Everything seemed to have such an amazing focus that I can clearly hear everything, from the falling rain, to the running footsteps of people around, some cars honking. Everything was so clear yet so vague at the same time. It was like I am not right there at that moment. It was like I was looking at it from a big screen.

It was like a world where only dreams can come true.

That’s why in that world, I was standing there with you.

And as fast as a burst bubble, you disappeared. You broke the barrier against the outside. The sudden flood of senses invaded me and I have to reassure myself that it was true. I finally snapped out of it and turned around looking for you.

I ran, in the pouring rain, towards you. You were running away from me. Every step you made to farther our distance stabbed me into my deepest feelings.

I almost gave up. I can almost feel your perseverance to run away from me. But I can’t.

I can’t stop.

It’s funny when all these times, all I wanted was to give up, but I can’t.

I can’t stop loving you, I can’t stop chasing you, and I can’t stop needing you.

I gave it my all. I gave all of my heart, all of my love and now I’m willing to risk it all again.

Love is a gamble I will never give in no matter how many times I lose.

Three.

Two.

One.

That moment of impact; that moment that you always wanted, it is the moment when you either have everything or lose everything.

It was the moment I grasped her hand with mine.

And it was the moment our eyes met once more.

It was also the moment I uttered the name I loved so much.

“Yuri.”

*

Guilt.

It was something I was sure I would feel the moment I see those doe eyes again.

It was something I prepared for, something I always thought of, something I always felt within.

And now, it was the same feeling, guilt, that’s crushing me with every step I take away from her.

I don’t know how it happened, I don’t know why I came running away like the true coward that I am.

What I know of is only this guilt, this shame, that I can no longer fathom.

Worse is, seeing her again kills me inside out.

So I intended to go, to save ourselves from the sinner that was me.

I pray she will let me go, for I am like a dagger laced with poison whenever I’m near her.

But like pure water her voice halted me, cleansed me; and her touch made me feel warmth of love still.

“Yuri.”

That name that I loathed for some time being the name of the one who broke your heart.

Now, hearing your voice say my name with so much love, made the façade of a cold heart falter.

For who am I, the undeserving sinner, to disappoint you once more?

So that moment when our eyes met again, when your fingers touched my hand, it was the moment I swore it was a mistake to even leave you behind.

Everything now is so clear; my heart always belonged to you.

But I don’t know if you still love me too.

*

“Please.”

I spoke so softly that I wonder if you heard.

Drip, drop.

The rain fell. It was cold, it was tormenting. The void within eating me alive but life sparked back with you here by my side.

My drenched clothes stuck to my body, framing my very outline.

My wet hair fell messily on my face.

Water poured on my face, drop after drop fell down.

I was a mess. And this is the last possible state I want you to see me in again.

But your gaze made me feel like I was perfect. You made everything beautiful that I swallowed my pride; hoping to be enough to be near you again.

You didn’t move, so I thought you didn’t hear. I was about to speak again when you raised your hand and touched my face.

You raised a finger, tracing my face, slowly, gently, until I placed my hand on top of yours to cup my own cheek.

“Please.” I said once again.

I don’t care if I beg; if it’s the only way you’ll stay.

*

One word but I understood what you mean. One word and I’m here, rooted in front of you again.

I heard you the first time. I heard you perfectly well. But the sound of desperation didn’t suit your voice at all.

You are not the person who begs Yoona.

It tore me inside knowing you have to beg for me when all I ever wanted was to be with you again.

I stopped you from saying that word again. I don’t want to hear you beg. Not when I’m the one who left you.

“Please.”

You’re so humble. After all I did, you came to me begging.

Who was I to say no?

*

She moved her umbrella to cover me from the rain. I knew from that moment that she understood what I meant. It was like she allowed me inside her life again, and I couldn’t be any happier.

I stood there looking at her, finally seeing her after long months of separation.

She was looking for something inside her bag and I couldn’t help but wonder.

She produced a handkerchief after a while. Slowly, pat by pat, she dried my face; making me smile with the sweet gesture that made my heart skip a beat.

“You’re going to get cold.”

I don’t know but my heart was filled with overwhelming happiness with how she cared for me that I ended up laughing.

She looked at me incredulously and her face broke off into a soft smile.

“I’m drenched.” I chuckled as I held the umbrella, holding her hand in the process.

She looked worried and sad that I felt guilty for pointing that out to her.

“But I’m incredibly warm just seeing you here with me.”

*

She always knows the right words to make my heart flutter.

I reached out my hands and pinched her cheeks.

“You’re still cute and cheesy.” Just the way I like it.

She grinned and it made my heart go crazier.

We were smiling to each other when my phone rang once again. I looked at her apologetically but she gave me a smile, like saying ‘go ahead’.

“Yes mom? I met a friend on the way home, oh? I’ll be ho—“ I stopped when she cupped my face with her hand. The feeling of her cold hand was ironically freezing and burning my flesh at the same time.

It was just a whisper but I heard it perfectly.

“Please stay.”

I sighed as I listened to my mother talking to the phone.

What should I do?

I looked intently back into her eyes and the sadness was dwelling there once more.

Right that moment I decided.

“I’m sorry mom but I couldn’t come home tonight.”

Her eyes widened but I saw happiness inside them again.

My mother was shocked.

“I have a lot of things to make up with her so I can’t.” I explained.

“Thanks mom. I love you.”

I ended the call and placed my phone back in my bag.

She gave me her beautiful smile and I loved it.

She offered her free hand and I smiled before I let our fingers interlace back together.

I felt happy, contented, and ecstatic.

I walked with her, not knowing where we’re going but I trust her and I hold on to her in every step of the way.

It’s because I knew, that leaving her was not an option anymore.