He swore he was ripped off when he found her on their doorstep. It was raining and it has been a long time since they have met. He swore his soul was almost taken away, when he found her being so fragile. She was wet and cold, her skin was so cold and she looked so fragile. She was silently crying with her eyes clearly being puffy-red. Her clothes were slightly torn apart, with clear bruises all over her. Her cheek was red.

He guided her in, letting her sit next to the heater. Soon, she was surrounded by the other members. Kim Myungsoo appeared the last, when he gasped at shock to see her condition. They were wondering what had happened, but she was too shock to do anything. He could feel her trembling; she was still trembling in fear. He could catch the glimpse of fear in her brown orbs. He had never seen her being so scared, even back in high school, she wasn’t this scared.

“Jieun-ah,” Myungsoo called, as the other members backed down to let him approach her. “What happened?” His voice cracked. He touched her so gently so she wouldn’t break even more. He touched her skin, checking on her from head to toe. He found bruises, and she would wince each time he came in contact with them.

She didn’t say a thing; she was still taken a back. She sat in silence, her gaze was blank. She was very cold and Myungsoo knew she would soon be too sick to do anything. The heater in their dorm wasn’t that good. Myungsoo immediately lifted her up and carried her to his room. She needed to clean and warm herself up. She was still taken aback; he knew she was still unaware of where she was and who he was. She couldn’t have sense his presence.

“Come on, Jieun.” He slowly lifted her up, knowing her legs were hurt. “Let’s get you clean up.” He passed her the towel and a set of clothes that belong to him. “I’ll wait here, and then we’ll get you warmed up. Okay?” She nodded.

It hurt, seeing she wasn’t safe, seeing her being so scared. She was badly hurt and he couldn’t protect her. Worse things could have happened and he wouldn’t be able to save her. It hurt. And now she was silently crying inside the bathroom. She was sobbing, while trying hard to suppress the sadness. Lee Ji Eun never cried.

***

The rain has stopped pouring once Jieun finished cleaning. She took quite some time and they all understand. She was crying and Myungsoo looked frustrated. But still, she was Lee Ji Eun. She kept everything inside. Once she gets out of the bathroom, she looked brand new. No puffy red eyes, no more pale skin and parched lips, although the bruises are still clear.

His set of clothes was too big for her, that it looked as if she was wearing a dress. He handed her a cup of warm tea, knowing she hated the coffee and chocolate isn’t good for . She awkwardly accepted it, as she was finally well-aware of the man in front of her.

“Are you… okay?”

She nodded, although it was awkward Myungsoo was happier now that she’s here. She took a sipped of the tea and softly sighed. He missed it, the sighed that would softly escaped her pink lips. He knew she was still hurting but chooses to hide it inside. He kept silent, so does she. He knew she didn’t want to remember what had happened. The fear in her eyes was still clear, but softens as soon as she found him.

“Has the rain stopped?” Myungsoo nodded, he missed her voice although it sounded hoarse and it trembled. “Can I go outside?” He nodded again, helping her to stand up.

***

She told them she wanted to have sometime on her own, as she embraced the loneliness and the pain, silently watching the cloudy night sky alone, at the balcony. The INFINITE were having a short meeting, curious on what had happened to the woman. To see Lee Ji Eun in such a state was heartbreaking.

“Just let me see her!” Myungsoo groaned in frustration. They didn’t let him to see her.

“Something happened to her, Myungsoo and she was badly affected. We need… to have someone to comfort her… someone close enough…. someone who has never hurt her.” Sunggyu stated, bold but careful. He knew he might hurt his feelings. The fact that Kim Myungsoo had once hurt her, it still haunted him, he regretted it a lot.

“Woohyun?” Sungyeol pointed at the quiet man at the corner of the room.

“Hoya.” He stated back, pointing at the worried-looking man. “I think Hoya would be better.”

“Fine, Hoya.” Sunggyu stated and Myungsoo rolled his eyes in disagreement. Hoya was slightly taken aback, but nodded. As soon as he leaves the room to reach Jieun, Myungsoo muffled a sigh. He hoped she would be fine.

***

“Hey, IU.” Hoya slowly approached her, who was sitting down, hugging her knees.

“Hoya?”

“I was quite upset that you use our childhood names as your stage name. IU doesn’t sound special anymore,” he joked. She smiled in return, although he knew it was force. He let her embrace the silent for a while, as he decided to embrace it too. The sound of the raindrops touching the cold ground can be heard. “IU, tell me what’s wrong.”

She was at the edge of breaking down. So, when he asked her with such a gentle tone of voice, she turned herself in. She broke down. She cried her lungs out; she told him everything that had happened. Hoya gulped down the lump on his throat, he has never seen her broke down before. This was something new, something he wished he wouldn’t have to see.

“Howon… he’s my father, Howon. He’s the father I haven’t seen in years. So how could he…?” She bit her lips, suppressing the pain. “How could he?” She looked up to meet his pair of eyes. Her eyes were teary, puffy-red after crying for so long.

“I know. I know.” It was the only thing he could say. “I know.” He hugged her and she cried in his embrace. It may not be the most comforting things in the world, but at least she had her childhood friend to count on.

“I’m scared.”

“Howon, where’s Pil Suk?” She suddenly stated and soon she was panicking in search of her sister.

***

“Jieun, it’s Jiyeon.” Woohyun handed his phone over. “Pil Suk is with her. They said she’s fine. She’s staying over for tonight.”

She was running amok just now, when she realized her sister was missing. She told her to run away and they both left their phones at home. All she was thinking about was her sister safety. She insisted on going out to search for her, but the INFINITE was against the idea. Myungsoo told her to stay here for the night and search for her later on. She needed to rest.

“Jieun, are you okay? I heard what happened.”

“I’m fine, Jiyeon. I’m fine. How’s Pil Suk?”

“She’s fine. You should think about yourself. You can’t be fine right now.”

“Please take care of her.”

“I know. I will.”

“She… are you sure she was fine?”

“Well, she was crying when I found her. She was worried about you.”

“Tell her I’m fine.”

“She’s asleep now.”

“Thanks Jiyeon.”

“For what?”

“For taking care of her.”

***

“I’m sorry,” the deep husky voice startled her. It came out from behind. It was early in the morning when Jieun decided to cook for them.

“Myungsoo…” Jieun softly called out, he was avoiding her. “What are you being sorry for?” She smiled, as she continued doing her works.

“I’m just sorry.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry about.”

“There are a lot of things to be sorry about!” He yelled in frustration. She immediately stopped working, staring at him with her pair of brown orbs, softly and gently. He frowned and groaned in frustration, ruffling his hair.

“It’s okay, Myungsoo. Really, I’m fine.”

“It’s not okay!” He stepped closer, trapping her between his arms. “Why do you have to get hurt? Why can’t it be me? Why does it have to be me hurting you and not the other way around?! Why?!” She then knew, he was feeling the same way as she does.

“Hey,” she softly called out to him and met his gaze. She intertwined their fingers together. “I’m fine right now. I’m fine.”

“I was so scared last night,” he whispered, resting his head against her shoulder. “I was so scared.” She patted his head, whispering how she was fine.

“I needed to go back home, now.” Jieun said, with the seven pairs of eyes pleading for her to stay a bit longer. “Goodbye, then. I’m sorry if I was burden –“

“It’s our pleasure.” Sunggyu form a smile, cutting off his lines. Jieun mouthed a silent sorry toward the man, as she leave.

“We’re never seeing her again.” Sungyeol stated.

***

When she arrived back home, she was hurt even more. She found her home to be in a mess, everything was shattered on the ground. He destroyed almost half of their stuff, the picture frame, the plates, her favorite cup, her first trophies…. he destroyed everything. He didn’t leave a note or anything behind, he was simply gone.

She realized he was not a prideful man, but a despicable one. It wasn’t the alcohol. It was just him being so different from what she expected, and it was just her expecting too much from her father. She always pictured him as a perfect man, something she shouldn’t have done. If he was such a perfect man, then the divorce wouldn’t have happened.

She dropped to her knees, leaning back against the wall. She hugged her knee, settling herself at the corner of the room. She silently cried. It was the first time in her life that she regretted ever succeeding. If she hasn’t succeeded, then maybe this wouldn’t have happened. None of this.

She has been living without her parents day by day, with each day wondering whether they are alive and living well. She would miss them, as how a child would. She would wonder about how they look like. It has been this way, living day by day, missing them, and wondering about them. She was living peacefully, despite the sadness that often overwhelmed her. She never knew the returns of her parents would bring chaos. As how her mother brought upon her a few years ago, and how her father brought scars this day.

It hurts.