Two strangers suddenly decided to take a walk together, constantly glancing at each other. It was exactly what Lee Ji Eun and Kim Myungsoo was doing. They were walking next to each other yet distancing themselves from each other. It was awkward, how they would constantly glance at each other, but keeps on backing off from one another. Myungsoo took her around, accompanying her to see the changes of Seoul within two years while she’s completely gone.

Myungsoo was walking upfront, while Jieun followed him in the back. They were just walking side by side just now, yet it felt uneasy. Things changes when it comes to him, so does it when it comes to her. It made too much things felt weird and rather awkward, she can’t view him as the Kim Myungsoo and it seems Lee Ji Eun has changed too much to be called Jieun much longer.

Thankfully, it didn’t snow today and the weather forecast said it won’t be raining either, just a plain winter day. As usual, how Jieun just loved winter, but its melancholic feeling seems to fit her situation perfectly. Everything is covered in white, snuggling to the beautiful cold layer of white. It pretty, as always, exactly like how she remembered it two years ago.

But Kim Myungsoo was irritated; she keeps backing off, keeping her distance far away. It made him realize how the two had indeed turn distant and how his effort would only be a waste of time. He was well aware how she keeps pushing him away, for some reason that he can’t understand. Yet again, despite his urge to keep her close to him, he too, has too much pride, that he pushes her away.

Her phone, if he ever could, he would like to throw it away or crush it down. Yeah, it keeps ringing at least once every fifteen minutes and it would vibrate as fast as how seconds pass by. That man, whoever he is, Myungsoo won’t be letting him go away easily. Jieun would chuckle each time they talk; she would smile and laughs, being all bubbly and bright. It seems he’s a better man than Myungsoo is.

Look at him; he changed as soon as Jieun depart. He turned back to his original side, dark-cold attitude with rude words. He loses his sun, after her declaration of them being stranger. He have been clinging to it, that he doesn’t know anymore. She, too, failed to make him better even after her long-awaits returns.

“Jieun-ssi, it’s the café where we used to –“he cut it off, knowing the mistakes he had just done.

Jieun was taken aback but soon her eyes catch the café, who had changed a lot. It used to be very small, rather simple and cozy. It has changed, to a bigger one, with the same design, but variety of menu. Jieun could read it on the board, placed next to the entrance door. It seems it popularity has sky rockets, judging from how the place turned from a quiet one to a packed one.

“It turns bigger and packed.” Jieun murmurs, smiling.

“Should we get inside?”

“Sure.”

It seems as old customers, their favorite seat will always be reserved for them. The place, much to her surprised, is divided to two buildings, one with the old one, and the other with the new one. Myungsoo took her to the old one, knowing how much she despises packed places. Her favorite seat – where she used to spend hours of free time – was empty. As always, it is empty. It was the seat next to the window, at corner of the café, where you could get the best view of everything going on in the street.

“What do you want for drink? Hot chocolate?”

“Uhh… about that, I don’t drink chocolate anymore. Maybe, some kind of hot tea?”

“Oh, yeah, you lived in London,” he murmurs sadly, “I’ll go and order some.”

She was wondering around, with her charming smile shown to every customer that comes. It felt nostalgic, the tingling sounds of the bells, the seat, the warmth, it felt like she hasn’t miss one bit of things that have been going on down here. The seat, it made her wonder if she should’ve come back sooner, so she could feel this seat and maybe her relation with Myungsoo won’t be this much worse.

Her eyes wander around, spotting some memorable places. This place, this seat, was where they used to spend their time hanging out together. They would talk about trivial things and suddenly gets excited over it. During their little game, she remembers how she wears the exact same pastel pink coat, waiting for his appearance to make a deal. She remembers how they would always visit the place before going to school to have some breakfast.

The heart-thumping moments seems to have changed to memories, which could no longer be recreated. She remembers how good it felt, when they’re together that time, and the memorable duet they done years ago. She misses it, his heart-warming voice that barely matches her high-soothing voice but ended up receiving much praised for the customer. The heart-thumping moments have been washed away, by time.

“Your green tea.”

“Thank you.”

“So… tell me, how’s your life in London?” Myungsoo asked which startled Jieun.

“My life? Isn’t it too personal for strangers?” she remarks again, refusing to back down and open up to him.

“Oh, yeah, strangers should mind their own business.” Myungsoo smirks.

“But if you do ask me, I’ll tell you a bit about it. My life has been fine and its great living there. I’m having so much fun. How about you?”

“We’re strangers, aren’t we?”

“True.”

“I’ve been keeping up with life. The INFINITE were helping me and Suzy has been a great help.”

Oh yeah, Suzy.

***

They went to Hongdae, the place where they first enjoy their date. It was a fun one, heart-warming and memorable one. She remembers the places where they took pictures, they bought some couple stuffs, and now again, it’s just memories. Another heart-warming memory that have been washed away by time.

“Remember something?” Myungsoo asked, seeing her bright smile.

“I do.”

“What is it?”

“Aren’t strangers supposed to mind their own business?”

“Yeah, sorry, I’ll keep out.”

Her excitement could clearly be seen; her eyes wander around the place. As usual, Hongdae is as packed as ever, with students and teens. Jieun was smiling, remembering everything about their first date, about things she used to do back then. Yet again, it’ll be impossible to recreate it, even to talk about it, because they’re no better than stranger.

“Do you remember our first date here?” He suddenly asked, staring deep into her.

“Nope.” She looked away, only to be force to meet his eyes.

“Do you remember anything about us?”

“Nope.”

“Do you remember the slightest thing about me?”

“No.”

“Then what can you remember about his place?”

“Personal matters.”

Why are they hurting each other? Jieun wonders a lot about it, how both of them keeps on with their counterattack, attacking each other mercilessly. She wasn’t that cold to begin with, she’s friendlier, and she rarely uses harsh words. She never even curses at someone and her tone has never been that harsh. It seems like their relation is back to square one, no, worse than that, it felt like their relationships when their little game is still on. They hated each other.

His eyes, she could see it a remarkable pain inside it. His dark orbs, somehow it seems to be in pain, it felt melancholic. It didn’t felt dark nor cold, it just felt sad. It’s like he’s barely able to keep up with life. He’s hiding a great amount of pain for some reason and she had just made it worse. It’s not like she didn’t want to help but rather confused and lost, too much things have happened between the two of them, everything turn grey.

He wasn’t the only one bearing the pain. Jieun may not show it, but inside she, too, has been hiding the pain. She was wounded inside, by the situation they are in, by his words, by all the sudden changes. There were unhealed scars inside her, something left behind by her departure two years ago. She never thinks one’s decision could turn their whole life upside down. It made her wonder if she had chosen the right thing, or has she made a mistake?

She was looking straight at his very eyes, darks, melancholic, and cold. It felt distant and untouchable, she wonder how could she be able to each up to him again. She wonders when she would be prepared to get it all back. She wonders when she could drop off the whole stranger things, this awkward walk, the formalities, the everything. She maybe the one who started it, she had no choice but to build her defense, she can’t afford getting hurt.

It turns to anger, and out of the blue, he pinned her to the wall. His eyes, it’s angry and sad, it’s painful and dark. How has he been keeping up with life? She wonders how, his strong grip was hurting her. He’s pinning both of her arms against the wall, he’s trapping her between both of his hands. The alley he brought her to was empty, it seems dangerous and Jieun could not deny the fear she’s feeling.

“Myung… Myungsoo, let me go.”

“Lee Ji Eun, look at me in the eye and tell me what you’ve remembered.”

“Myungsoo, let me go!”

“Can’t you remember our first date?”

“Myungsoo, you’re hurting me!”

“Have you forgotten everything about us?”

“Kim Myungsoo, let go!”

“Am I the only one waiting?”

“L, let go!”

She was gasping hard for air, overcoming her fear, as he suddenly let her go. She almost collapses to the ground but the wall was kind enough to support her. It felt like that day, when he attempted to forcefully kiss her. His eyes, it showed a variety emotion, but the only thing strong enough was anger and pain. Jieun brought her hand against her chest and squeeze it tight to calm herself.

She soon regains her composure and her eyes were searching for Myungsoo. That man, were standing far away from her. He seems frustrated and confused, his breath gasping for air, and he keeps ruffling his air out of frustration. He just moved around, like a lost child, being anxious about every single thing. He seems guilty over his actions.

***

What have he done? What is he doing? The question just randomly passes through his mind, as he regains his conscience and realizes the things he had just done. She called him L, that’s what startled him and finally stopped him. It hurts, knowing how she distant herself by calling him L, refusing to take another step closer. And it hurts, knowing how his body only reacted upon hearing her calling out his name as L.

He was hurting her, things just happened and it seems he loses his temper. He’s a very hot-tempered man and it become worse after her departure. If anyone is supposed to be blame for everything that had happened to him, then Lee Ji Eun would be the best choice. The INFINITE may have been there for him, even his relation with Woohyun had gone better, but no one could really replaced Jieun. And now, everything seems grey.

“Myungsoo.” She called him, slowly approaching him.

“Don’t come near me, I’ll only hurt you even more.”

“No, you won’t.”

“Just don’t! I don’t want to hurt you! I’m very confused right now, so please.”

“What happened to you? You’ve never been this way before.”

The way she called out his real name, it sounded sweet yet it hurts a lot. She said it out of habit, while it meant a lot to him. Her soothing voice, her smooth voice, is something he misses the most. He’d like to hear her voice calling out his name and he finally could hear it again, yet it breaks him. Why is he turning vulnerable?

Before he could realize it, she was already standing in front of him. Her lovely gaze, rather than pitying him, she was comforting him. She was there and he has the urge to hugs her, to make her his once more. But he would’ve to hold back, she might run away, she might never returns. This is everything he had ever wished for, yet it only gives him much more confusion, he isn’t ready.

“What do you want, Myungsoo? How can I help you?”

“Jieun, could we just drop it off for a bit? I promise you could continue with this whole stranger thing, awkward things, and everything, but please just for now… Could we drop it off?” 

It breaks her, seeing how vulnerable he had become. He never breaks down, at least not to this extent. He rarely shows his vulnerable self, and he isn’t this much fragile. He isn’t desperate and now he completely transform to a desperate and vulnerable man. Something she has never seen before, except once, when they visited Luna’s graveyard. That’s it and the vulnerable Kim Myungsoo turns missing.

“Okay.” She suddenly hugs him, gently rubbing his back and patting it.

“Jieun, I’m so sorry.” He embraced her tight.

***

“Let’s talk about life, shall we?”

“Okay.”

Thanks to that heart-warming scene, a rather romantic one, Jieun chooses to open up a bit about her personal life. Although both of them are back, constantly attacking each other with this whole stranger thing. Jieun refuses to called him Myungsoo any longer as she starts calling him L. It hurts him, but at least she would talk to him, opening up a bit more.

“So… your life in London.”

“Well, it’s great and I’ve lots of fun. The college there is fun, studying is fun there and I could design many things. I made quite a lot of friends there, but they’re summer friends. And… actually, I lived with Wooyoung.”

“What? Wooyoung, that Jang Wooyoung.”

“Yeah.”

“You’re living under the same roof?”

“Yeah, we’ve been living together for… one and half a year, I guess.”

“Oh, living with your first love, great then. He must be the one who have been calling you all day long.”

“Good guess, how about yours?”

“Nothing special, I guess. Suzy have always been there for me, that’s all. She’s been helping me through up and down.”

“Great then, L.”

And their conversation comes to an end with both of them frowning. Myungsoo could not hide the pain, knowing she’s been living with Wooyoung, her first love, while having fun out there. She seems to be happy about it and his calls is what keeping her smiling all day long. Jieun, too, was actually envious about Suzy. She’s never fond of Suzy and now… Myungsoo is with her. There’s nothing they could do to fix this broken relationship.

It was Myungsoo’s idea, how the two ended up arriving in the graveyard right before the twilight. Jieun never thinks of visiting Luna, but it seems Myungsoo hasn’t been visiting the place. Myungsoo offered her to walk down to Luna’s grave and visits her once more before continuing with their own activity, not bothering each other business. Again and again, they keep telling themselves how they both are simply strangers.

It seems neglected, just like the last time Jieun visited the place. It didn’t take before Jieun immediately squatted down and picked up some of the grasses. Myungsoo just stand there, watching her working, taking care of his sister grave. Ever since she left, never once did he had the courage to visit this place. It is hard for him to stand up straight after breaking down to pieces and without Jieun, it’s almost impossible.

To think that he had depended on her to that extent, it made him wonder if true love does exist. If the loves which people usually declare ‘I can’t live without you’ does exist. It sounded foolish and stupid, as if one can’t bear the pain alone. It sounded childish and irrational; people could live and moved on with the pain, even while living like a piece of trash could still be called as living. He doesn’t believe in that yet now Jieun turns to someone very important.

“Luna-ah, did you miss oppa?” Myungsoo started as soon as Jieun stands.

“Hello, Luna. It’s been a while.” Jieun greeted, with a beautiful smile.

“It’s cold here; I wonder how it is there. Don’t catch a cold okay? Wear warm clothes, okay?”

Jieun looked up in the sky; it was bright, for winter. She took a glance, a suspicious and rather quick one to the man next to her. He looked stronger, compared to it is two years ago. He broke down in front of her, she remembers how vulnerable he looked and how broken he is. She remembers how he let her to see a different side of him and cried without hesitation. They were that closed, and now they have drifted apart.

“Do you remember this unnie? It’s Jieun unnie. We’re just –“

“Strangers.” Both of them said in unison.

“Nice to meet you, Luna-ssi. I’ll try bringing a better stuff next time I come here. Sorry I’ve brought nothing. Your brother, L is a great person.”

And out of the blue, it suddenly rained.

***

The walk turns awkward and even more uncomfortable for both of them. Some of Jieun habit has yet to change; she always brought an umbrella with her. Yet she was regretting it, bringing an umbrella rather than bringing two or at least a bigger one. She took out her black umbrella and the two of them ended up sharing the same small umbrella, much to their unpleasant feeling.

Their hands keep on brushing against each other, in the midst of the rain. Jieun didn’t like it for the slightest bit; she keeps distancing herself away only to be poured by the rain each time she tried to avoid him. As usual, if it wasn’t the cold and chic L, he didn’t even pay the slightest attention to the uncomfortable Jieun. He was ignoring her, or maybe he just didn’t want to show how much he cared for her.

Jieun flinch, each time their skin brushes against each other. She’d pulled her hand away from him. It isn’t just her, the only person who’s uncomfortable with the situation. Although he showed no expression, he’s being uncomfortable. It’s like her, letting go and holding on, constantly from time to time. He has the urge to hold her tight, but his conscious has been preventing him to do so.

But it ended up with hearts, that have lingers too long, that he had no choice but to listen to his heart. It was her tenth time, or maybe eleventh, he isn’t supposed to be counting, but he unconsciously did. He grabs her hand, tight, that she flinches and looked at him in horror. She struggle to free herself from his tight grab but failed. He holds on her tight, intertwining their hand like the old days.

“Jieun-ssi, there’s another place I’d like to show you.”

“L-ssi, let go.”

“No.”

***

Myungsoo brought her to his mansion, the place where he lives. Jieun was surprised and shock, she looked at him in horror. She was wondering, what they could possibly do in such a place. She’s not ready at all, eventually she realize coming back might not be the best choice after all. She should’ve prepared herself a bit more before deciding on that harsh decision of returning.

He was very daring; Jieun never thought he’d be brave enough to take her to his house. It had memories of the past, the memories Jieun would like to forget. She remembers how she visited this place after their fight just to check on him, how she treated him while he’s sick, how they spent their time cooking together. She remembered every single thing, despite her efforts on refusing to remember. The memories just come to her, the puzzle pieces suddenly become arranged to a clear memory.

He brought her to a room and pulled out a golden key from his pocket. It was rather big and antique. It seems he bought it from an antique shop somewhere, because it isn’t usual to see someone having that type of key nowadays. Some words were carved on it. However, it was too small to be seen. Jieun tried to get a better view only to be startled by the clicking sound of the door as it burst open.

The cold spooky wind greeted her and it didn’t felt nice at all. It was dark and somehow melancholic. Myungsoo, who had just let go of her hand suddenly grab it back. It was too much for her, that she yanks his hand off her. She followed him later, as he the lights. The room was big but empty, only frames hang on its wall. It looked like a collection of photos, a gallery. The wall was painted with the grey color.

Jieun could see the small table by the end of the room, and another chair, it made of wooden. Jieun looked around, only to be surprised. She was startled and shocked, she gasped, that she need to cover and calm herself, or else she might start shedding some unnecessary tears. She never thought of this, never once, even this is something she’d never expect in her sweetest dream.

Why? Her heart started to ask those questions, searching for reason. It just didn’t make sense, nothing made sense now. It hurts so much that breathing suddenly turns hard. Her legs almost gave up and again, the unhealed scars turn to fresh wound. He’s reopening the past, where dreams come true, when reality was better than fairy tale, when none of this had happened.

It was their memories of the past. It was the pictures, the scenery they created together. It was things they did in the past, thing they badly wanted to recreate but have ended up in failure. Jieun knows how much Myungsoo loved photography but she never expects him to do something like this. He had it all, the captured pictures of each and every memories they used to had, he hung it all to a room, treating each and every of them, he made it all looked like their story, a gallery of their story.

“Do you remember these?” Myungsoo asked.

Jieun bit her lower lips hard, so words would not come out and her voice won’t sounded trembling. She was shaking, her heart, her body. Her eyes were trying so hard not to spill any tears. She doesn’t want to cry, as much as it hurts.

“This is our first meeting, our first fight, our first date….” He goes on and on, “and this is… our goodbye.”

Jieun managed to regain her composure, before meeting confusion again. At the end of it, an empty frame was hung, without any special purpose. Their goodbye was the last photos of the gallery, followed by another empty frame. Myungsoo suddenly hold her hands and pulled her closer as the two met with the empty frame. He forces her to look at him, much to her displeased.

“It’s empty, Jieun-ssi. It’s your choice, I mean, ours, of this gallery, whether it will continue or it will meet a dead end. Should I burn it all or should I hold on and wait? Could we capture more pictures of us or has it end?”

Jieun looked up, to his dark and painful gaze. He wanted an answer; he’s digging for an answer. Whatever it is, he doesn’t care, even the answer would be the painful one, at least this confusion will end – it is what he’s thinking. To Jieun, it applied the same way. They are drifting apart in confusion; a clear answer is everything they need.

“So tell me, is there any hope for us? Or has it end?”

“Hasn’t the word us extinct together with the word we and ours a long time ago? I believed they have. Kim Myungsoo, you and I… we’re just stranger. We no longer know each other and the past that we shared, it’s the past. You and I… we’re nothing but strangers. The hope, it existed in the past but now… I’m sorry.”

They’re holding on for two years, they’re holding on through pain and suffering, but now it has ended. They’re no longer holding on but they’re letting go. And with it, Lee Ji Eun excuses herself from the huge mansion and ran home. While Kim Myungsoo ruffled his hair in frustration.

It made me wonder, why are we hurting each other so much? Have you moved on? Have you find a new love? Have you find your replacement for me? What is Suzy to you? What am I to you? Have you been holding on? The questions filled my mine that I’m going crazy right now. Why are we hurting each other? I can’t stop it; I can’t stop my sharp words and my feelings. I can’t afford getting hurt anymore. We’ve been holding on but maybe it’s time to let go. – Lee Ji Eun.

There is one thing, the same and sole thing inside their mine: why can’t I move on?

Author Note

Sorry for the long wait! I'm just too lazy to write lately. I'm bored. I know this chapter is too sad, I know some of you want a happier chapter, but you'll have to wait. The happier chapter will be coming soon, maybe in the next two chapters. So wait up! See you next time!