If I Fall [37]
If I Fall
Turn around or not?
Myungsoo.. I know you're very happy, now that Yoona is back. The two of you can be together again..
Gahd.
But can I be selfish this time? :(
*RIIIIIIIING.*
The school's second bell rung. Time for class. I'm literally saved by the bell. I know, I shouldn't give on my love for Myungsoo.. but I guess even though I fight for it. It'll be nothing and my efforts will be wasted.
I continued walking towards our room when I heared Myungsoo called me for the last time, "Jiyeon-ah..."
No. I don't want to look. I'll just be hurt at the fact that Myungsoo will never be mine.. He will never be mine. He wasn't even mine on the first place anyways.
I'm just a friend for him. Yoona will be his everything, always be his everything..
I'll always be nothing..
T-T
Sht. Why does this hurt so much?
If falling inlove hurts like this, then I don't want to fall inlove again.. I hope Myungsoo will be the first and last. Being forever alone is much better than being inlove and being hurt like this.
"Jiyeonnieeee~!" I heared Eunjung shouted. I turned around and saw her running to me,"Yes?"I asked.
"Good Morni-----Fudge. What happened? Are you crying? God." She said as she suddenly hugged me. I'm crying? -__-
Yes. I'm crying. And I just noticed it now. :(
Why does it need to hurt this much? Why do I need to be inlove with someone who doesn't feels the same for me? It would have been better if I fell for Hoya than Myungsoo because Hoya likes me, and Myungsoo doesn't.
Yoona. Always Yoona. Fudge. What a lucky girl. Is it because I've been a bad girl that's why
"Eunjung-ah.. It hurts." I said as I hugged Eunjung back. She patted my back and hugged me tighter.
T___T
Being physically hurt is better than this feeling. I feel like dying. It feels like all my effort is thrown at the garbage can because, I thought spending time with Myungsoo, making him smile and alot more things can make him forget about Yoona. But I'm wrong. It would always be the only the girl he loved and will love, the great Im Yoona.
Just then, I saw Myungsoo and Yoona walking together. Yoona's hands are clinging on Myungsoo's arm, and Myungsoo seems emotionless, his reaction is so cold, stiff and very unpredictable. Maybe he's still shocked about Yoona's return. :(
He suddenly looked at my direction and he looked shocked. Maybe he was shocked because he saw me crying.
He doesn't know, that I'm crying for him. That I'm crying because my heart aches because of him. :(
"Ji----"
"Eunjung, let's just bring Jiyeon inside the classroom. Class will start soon." Hoya cutted when Myungsoo is about to call my name when suddenly appeared from nowhere. He pulled me and Eunjung inside the classroom lightly.
I know, Wonnie and I feel the same right now, being inlove with someone who doesn't feel the same for you. Wonnie must be very strong because he still helps me though I rejected him..
Maybe because, whatever happens, he still my friend. That's so nice of him. :)
I sat on my chair... But I remembered that my seatmate is Myungsoo, right? So that means, he'll seat beside me. Agh. What to do?
*CREEEK*
I heared Myungsoo's chair move.
Dugdug dugdug.
He must be sitting beside me now.
Yes. You're right, I'm looking at the opposite side. Myungsoo is on my left, and now I'm looking at my right. I don't want him to see that I'm crying. T__T
"Jiyeon-ah.. You left your notebook at our house last week. Here it is." He said as I saw my Mathematics notebook on the side of my eyes.
"Ahh. J-jus-just leave it there on my table." I said, still looking at my right side.
Just then, Myungsoo poked me. "Ya, Jiyeon-ah. Is everything alright?"
No. It's not..
"U-uh. Ofcourse.. I just missed my mom.. And dad." Wow. Great lie. Well, that's true. I missed my mom, and ofcourse my dad who is already in heaven.
"Psh." He said. Just then, I felt that he grabbed my hand and squeezed it..
I love the feeling.. But I also hate it. It hurts. :( T___T
"I don't believe that you're crying because you miss your parents." He suddenly said, "I know you're not like that."
He knows me too well. :( Aish.
"Uh-- Nevermind me----"
"Jiyeon-ah, look at me." He said, cutting what I was about to say, "Please."
"U-uh. Why?" I said, still not looking at him. :( I don't want to, "Just look at me." He commanded in a soft voice.
"I don't want to."
"Please?" He pleaded. I can feel that he's squeezing my hand more, but gently.
"I heared Mr. Hwang can't make it here in school because of an emergency. So that means we don't have teacher for 2 hours. Woo! Free time!" I heared one of my classmate said, "Is that true?" I heared Myungsoo asked my classmate with a irritated voice.
"Oh. Yes." My classmate said in a nervous voice. Why? Myungsoo sounds very mad. o.o Did I make him mad already? Tsk. That's okay, He got Yoona to calm him down anyways.
"Psh. That's good then," Myungsoo commented. He stood up and pulled my wrist, "Let's go."
"Huh? Where?" I asked him. He just looked and smiled at me, "I don't know."
I saw Hoya looking at our direction, but he's eyes aren't sad. Instead, They're happy. Hoya looked at me and nodded and smiled as if he was telling me to go with Myungsoo.
I smiled weakly at Hoya before I standup and follow Myungsoo who is holding my hand. Before going out of our room, I saw Yoona looking at us.. Her face is expressionless. She looked at Myungsoo's hand who moved down and hold my hand.
Is Yoona mad? Her face is expressionless..
"Myungsoo, please let go of my hand." I said in low voice, almost whispering. :(
I know I'll lose Myungsoo soon. I don't want to lose a friend also. T-T
He looked at me, he was obviously shocked by what I just said.."W-why?" He asked. :(
"Just.. Let go." I said, trying not to cry. But instead of letting go of my hand, he just looked at me and smiled, "What if I don't want to let go?"
What if he don't want to let go? :(
I don't know what should I do. It's getting more complicated as time goes by. Ugh. I wished that I can go back to the time where I first met and talk to him. So that I can control myself and not to talk to him, and if that happens, I should've been happy now..
No. I don't regret meeting and loving him. It's just that, it felt like he doesn't belong to me. I'm not the one for him.
I hate him.
I hate him for making me feel special. :(
I didn't talked back. I just let him hold my hand as I walk behind him. As we walked, I noticed that we're going out of our school. Uhh. I don't really have a clue where we will go. :(
"Where are we going?" I asked in a low voice. He looked at me and smiled thriftly, "I don't know either."
"But Yoona is waiting for you. I saw her looking at us before we go out of the room." I said as I stop myself from crying.
"Yeah.. Yoona. She finally came back." He said with joy in his voice. Ha-ha-ha. Tsk. I'm right, he was happy now that Yoona is back.
T__T
"Then, I guess we better return now." I said. Yeah, It would've been better if I started staying away from Myungsoo. Maybe I can move on too.
Yeah. I can forget this feeling if I started staying away from him. Then one day, we'll be laughing when we remember this moment.
"Psh. I don't want to go back." He said as he looked at me, "I'll miss you if I went back to Yoona."
Huh? I don't understand a word.
Myungsoo, please stop making me assume that you like me back..
"You won't miss me. I'm sitting beside you, remember?" I said as I looked at him. I somewhat get what he wants to say now. Because if he return back to Yoona, then he won't be able to be with me again. But ofcourse, who am I to be chosed by Myungsoo over Yoona, right?
"Yeah.." He said as he sighed, "..right."
I looked at him and smiled. Myungsoo, you'll be happy soon. :)
*BUZZ*
I felt my phone vibrated. I grabbed it inside my pocket and saw a message from... Yoona.
From: Yoongie. <3
Sms: Yaaa~! Jiyeon-ah. I know you're with Myungsoo. Please tell him that hergirlfriend misses him already. Thaaaanks. :**
-
'I'm sorry Myungsoo but let's... breakup.'
Yoona said that to Myungsoo before, right? So that means they already broke up.. But Yoona said that Myungsoo's 'girlfriend' misses him already. That's impo--- I mean.. It's possible, because I know they love each other. They must've been fixed that problem awhile ago and now they're together again. :(
Yoona is a very lucky girl. Because the guy who I all I think about at night thinks about her. :(
If I could just be Yoona even only for a day..
"Myungsoo-ah. Let's go back. Yoona is already looking for you." I said as I looked at him. He looked irritated, "Do you really want to come back?" He asked.
No. I don't want to. If only time could stop right now..
"Yes, I have to do something." I lied. He looked at me with a disappointed look, "Okay. If you say so."
He grabbed my hand again and we started walking back. He looked at me and smiled, "Jiyeon-ah. Our exams will start next week. Do I get a present if I get high grades?" He asked like a kid.
"Ofcourse. I'll give present," I laughed, "Just make sure you'll pass all of th exams. Understand?" I said as I smiled.
"Yes, boss."He said as he swinged our hand alittle. Yeah. My present for Myungsoo is I'll return him to Yoona. So that he'll be happy.
After a few minutes of walking, we are climbing up on the last stair before we reach out classroom.
No. Honestly, I don't want to return our classroom. I just want to be with Myungsoo.. on my own. But that can't be.
T__T
"You okay?" He asked as he looked at me. He's still holding my hand. I just noticed that I stopped walking that's why he asked if I'm okay. I looked at him and smiled fakely, "I am. Let's go now." I said.
Before we enter our room, I stopped walking and looked at our hands, "Uhh.."
Myungsoo then pulled me for a hug and whispered, "I don't know why, but I'm missing you even if we're together now." I chuckled softly, I don't know why, but my heart suddenly beats fastly. It's even faster compared when I'm feeling good when I'm with Myungsoo.
I broke the hug and smiled at him, "Don't worry. I'm always here when you miss me."
"Don't go away from me, okay?" He said. I bet we have the same thought in our mind. That now that Yoona is here, we'll be returning to the old us. No more sweet conversation. Tsk. It sounds like I'm the third wheel to their relationship. -__-
He squeezed my hand gently before letting it go. We entered our classroom and our teacher is still not there. So it's true that our first subject teacher is absent. Free time for two hours, I guess? :)
I looked at my chair and saw Yoona sitting there as he looked at me and Myungsoo as we enter the room. I can hear whispers from my classmates..
'Look, I saw Myungsoo and Yoona awhile ago. And now Myungsoo is with Jiyeon?! Is he a jerk?'€
'Jiyeon and Myungsoo looks better together than Yoona.'
'Why does Myungsoo looked sad?'
'Myungsoo is supposed to be with Yoona! But I think Jiyeon looks good with Myungsoo, too.'
I walked near to my seat and smiled at Yoona, "Sorry we took too long------"
"Can I sit here for awhile I just want to spend time with MY MYUNGSOO." Yoona said, emphasizing that he owns Myungsoo.
Yeah.. Her Myungsoo. :(
Why does it feel like I want to die? It so hard. I hate this feeling. I feel like I'm gonna breakdown soon..
"O-okay.." I said as I looked around for a vacant seat.
"Pst. Jiyeon-ah!" Hyomin called me. I looked at her as she point out a vacant chair beside her. Yeah, If I sit there I'll be sitting beside Hyomin, then behind Eunjung and Woohyun and I infront of Wonnie.. :)
Even though I'll be sitting near to those awesome people in my life, I still prefer to sit beside Myungsoo but I can't. Why? His Yoona doesn't want me to.
Aish.
I walked near them and sat beside Hyomin, I tried to smile as my friends look at me.
"Hey, Are you okay?" Woohyun suddenly asked. How I missed this dorky Namstar. Haha.
"I'm good. I guess?"I said as I let out a deep sigh. Woohyun looked at me and chuckled, "Jiyeon-ah. You like him, don't you?"
Do I have a crush on him? No. I don't know why, but I think I 'love' him.
All I can do is nod as a respond to what Woohyun asked. Eunjung and Hyomin smiled, "Finally. You told the thruth. I thought you'll say that you just treat him as a close friend." Eunjung whispered loud enough so I, Hyomin, Woohyun and Hoya can hear it.
I chuckled, a low though. "Even though I confessed, nothing will change, ever."
"How can you say so?"Hoya asked, "Did you already tried asking him?"
Why does it seems like Hoya is okay even though I kinda rejected him. It feels like it's nothing. Or maybe he's just good at hiding his feelings? I wish I was as good as him.
"No. But even though I say it, I know it would be automatically rejected. Or worse, he'll avoid me after that." I explained.
"Tsk. That's okay. Atleast you told him what you want to say. Period." Hyomin suggested. She ruffled her hair in frustration, "I've got a weird brother."
Yeah. They're right. But yeah, I'm so scared that I'll be rejected by Myungsoo. Why? I'm already contented by being one of his friends. :(
I'm scared. But I really want to tell him the truth..
-
I can feel that Jiyeon is still sad. It feels she's kinda avoiding me. She told me that's she's always there for me, but why does it feels like she's breaking her promise?
"Myungsoo?"Yoona called me. "Touch your food, babe." She said. Yeah, we're eating lunch. And I'm eating with Yoona not with Woohyun, Hyomin noona, Jiyeon, Eunjung and Hoya. Psh. I don't know why but I feel happy because Yoona is here, but there is something wrong. :( I don't feel contented at all, "O-kay. Right."
From my pheripheral view, I can Hyomin noona looking at me. She knew that I like Jiyeon. How? She was listening to our conversation the night after our fieldtrip. -__- Nosy.
I looked at Hyomin noona and sighed. It makes me confused. I love Jiyeon but I love Yoona, too. :(
Psh.
I'm happy that Yoona is here. But I feel sad because that means I can't be with Jiyeon that much now. But, honestly. I want to be with Jiyeon more. :(
But I need to be with Yoona because we promised each other, right? Psh. And I love her, too.
Agh. So confusing. Don't mind me. =__=
I looked at Yoona and I saw her looking at Jiyeon and frowned a bit. Why? Is she mad at Jiyeon? Jiyeon didn't do anything bad. So why?
"Tell me Myungsoo, is it still me the one that you love?" Yoona suddenly asked as she looked down on her food and play with her fork. I sighed, "Of course, yes. It's always been you."
God knows why I'm doing this. I know Yoona's attitude. She'll be mad with Jiyeon if I say that I love Jiyeon too. Because she wants the world to be only revolving around her.
She looked at me with sad eyes, "Tsk. Can we start all over again? Will you forget what happened at Paris? Let's just be together again... officially."
"Uh--Ahm--"
"You can't answer now?" She chuckled and hissed, "Jiyeon changed you. I told her to take care of you while I'm gone. Because I'm going back for you. But what did she do? She flirted you. That !" Yoona shouted a bit louder, allowing Jiyeon and the others to hear it.
=____=
I looked at Jiyeon and she bowed her head. She looked sad and hurted.
Just then, "I shouldn't have left you with Jiyeon. What a flirt! I thought she's my friend! I trusted her, Myungsoo! But while I'm gone, she was making her moves towards you! That's so ugh!"
Hoya stood up. He looked irritated. Yeah, he likes Jiyeon. Maybe she'll defend Jiyeon from Yoona. But then, Jiyeon suddenly pulled Hoya down. She was about to cry already.
"What now, Jiyeon?! You want to look like you're innocent? Stop it! It doesn't fit you at all!!" Yoona shouted. Jiyeon stood up and covered her face. She's obviously crying..
T____T
She started walking away but I stood up and pulled her hand and that made her stop walking. I was about to hug her when Yoona stood up and hold my other hand.
That means, I'm holding Jiyeon but Yoona is holding me. -___-
Jiyeon looked at me, she's crying. :(
"Myungsoo, please." Yoona suddenly said. I looked at her. Yoona looked so sad. :(
Who should I choose? Fck.
"I'll go now." Jiyeon said as she removed my hand and smiled at me before she started walking.
"Ji-Jiyeon! Wait." I shouted. I don't care even there is alot of people who will see this. She turned around and looked at me, her eyes looked so devastated. Am I hurting her too much already?
"I'll go with you." I said.
"But you're with Yoona. It's bad to leave her. And besides, you guys are having a date. It's bad to leave someone hanging." She said as she smiled, it is obviously a fake one. :(
T-T
"It's bad to leave someone? But Yoona once left me before. Am I not allowed to do that? She left me, and maybe I should leave her, too." I said, seeing Jiyeon so sad like that breaks my heart into pieces.
"Myungsoo.. I don't want you to forget about me. I don't want you to leave me. I don't want you to forget about us.." Yoona suddenly blurted out.
Fck. Yoona. Why are you saying those things? Why are you making it hard for me to choose? You already broke up with me but why are you doing this to me?
"Myungsoo.." Jiyeon whispered as she held on my hands tighter.
"Don't leave me. Not now, Myungsoo please. Stay with me.." Yoona said with a shaky voice. She's gonna cry soon. It's bad when Yoona cried. No one can comfort her.. She hates the whole world when she's crying..
But Jiyeon.....
I'm sorry, but I have to choose..
"I'm sorry." I said as I let Jiyeon's hand go, "I'll just meet you after class."
Yes. I choosed Yoona. Why? It's impossible for Jiyeon to love me. And she have Kai already. I have no chance against her.
And Yoona, I know I love Jiyeon more. But maybe, one day I'll forget all my feelings about Jiyeon and learn to love Yoona again, just like how I love her before..
I love Jiyeon. But she doesn't love me back. The feeling isn't mutual. I'll be hurted if I confessed to her but she would reject me. Why? She likes Kai already.
"Sure. A--I'll go *huk* now." Jiyeon said as she ran away.
*BOOOOOGSH*
Fck.
"You bastard! Don't you know how Jiyeon loves you?! And you just hurted her like that?!"
*BOOOOOGSH*
"And you chose someone who once left you for a girl who is always there for you? What's happening with you?! I EVEN SACRIFICED MY FEELINGS FOR JIYEON SO THAT THE TWO OF YOU COULD BE TOGETHER BECAUSE SHE LOVE YOU! BUT WHAT HAPPENED? YOU WASTED IT!!" Hoya said as he punched me in the face and cornered me in wall.
Jiyeon loves me?
Really?
I should have chosen her. :( Now I don't know how I would apologize to her. :(
"What are you doing here? Why are you just standing there? Aren't you going to do something?!" Hoya asked as he breathed heavily and released his hands on my collar.
I looked at Yoona.
Then it suddenly hits me. I don't love Yoona anymore. It's just my head who thinks that I still love her. But I know, here in my heart.. That I love Jiyeon now..
I'm sorry. I'll be selfish just this once. I'll follow what I feel. Sorry Yoona.
I know it. It's Yoona. It will always be Yoona. I wish that even just a little bit, Myungsoo will feel confuse about choosing me or Yoona. But he didn't. "I'm sorry." He said as he let my hand go, "I'll just meet you after class."
I want to say that.. Myungsoo, be with me. I won't hurt you just like what Yoona did..
But ofcourse, I cant. All I can say is...., "Sure, A-I'll go now."
It hurts.
I run towards the girls' comfort room beside our classroom and locked the door.
And there, I started crying. Aish. Why do I fell inlove with him? :(
I hate it. Can he still freaking see it? I'm the one who's always beside him but instead, he's still looking for Yoona!
Fudge.
*KNOCK KNOCK*
"Who's th-----"
"Jiyeon-ah, open the door please?" It's him. It's Myungsoo.
"Uh.. Myungsoo. You can't enter here. It's the girls' comfort room." I said as a way to excuse myself, trying to change the topic..
"I know. That's why you should go out so I can see you." He said sweetly, "Jiyeon-ah. I'm sorry."
"Yoona must be waiting for you at the canteen. Go back there now." I said as I walked near the door. It's still locked. I don't want to open it. He'll see how ugly am I when I'm crying..
"I don't care if Yoona is waiting for me at the canteen." He said.
"Why?"
"Because I'm also waiting for you to go out of that room. Please?" He explained as I can feel that he's turning the door knob, seeing if he can open the door.
"Myungsoo, I'll tell you something. Don't laugh, okay?"
"Hmm? What's that?"
Oops. Wrong move. I shouldn't have started that topic, "Uh. Nothing. Don't mind me."I said as I try to change the topic.. Gosh.
"Please?"
"No. If I say it. Nothing will change. I'm still Jiyeon. You're still Myungsoo." I said, though I want to add that 'nothing will change because you'll still choose Yoona.'
"But.."
"Forget about it."I said. Yeah. Nevermind. I regreted starting it. It would always be Yoona, "Jiyeon-ah. Aren't you going out there?" He said in a calm voice.."I just want to let you know that I choose you over Yoona." He said.
Dugdug dugdug..
He chose me over Yoona? That's impossible..
Didn't he chose Yoona awhile ago?
"Jiyeon-ah.. Don't doubt my feelings for you. Because, its the only thing I'm sure of." He said.
Dugdug dugdug..
I opened the door and saw him walking away. No...
"Myungsoo." I whispered lowly. I didn't expect for him to hear that but he turned around and smiled as he saw me. "Jiyeon-ah.."
I walked slowly towards him.. "You're not joking, right? It's me who you chose right?" I asked.
He nodded as an answer..
I smiled at him, and smiled at me too..
Am I dreaming?
Myungsoo pulled me for a hug, "I love you, Jiyeon-ah. Please let me take care of you for the rest of my life."
"..."
"Sorry if it took me too long to realize and to confess that I like you. I thought I still love Yoona. But looking at you right now, it makes me think that..." He said, "...I can't be happy without you. I can feel contented because of you.."
"..." I'm speechless. I still can't believe that Myungsoo is telling me this.
I can feel that my shoulder is getting wet. I broke the hug and looked at his face.. He is crying.
I smiled and kissed his cheeks. "I love you too, Myungsoo."
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