Kyuhyun’s POV

After a few minutes, Donghae left his seat. He was outside but I could hear his conversation. He seemed like he was talking to one of the members… maybe Yesung hyung.

“That was Yesung hyung,” Donghae said as he went back to his seat.

I looked at him waiting for explain the reason why Yesung hyung called.

“He called because he was wondering where we were and I just said that we just went out for breakfast,” Donghae began to say.

I looked at my phone and it was almost 7 in the morning so Donghae’s alibi wasn’t too farfetched.

“He just reminded me that the Super Junior meeting at the main building is at 11 in the morning,” DOnghae said.

“Did he say anything else?” I aksed.

“No… he just wanted to remind us that we have the meeting today. He also asked why we left without telling anyone. I just said that we were hungry and that we were craving for pancakes,” Donghae replied.

“Oh… okay,” I replied. I didn’t know what to say. If this happened a few months ago, Donghae wouldn’t be able to come up with a lie so easily. He would’ve told the truth. “How di-” I began to ask when Donghae cut me off midsentence.

He said, “How did I come up with a lie so easily?” He stopped talking so I just nod my head in confirmation. “One of the things I learned how to do after listening to the tapes,” Donghae continued.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“What are you listening to Hae? Why are you listening to tapes? Where did you get those tapes Hae? Is everything okay? Why are you crying?” Donghae asked. I looked at him and he was looking outside  the window again.

I put  a hand on his shoulders and he turned in a way that he was facing me. Donghae continued, “When people ask you things that you have no choice but to lie, lying becomes a natural thing if you do if very often.”

To say the least, Donghae’s life changed after listening to the tapes. His outlook on life has changed. His attitude towards life changed. Many things have changed but the scary thing is, I never noticed until now. Just like I didn’t notice Ryeowook before, I also didn’t notice Donghae’s changes.

Ryeowook was right. Life is a continuous cycle. Only the people change but the situations remain the similar, if not the same. The only way to correct the past is to not dwell on it and to learn from your mistakes.

I couldn’t say reassuring words that everything will be okay because I would be telling a lie. Instead, I crossed the car’s stick shift and gave Donghae another hug.

Without words, we comforted each other. Saying reassuring words is useless when you both know that nothing can change the unfortunate circumstance. The only way to improve the future is to stop dwelling the past and live in the present.

After a few minutes to take a breather, I flipped the tape and switched it to side b. The cassette player spun the tape as I waited to hear Ryeowook’s voice come again.

 After doing the SMTown concert in 2007, I remember sharing a room with you and Jongwoon hyung. Jongwoon hyung sort of lectured me about what I did wrong. I understand that what I did was wrong but it doesn’t mean that I wasn’t hurt when I was reminded about my past.

I was hurt from the constant reminder of me not being enough and how no matter what I do, I would always be insufficient. I was hurt and hearing a lecture about it doesn’t really help.

Anyways, everyone was just hanging out and prepared to get ready for bed when you approached me and asked, “Do you want me to teach you a few words?”

I remember looking at you in disbelief, scared that I might get tricked into saying something bad again. I don’t know how you knew, but it seemed like you were reading my mind. You said, “Don’t worry, I’ll only teach you nice and helpful words.”

I looked at you and you smiled at me. I don’t know why but that smile was so genuine that I couldn’t help but smile back. I nod my head and said my thanks.

 “Why don’t we go to the hallway since Yesung hyung is getting ready to sleep,” you said. I nod my head and followed you outside the hotel room.

We stayed outside the hotel room in the hallway next to the room door. It has been couple of years since we met but this was one of the first times that we met aside from rehearsals, practice, recordings, Super Junior gatherings and whatnot.

I don’t know if you remember but the night after the SMTown concert was the first night we just talked, by ourselves I mean.

I remembered when I met you for the first time, you talked non-stop. If you could talk for hours, you would. You were just that type of person. You loved to talk and remembered how you would stay in the living room and just spoke to anyone who was there with you. I remember how you loved to spend time with the other members. I was just too shy to approach you by myself I guess. This was the first time that we had a conversation that didn’t involve other the members.

For those who don’t know Kibum personally, he wasn’t shy… actually he’s far from being shy. He wasn’t obnoxious, he was just talkative. The Kim Kibum you see in the television, the internet and the media is not the same person in real life.

Anyways I remember staying in the hallway for hours until Leeteuk hyung saw us in the hallway. Leeteuk hyung was sleeping in the room across from ours. I remember Leeteuk hyung asking us what we were up to but we just smiled apologetically and went back to the room.

I remember looking inside the room and how Jongwoon hyung was still asleep. I looked at you and saw you look back at me. I remember trying to be quiet as we stifled a chuckle and started packing up for our flight going home that afternoon.

After that night, I remember meeting up on a regular basis, after the members fell asleep I mean. For the first few times, we just used the excuse of meeting up because I needed to have another lesson in English but you and I both know that we just used that as an excuse to see each other.

Kibum… honey, you can deny it all you want but from my perspective, you looked like you were having a great time too. It’s either that or you’re a really convincing actor.

You were my first… for everything. You were my first real kiss, my first love, my first relationship, my first you know… or do I have to spell it out for you? It wasn’t because I felt the need to do it, but it was because I really did love you.

I loved you so much that I was having a constant battle with myself. I wanted to be in your arms, hold you, touch you, and be with you but the more we saw each other, the more you kept your distance. The more I gave in to your desires, the more uninterested and distant you became.

I bet many members weren’t aware of this because we only told Leeteuk hyung and Jongwoon hyung. We told Leeteuk hyung because he caught us again one night aside from seeing us in the hotel hallway during the SMTown concert.

Leeteuk hyung a