A brand new day with a sunny weather was what Park Jiyeon needed the most. It would be lonely if such a day would come soon. What has been occupying her mind was the sole man – Yoo Seung Ho. He hasn’t called or even texted her ever since she decided to flew back to the other side of the world, merely to avoid him after being mad. Park Jiyeon knew it, how bad her choice was. Now, here she was facing the consequences of her hot-tempered-driven action. She was in fear of losing him. It has been the longest. Now, what she needed the most was a way to get rid of the needless thought.

How grateful she was, when the day eventually came. Still with her eyes closed, she shifted her body toward the window, embracing the warmth that penetrated through the window. Yoo Seung Ho, you jerk! She thought, but ended up giggling like a child. She found it funny how they keep fighting, nevertheless they both stayed crazily in love. It has been more than a year since they dated and Jiyeon loved the fact that she was still in love with the man. They have been fighting since forever, yet the more they fight, the deeper they fall.

What differs Park Jiyeon and Lee Ji Eun was their personality, and maybe it was the reason for their difference in relationship. Park Jiyeon has always been the courageous and brave one, sloppy, and funny. She took things less-seriously. She was the easy-going type. Of course, her temper could be scary at times, but she was unexpectedly emotional. Her actions are often driven by her emotions, which often lead to regrets later on.

Lee Ji Eun, in the other hand, was very shy. She would only mingle with her own private matters, she kept things to herself. She was protective, serious, and mature. She was detailed and careful. Moreover, she was very wise. She acted as if she has been hurt before. She was afraid to get hurt and Park Jiyeon could understand her reason. Lee Ji Eun, silently she was a wounded woman. Maybe, that was the reason why her relationship has been very complicated these days.

A knock on her apartment door was enough to turn her smile upside down. Who the hell dare to disturb her beauty sleep? Everything was perfect just now, the warmth, the weather, the comfort…. Jiyeon wanted to stay in bed a bit longer. Sighing heavily, she muttered some words under her breath, as she yelled something so they would wait for a bit. She fixed everything quickly before opening the door. Whoever it was, she wouldn’t be pleased at all.

“Seung Ho…”

The man whom she has been waiting for appeared at her doorstep. It took her by surprise, as it took quite some time for her to digest everything. He was still the same man to how he was when she left him. His model-like figures once again impressed her, as always. She loved his presence; she loved the way he looked at her. There were guilt and pain, but Jiyeon was glad he would come all the way here, realizing his mistakes. Or was it her mistakes?

He didn’t let another word slip off her tongue, as he immediately pulled her to a passionate kiss. Jiyeon whimper at the sudden lost of air, and also balance. If it wasn’t his hand against her back, she might have bumped herself to the floor. His hand sneaks to her back, as he pulled her to another kiss. It was gentle yet passionate; he was sealing her lips away. His strong body was pressed against hers. Jiyeon gently pushed him away when she felt her lungs were about to give away.

“I’m sorry,” He said, breathy.

“I’m sorry, too.”

“I love you.”

“I love you more.”

Jiyeon didn’t know anymore, how much chance he has given to this man. She didn’t care. She didn’t count them. She believes she would give him another bunch of chances as long as they both stayed in love. They fought over trivial things, they fought over even bigger things, but somehow they always managed. She wondered why Jieun can’t do the same thing. Park Jiyeon loves as if she has never been hurt, while Lee Ji Eun loves when she had once been hurt. Maybe, that was why.

***

Kim Myungsoo realized how Lee Ji Eun has drifted away, more and more, as the woman became unreachable. She was around, in his grasp, yet it was merely an illusion. In the end, she was unreachable. Oh, how much it reminded him of high school years ago, when she was simply unreachable. And now, she has once again, become unreachable.

During the one hundred and forty-five days when he wasn’t around, she has shot through the fame while he barely danced on stage. She has gotten bigger and brighter, lovelier, and surrounded by better man. He, in the other hand, could feel himself shrunk, he became less compared to those better men, and he too became less-successful. There was nothing about him, greater than Lee Ji Eun. After all of this, would he still deserve her?

It’s heavy now. The world felt heavy and burdensome. He realized her reason for giving them homemade cookies when they first debuted. During the one hundred and forty-five days when he wasn’t around, she must have gone through a lot. She knew the consequences of the industry and fame, one couldn’t control their own life anymore, their life belonged to the public. She must have missed home so much, missing how it was to be ordinary. For someone who never knew how home felt like, it was a strange feeling.

Now that they have debuted, things slowly became different. And now that they were promoting, things became tougher. They stayed up late at night to perfect their performance, having their performance evaluated, countless scolding… He could see her every now and then, during music shows or idols gatherings. But each time he saw her, it reminded him of how they have ended, and of how he no longer has the rights to mingle with her business. He would silently spare glances at her, but did she ever spare a glance for him? No. No matter how long he looked at her, pleading for her to look back and met his eyes one last time, she’d not look back. Instead, she looks straight ahead, as if she was aiming for a future, together with those brighter men.

He would have to hold back so badly, each time they passed by each other. He had to hold it in, the urge to call out her name and embraced her, the urge to grab her and leaned against her, to press himself against her warmth. She was his comfort, she is still his comfort. But again, what would she feel if he did something so harsh? Somehow, seeing her being bigger and brighter, made him realized how fragile she was. She was strong, but why did she look so fragile? She looked so lifeless, as if she wanted to break away from everything and stop the time. She looked as if she needed a good and long break.

He also knew that he might never receive another chance of being with her. No one has told him regarding the matter, yet deep down; he knew it was almost impossible. The INFINITE were well aware of his feelings toward Jieun and how he still chained his heart toward her. He also knew how Sunggyu went to meet Jieun the other day and they must have talked about this matter. The way Sunggyu would tap his shoulder each time he heaved a sigh after catching a glimpse of her beautiful figure, it was encouraging yet discouraging. Then, he knew, he just knew that she wouldn’t give him another chance.

During the day when everything seemed so dark and thoughtless, he spent his day thinking about lots of things. One of it would include her, of how much she meant to him, of how much he wanted to be by her side, then of how useless chances would be. He couldn’t date after all, he would be breaking rules. Then, what was the point of being given chances if he couldn’t use it rightfully? They were trapped after all, ever since they were young, it has always been an endless cycle of hurt and hurting. What if he ends up hurting her again? He has hurt her more than enough, that the pain slowly engulfed him too.

Now, she was surrounded by better man. She has bigger and brighter futures with better man. Yet, why can’t he come to like the fact? He was being selfish. Yes, he was. He was supposed to be happy, knowing how happier she could become. But he didn’t like it, not for one bit. He hated himself for being so selfish. He was silently trapping her, he didn’t allow her to break away, yet she couldn’t get inside. His heart was a closing door that tugged her tightly.

Frustrated, he clicked on a video on his laptop. It was a video when she was singing with Kikwang. He was a better man, indeed. He seemed kind and genuine, he was successful as well. Jieun seemed to be quite comfortable around him, although Myungsoo could sense some insecurity that oozed out of her every little while. Myungsoo hated their skinship, yet he never saw Jieun being that happy. The way she smiled… the way she danced… the way she blushed… it has never been that genuine, that beautiful, that sincere.

Or the way she would smile after she sung her latest duet “Nagging” with Seulong, Myungsoo has never saw her being so happy. Even after the awkward hug, she would still smile whole heartedly toward the man. And the way she’d called him “oppa” so sweetly that Myungsoo grew envious of the older man. He was envious, yet he knew he couldn’t do a thing about it.

She has never smiled that beautifully.

***

If one day, she became a brighter star, he’d give up on her.

Are you okay? Are you doing fine? Are you having a hard time? How’s life? How have you been? Jieun had to suppress all of the questions that run amok inside her, each time she caught a glimpse of what-used-to-be-hers. Maybe this is how love supposed to be, it’s troublesome when you’re close, yet it hurts when you’re away. She never thought their breakup would affect her so much, and how hard it would be. The sense of ending… despite the guilty pleasure of harboring such a feeling, was real yet unreal.

Today, too, she has watched him danced and sings on stage. Again, he put on a mask that she could no longer figure what he was thinking. He became the man from years ago, back to the high-school Kim Myungsoo. She sighed; he has been the only thing on her mind lately. It has affected her a lot, on her singing, on her works, on her free time. She hated the fact that he still meant so much to her.

And at times, she’d still wonder about giving out chances. Jiyeon called her earlier, telling her how she had made up with Seungho. It was fun, watching the two fights and made up from time to time. They dated care freely, without much thought on mind. Jieun would wonder how they managed to keep their relationship alive. Why was it so hard for her to do the same thing? She was stuck, for some reason, stuck with all these overwhelming feelings inside.

She sat down with all the staffs, ready to prepare for her upcoming album. They were discussing about various things, but Jieun could only catch a glimpse of everything. Her thoughts has been everywhere these days, especially with the constant meeting with the INFINITE. Her manager was well-aware of it, yet he decided to remain silent. Although it hasn’t been that long, her manager has known her good enough to know what to do.

“So….” they continued. “Should we start the recording next week?”

“We’ll have to check the schedules first.”

Right now, she didn’t want to think about anything.

***

Jieun was lifelessly lying down on her bed, with her phones placed right next to her. She decided to go home, back to her mansion, after living in the dorm for quite some time. The dorm was comfortable, yet she couldn’t find peace inside. Although finding peace in her mansion might be impossible, she might felt better with the presence of Mrs. Kwon. She became a mother-like figure to her.

“Unnie!”

“Pil Sukkie?!”

There was one thing that has never really changed about Lee Ji Eun. Just like how it was years ago, she was still the same protective sister with lots of love for her younger siblings. Pil Suk, the name itself was enough to cheer her up. When Kim Myungsoo wasn’t around, Kim Pil Suk can be a great help to heal her wounded self. And a single phone call managed to curve a smile upon her lips. Such a wonderful smile. Oh, it’s been so long.

“Unnie, how are you doing?”

“I’m fine, Pil Sukkie. How are you? Ah, it’s been so long since we talked. I miss you.”

“I miss you, too! I’m fine, unnie! College is fun! I’ve made lots of friends and I studied even better!”

“Yeah? It’s great, then! I was worried, you know.”

“Unnie, I’m not your twelve years old younger sister anymore. I’m all grown up. Stop acting as if I need to be taken care of.”

“I know. I know. I just can’t believe you’re at college already. It felt unreal. To me, you’re still the same Kim Pil Suk, the four-years-old Pil Sukkie~.”

“Unnie!”

“Okay. Okay.”

“I heard you debuted a while ago. The song was great. Unnie, I didn’t know you’re that much talented. Is it nice working as a singer?”

Jieun heaved a sigh. Was taking a break from the fashion industry the right thing? Did she enjoy this more than she enjoyed designing? She didn’t know.

“It’s… nice. Of course, there are ups and downs, but I’m having fun.”

She may have not been able to see her, but she could imagine her sister smiling at her answer. “Of course, unnie is the best! Unnie, I’m returning in two weeks!”

“Really?”

“Yeah! I can finally return since the spring break is just around the corner.”

“Okay, then. Be safe and return home safely. Unnie will be waiting for you. Fighting, Pil Sukkie.”

The sister returns.