He wanted to know if what he had done was right. He needed to know. He has been telling himself for the past hours, trying to convince himself that he did the right thing. Still, he was uneasy. He hadn’t been so scared before, so scared that he wanted to run away for a bit. As much as his brain told him he had done nothing wrong, his heart knew he had done something reckless.

The loud thumping music filled the room, a perfect synch to his pounding head. It was filled with figures, faces that you often found on TV. They were dancing around, drinking, and laughing to their heart content. Yet it did not take a genius to know what lies behind those smiles were exhausted souls who were trying to break free from all the pressure and sadness. It was a way to expose themselves to vulnerability without breaking down.

He was one of the newbies, which was not warmly welcome by the others. It took time to accept someone as a part of the community. He understood it. After all, he was nobody compared to the others. His seat was at the farthest end of the room, where the music was the quietest – a place of isolation. It was not bad, in fact he enjoyed isolating himself. Settling himself down, he began his first shot of the night.

It was not his first time drinking, yet it felt twice better than usual. He was not someone who liked to drink, but today it felt refreshing. He needed this. He wanted to run away for a bit. He never liked the atmosphere, yet he came. Squinting his eyes at the sudden bitterness, he groaned in satisfaction when the sweetness came rushing in. He needed this. He needed this.

He looked around, it was a lonely life. No one cared, no one noticed. Everybody was busy leading their own lonely life, trying to overcome the loneliness on their own, which doubled the loneliness. It was cold. For the past years, he had not felt lonely until Lee Ji Eun walked out from his life. Lee Ji Eun, that name and this insanity.

Did he scared her? Jang Wooyoung had come to warn him beforehand, of how hurt Lee Ji Eun was after their break up. Jieun was silently hurting, she was afraid to love, that she still hang herself for their love. She was hurt and he should wait. She waited for a very long time, and he waited too. Perhaps because he has waited for too long that it became hard. He wanted her back, as always. He loved her. He’d do everything to get her back. And it was to wait.

He didn’t know how he came back running to her. He was not in his right state of mind. She, too, was not in her right state of mind. Who would go out late at night, at two in the morning? He was partly glad that he found her, so he could look over her. At least, he thought, she’d be okay, he could protect her. Yet he never knew, whether what he did was right or wrong, whether she felt safe or insecure. He wanted to know.

A woman in her early twenty settled herself a few meters away from him with a loud thud. He was snapped out of his daydream. He squinted his eyes, slightly dizzy after his fifth shots of the night. She was beautiful, long legs and perfect curves, wrapped in a short black dress which exposed lots of skin. Yet the figure only brought him back to Lee Ji Eun – the name and insanity.

Lee Ji Eun would never dress that way, he was sure of it. He bitterly smiled of how much he knew about her. It hurt, that he’d think of her every now and then, thinking that maybe they could get back together. What was it that he loved about Lee Ji Eun? He never fell so hard for a woman.

She was simple. She was beautiful. The way she dressed so simply was graceful to him. The way she pouted was cute. The way she detest her height and how she struggle with those killer heels was even cuter. She worked hard, she hid her sadness, she was independent. How careless she could be was what make her humane and he loved it. She was so simple and humane that he loved her more and more. He was going crazy over her.

His tenth shots and everything started to spin. There was something ecstatic about it. He felt happy, but soon he could barely remember wailing out loud. All he knew was the woman staring at him weirdly. The bartender, too, was trying to shush him. He wailed, yet he could not remember it.

Dear, did he scared her? He ran to her when she least expected it. He found her in her worse condition. He knew her too well, that he knew she was having a hard time. Her pair of brown orbs could never lie to him, the way his pair of eyes could tell her everything. They knew each other too well, despite the rare meetings and everything else that have been keeping them apart.

He was supposed to be happy. He managed to see her, he even confessed to her, conveying all the things he had wanted to say. He had all the rights to be happy, yet he was not the slightest bit contented. Instead, he was sad and all gloomy, depressed. She told him he’d wait, yet the hesitation in her eyes was killing him. He was scared of hurting her, so how could he love her?

His twelfth shots of the night and everything spins quickly in black and white.

***

He was an idiot and he was cursing himself for it. Who would park a car at the farthest end, meters away from the building. Walking was a way to kill, especially when everything was spinning for him. He dragged his leg to his car, banging himself to a few vehicle, which may caused bruises to appear later on.

Black, why did everything have to be black? His car was black and almost all the car in the parking lot was black. How was he supposed to find his car? He could barely think right now, but he was happy. He was happy, that he found himself wailing then laughing. He was completely drunk.

Wishing that the black car was his, he fished out his keys. He rummaged through his pocket, trying to find the key. Again, he cursed. Finally able to fished out his keys, he bump his back, leaning against the car. He groaned in pain, he might bump himself a bit too hard. Well, he kept bumping to cars. Groaning in pain, he threw his keys away in anger, before regretting what he had done. Dragging himself toward the key, he was one step too late.

“You’re going to get yourself in trouble,” The voice was alluring.

He had to squint his eyes for he to catch the figure. It was the woman from before, one who wear the black dress that exposed lots of skin. He tilted his head, confused at her sudden appearance, wondering if she was stalking him. Suspicious, he doubled his guide only to stumble. He was half-conscious, yet it did not take a lot for him to know she was beautiful.

Yes, she was beautiful. She was very beautiful and alluring, looking somehow extravagant with everything she wore being branded. She was alluring, the look in her eyes was tempting, drawing him in. The woman was an opposite of Lee Ji Eun who took simplicity and innocence as her charm. She was tempting. She twirled his keys around her fingers, with an alluring smirk and mischievous look in her eyes.

“Get back my keys,” he ordered, stepping closer that he breathed against her neck.

“I’m driving you home,” she stated back.

“Keys, babe.”

“I’m driving you home, babe.”

“And you are… a saesang fan?” He suggested, earning laughter from her. She wore branded things, beautiful and alluring, and a saesang fan? She’d said the piece did not match very well.

“A model. Hyuna. Kim Hyuna.”

“And do you know who I am?” He barked back. Perhaps, she was hitting on him. He did not like that, yet he was too drunk. He enjoyed this.

“L. Infinite L, the visual.”

Fifteen shots was more than what he could take. It was enough to make everything spins and at times turned completely dark. He couldn’t bark back at her. Everything just turned black. He out.

***

Lee Ji Eun lied on her bed, still with her eyes closed, but her mind was already up, somewhere in the clouds. She did not want to wake up. She clutched her blanket tightly, spun herself a couple of times, unwilling to pull herself off the bed. She wanted to sleep a bit longer and fell for the same thing all over again.

She dreamt of something insane last night. It was so insane that she’d like to dream of it again and again. She’d long for it, tonight and the night after, perhaps for days and months. She was struggling to fall asleep again, then to dream of the same insanity. It felt so real that she longed for it. It was a dream, wasn’t it?

She was frustrated when she couldn’t go back to sleep. It was only four in the morning, yet she couldn’t go back to sleep. Firstly, it was habitual for her to wake up around three in the morning. Secondly, she had schedules to attend. Third, she was afraid she might get hurt again after dreaming about it. And so, she pulled herself off the bed, messing with her hair before standing beneath the hot shower. It was relaxing. She needed it.

She dreamt of meeting Kim Myungsoo. Although she liked the dream, she was slightly frustrated about it. It hasn’t been that long since she stopped thinking about him, going crazy about him. But right now, she’s back in square one. She couldn’t struggle anymore and she would not. Somehow letting herself fall for him felt so great, she could be honest.

Meeting him was everything she had silently longed for. The suffocating silence, enjoying his presence, it was more than what she could ask for. Her heart beat again, faster than usual, and when he confessed about all those feelings, it hurt so much yet she was glad. It felt exhilarating to finally hear his honest feelings. She wanted to know more, yet knowing it was all a dream hurt her. She woke up feeling red today, as if she had completely fallen for him all over again. She fell, hard.

She couldn’t remember a thing from last night. All she remembered was going home, feeling blue then red, her body was exhausted. She collapsed on her bed after dragging her feet up the stairs. She did not remember anything else. It was new though, not remembering anything from the night before. Maybe she was just scared of admitting it.

“Ms. Lee, how are you feeling?” Mrs. Kwon suddenly came in, surprising her. The older woman had a motherly smile on and Jieun loved it. It felt warm.

“Fine. I’m a bit tired, but I’ve to get going now.”

“Jieun-ah,” she called. Jieun raised an eyebrow at the sudden name. Mrs. Kwon rarely called her by her real name, even when she asked her to. “Can we talk about something for a moment, dear?”

“I think so,” she smiled, “what is it, Mrs. Kwon?” she guided them to the couch in her room.

“How’s your relationship with Myungsoo, dear?”

Jieun bit her lower lips, yet she felt so red. “We broke up months ago. I told you about it.”

“And I know you still think about him,” she held her hands. “Dear, I know why you’re so hesitant about it. I was here too when your parents and everything turned upside down.”

Jieun looked away, “I know. I know, Mrs. Kwon. It’s just that I needed some time and I think he’d understand that.”

“What we fear the most is them finding a better woman,” she looked at her in the eyes and patted her back. “Don’t be late, my dear.” She gave off a motherly vibe with her smile. She took a short break, inhaling deep. “Things, my dear, can be as complicated as it could get, or,” she added. “can be as simple as it should be.”

With that the older woman took her leave, hoping that the younger lady would keep some things in mind. Seeing someone grew was a blessing. Lee Ji Eun sat in the couch silently, as Mrs. Kwon figure slowly deteriorated into a distance. She exhaled loudly. She was a brilliant woman, of course, she’d understand. Understanding was an easy thing, yet doing it was a lot harder. And soon, her phone vibrated. It should be something work-connected.

Good morning, sunshine.

Jieun chuckled, as she found the text on her phone. Perhaps, last night was not a dream. No, last night was not a dream. Today, she woke up feeling red. Today, she was not only contented, but she was happy. Lee Ji Eun was happy.

***

He did not remember how he ended up inside his car, asleep. His head was spinning and hurting, as soon as he regained consciousness. He’d need some medication for it. He groaned, trying to push back the pain and struggle to flutter his eyes open. It was bright, too bright compared to last night when everything simply out.

Did he drive himself home last night? He was thankful he did not run into other cars or any problem. He did not remember driving though, he remembered meeting a woman before everything out. Looking around, he found himself to be alone inside his car, parked in the exact spot by the dorm’s front door.

Then, he noticed the sticky-notes posted on his window. Squinting his eyes, he was still dizzy from last night, he couldn’t read what was written on it. Harshly, he pulled the notes off the window, squinting his eyes even more. A kiss with red lipstick stood out the most. It was bright, as alluring as the woman was. Her name was also written on it. Call me when you’re drunk, it wrote with her phone number written on it. He could only smirk at it. She was one of a kind.

His phone vibrated early in the morning and he wondered if he had done something insane last night. He noted to himself, mentally to never drink again. It was too much for him. Well, running was fun but the aftermath wasn’t something he could handle. Soon, he found himself cursing at his stupid action.

Good morning, sunshine. He found it being written on his phone screen, something he sent to Lee Ji Eun three in the morning. It was not even morning, yet why did he told her good morning. Again, she might whine over his cheesiness. Did he scared her again?

Yet it was soon answered, whether he scared her or not. He was pleased with the result. A smile soon curved up his lips, as he read what he least expected. In fact, he did not even expect a reply. She must have dreamt of something insane.

Good morning, cheesy.

And he was happy. 

2014 | 06 | 12

Author Note

Greetings! I think it's been a long time since I last wrote (those recently updated chapters are stuff that I wrote months ago). I pushed myself to write this chapter, so hopefully this one is enjoyable enough. I'm going to be honest here, readers! I'm unmotivated to continue this story... maybe I've been writting around the same plot for too long. And I'm kind of dissapointed with the lack of response at time, you know I'd love to read critics and reviews! Well, your update soon always helps, but there are times when I'm left wondering about how my readers feel! So I'd appreciate it if you left comments! That's all, happy reading! 

P.S. I tried to proofread (for the first time), but it didn't work. I'm too lazy I guess... sorry. I'll start proofreading next time!