Kyuhyun’s POV

Having a lot of what ifs and should haves doesn’t really change the past. I know that blaming myself for Ryeowook’s death is not reasonable, when blaming yourself does not necessarily bring back a dead person back.

If he was still alive, I want to tell him that we love and sometimes we get heartbroken. Even though it’s hard at first, it doesn’t mean that we should stop finding love. Sometimes love comes in unexpected ways and I feel that I could say that I have strong feelings for Ryeowook that might even lead to love. If only he was still alive, I would’ve said the three words I wanted to say.

I also want to tell him that I’m different. I don’t know if I can say that I love him in that way yet, but if I was given the chance to get to know him more and be there for him, I bet that the attraction I feel towards Ryeowook could develop into something like love.

Love is a strong word. Although I love him right now, I could say the same thing for my family members. But I know that there is this attraction that I felt towards Ryeowook since the beginning. I feel that attraction that I don’t feel towards anyone else.

I was too scared to approach him and say that I like him. I was scared to tell him that I like him because I wasn’t sure if he liked me back. That fear of rejection is what stopped me from confessing, which became one of my biggest regrets.

My inner conversations with myself stopped when Donghae said, “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

I don’t know what compelled me to answer truthfully, but I said, “I like him.”

I looked at Donghae and saw him look back at me. “What? Like him in what way?”

“I like him… like him,” I answered. I don’t know if my answer was convincing but by the way Donghae looked, it seemed like it was.

“Oh…” Donghae replied. “What are you thinking about?” Donghae asked.

“I regret not confessing. I regret so many things but that’s one of my biggest regrets. I regret not telling him how I really feel. I regret not holding on to him and be there for him when he needed me,” I answered truthfully.

“How much do you like him?” Donghae asked.

“A lot…” I answered quickly and without a doubt.

“How do you feel?” Donghae asked.

“How do I feel about what?” I asked.

“How do you feel after hearing the tapes?” Donghae clarified.

“Oh… I feel a lot of regrets. I have so many what ifs and should haves about the past. I just want to do something that will help justify Ry