They both could feel it, how the two has become careful toward each other. Their relationship remains comfortable yet distanced, they were being a bit too careful and they know it more than anyone else. They could’ve confronted it, but chooses to remain silent and it wasn’t good. Suddenly, their relationship has become a burden. It was quite confusing how their lovely relationship has turned upside down over their little decisions.

Again, it was a typical day where Jieun would come to visit late at night. They’ve been busy lately, when their debut seems to be around the corner. They rarely enjoyed their free time and often worn themselves out. It wasn’t weird at all if one of them suddenly got sick after a complete exhaustion. Myungsoo, too, have been busy taking more acting lessons and intense vocal training. It worried Jieun, afraid that he might got sick soon enough. He had gotten that visible panda eyes, something that she used to owned.

The INFINITE was exhausted as always, especially after a long week. The dorm has turned quite messy that Jieun has to tidy it up once in a while. They’re too tired and too busy to be doing those stuff. Sometimes, they would come to help yet leaves before they could even do a thing to help.

It was Friday, when they could enjoy their leisure weekend soon enough. They collapsed on the couch, most of them on the floor though. Jieun could only sighs, looking at those exhausted boys.

Lately, it became a routine how she would drop by late at night and cooked for them. She would cook something healthy for dinner or late-night snacks since they have to cope up with their diets. But it seems her cooking skills have yet to decrease, it was their first time tasting such a delicacy as a diet menu instead of protein shakes. It was a lot better than that, in fact they believe her dish work better than those protein shakes.

And it was another typical day, where the love birds would be gone missing after dinner time. Myungsoo would sneak out with Jieun and comeback around three in the morning, yet his expression never seems as happy as how it used to be. He looked uncomfortable, scared, and anxious. But he never opens up to anyone about it.

***

It has become a routine, the long walks they would spent together. It was a walk along the starry night sky, beneath the tall street lights – supposedly romantic but somehow it has changed. It was a walk in silence; the romantic atmosphere has long gone. The two of them has lost the grasp of it.

As always, the night was cold, somehow colder, darker, and lonelier. Even if she was together with him, the night only gets colder. He would hold her hand tight, intertwining his fingers to hers and slips it to his jacket so her fingers won’t get cold, but still it failed to create any romantic or comfortable atmosphere. They were being too careful, and they have come to acknowledge it.

The walks become silent and the silence becomes thrilling. Her hand was tightly held inside his pocket. She leaned closer, so she would be able to grasp his presence or at least to enlighten the heart-thumping feelings that used to overwhelm her. But it was fading away –his presence was. They were so close yet the distance of their heart seems to expand even more.

He brought her to a different place tonight. The long, silent walk wasn’t simply under the pitch dark night sky of Seoul. She brought her somewhere, quite far away. It took them quite a while, a fifteen minutes ride using the MRT, and of course, another long walk.

They arrived in a rural area. It was colder, yet slightly more comfortable. It helps her to relax and chill out a bit more. Jieun took a glance at the man in front of her. He didn’t even bother to slow down and look at her. He continued to walk silently, his gaze straight, upfront.

“Come on, let’s lie down.” Myungsoo gently let go of her hand and lie down on the grass field, up in the hill. He patted the empty spot next to him, asking her to lie down beside him.

It was his first words of today long walks. She did not reply though, slightly scared to do so. The fear has suddenly grown inside her and she was completely oblivious to it, remaining blind toward the fear. She lied down by his side, in his arms. And again, it lacks the sparks. She felt nothing but the anxiety and fear.

Silence.

The night sky was pretty – a starry night sky just like the old days. It felt nostalgic but the silence grows even more. She snuggled closer to his embrace. He didn’t reject her; neither did he welcome her to his embrace. He stayed silent and frozen. She did not know how long this will continue or how long this could hold on. She would like to remain oblivious to it, being a naïve little girl she used to be ages ago.

But she had reached her limits long ago, to hold on, to endure. It was biting her bit by bit; therefore she’s enduring it bit by bit. But she had reached her limits, sooner than she expected. She immediately got up, shocking Myungsoo who was deep in his thoughts. She remained firm, hiding her anxious and trembling heart. He remains silent, with his eyes looking up to her. It has been long since the last time their eyes met each other. His dark orbs meeting her brown one, gazing to each other, trying to grasp the missing piece.

“Let’s admit it, Myungsoo.”

It has been too long, for what he could remember, since the last time she called out his name. Her sweet and soft voice, creating the perfect harmony and for her tongue to slip off his name, it was everything he could ever wished for. He misses it, the way she called out to him, his name. But, like all of the things that miserably failed, she too, failed.

“It has become burdensome, hasn’t it?”

Myungsoo stared at her, his eyes both widen, as if she has spilled out the taboo words. She let it slips off her tongue as if it was nothing – the taboo. She was being blunt, something she has never done before. She was a very strict and rather conservative. He tried to reach for her fingers, so he could hold her tight and calm her down, but he was late. She pulled herself to a corner, where he could no longer grasp her. She was there, but he couldn’t grasp her.

It was true though, the taboo she had just said. It was true how their relationship has become a burden, he knows it. Although it was not until recently that he realized how burdensome it has become, he doubted she ever felt that way, yet today it was clear – how burdensome it has become for the two.

It left them wondering, what has happen? They used to be so desperate to protect it, to be by each other side, yet how? The answers become vague, unclear whether they were truly in love in the beginning, or was it because they have run out of love? Myungsoo was scared, but managed to hide it very well, so she won’t be worried. But why can’t he felt her being worried over their breaking relationship?

Yet to Lee Ji Eun, the same strings of questions left her wondering if Kim Myungsoo ever cares about their relationship. What has happen and why did it happen? It was too vague, not only their status of relationship, but also their love. She’s been living in happiness for too long, that the line between fairy tales and reality – that she has been holding on to for so long – got blurred.

“What do you mean, Jieun?”

Why did she miss it so much? The way his deep voice called out to her. It’s been a rountine these days, how they would spend their time by each other side, going out for countless dates, and long walk late at nights. Why did she miss it so much, knowing they’re still together? The silence was something that has been filling their time together. It’s been too long, since they talked, since they called out each other name.

What happen?

“This. Myungsoo, this. Our relationship.” She said firmly, choosing to look away from his pairs of dark orbs, in order not to break down. “I’ve been depressed lately. I keep getting depressed so easily that I wonder what is wrong with me? I keep getting tired easily, I keep getting sad over some stupid things, I keep getting made over ridiculous stuff. I keep getting depressed, thinking about our relationship and what has happen. These days, why are you drifting away from me?”

There were reasons, why Lee Ji Eun keeps on visiting the INFINITE late at night and even cooks for them. There were reasons, why Jieun keeps on checking him out despite her worn-out body and busy schedules. It was to protect their crumbling relationships, to make sure they’re okay and fine. She knows it, she has felt it eversince day one, how he keeps drifting away from her and it scared her.

These days, too, life has been tough. She kept getting things wrong; she kept getting depressed over silly things. She has been sad, she has been tired. Nothing was going to the right path. And its keeps counting down, how she’ll be leaving the fashion industry less than a month and by then, meeting him would be even rarer.

“Should we break up?” She spilled it out, as if it was nothing in the first place. It wasn’t something she would do, but maybe it’s been too much for her.

Myungsoo shot up, he would have been mad at her if it’s any other day. But today, he can’t. The question often came to him, whether they should break up or whether they should hold on a bit more. He was the one that wanted to hold on so badly and she was the rather nonchalant, yet why did he even think of breaking up with her? He must be insane.

“No.” It was the simplest he could ever say, to stop the worse from happening. It was the only thing he could say.

“I’m the worse, Myungsoo. I often think if it’s better for us to just break up. Why are we drifting away from each other? I’m scared. Truthfully, honestly, I’m scared. It’s too scary.”

“Don’t be.” He tried to approach her, small little steps as if he’s a stranger trying to approach a crying little girl. “You’ve never been the worse, you’ll never be. Even I, Jieun, I often think about breaking up with you.” He confessed, yet she wasn’t surprised at all.

“I don’t want to break up,” like a child, she bluntly confessed.

Myungsoo cracked a smile, seeing how the mature lady turns extremely childish at times. It was nice to see an adorable side of her, yet the thought of breaking up was clouding his mind. He approached her a bit more, trying to hold her, but she was still locking herself in, blocking him away from her. He gently took a strand of her brown hair, curling it with his fingers.

“I know.” He smiled, “I don’t want to lose you either.”

“Why is this happening, Myungsoo? We keep seeing each other, but it seems I can’t reach you at all. As if I’m a three years old and you’re a ninety years old grandpa.” She childishly illustrated, which makes Myungsoo cracked a wider smile.

“Grandpas are close with kids, you know.” He chuckled, “and when did you become so childish, Jieun?”

She sighed, but still clouded with lots of thoughts. “Why is this happening? I keep worrying over us. I thought, I could make a clear line between my private life, my love life, and my works, but it just got blurred.” She pouted.

“I’m sorry,” was all he said, as he pulled her closer to a hug, whispering how much he loved her and how guilty he was.

She felt safe, she felt secure, but still, where was the sparks? She wonders once more, thinking if they have ever been in love to begin with. She slowly reached for him, his scent, his presence, his warmth. It was there, yet why was it so far away? Her trembling heart wanted to hide so badly.

***

It was around three in the morning, when the long walk comes to an end. It was better than how it was, she felt a bit more comfortable. The silence was there, it would come to greet them once in a while, but Myungsoo would break the ice soon enough so she won’t feel lonely. The rest of the night was spent with countless talks, keeping up about life.

He dropped her off in front of her door. Her mansion still looks lonely even after a few years, as if she lived alone in the big mansion. It was true though, it was as lonely as ever. He enjoyed living with the INFINITE, while she was lonely living all alone by herself. A few maids and butlers, sometimes they were great helps to her loneliness but these days, she just couldn’t help but felt even lonelier.

“I’ll call,” He ruffled her hair and pulled her to a warm embrace, “Sleep well tonight. If you’re lonely, just call me.” She gently nods her head, leaving his warm embrace.

It was then, after he make sure she safely entered her house, he left. The man walked alone, along the long streets, under the tall street lights, a lot have been going on in his mind. She, in the other hand, silently leaned on the wooden door, sighing.

Why was it still burdensome?

Author Note

The plot is a mess. I don't know what happen to this thing or what happen to me, but clearly the plot turned out to be a mess. A few months ago, when I made this sequel, I have everything nicely plotted then it get blown away. I'm too busy to update lately, I apologize for the rare update. I think the chapters hasn't been as nice as it used to be either and also this chapter ends abruptly without a clear turned for the plot. Sorry about that. Today supposed to be my updating day, where I would update at least two of my stories but well, I couldn't write well today. IU got blown with plagiarism controvery and it upsets me a lot. Not because the accusiation of IU plagiarism, it can be managed by the composers and music experts and even the court. I was upset by the reactions. Oh, what do you know about music and plagiarism and stuff about chords, arrangement or stuff to make such a prejudice? If you do not know about music and its confusing stuff (which I do not understand at all) then shut up and let the experts! Stop being a judgemental, when you know nothing about it. When LOEN gives out explanation, they said it was worse. How are they supposed to explain it without explaining the technical information about chords and stuff? I can not say it is or it isn't a plagiarism. The point is, if you do not know a thing about music, then don't accuse people and don't bash on them. Nope, it was a wrong sentence. If you do not have proofs, don't accuse people and don't even bash on them. People are given freedom to talk whats in their mind, but still there's manner. Ugh, I'm so upset that I can't even write. Now, now sorry for the rant, I've to update another story.