He was there. She was comforted, in some way of the guiltiest. She reminded herself every now and then that they were nothing but friends, nothing more or less. She’d told herself that he’d understand. But still, she was anxious. If he knew, he’d be mad for sure. Complicated, she thought. Nevertheless, she needed this comfort, for her own good and also selfish reasons. This was what she needed so badly, something she has longed for. She needed it so badly, and he could give it to her. He has stayed by her side through her darkest moments – something he couldn’t.

She snuggled closer, reaching for his presence and warmth. It was wrong, yet comforting. She could feel him sighing, his breath against the top of her head. He put an arm around her petite figure to pull her closer to his embrace. This was wrong and will always be a tainted fact, yet it was a part of his lust to own her. By then, this will be a tainted fact that he would have to understand.

“Woohyun,” she called. Her voice was heavenly. It was soft and gentle, better than music. He knew he still liked her, despite the fact that she’s somebody else’s.

He groaned, letting out muffled voice in reply. She simply smiled in return, knowing that he understood what she had meant. She was delighted, to communicate with him without the need of using words. It was sweet and she was pleased. She gently shut both her eyes closed; her lips formed a beautiful faint smile, letting whatever he’d do next comforted her. A tone and another one rang in her ears, he was singing so beautifully and it was undeniably comforting. She mouthed him a thank you and she could imagine him smiling so charmingly. It was her favorite song. She’d be sleeping peacefully tonight.

Dear God, was she toying around with his heart? His heart was beating in a splendid yet scary way. She knew that he liked her, he has once said it. Although she might wonder if he still felt the same way, his actions was a clear answer. He liked her, even loved her. And now, here he is, next to her, with her in his embrace. He felt completed, despite this being wrong. He didn’t mind, he was just happy and he wanted to stay happy.

Why did she keep on running back to him? She has been troubled for the past months and Woohyun couldn’t stop wondering for her reasons of running back to him. She neglected Myungsoo, she put an end to their contact as if they are no longer in a relationship. It was scary, because Woohyun felt wrong. He was happy due the fact, yet sad and guilty at the same time. Lee Ji Eun was hurting, after all.

He stopped singing five minutes later, when Lee Ji Eun eventually passed out. She was asleep, sleeping so soundlessly that he envied how she could rest very well. He chuckled, as he gazed at her – her beautiful porcelain skin, her cute nose complex, her cherry lips, and everything about her that he found beautifully and charming. She wasn’t simply beautiful, but she was charming indeed. It was hard not to fall for someone like her.

He patted the top of her head and soon caresses her hair. He embraced her tighter, whispering words he could not conveyed. He leaned closer, to find himself turning red. He wanted to claim her cherry lips, but he knew it would be too much. Instead, he kissed her forehead so-ever-sweetly. Because truly, it was the only thing he could do, nothing more and nothing less.

“Sleep well, Lee Ji Eun.” He said, his deep voice added another touch to the comfortable atmosphere. It was neither too romantic nor casual; it was just a fitting atmosphere that one could only hope would stay forever, because it was too comforting.

He stayed by her side, for the next hour. He was embracing her, knowing how wrong it was. She wasn’t awake and he knew it was his chance. This could be his last chance, his choice would be doing the right thing and let this chance slipped away or fulfilling his lust of being with her and used this chance. He wouldn’t hurt her, he simply wanted to be next to her. And after an hour, he slipped away from her house. So by the morning, she’d be waking up all alone with all the loneliness creeping up to her. She’d be fine, he convinced himself as he kissed her another goodbye.

***

It struck him hard and he was living properly, day by day, with guilt eating him up. It struck him hard, what Nam Woohyun had said just the other day. He was a useless and inconsiderate boyfriend who couldn’t even take a care of his loved ones. He should’ve been there, when she asked him to, when he has promised her, when she needed her. He should’ve been there, but he didn’t. The distance was growing, she didn’t feel close anymore, even more when she just drifted away. The thought of her leaving him was scary. As much as they have gone apart, he still hold her dear, silently without showing much of it.

His train of thoughts soon stopped when he found himself standing before a grand mansion. It was luxurious, as always, even better after some retouched. He knocked and soon was warmly greeted by the maids. It was luxurious indeed, yet the thick atmosphere of loneliness was suffocating. Inside was silence, the pure suffocating silence of loneliness, where the sound of the TV echoed simply to ease the pain of loneliness. He knew it, as much as she knew it too. Loneliness, it was all about his and her life.

A woman, who seems to have grown older, but not less beautiful, came and greeted him with the widest smile. She had specific special features, which made her quite a memorable person in his mind. He could still know her, after months of not meeting each other. Mrs. Kwon, the first maid that grew very fond of him. She was a very caring person, to both Jieun and Myungsoo.

“Young master, you are here!” Her voice was loud and cheerful. She held both his hands and guided him inside.

“Jieun is going to be angry if she heard that,” He chuckled in reply, delighted that he was still warmly welcome after all the mistakes he had done. If Jieun heard this, she’d turn read and pouts for sure.

“Oh, dear! Don’t be like that!” Mrs. Kwon joked, hinting at them being together. He could only chuckle in return, knowing how strict, upright, and conservative person she was. She’d have planned everything out.

“Mrs. Kwon, where is Jieun? Is she okay?” He asked, concerns and guilt could be found in his voice.

A sigh escaped the elder woman lips as the anxiety creep up to him. Something was wrong, very wrong, yet he couldn’t be there for her. “She’s upstairs asleep while watching TV,” he knew it wasn’t something usual, “She hasn’t been sleeping well these days. She had troubled falling asleep. She seems to be having… bad dreams. Could you, perhaps, comfort her?” He nodded in returned.

***

She was asleep, although she barely remembered falling asleep on the couch while watching some morning news. It was comfortable though, she had this particular comfort and relieved, which reasons remained oblivious. She slowly regained her consciousness, but shut both her eyes closed. She was enjoying it.

She shuffled a bit, signs of someone who no longer able to go back to sleep after waking up earlier. She still wanted to sleep, since her body was breaking due to stressful days. It felt as if she might crack anytime if she didn’t rest well. But ever since last night, she could feel herself getting better. Last night was wrong, slightly wrong, but again it was a friend.

“Hey, you’re awake?” A lighter voice asked, different from his deeper voice last night. It was familiar that she immediately flutter both her eyes opened and suppressed the jolt that almost jumps out of her body. Myungsoo was here. The person she last wanted to see at times like this was here. She almost thought that strange presence was Woohyun’s, but no, it was his.

“Hey,” she abruptly forced her eyes opened and put on a fragile smile across her face. She reached for his face, gently touching his cheek, then poking it in a playful way. It was partly to ease herself and created a better atmosphere.

“Did I wake you up?” He asked, smiling as he looked down to met her pair of brown eyes. He still had that charming and genuine smile, she thought. She shook her head in return, as she pushed off the guilt that was creeping inside her. Last night was wrong, they did nothing, but it still felt wrong. “How are you? Feeling better?” She smiled as an answer, her eyes forming to crescent moon.

He didn’t know, she told herself. Some part of her was relieved. He caressed her hair, patting her head. She was lying on his lap while he was reading some books.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured slowly, which sent another jolt. He was saying things, some even unnecessary and all of them were out of the blue. She gave him a look, signaling she didn’t understand a thing. He sighed, and then continued, “I should’ve come to your debut. I should’ve been there where you need someone to hold on to. I should’ve called you.”

“So you knew,” she said as a statement to herself. It was only audible to her, and not to him. Yes, he should have, she had to admit the disappointment she hid inside. But instead of letting it all out, she smiled and reached for his hand, intertwining their fingers. “It’s okay,” she said.

He didn’t came and she wouldn’t ask why. He didn’t call and she wouldn’t confront him. He went missing and she wouldn’t ask. She’d have to understand, as he too has to understand. Most of feelings and reasons are mainly unconveyed between them, it’s just them trying to understand. She knew it was bad and someday it will be really bad, but at the time, she would have to hold on.

“You’re not okay, Lee Ji Eun,” he stated firmly, his pair of eyes darkened. “Is that why you keep running back to Woohyun but not to me? I’m your boyfriend, Lee Ji Eun.” Again, she silently gasped and jolted inside. Did he, by any chance, know what has happened?

But Lee Ji Eun is graceful and upright. She never did things without plan and necessity. She did things with reasons. And this time the reason for her actions was somehow glorious yet selfish and it was to protect him. What happened to her would hurt him; he’d have to bear all the pain she set upon him. It was partly his fault, but it was also a fault upon her unforgiving heart.

“A penny for you thought, love?” He stated with a firm smile after the long silence, where the two simply stared at each other eyes, seeking something of an answer. Love, he never called her that way. It fluttered her heart, but again it left her wondering around. But he managed to bring her back to Earth.

“Not now, Myungsoo. Not now,” she whispered and he nodded, pushing back all the curiosity and questions he had on mind. He told her to rest and she did. She closed her eyes and slept, trying to find peace upon her wandering thoughts.

“It’s about… Pil Suk. I… dreamt about her at night. I don’t know… she was bullied, she was crying… she was hurting and she tried to kill herself. I was just there… watching it… frozen. And then blood. Then she was in a coma, then… she just… died and I… did nothing.” She was shaking, trembling. He could feel how scared she was. “The images were… flashing and I was scared. It felt as if I’m going to die. I couldn’t sleep; I was just… so scared.” She continued, tightening her grip on him. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

He knew she was scared. He knew she was upset and angry. He knew she regretted lots of things. But he did wonder if one of those regrets includes falling in love with him. It was a scary thought. But he understand now, he understand her reason for running back to Woohyun. She treasured him and respected him, she understands him, and she knew how hurtful it would be for him. It hurt, he had to admit, the reality that it was him who hurt her.

He was young, but he was also sad and tired. He regretted lots of things that he had done back then – being a rebel, hurting lots of people, being sharp-tongued, and hurting her. He used the wrong way to claim her as his; he hurt her in the process, in hurtful ways that would leave scars. She became his, but still it was far from perfection. Her becoming his came with certain consequences of what he had once done to her.

A few moments later, after her tears dried up, he found her fast asleep on his lap. He smiled, whispering countless word of sorry and how much he loved her. She couldn’t hear him, but he was contented. He regretted the past, but he realized the past will always be the past no matter how much he regretted it.

***

She knew she fell for the wrong man. It haunts her recently, the fact that she fell for the man who hurt her. Kim Myungsoo was the wrong man to begin with, but still she was in love with him and she was happy. Being with him and loving him, despite him being the wrong man, was something to be happy about.

She wondered what made her fall for him. He was a bad guy after all, and of course loving a bad guy means loving the wrong man. He was a threat to other well-being, he hurt people around, and he threatened them. She, too, was a victim to his rebellious act. He threatened her and it left fresh scars inside. Moreover, he was a bully. He was the reason to her tears, her pain and sufferings, her being unwell. Yet she fell for him. She fell for him and she saved him.

Was it the way he splits his personality? He was blunt and rough, ignorant and cold, he was rebellious. But an introduction to a different side of him was heart-warming and fluttering. She was flustered to see how protective and sweet he could become, how caring and warm, how clumsy and cheesy. Every time he showed her a different side, he charmed her. She was attracted. It was heart-fluttering that she ended up falling for the wrong man, but still happy.

The long-distanced relationship was a significant hindrance and she could say it was dangerous. She didn’t want to do it at first, she planned on breaking up with him, but he prevented it. He gave her promises, promises that suited the reality of the situation. There was no sweet and romantic or naïve promises, just a realistic and rather pessimistic one that made her believed in him. She gave him a chance and they went through everything together. Meetings and contacts were rare, maybe that’s why simple things such as holding hands, going on dates, conversations, and saying I love you were all heart-fluttering and she was happy out of those simple things. And he seems to be contented as well. It felt as if things are new and fresh, lovely and romantic. They said those feelings were often short-lived, but it was long for them.

But these days, when the distance was closing itself and contacts were often made. She felt changes gradually appeared. The word I love you seems to have lost its meaning despite the daily occasion with them. The kisses and holding hands were usual. It felt as if she needed to be reminded of why she fell for him in the first place, being in a relationship with him. And so she often lost herself in those thoughts.

She was comforted being with him. He remained as someone precious to her. But somehow it has changed. Why was she so desperate to protect their relationship? Why was it so comforting to be next to him? Why has things changed? What has happened? The questions remained unanswered.

So why?

Author Note

Hello, it's been a long time! I'm sorry you've to bear with the lack of updates! I think I started to lose my motivation to write and my ideas are often gone. In other words, I've been getting stuck by the writer block every now and then and it seems it keeps on getting worse. First of all, I actually lost my motivation to continue this story, but managed to get myself on track. I was thinking about revamping it or just deleted it, but deleting it felt wrong so I thought let's go on a hiatus and come back after tidying things up. Then, inspiration came to me and I was thankful. Everytime I tried to write something about this story my mind was filled with bad thoughts :  you can't you can't, it's going to turn worse, oh that's ! I kept having those bad thoughts. I think this story is a draggy and too slow. I kept telling myself I screw this sequel up. So I'm hoping some of you can leave comments and constructive critism (which I think I need a lot).

P.S. For you who has forgotten the Backstage Princess story or haven't read it yet, here's a clue : Myungsoo was a bullying and hurting Pil Suk, forcing Jieun to date him for her sister safety.