“Drink up,” He said, placing the cup in front of the younger woman. “It’s my treat,” He settled down in front of her, occupying the empty seat. She tensed up at his presence, but managed to fake a smile.

After much protest, the manager managed to persuade them to proceed with their schedules while Jieun was taken away for a ‘small talk’. Myungsoo keep on shooting worrysome look at her, while she forced a smile every now and then. Sungjong looked especially worried. It was clear to them, what the small talk would be about. It was very obvious and Jieun could understand. Either way, she knew this was coming. Somehow, she knew everything will come crashing down once again.

Their manager took her to a café downtown. It was almost empty, since it was working hours and people rarely stayed long for a cup of coffee on a busy day. It wasn’t the first time she met him, but clearly it was their first to settle down and chat for a bit. Jieun knew he wasn’t angry, but more likely worried. He didn’t like the idea of ‘dating’, especially when both of them were entertainers.

“Thank you,” Jieun bowed stiffly. The papercup was warm. It felt so much better, considering the cold atmosphere surrounding the two.

“Let’s just stop beating around the bush, shall we? I know you’ll have schedules to catch up soon.” He sighed and stirred in his seat. The topic was uncomfortable to be discussed. When Jieun nodded, he flashed her a guilty look and continued. “How long have the two of you been dating?”

“For a while,” Jieun flashed another smile in return, but this time there was hint of bitterness. “We… broke up and make up for a couple of time. We were friends back in high school and dated for a while, but we broke up. In college too, we dated for a long time but then broke up. Recently, we dated and broke up again.” Jieun looked down. She never knew her relationship would be a messy one. “I know, its ridicoulus. We just couldn’t help it.”

“I see you aren’t fake at all,” He laughed so bitterly that Jieun thought he was offending her. “Some poepl who are fake would be worried to death working in this field. They fear they would be found out, they couldn’t enjoy working anymore. It’s all about image, but I think you are having fun.”

“Maybe,” Jieun flashed another smile and he laughed again. She hated the way he laughed.

“When you’re dating back in high school, I believe you two were just ordinary. Do you know why most of us become entertainers? We thought it was something we enjoy, until we realized we were supposed to entertain others, not to enjoy it.” He bitterly laughed. “You’re going to be doomed if you’re found out. Maybe, it will be easier if one of you isn’t a superstar. Anyway, I don’t think you’re ordinary to begin with. There is a rumor circulating about you. Aren’t you the “Lee Ji Eun”, that person?”

Choices were brought everywhere, she thought. She left to fashion industry for a little break, and all it did was tailing her around. “Maybe I am,” She didn’t like where this was going. “I know. Our private life are all open to public. I know we will be doomed if they found out. We didn’t plan to let them find out.” She laughed so bitterly that the man in front of her flashed a sympathic smiled. “It still didn’t feel real to me. That I have strangers smiling and looking up to me, that people acted different, that I have to be perfect, that my boyfriend wasn’t ordinary anymore, that I have stalkers, that I’m IU.”

“If only the two of you aren’t idols, I’d have let you date happily.” He sighed. It wasn’t his first time breaking up a couple, yet it still hurt. “I want you to break up with him.” Before she could protest or gave any signs of her protest, he continued, “You affect him too much. He was so angry and moody last night, I heard the two of you fight? It can’t continue like this. And there will always be chances that you will be found out. You may be okay, but the INFINITE won’t. It’s not about L, but the rest of the group.”

“I…”

“I don’t want your answer right away,” He stood up, “I just want you to think about him. About breaking up.”

***

“Oppa,” she was daydreaming in her car, chin against the window, and eyes staring at the clouds, or simply observing people outside. “What do you think about dating?”

“Dating?” Park Junhyung may not be a close friend, but she needed someone to talk to. Someone who wouldn’t be choosing sides, someone who was oblivious to all the circumstances. “Are you in love?”

“Let’s just say I am,” Jieun sighed and bumped her petite body to her seat. Her stylish shrieked, quickly adjusting her ruined hair style. “Sorry,” she mouthed and heaved another sigh.

“You look like you are about to die without him.” He chuckled, but stopped when he saw her serious look. “You’re not ban from dating. But are you that naïve, IU-ssi? You’re an idol, circumstances exist.”

“So, I can’t fall in love?”

“That’s not what I mean,” Junhyung sighed, observing her from the rearview mirror. She looked sad and troubled. “You should fall in love and date happily, but I don’t think you can. I want you to fall in love like other youngster, but… it will be hard.”

“I know,”

So, why did they break up to begin with? And why did they make up so easily when they were this breakable and circumstances exist against them? It was spinning inside her head that she thought she could explode. Maybe their manager was right, maybe her manager was right, or maybe all of them were wrong. She would be okay, even if her career was ruined. She would be okay, she thought, even if the world turns against her. This love was that much of insanity. But would he? Would he be okay? Maybe they should stop for a moment.

The reason why they broke up in the first place… wasn’t it because of his dreams? She still remembered that day, when she thought she was ready for goodbye. She remembered all the heartbreaks she felt that day, the emptiness that invaded her. Wasn’t it all for the sake of INFINITE and him? Wasn’t it, in the end of the day, for the sake of her too? And why did they make up? It was as simple as it is, because it was hard to live without each other, because the emptiness was unbearable. So, she said yes, but was it the right answer? What she did… was it true?

Maybe, if she had said no that day, maybe things would be different. There would be no more heartbreaks, the cycle of hurt and hurting would have stopped. She could have shined brighter, and he could have lived better. She could move on, healing her heart on her own. He could live well and free. If they broke up that day, then none of this pain would have existed. If that so, then wouldn’t they both be happier? She wondered again and again. The what ‘if’s that often occupied her mind was evil and insane.

“But, IU-ssi,” her manager continued, “I think when you find your person; you will know what to do. You will know if he deserves it, if you are willing to risk it all for him. You will know.”

Would she?

***

Kim Myungsoo couldn’t stay still for one moment without having panic attack rushing up. It terrored him – the fear that she might slip off again. He knew what his manager was likely to say to her, he wanted them to break up. He has had enough of losing her, hurting her, and regretting it. He wanted her to stay. She was his air. Somehow, it felt so great to live with her, knowing she was his and he was hers. The lonely road felt less lonely day by day, and to know she loved him was a mood-booster. He liked it.

“Are you… okay?” Suzy was his new co-actress for the short drama project. Although she was close to Jieun, it seemed she was oblivious to the fact that Kim Myungsoo was taken. Sure, she changed. She no longer flirt, still Myungsoo had bad memories about her. As much as he hated Kim Jonghyun, he preferred Jieun hanging out with him compared to her.

“Yeah, sure.”

“Aren’t we supposed to be practicing?” Suzy shyly looked down, which invited his curiousity. He didn’t remember having to film anything that needs practice. He performed badly yesterday, noting that he was in a very bad mood after their fight.

“Practice? For what scene?”

“The kiss scene,” Suzy whispered shyly, leaning closer to him. He immediately jerked off, he didn’t remember promising such a thing. The director discussed it some time ago, but Myungsoo called it off and it seemed they all came to agreement. “You promise the director everyday and even sign the deal. You know, you’re very stubborn that they prepared a deal with you.” Suzy rolled her eyes when she realized he couldn’t remember. “You’re not dating anyone, are you? If you are still thinking about Jieun, she has moved on! She hangs out with Jonghyun like… 24/7. She probably can’t remember her feelings for you anymore.” And her words hit him right at the spot. “It isn’t supposed to be a big deal! I’m completely professional,” she protested to cut whatever was going on in his mind. She remembered forcing him for a kiss back in high school, it was one insanity that she regretted a lot.

“No big deal?! It’s a big deal!” Myungsoo stared in horror and cursed. “Damn it!”

***

No words was exchanged, only presence for comfort. He invited her for a midnight movie date at his place, his home. His parents flew back to U.S. a few days ago, once their business needed some immediate attention. He was finally left alone again and he started to understand loneliness better than how it used to be. Perhaps, he was alone for too long that loneliness was something normal. Now, that he was left alone, he felt very lonely.

Three days after Jieun’s and their manager’s small talk, Myungsoo found the courage to invite her and talk about it. Still, he hesitated a lot. He wasn’t good at talking. He often chooses the wrong words and caused misunderstanding, and hurt others. He has hurt her a lot, often by his pride. He didn’t want to lose her, especially when it still terrored both of them. He feared if he didn’t hold her, then she would slip off.

They were watching his drama, Jieun was constantly monitoring him. They both knew expecting each other presence all the time would be too much, so monitoring each other made things less lonely. She would watch him on days where she missed him. And he would watch her on tough days. A little comfort from little things. The unreplied phone calls and texts, all became better when they see each other on screen. It felt nicer, and when they were by each other side, it was a dream-like reality.

Jieun crossed her legs and Myungsoo sat next to her with his arms around her shoulder, holding her close. She was leaning against his chest. Popcorn was supposed to be their main meal, but they enjoyed the fruit slices, thanks to her company non-stop nags about her health. She dropped very quickly lately and has to be kept on top. Jieun was engrossed in the drama, while Myungsoo looked overly worried. Of course, he would be. Jieun didn’t call or even text him after her meeting with his manager. He was worried to death that she might be thinking about breaking up.

There was only less than an inch distance between Suzy’s and Myungsoo’s face on screen. He was caressing her hair, wiping her tears with his thumb as they inch closer. Jieun was clutching on to his shirt so tightly. It worried him even more, was she jealous or simply worried or too engrossed in the drama. As they inch closer, her grip grew tighter. His breath was heating up against the cold air, creating fumes, and Suzy must have felt how warm he was.

“Jieun-ah,” he placed his hands on her eyes, covering it, right before the most-awaited scene. “I love you,” he whispered so slowly, his breath was brushing against her neck. It tickled. “Whatever my manager said to you, I want you to know that I love you.” He stirred and she could feel his heartbeat. “I’m not letting go of you.” Then, he let go.

“I love you, too.” She smiled back and kissed his cheek, eyes back to the screen. When she realized she miss the most important scene –whether they kissed or not – Jieun glared at Myungsoo. “I miss the scene!”

“It’s nothing important! It’s more important that you know how I feels!” Myungsoo complained and Jieun chuckled in return. When she was back, engrossed in the drama, he sighed. At least, she didn’t see his kiss scene.

However, all that rush up to her the next morning was disappointment. Despite the countless warning to not open up the internet, she often did it just to see the respond and everything that was going on in the world. Of course, some of them often raised her curiousity. But something immediately weighed against her chest when she saw today’s headline news.

Suzy and INFINITE L shared an intimate kiss!

And what she did next was completely reckless.