Jieun would never expect such a guest early in the morning - when she had only blink her eyes open - especially when that guest had that troubled expression. It was Kim Sunggyu, a new friend of her that suddenly came to her with such an expression on. Jieun could only sigh, knowing where the conversation would bring them to. They would be begging for her to persuade Myungsoo and she will have to reject them all.

“Good evening. Can we talk?” It was how he greeted her.

Jieun nods and led him inside. She asked her maid to prepare some tea and dessert. But Sunggyu told her he needed neither of them, the only thing he needs was her, a good conversation with her.

“We were offered a contract with one of the agency about two days ago. It was a good opportunity, but he would only accept us as seven boys. I thought we were swindled, as the oldest I went to check on him. We had a good talk and it seems to be a promising one. But you know… the problem is…”

“Myungsoo. And you want me to persuade him. I’m sorry but I’m not his girlfriend for such a reason. I have no right to interfere. It would have to be a pure decision of his without any burden.”

“I know. It’s a very selfish thought. However…”

It felt like de ja vu, everything he had said sounds exactly like Hoya’s. He was replaying it all over again. And again, they were all whining about their life and jobs. Jieun could only stay silent, a part of her pitied them, yet a bigger part of her has to hide its disappointment. And again, it had to happen how the argument came and it upset her.

“Do you truly wish to crush our dreams and let us live in vain? How could you be so cruel? Have you lost your heart? Myugsoo is being selfish right now, so are you.”

“And you should try redefining the word ‘selfish’. Aren’t you the one who’s being selfish? You are forcing him to share the same dream as you. You and your whole group, if you’re going to come to me, one by one, begging me on your knees to persuade Myungsoo… please just stop. I’m not going to. You are a coward, you should stop whining. If you think your life is in vain than it’s your fault. Don’t blame him and it wasn’t my fault. Stop coming to me just to whine all day long.”

“I’ll leave then.” He coldly slammed the door.

***

It was a few minutes after Sunggyu left, when another person came by. He found Jieun helplessly sighing, shutting both her eyes closed. She bumped her petite body to the couch, turning limp and she, too, looked uneasy. She couldn’t even notice his presence.

“Are you okay?”His gentle voice breaks the silence.

“M.. Myungsoo.” She stutters, surprised to see the man early in the morning, “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“I saw Sunggyu hyung on my way here. They… have been persuading you, haven’t they?”

Her lips form a faint smile as she nods. Myungsoo took the seat beside her, smiling despite the thoughts that keep filling his head. He knows it, there will be a day where his dearest girlfriend would be fighting against his friends. And by then, he would rather trust her. He believes she wouldn’t betray her.

“But I won’t do it. You should decide it on your own. I won’t force you. I’ll support you, whatever you choose, I’ll still be there cheering on you.”

“How have you been doing? I thought you’ve only been discharged from the hospital, yet why are you thinking about such a complex matter? I don’t doubt you at all.”

“Your paper cranes worried me.”

“Why? Are they bad?”

Jieun shook her head. “They’re pretty; you should teach me how to make those. But I know you didn’t sleep. Who told you to waste your time on me?”

“My heart tells me.” He smirks.

“Oh, stop being cheesy.” Jieun pouted and lightly hit his chest.

“Woah, are you a beast or something? It hurts!” He pouted, rubbing his chest. “So are you feeling better? You still look slightly pale.”

“I’m fine.”

“Fine. Let’s go on a date. Well, you owe me more than 10 dates.”

A bouquet of flowers suddenly popped out, flustering Jieun. It was her favorite. She smiled and gladly accepted it. Myungsoo quickly took her hand and dragged her outside. He gently helped her to put on her coat, since it’s quite windy outside, and soon they exited the huge mansion.

Although it wasn’t exactly a date, Jieun was glad to be able to spend some time with Myungsoo. They were just strolling around the park, having some casual talks like couples should do. They held hand and gazed sweetly at each other eye, like how couple should do. Jieun was putting everything aside, only thinking about him and how happy she truly is.

The café is a place they would never miss for their date. It wasn’t a special place for most people, but it is for the two of them. It felt rather romantic and nostalgic, it felt cozy and warm. The two arrived, occupying the unoccupied table for the two in the corner of the room. Myungsoo ordered some Americano while Jieun sipped her tea. The music filled the air, a beautiful instrumental as the INFINITE has requested a few days off.

“Hey, Jieun. Would you sing with me? On stage?” Myungsoo suddenly asked.

Jieun was startled that she choked on her own tea. Jieun gazes with such an expression, as if he had done something very pitiful.

“M –Myungsoo…” her soft lips let his name escape.

“I’m not wavering nor do I forcing myself. I just wanted to know… how it felt to sing on stage. I think I’m going to be nervous this time,” he chuckled.

“But…”

“I’m fine. You worried too much.”

***

It made him feel nervous, singing on stage, despite the fact that it is his daily job. Jieun, in the other hand, was clearly uncomfortable. She keeps glancing at him worriedly and he would give her such a faint smile that worried her even more.

And it was such a different feeling. It was a heart-thumping and heart-fluttering feeling that filled his soul. It was such a wonderful feeling that he was in cloud nine. It felt so nice to have his voice combined as one with Jieun’s soothing voice. The fun instrumental play made him feel even better and suddenly singing become something he loves. Suddenly, he liked it so much.

Yet was this feeling true? Or is it something caused by the constant persuation that he felt obliged to like singing? He glances at Jieun, who was staring back at him with a beautiful gaze. He let his lips curl up to a smile, sending shivers down her spine. It was truly heart-fluttering.

***

It was three days after their date when Myungsoo called her, asking her to meet up with him. The INFINITE haven’t changed their mind. It was quite upsetting how she would have to deal with each and every one of them in the same way that not only hurt them but also her and Kim Myungsoo. They truly weren’t in such a good term. Jieun was very upset, especially after Sungyeol decided to talk to her. It was a surprised, he was very rude.

She was in her office at home, preparing for her grand opening when Myungsoo called. She quickly left her unfinished sketches behind and rushed off to the café. The flower has bloomed beautifully outside. The fresh spring air greeted her yet she had no time to enjoy those.

Myungsoo, as always, was wearing a black t-shirt. Black has always been his favorite colors and none of the clothes in his closet wasn’t black, except for the suit which she had given to him 4 years ago. He looks happy and less troubled, casually sipping his cup of tea. She pushes the door open, causing the bells to ring, creating a beautiful sound.

Their lips curl up to a smile as soon as their gaze met each other. Jieun quickly ran to him, leaving him occupied. The lover greeted each other with such a shy greeting, as if it was their first day of dating. But Myungsoo soon broke the sweet atmosphere with his own cheesiness which made Jieun mimics a child-throwing-up expression.

“You’re evil.” Myungsoo pouted.

“You’re cheesy.”

“But you love me.”

Jieun chuckled at his remarks. It was unbelievably silly, knowing that they fell for each other despite their hate for each other. It is something worth laughing. Even until now, she loves him for no reason. She simply loves him. Jieun sipped her tea and they interlocked their gaze sweetly against each other.

“Jieun, I think I’m signing up.”

His serious tone made Jieun almost choked. She blankly stares at him, as if she had heard something very wrong. Indeed, it must have been wrong of her. She must have heard it wrong. Jieun wonder why he had chosen such a harsh decision. By any chance, perhaps someone force him?

“Myungsoo… what… did you…”

“I think I’m signing up the contract, Jieun.”

“But why? You looked very troubled just days ago.”

“You know, it suddenly felt very different. When I sang with you, I felt spectacular. Then when I think about it… it feels like I should sign up. I don’t want to be selfish and let them suffer, when I may have the chance to be happy about it, although other things might make me happier.”

“Then, I’ll support you.” She gave him a reassuring smile.

“I heard trainee life is quite harsh. They won’t have much free time. They’ll be busy practicing, they rarely got sleep. If they aren’t good enough, they’ll fail. They barely have free time to go home or hang out. So we’ll have to work hard.”

“So… we’ll rarely see each other. I’ll be busy being a trainee and you’ll be busy doing bunch of works you always have. I don’t know when or where we could meet. It could be months or even years, since we’re both busy.”

“I know. It will be even harder. Right now, we could only meet each other once in a while and if we’re lucky it would be every month or sometimes week. But when you sign up with it, it could be more than months and year. Texting would be rare and calls would be precious.” Jieun made a bitter smile; her gaze pierces through the sky, the longing gaze.

“You know, although I look very happy and less troubled, I’m scared. I think I’ll be missing you like crazy and by then I’m not even sure whether I could see you. I’m afraid it will happen again and I won’t know you anymore. I’m scared. Honestly, I’m scared of losing you.”

He was smiling despite the words he had said. He was gripping his cup of coffee so tightly, almost crushing it. He lowered his gaze, unable to look at her properly. His words were a surprised to her. He looked very strong and cold, charismatic at times, but there are times when he would look vulnerable and fragile like this. And the fact that she had just heard his honest confession – it was rare. She has ever seen it twice.

“I know. When will you leave?”

“We don’t know yet. We’re up for a talk. I’ll call you when it gets decide.”

Myungsoo hands travel to hers, locking their fingers together. He was so scared to let go. It was the simple thing he does to tell her how much he wanted to hold on. His decision, its greatest fear was bringing their relationship down the hill, to destruction.

“I’ll be waiting patiently.”

***

Whether it was a week or two since the last time they met, Jieun couldn’t exactly remember. She has lost counts of days. She hasn’t eaten for days, not even exiting her office. She was busy sketching, cutting fabrics and sticking them together to make beautiful pieces of clothes. She didn’t have the time to call Myungsoo and how he is doing. Her connection to the world was simply cut off over days and weeks of busyness.

It was the day, where her boutique downtown – in Gangnam – would finally be open. She was happy and excited about it, yet anxious. She was worried about other things. Myungsoo called earlier, saying today will be the day. Just today, when Jieun had to attend so many things, he’d be leaving.

Today, despite the one-piece dress that fit her perfectly; despite the never-ending compliments people gave her; despite every single reason why she should be happy; she couldn’t give one genuine smile. It was forced. Her concentration was split into two, between herself and Kim Myungsoo and she was lost between the two.

Kim Myungsoo was disappointed when Jieun told him she won’t be able to bid him a goodbye. He didn’t know when he’d be able to see her next. And by now, he will be apart from his loved one and it might get lonely. He sighs and ruffled his hair, glancing at his house one last time before dragging her luggage to his new place, the INFINITE dorm.

Despite the warm welcome; despite the huge amount of money he received; despite his better relationship with his friends; he couldn’t lie to the world and said he’s happy and contented. Everything seems so perfect but something seems to be missing. He can’t stop thinking about Jieun and himself and he was sunk in the longing between the two.

Both of them with the same thought in mind – the fear of losing it.