She didn’t know how they ended up being this way, in this position. She couldn’t think, her heart was pounding against her chest. It was exhilarating and refreshing, although to admit such a thing seemed to be forbidden. She remained still, her body tense up. Her breathing got slower, she was afraid it would become a bother.

He was resting her head against her shoulder, burying his face at the crook of her neck, inhaling her scent. He was holding her wrist, so she couldn’t run away or wriggled under his touch. He wanted her to stay, to at least remain this way for a while. He has been having this urge since forever and today he couldn’t hold it in. He simply rested his head against her shoulder and took her scent to his lungs. It was painfully comforting.

“Myung –“

“L.”

It has been long since they last met. It has been two or maybe three months since the incident. Although he told her he was sorry and she told him that she was fine, they never truly made up. Their relationship has ended, clearly it has broken and mending it would take a very long time. It has become awkward and none of them spent the effort to fix it.

Jieun was quite taken aback, when he with the cold tone of voice, cut her off. He was keeping a certain distance, something she was grateful for. He was around, keeping a certain distance, so she could see him but her heart wouldn’t be too attached to him. Yet it was surprising how he demanded her to call him “L”, was it for the safety reasons or was it him keeping the “certain distance”?

“L.” she repeated after his words.

“Just let me, please, IU. Just for a while, Jieun.” He pleaded, whispering to her ears. His breath against her neck tickled that she started to wriggle under his touch.

“L-ssi,” she stated, although the name sounded weird. “I have to go.”

“It has been so tiring lately. Stay.”

“I…”

“Stay.”

***

The boys made their comeback a few months after she ended her good day promotion due to the incident. She told her company that she fell down the stairs and caught a cold due to overworking. They weren’t buying it at first, seeing how peculiar it was. But soon, after realizing that she was in no condition to proceed with promotion and broadcasting activity, they withdraw all of her schedules, postponing it until she got better.

Jieun almost cried with them just now, when they won their first-ever trophies. Jieun had to admit they exceeded her expectations. They danced well and even sing well, they had a complex choreography that made her stare in awe. Jieun had never been good at dancing, but seeing how Kikwang was impressed, she knew they had done a good job. As usual, Myungsoo was wearing his dark expressions that seemed to be turning darker. He seemed to be having the “mysteriously handsome” aura around. When Jieun knew he could be a complete dork at times, but still it reminded her of the dark old days.

The boys cried to their heart content on stage, giving their gratitude to their fans. JIeun didn’t know why they cried that way, but it was enough to move her. It must have been very lonely and hard for them. Even they were together, it must have been hard. Then, what about her who has been standing on her own? How hard has it been?

With the loud claps and music in the air, Jieun was grateful that they finally won. Myungsoo was crying too, which Jieun found rare. Even for him, it must have been hard. The only person who has not broken down was their leader, Kim Sunggyu. He showed her a beautiful smile at the end, as if he was thankful for everything. Jieun doubted she had done anything for them, so she wondered what the smile actually meant.

And soon, she found herself being caught by Myungsoo upon passing their waiting room to drop off some gift. Jieun hasn’t had the time to prepare the gifts, she bought the same homemade cookies from a bakery shop downtown, and some self-made gifts that she failed to delivered long ago. It was an awkward thing, to actually get caught by Myungsoo. To her surprise, he suddenly dragged her along with him.

***

“Hello?” Jieun picked up her phone; it was around 4 in the evening when she finally finished her schedule for the day.

“IU?”

“Yes, it’s me.”

“I’m in front of your house.”

“In front of my house?”

Jieun immediately run down the stairs, being extra careful since she didn’t want to fall on the stairs and caused something chaotic like the last time. She knew who the voice belonged to, but to believe he was in front of her house was a hard thing to do. She ran down to open the door, slightly scared if she will have to meet the drunken man again.

“Wooyoung?!” She smiled in delight, finding the man she has missed for long finally appeared. “What… When did you…? Oh, I’m so glad to see you.”

“Miss me?” He opened his arms to welcome her with a hug. She immediately run to him, hugging him in returns.

“Not that much.”

“I see. Should I go back? My jet lag isn’t that good these days.”

“I was just kidding.” She withdraws herself from his embrace. “Come on in. Pil Suk has gone back to Tokyo. I heard Jason was studying with her in Tokyo.”

“Jason wanted to come with me, but I told him he should study well.” Wooyoung settled down next to her, on the couch as she prepared some drinks to greet her guest.

“Pil Suk was having her break; she has just flown back to Tokyo.” Jieun sighed, “it became lonely without her around. I hope they would graduate soon.”

“It’s a good thing that I came to visit, right?”

“Well… if you put it that way, then…” Jieun smiled, sipping her cup of tea, “yeah.” She placed her tea on the table, meeting the man’s pair of eyes. “But… you never came without a reason. It’s not like… you flew all the way over just to see me.” She pouted.

“I heard what happened,” his voice turned serious and deeper than before. Jieun softly sighed knowing what he meant. “I came to check on you. I’m late, but at least you’re fine now. And… this is actually a business trip… and a bit of your mother… request.”

“I’m expecting my mother to actually send you home to persuade me to returns to the fashion industry.” Jieun frowned. “She always sends you for everything.”

“Actually, she only told me to accompany your for a while.”

“Why am I having a hard time believing it?”

“Me, too.” Wooyoung sipped his cup of tea, then frowns since it was too hot for him. “But you succeeded in the entertainment industry; maybe she found no reason to hold you back.”

“Still my mom is my mom.”

“I know, right?” Wooyoung placed his cup on the table. “I heard what happened between you and Myungsoo.”

“We broke up.”

“Yeah, I know.” Wooyoung forced a smile. “So what are you going to do?”

“Loving someone has been tiring for me, Wooyoung. I mean, I have to deal with all the jealousy, the pain, the breakup, the everything.” Jieun let out a muffled sigh, followed by a bittersweet smile curving her lips. “I’m tired. I don’t think I’d like to love anyone for the time being. I wanted to live my life on my own, day by day, thinking of myself only. Selfishly living alone. I guess, I’d do that.”

***

Jang Wooyoung decided to go to their favorite café downtown, while Lee Ji Eun had to resume with her works. He settled down at the seat next to the window, in the back corner of the room. The smell of coffee was refreshing and the music was nice. It was quite relaxing, especially during times like this, when his jetlag was getting ahead of him.

Since it was spring, the weather was quite nice, although the heat has slowly risen. Soon, it will be summer and he wondered what he can do during those times or if Jieun can spent her time with him. It has been a long time since the two meet and they rarely contacted each other. Wooyoung disliked the fact that she decided to take a temporary leave only to put her hands in the entertainment industry. For someone who has done business for a long time, he knew the danger of it.

Sipping his Americano, he smiled in satisfaction. He loved the way it blended and the taste that overwhelmed his cavern. He took a peek of his watch. It was eight in the evening, pass the busy hours. The bell rarely rings. There were only him and another three people inside. He sighed, wondering whether he will come.

He was waiting for someone, that as soon as the bell rings, he’d stand up to see who has come. He didn’t know why he was doing this, when he could actually own her. But him owning her didn’t feel right, as she no longer had feelings for him. Fourteen years ago, if he didn’t leave, maybe she could still be his. After all, people changed, for the better and worse.

He has ordered another cup of coffee for the man. Whether it was cappuccino or macchiato that he liked, he didn’t know, so he decided to buy the cheapest one. The coffee has turned cold by now. He’d have to order another one by the time he came. But he wondered if he will come. They never really had a great relationship. Wooyoung, too, has never liked him in the first place. Something about him made Wooyoung felt insecure, especially about Jieun.

“Myungsoo!” He called up. He stands up, rising one hand to take his attention. As soon as the bell rings, a man dressed in black popped out. He was wearing his sunglass, his scarf, and his trademark (everything was black).

Myungsoo settled down in front of Wooyoung. Wooyoung found it strange and funny at first, how he dressed. He thought breaking up with Jieun must have affected his sense of fashion. But, he bit his lower lips to prevent himself from laughing. He thought laughing wouldn’t be fitting when they both were wearing such serious expression.

“Wooyoung-ssi?” He had the same deep and husky voice, “What is it that you want to talk about?”

“Should we order some coffee first? Yours is getting cold.”

“Should we? Let’s order some.” Myungsoo replied, leaning back.

It was the case between the two, how they disliked each other without a clear reason. Myungsoo simply disliked Wooyoung, although he never did anything bad to him or her. Wooyoung disliked Myungsoo, maybe partly because he always ended up his lovely Jieun. The atmosphere was awkward, despite the effort to melt down the ice, it didn’t change at all.

“I heard what happened between you and Jieun.”

“Did she tell you?”

“Kind of? She didn’t tell me everything though.” He sipped his coffee, crossing his arms.

“We broke up.” Myungsoo stayed calm, although it sounded bitter.

“I wanted to ask you why, but…” he looked down, “I don’t think Jieun would be happy,” he met his gaze, “let’s just talk man to man,”

“There were certain circumstances,” Myungsoo replied, “certain circumstances…” he repeated. “And it’s not like this is the first time everything got complex.”

“Do you… still love her?” Wooyoung asked, he was completely serious and his gaze was manly. Myungsoo had to say, he was a better man indeed, manlier than Kim Myungsoo.

At the sudden outburst of question, Myungsoo remained calm, taking his time to think about it. He took a sipped of his coffee then sighed. Over the past months, he had not let Lee Ji Eun entered his mind. He was giving up on her; he found no point on thinking about her every now and then. But he wondered if it works, if he managed to break away from his chained heart.

“I do,” he said firmly.

“You do?”

“I do,”

“Then, how much do you love her?”

“A lot.”

“Do you still want to get back together?”

Myungsoo muffled a sigh, taking another sipped of the bitter coffee. He frowned, looking down. “There are certain circumstances.”

“Kim Myungsoo-ssi.” Wooyoung firlmy said. “I have warned you before. She wasn’t the type to be giving out chances. Do you still want to have those chances?”

“I do,”

“You can’t,” Wooyoung snapped back. Myungsoo stared at him with wide eyes, he was slowly hurting. “I’ve told you before; she wasn’t the type to be giving out chances. I told you to treasure her very preciously, to treat her nicely, to not hurt her,” Wooyoung sighed, “She has been giving out chances to you, Myungsoo. She… can’t give you another one.”

“Who are you to say something like that?” Myungsoo was angered by his words.

“Because she said loving someone has been tiring, she wanted to stop. She didn’t want to love for a while. She wanted to live day by day on her own, selfishly thinking of herself.”

“I guess my chances have run out,” Myungsoo scoffed bitterly.

“She still loves you.”

“Is that even possible?”

“Kim Myungsoo-ssi,” Wooyoung sighed, “wait for her. You’re loving a wounded woman.”

***

Has waiting ever been an easy thing to do? It has been tough for him to wait. He has been the one left to wait. He would have to wait for her, just like back in high school; he has to wait for a very long time. Just like how it was every time she departed to other places, he’d long for her returns. He has been waiting forever. Could he withstand it a bit more? Could he wait for her a bit more? He wanted to wait.

He thought he was going to lead a peaceful life, judging how he stopped thinking about Jieun. She was driving him insane, as the distance grew even more. And now, she was everywhere inside his head, inside his heart. She was suffocatingly filling him inside out. He swayed side to side, he was slightly drunk. His CEO asked him to drink with him, discussing the upcoming project and dramas, future plans. Maybe he drank slightly too much since he has a lot in mind.

And now, he found himself thinking about her. He found himself standing by her doorstep, almost pressing the doorbell but hesitated for a while. He wanted to ask her if he truly has run out of chances. He wanted to ask her if she truly want to stop loving him for a while. Why was she saying such a painful thing? He wondered what kind of expression she would be wearing when he saw her. He wondered what kind of expression she was wearing when she said that painful stuff.

“L…” her soft voice suddenly ringed in his ear, taking him by surprise. Unconciously, he must have pressed the bell. When he looked up, he found her figure standing in front of him, she was surprised.

“Jieun-ah,” he tried to reach for her but she immediately stepped back.

“What are you doing here?” She asked, trying to push him away. She didn’t want to see him again, not after she managed to break away from her chained heart.

“Have I truly run out of chances? We can’t get back together?” He asked, but she remained silent. She looked down; avoiding his gaze and Myungsoo knew she was agreeing to his statement.

“L, I –“ Jieun stated, yet before she could even finished her sentence, she could feel his whole weight fall upon her. He collapsed, she was worried. But then, she could smell alcohol oozing out of him. She heaved a sigh, dragging him inside. “I just can’t,” she whispered.

***

He woke up in unfamiliar place. His head was dizzy after drinking alcohol last night. Although it has become unfamiliar, he knew where he was. He was in Lee Ji Eun’s place, the guest room. Half awake, he could feel her presence, her soft scent, and a glimpse of her figure. He knew he needed to say something, something that has been trapped in his lungs, and something he needed to let out so badly.

“I want to get back together,”

He grabbed her by the wrist, surprising her. His voice sounded weak and hoarse. He hasn’t recovered well, but he had enough strength to prevent her from leaving. She bit her lower lips, avoiding his gaze. He held her hands even tighter, intertwining their fingers. But he could still see it, the hesitation in her eyes. He knew she didn’t want to get back together. She wasn’t ready.

“Do you still love me?” He asked, while she replied with wide eyes staring back at him.

“Why are you making things hard for me?” She slowly pulled his hand off her. “I’m trying hard right now, to actually live on my own.”

“Have I truly run out of chances?”

“Yes, you have.”

“Why?”

***

“Jieunnie, let’s watch some sad movies!” Park Jiyeon suddenly swung the door open. “I want to cry to my heart content!”

Jieun was taken aback, when Jiyeon suddenly burst the door opened. She looked depressed and pissed. Jieun knew she was upset. Did she fight with Seung Ho again? That couple… they fought at least once a week. Jieun shook her head, as she pointed at the stacks of CD below the TV. Jiyeon quickly grabbed them all, searching for the most tragic story she could find. Jieun shook her head, sighing. Her friend has been emotional ever since she started dating Seung Ho.

“That man is a jerk,” Jiyeon sobbed, plopping next to Jieun on the bed. She was chewing her popcorn, cracking it in anger with her teeth. Jieun sighed again.

“How could he do something like that to the woman? She’s sad! Oh, he should have understood her better!” Jiyeon cried. “What an unlucky woman! What a bastard!” She cursed. “Why can’t man be understanding?!”

“Lee Ji Eun, why can’t man be understanding?!” Jiyeon burst, wiping her tears while blowing her nose. Jieun cringed and shook her head softly. She shrugged. Man has never understood, she agreed. But was it the man fault or partly the woman fault? She stuck her gaze to the screen, wondering why the movie seemed to understand her so much.

“Did you fight with Seung Ho-ssi again?” Jieun sighed, as the screen shut down, signaling the movie has come to an end. Jiyeon was still crying nonstop.

“He was a jerk, Jieun! He’s a jerk!” Jiyeon cried. “He forgot our anniversary! He didn’t give me any present during my birthday! And today is our one year anniversary! He forgot and suddenly he’s gone, he flew back to Paris without telling me!” Jiyeon stomped on her feet. “He’s a jerk!”

“Park Jiyeon,” Jieun chucked softly, tapping her best friend shoulder as she passed her another box of tissue. “Calm down,” she sighed. “You guys fight like every minutes and make-up in a blink of an eye,” Jieun smiled, “I envy you.”

“Still, it hurts, Jieunnie~” Jiyeon pouted, “right here, it hurts.” she pointed at her chest.

“Okay. Okay. I understand.” Jieun comforted her best friend. “Let’s just watch a happier movie and forget him for a while, okay?”

“I don’t want to. Let’s just watch a lot of –“she gasped, “Omo, it’s Seung Ho! Lee Ji Eun, what am I going to do?!” Jiyeon shook her best friend body with force. Jieun lifelessly smiled, signaling Jiyeon to go outside and talk for a while.  

***

“He’s so romantic~,” Jiyeon sang, “just like Seung Ho. Seung Ho-ah, you’re the sweetest guy in the world~.”

Once again, Lee Ji Eun could only muffle a sigh and lightly shook her head. She smiled at her best friend action, whose mood immediately lit up after a call from Seung Ho. Jieun didn’t know what they had talked about erlier, but Jieun knew it was something good or else her best friend won’t be going insane from being in love. Park Jiyeon was definitely in love with her boyfriend.

It has always been amusing to Lee Ji Eun how the two always fight with each other but ended up back together in no time. She didn’t even know how they resolve their problems. They fought over simple insignificant things that Jieun often think they are too childish to lead a relationship. But how do they keep being so in love with each other, fresh with a bunch of second chances. She wanted to know. She envies them.

And now, Park Jiyeon suddenly the TV, watching the sweetest-happily-ever-after romance movie she could find. She chewed on her popcorn, while complimenting how sweet the male protagonist was; somehow she found it similar to her boyfriend. While Lee Ji Eun’s thoughts were up in the air, thinking something she has been keeping her lips shut about.

“Jiyeonnie~,” she called out, followed by a series of sighs. She wanted to ask something to her best friend. After all, she found Park Jiyeon’s relationship to be amusingly fun and naïve, somehow childish yet it goes well. But, she immediately sealed her lips tight, wondering if it was the right time to ask about such a thing.

“What is it, Jieunnie?”

“It’s just…” she silenced herself for a while, “I was wondering…. how you guys could stay together for a long time…” she bit her lower lips, “despite the fights, despite the crying, despite… everything.”

“Lee Ji Eun,” Park Jiyeon muffled a sigh, before moving her gaze toward her best friend. With a serious voice and a soft but impactful gaze, she questioned her. “What is it that you fear?”