knew she was about to get sick, she easily felt cold and fatigued these days.

She was too engrossed in her thoughts, when she suddenly fell asleep. It was twelve in the afternoon, when the bakery smell woke her up. Her stomach grumbled and she quickly went for a hot shower. The feel of warm water running up against her skin was nice. It helped her relax for a bit and it distracted her for a while. Her fatigue was washed away. Once she finished, she stormed downstairs to see the bakery packed. There were about fifteen people standing outside the bakery shop. The old couple looked very pleased but confused and tired at the same time. Lee Ji Eun didn’t hesitate to take the chance, helping them to serve the sudden crowd, and to help distract her mind.

The bakery shop was crowded until around 4 in the evening. She went outside, to see what could amuse her today. She hasn’t found anything amusing yet and each day she grew accustomed to them. Little things amused her and they often cheered her up. But today, she was too distracted. She ended up locking herself in her room, skipping lunch and dinner all at once. She was thankful Jiyeon wasn’t there or else she might explode again. Quickly, Jieun fidgeted with her phone one last time, then foolishly decided on things. She didn’t want to hesitate.

“Woohyun, I need you to pass a message to Myungsoo.” She stated so quickly that the man in the other line starts stuttering.

“Why don’t you talk to him?”

“No, I don’t want to. Tell him for me.”

“Myungsoo, it’s Jieun! She has something to say!” Jieun sighed when she heard Woohyun calling out to her boyfriend at the background. Quickly, she snapped.

“Woohyun, no! Listen! Tell him he’s doing great and fine. Tell him to do his best and to take care of himself. Tell him I said good luck!”

“No, you’re telling those by yourself.”

Before it could reach him, she hung up.

Author Note

I wouldn't say this is my best chapter, but at least I try, ok? I have no idea why this particular chapter is just so hard to write. I force myself on it, so yeah the outcome isn't that great. Enjoy, I guess?