The gentle wind brushed against her skin, caressing her cheek. Her soft brown hair slightly blown away by the wind, looking so beautiful. Her skin was paler than it used to be. She was dressed in a comfortable white shirt and a pair of green-colored shorts. She inhaled deeply and closed both her eyes, inhaling the salty scent of the ocean, and inhaling the calmness of it. The waves crashing against the rock were soothing her. She felt okay, right now, right here, finally. She finally felt okay, again.

It was not too hot or too cold, she felt okay. She felt very fine and perfect. It became the first time in the past two months that she eventually feel okay again. The saying must be true then; that time eventually heals everything. It healed her, partly, while some part of her remained traumatize of what happen that night. Often, it would flash inside her head and she would speculate about it –about the what ifs that may have happened but did not. And it scared her.

Even after two months of not thinking about him, after two months of occupying her mind with Wooyoung’s business and her careers, she could remember about him more than clearly. His soft scent hanging on the tip of her nose, and his smirked that could soften her. His meaningful smile and mysterious gaze to his warm presence, she remembered everything. So when his scent suddenly turned stronger and his warmth feels more distant and real, she recognized him. She clicked her heels against the rocks, to let him know that she was aware of him.

Still, she didn’t know how to face him. She was running away for a very long time. She could have returned a week ago, but she didn’t. All her business in Paris finished a week ago and Wooyoung was doing more than fine. Jiyeon accompanied her all the way back to Korea, leaving her boyfriend behind. Jieun was thankful to have such a good friend. And after all this time she had to think and take it slow, she still didn’t know how to face him. The feeling that burned the pit of her stomach, of what she couldn’t describe, suddenly reappears at his sudden presence.

She hasn’t told anyone she had returned or maybe Jiyeon did it for her. Her best friend always knew what Jieun would need, but sometimes Park Jiyeon missed the right time. Clearly, it was not the right time. Lee Ji Eun tensed up at his sudden presence, the sudden increase of fear that rushed through her, and how hard her chest was thumping. The way her heart accelerated was different than usual, it was not lovely, it was terrifying. She bitterly smiled, trying her best not to look traumatized. He was her lover, the one she loved deeply despite the rare admittance to her feelings, she cared about him. She still does.

“I… I heard you are back in town. So… I ran all the way here.” Myungsoo murmured, keeping it low. He took a step closer, while she refused to move. Still showing her back against him, he stood barely an inch away from her. “I wanted to see you. I have a lot to say to you, Jieun. And now, I don’t even know where I need to start. This is insane. What I did was insane. And I… I don’t know what to say. If I am sorry, will anything change? I don’t know how to fix it and it kills.”

“I came back this morning. I didn’t expect to see you so soon. I… There are a lot of things I want to say and hear, but… I’m not ready. I’m always ready, but not right now, not here. I…” She tried not to tremble and swallowed down the tears and the lump in . Her voice was soft and cracking, her brain tried to search for every available word. He quickly put his hand on her shoulder, softly. She immediately tensed up at the slightest touch. He was hurt and he deserved it.

“Jieun-ah,” He sounded so sad. He quickly pulled his hand back and whispered countless apologies.

“Did you remember what you did? Did you remember what happened? I… I was trying to forget everything.”

“I do.” Myungsoo shortly replied. “I wanted to say sorry, but I don’t think you would want to hear it.”

“I don’t. Did you remember what I told you?” Jieun sat on the white sand and Myungsoo followed her. Their back was facing against each other, leaning against each other. Jieun tried not to tremble at every contact, to stop herself from shifting uncomfortably at his every movement.

Myungsoo quietly shook his head. His gaze looked very sad and broken. His back feel cold, she almost ran in fear. “I don’t. I remember part of it, but not everything. I… Jieun-ah, tell me what to do.”

“I begged for you, Myungsoo. I begged for you not to do it. I begged for you and pleaded you; I screamed and cried so you would stop. Still, you didn’t. I even begged for you so I didn’t have to hate you, but all you did was telling me how much you hated me and how late I was to change everything else.”

“I was drunk,” he slowly tried to reach for her hand and she let him. She let him tangled their fingers, yet she couldn’t help but to shudder at every skin contact they made. “Don’t force yourself.” He whispered and sighed. She could feel how heavy it was, judging from the way his body contracted. He quickly pulled his hands away, gently.

“You know how much I hated it when you drink, especially when you’re drunk.”

“I know.” He inhaled deeply. “I’m sorry, Jieun. I’m very sorry. I can’t… I don’t even know what I could do other than saying sorry. I want to change everything, I really do. I’m sorry. I love you.”

“Don’t you think it’s insane, Myungsoo-ah? We both hated each other, we both hurt each other, we are both trapped in the endless hurt and hurting cycle. So how could we fall in love? It doesn’t make sense at all. We repeatedly broke up, we repeatedly hurt each other, we repeatedly fall in love. Am I… insane? Am I a fool?” Jieun exhaled a tiring sigh and stood up. “Maybe we just weren’t mean to be.” She said and walked away, ignoring the dejected Kim Myungsoo. He was still sitting on the sand, staring blankly at the sky. It hit him too quickly and too harshly that he couldn’t digest anything. He couldn’t believe a thing.

“Stay with me.”

“I can’t. Myungsoo, it’s too much.”

“It’s impossible not to hurt each other while being in love.”

“I know,” Jieun sighed. “But this is too much. The only reason I came here today and faced you… I’m guilty. This all feels like my fault.”

“That’s why you have to stay with me, because you’re guilty.”

“Would you be happy if I stayed because I was guilty?” Jieun silenced him for a moment, then he protested. He was okay as long as she stayed by her side, whatever the reason would be. “But I won’t. It will be too much for me, Myungsoo. That’s why we needed to end this and I… we’re over this time around. Goodbye, Myungsoo.”

“Do you ever truly love me for once?!” He yelled at her.

“I do,” Jieun bitterly smiled and turned around to look at him, one last time, sincerely. “I love you. But I can’t.”

***

“Do you love him, Jieun?” Park Jiyeon soothed her best friend. Jieun was crying, silently sobbing while keeping her head down.

“I do.” She stated shortly. Lee Ji Eun envied Park Jiyeon love life. The latter love life seemed to be very smooth and sweet, spoiled by the romance, flustered over cheesy stuff. Hers, in the other hand, had to be very hard and bitter. She cried a lot recently, either inside or outside.

“Really? It doesn’t seem to be that you really love him, Jieun. Why can’t you forgive him?”

“I… Am I being selfish if I don’t forgive him? Jiyeon-ah, he hurt me again and I don’t think I can stand it anymore.”

“You can’t love someone without being trapped inside the hurt and hurting cycle. Seung Ho and I, we hurt each other a lot and forgive each other a lot. There were times when I think I shouldn’t forgive him but I love him too much.” Jiyeon patted the smaller figure. “I know, Jieun. Believe me I know.”

“This time… if I didn’t forgive him, would I be the wrong one? Am I wrong? What he did is beyond forgivable. I’m not a fool, I know the limit of loving someone.”

“I know. I know.” Jiyeon smiled and handed another tissue box. “That’s why I want you to know that you did the right thing.”

Lee Ji Eun wasn’t a fool; she knew where a love should stop and ended for good. She knew, so she also knew she did the right thing. Park Jiyeon knew too, as much as they were meant to be, what he did was beyond forgivable. At one point, Jiyeon knew they would get back together; at least she would help Myungsoo to win her best friend back. But right now, he needed to learn his lesson. He hurt her a lot and it’s about time he should man up. Yoo Seung Ho didn’t man up, but at least he was brave enough. Myungsoo should stop beating around the bush.

All Lee Ji Eun felt… was how painful it is to break up. The way his touch brought fear upon her hurt her the most. What used to be her comfort became her fear. She never expected such a day would come.

***

When she woke up that morning, after crying the whole night, she felt so… tired. Half of her heart was crushed. Maybe it was the cost of having her pride back. Breaking up with him and doing the right thing brought back half of her pride. At least, she didn’t look weak and all needy in front of him. He gave her the pride back, yet he took half of her heart away. She was crushed. She didn’t know a man could make her cry that much. She cried for herself, for the first time in years. She cried for herself, honestly, it was all because of her and for her.

The first thing that came out from the huge TV was his figure on a broadcasting station and some CFs featuring his handsome face. She sat on her bed and leaned against the wall, hugging her soft pillow tightly. He was smiling. A huge sense of relieve rushed through her and she felt so much better. At least, he was okay. She knew he was still sad and hurt over what happen, judging by the way he smirked, but she also knew he moved on. He struggled to return to his daily life and succedded. He could, at least, be proud of it.

She was once again a single lady for the fifth time, after breaking up with the same man over and over again. It was not her first, yet she was curious how her life would be. She was so in love with him that she had forgotten how it was to be single and free, of hanging out with anyone she wanted, of eating out with any man, of… of not thinking of anything that would hurt. She was free and she should be happy, but something still weighed against her chest.

Her door rings and she quickly jumped off her bed. She shrieked when she saw her reflection in the mirror, she looked very horrible. Her eyes were swollen, her face was bloated. Did she eat a lot last night? She didn’t remember eating anything. Her manager made it clear that she should maintain her weight well, so she was working hard to keep her weight in place, especially when she had been away for so long. Her company, without a doubt, would be checking her from head to toe. The slightest mistake and boomed, they would be doomed.

“I heard you like sweet potato, so I bought you one,” Park Junghyung appeared on her doorstep with a plastic bag. He seemed to have gained some weight while she was away. He shrieked then force a smile after seeing her eye bag. Jieun simply chuckled and mouthed a thank you, especially for doing her a favour.

“Since you’re back… tell me about it,” Her manager was trying to look easy-going and friendly, still the air around them was thick.

“It’s all fine now. Jang Wooyoung doesn’t plan on returning to the entertainment industry anymore. He will be focusing on his company. He’s my childhood friend, the son of Jang Corporation, after all. I know he would do well,” she murmured with a smile. “The media won’t even know about my wedding and I’m officially single and unmarried again.” She chuckled and let out a heavy sighed. Yes, she was officially single again. “Yeah,” She murmured.

“You don’t have to do everything on your own. I could help you with it.” Her manager sheepishly grins. “And I know we are not close yet. We’re still all awkward and may even hate each other. You can think of me as a whiny oppa and I can think of you as a hot-headed and all silent little girl. Still, let’s be friends so our work will be much… nicer.” He rubbed the nape of his neck. “Anyway, SHINEE Jonghyun has been asking for you all the time. Are you two in a relationship or something?”

Jieun stared blankly for a moment, until she realized her phone was still off. She quickly turned it on and it didn’t stop vibrating for fifteen minutes straight. It gave the two of them a good laugh. Jieun faked a tear as she sweep the corner of her eyes. She shook her head. “No, we are not dating. We’re just… best friend.”

“Are you sure? It seems to me that he looks at you more than a friend.”

“You sounded like how a father would,” it silenced both of them and she laughed. “You’re just exaggerating it. I still have one day break left, right?” When her manager nodded, she grinned. “I’m going out for a while.”

“To meet him?” He asked her with accusing eyes and a playful smirk. Jieun shrugged, lifting both her shoulder as she stirred away and ran outside. “To meet him, okay.” He said with a smile.

***

Jieun was listening to every voice messages in her voicemail. Some of them were simple nonsense, of people asking her where she was and if she was well. Some others were regarding her boutique and fashion company. While others were Kim Myungsoo voice messages for her. He left about three hundreds of them and Jieun was patiently listening to them one by one. He sounded so sincere that she almost fell for his spell again. But she knew they needed time away from each other, to think and reconsider their feelings. And most of all, to think that being meant to be was simply unreal. They weren’t meant to be.

Jieun was on her way to Kim Jonghyun’s meeting place, the café they often spent their time together to talk about music. He was another good friend of her that she grew to be really fond of. She was comfortable around him and they shared the same interest in music. He was a talented man that had a good sense of everything, especially when it came to music. His voice was another thing to be amused of. He could make her feel very comfortable.

“Where were you these two months?” Kim Jonghyun smiled playfully at her. “You didn’t say your goodbye. And god, did your phone broke or something? You craze me out.”

Jieun chuckled at his exaggerated reaction. “I’m back,” Jieun spread her hands widely and gave him a friendly hug. “Sorry, something urgent came up that I have to leave for a while.”

“Forgiven.” He chuckled and they both sat down to enjoy the morning breeze with a cup of coffee. “Are you really this free? Come on, you’re IU!”

“I’m really this free. Well, for today. And you’re SHINEE!” She replied back and they both chuckled. Joghyun handed her his phone to show how long his day would be. Jieun gave him a surprised gasped but then shrugged, telling him that he’s a SHINEE. Jonghyun nodded in agreement but protest when he figured how free she was today.

They were both having a very good conversation when her phone suddenly rang. Jieun excused herself while Jonghyun found himself observing her very closely. She was nice to look at, very sweet and lovely. In this broadcasting world, there was so much beautiful, innocent, and cute woman, but less lovely one. This woman, in front of him, was simply so lovely and nice to look at. Jonghyun watched her again and again, until he realized the sudden change in her eyes. She looked shock and terrified, scared. There was horror in her eyes, the fear of something bad happening.

“I’m sorry,” Jieun bowed and quickly rush for the door. “Something came up.”

***

Kim Myungsoo fluttered his eyes opened and the stingy scent attacked his nose in an instance. Everything was covered in white, the walls were white, the ceilings were white. The last time he out, he ended up doing something he regretted the most. He quickly sat up and looked around, everything was still intact on its place and nothing spins the way it did last time. Myungsoo realized his surrounding was strangely familiar. He was in the hospital with an IV injection on his left hand. When he looked at his right, Lee Ji Eun was standing a meter away from him. She looked so worried yet angry.

She was having a very good time with Jonghyun when her phone rang. She was finally having a great time, of not thinking too much, of being free, of stop hurting, when he just had to ruin everything. Of course everybody knew she still loved her, although her conscience knew it was a wrong thing to do. The INFINITE told her that Myungsoo fell ill. His temperature was very high and he needed to go to the hospital, he was asking for her and he wasn’t willing to leave the dorm without seeing her. He wanted her. Lee Ji Eun was worried and scared if something bad happened.

“Jieun-ah,” Myungsoo called. His voice was throaty. It sounded so bad and his throat hurt a lot.

The woman quickly rushed through him and put her palm on his forehead. He still had a temperature but it was so much better. She took a few steps away and sighed in relieve. He was just smiling, happy that she did care, only to find how angry she was moments later. “Is this a way to win me back or something?” Her tone wasn’t friendly at all. “You’re so childish, Myungsoo. I was worried to death and I need to run all the way back to your place. Don’t you know that I needed sometime away from you? This is so childish! Don’t you know how hurt I am?” Jieun almost cried but she managed to walk away before tears started staining her cheek. “Man up, Myungsoo. This isn’t how I want things to be.” She slammed the door close.

He remained silent for a few second. He was feeling a bit weak, which was normal, since he out and ended up in a hospital with IV shots inside him. He cracked a smile on how caring she still was, even after breaking up with him. Her words spinned inside his head and he wondered what he should do. He needed time, so did she. All they needed, perhaps, was to let each other away for a few moments before winning each other back. He had won her countless time, so why was he so afraid this time around? Maybe, he realized how bad it was.

“You worried her a lot,” Dongwoo came in a few moments later. He laughed at how the two interact, what an irony. “She almost freaked out just now, when you didn’t wake up for… half an hour. She still loves you, don’t you know?” Dongwoo let out a sigh when the younger just nod hesitantly. “Of course she loves you, but she isn’t a fool either. She decided it was about time to stop because she thinks your love is unhealthy.”

“I know that. Or maybe she was right, we weren’t meant to be.” Myungsoo muffled a sighed and stirred on his bed.

“Meant to be or weren’t meant to be… don’t you think it’s up to us to decide? Some 'meant to be's are easy, some others… not so much.” Dongwoo wisely said with a in-a-matter-of-fact tone.

“Don’t act wise in front of me. I know what you were.”

“We were all… once… what I was. But I changed so I have everything to be proud of.” Dongwoo shrugged. He was the calmest and the wisest, as always. “At least Jieun told me she likes me.” Dongwoo grinned sheepishly and smiled slyly. “I’m not into love, but she’s true. Time to man up, Myungsoo.”

The older slide the door closed as he slipped away. Kim Myungsoo was finally alone in the huge VIP room. He was slowly enjoying the silence as he tried to think of every words Lee Ji Eun and Dongwoo had said. They were right. Perhaps, all he needed was to man up, yet how? Should he wait for a bit more? He was hesistant in everything. He was so afraid of hurting her but ended up hurting her even worse. He stirred in his sleep, trying to fall back deeply to his slumber but failed. She occupied his mind too much, that he had the urge to win her back or at least fix things up. He wanted the certainity; he wanted to create the meant to be.

He slide down his bed and dragged his IV with him. It was already late at night when he decided to regain full consciousness and let his brain be wide awake. He has been half-awake, struggling between his slumber and concousness while his brain was constantly on the thinking clock. It was a pure torture and it felt absolutely horrible. It was eight p.m. when his body stopped aching and he start feeling well, at least well enough to walk around.

She was sitting in front of his room, head down. She looked so stress and worried, peeking at him every now and then to make sure he was alright. He softened at the sight and came to approach her softly. The hospital was cold and she was only wearing a torquise-colored t-shirt and white pants. She rubbed her hands together, trying to warm herself up. She was covered in Woohyun’s jacket, still she was freezing. Myungsoo slowly turned around, wanting to buy something for her before starting to man up with whatever it could be.

“Thank you,” Jieun grabbed the warm canned-coffee and pressed it against her cheek. He plopped himself down next to her, while she remained oblivious of his presence. She was engulfed in her thoughts, but soon snapped out of in when she realized Woohyun (she thought it was him) was being too quiet. She peeked only to see the person who was supposed to be lying sick was sitting by her side, drinking coffee. “Myungsoo…”

“You told me to man up, didn’t you?” Myungsoo chuckled at her reaction and fake a cough. “So I decided to man up tonight. I have a lot to say, Jieun.”

“I… don’t know.” Jieun helplessly confessed with a sigh.

“Jieun-ah, I’m sorry. What I did that night hurt you deeply but it also hurt me deeply. I… couldn’t even stand myself for days and it got worse when you simply disappeared. I love you, I really do.” He stared at her and took her cold hands, rubbing it together and gently blew them. “I was so afraid to hurt you and I always find myself being hesitant in everything. I was so afraid of losing you and hurting you, and my fear ended up hurting you twice. I… I never tell you that I wouldn’t hurt you or anything but this time… I want you to know that I would take the responsibility. I’m sorry. I’m very sorry. And I’d wait. I’d wait until you are ready and if what I did caused us to be apart I’ll accept that. I would stop drinking, I’d stop going to the bar… I’d stop doing everything you dislike. So… Jieun-ah,” He inhaled deeply but Jieun cut her off.

“This isn’t going to change anything, Myungsoo.”

“So stay with me.”

“I…”

“I will wait no matter how long it will take for you to come back to me. I promise you I’d stop being so hesitant. I’d take responsibility everytime I hurt you. I’m always hurt everytime you are hurt. What I did that night… I was angry.” He looked at her softly. “So stay with me. I love you, Jieun-ah.”

Stay with me.

I love you.

Author Note

I would like to thank all of you who has been reading this story all along. And for those who commented, thank you so much! It means a lot to me. I've been writing well thanks to it. I kind of regretted doing this sequel, still I'm going to finish it! Thank you!