Kyuhyun’s POV

Without another second to waste, I pressed the play button as the familiar sound of the tape spinning was heard in the silence filled car. It took a few seconds before Ryeowook’s familiar voice could be heard.

A different persona is not necessarily bad. Remember the other tapes how I mentioned that a person is not necessarily who they are in the inside as how they portray to be? Sometimes a different persona is a way a person protects their self. It’s a comfort barrier that they want to feel to have.

Jongwoon hyung... Yesung hyung... to fans, other members, netizens, and other people, they’re the same person but to Jongwoon hyung, they are two different people. I may or may have interchanged the names throughout the tapes but I swear hyung, I was talking to you, not to Yesung.

Most of you know him as Yesung but I got the privilege and got to know the person behind the persona. I met the real Kim Jongwoon. Jongwoon hyung was my best friend. He was the person I knew I could rely on… or so I thought.

I didn’t plan on interchanging them because Jongwoon hyung was the real person and not the persona that everyone else sees.

Jongwoon hyung has been my friend since the beginning. Do you remember that time hyung... the time before we first debuted? Before our actual debut, we spent countless hours together as we got to know each other better. We both said our likes and dislikes and talked for hours. I think we even pulled an all-nighter too. Hahaha… good old times.

That’s when I learned about the reason for your stage name... the reason why you have a different persona.

I won’t tell the other people listening to these tapes everything that we talked about because it’s your secret and it’s not really mine to tell so I’ll just say a little bit.

Jongwoon hyung feels that Jongwoon is not the same as Yesung. Yesung means “vocal cords of an artist” and is the persona that Jongwoon wishes to be. Jongwoon hyung has a stage name because he wants to give credit for the voice who sounds wonderful.

Everyone else may be confused right now but what I’m trying to say is that Yesung is what Jongwoon hyung calls his voice... Jongwoon hyung calls his vocals Yesung.

He said that he feels different from Yesung that’s why he created that persona. It’s to protect himself.

Anyways... Jongwoon hyung has seen everything. He saw my struggles from the beginning when I started Super Junior. He saw my eating disorder, my sasaeng problem, most of my struggles and my first attempted suicide.

He was there with me through everything and I think I can say this honestly that if it wasn’t for Jongwoon hyung, I wouldn’t have made it this far. I would’ve gave up the first day I became a Super Junior member because of what happened with Heerin and Jongin.

However, I didn’t give up on being a Super Junior member because Jongwoon hyung  listened to me when I needed a friend. Jongwoon hyung was there whenever I had internal struggles with myself and encouraged me to be stronger.

Jongwoon hyung would listen to me when I needed a friend, he covered up for me when I told him about my ual preference, he covered up for me when I was hospitalized for my first attempted suicide, and covered me for the times when I had to meet my psychiatrist on a regular basis.

Jongwoon hyung helped me when I needed to be hidden. He kept me hidden from the public eye as I tried to get better without millions of eyes watching me fight my internal struggles. I was thankful for that.

Like I said, Jongwoon hyung has been a friend ever since the beginning. He’s someone who knows me inside and out. However, when Jongwoon hyung found out what happened between me and Siwon that morning after going to the club, Jongwoon hyung covered up Siwon’s actions just like he has always done.

The only difference between this cover up and the other cover ups Jongwoon hyung has done for me before is that this is something I didn’t want to be buried. That’s the reason why you’re listening to these tapes hyung.

If any of you feel some bit of remorse for doing this to me, you better send these tapes to the next person. This will be my last reminder that if you don’t send these tapes to the next person, it will be released to the public. You want to test your fate and see if a dead man is lying or not, go ahead and don’t send them to the next person. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

To be honest, I really debated whether or not I should let Kyuhyun know about