Homouality is starting to be a trend. How you always wonder why a gender preference could become a hot topic is quite mind boggling. You look at all the articles, videos and photos supporting homouality and the like. Hmmm. How the world can change. You remember the past where it was treated like a plague and people were treated with disgrace. You thought of all those people who started to conceal themselves just to go with the norms of society. 

It happened to you.

You admit of being a homoual, but only to yourself. 

You came from a wealthy, respected family, you are popular, you are intelligent, you are beautiful. People expect you to be perfect. People expect you to marry an equally perfect man and raise a perfect family. Just like your family now, PERFECT. 

How can you ever let all of them down by admitting your ual preference? You're pretty sure that saying you're gay is like pouring paint to your masterpiece called life.

So, you continued to live up to their expectations. At a very young age you were sure of who you are but you chose to fool yourself. You decided to be confused.

You're quite sure they have noticed. How you somehow ditch your female friends while playing dolls so you could go play outdoors with the boys. How you prefer wearing baggy pants and plain shirts rather than your girly skirts and blouses. How you developed a hobby of collecting model cars and later on, real cars. How you were into rough sports and ignored your supposed tea parties. Most of all, how one day you went to get a haircut and went home with short hair like a boy that you're mother almost didn't recognize you.

It was a test you see. You wanted to know how they were going to react with your actions. You try to see if they would accept you. Your family just say that you were probably just following the footsteps of your father since you were closer to the males in your family. Other people say that you were just going through a phase and will eventually change. 

They're hopeless.

You moved to a prestigious high school away from home and the tea parties. The school was great. It was state of the art, very modern and scientific and very student friendly. It was also a boarding school. It felt like you were already in college. It was like training.

You realized that the school was very accepting to people like you. You met people who were openly gay and proud about it. They weren't scrutinized, everyone just treated them normally. You were very happy there, but you just decided to live your life just as it is. You never told anyone about yourself, not even your bestfriends. But you were sure that they've noticed.

All those years in high school boosted up your mind and your confidence. When you go home to you're traditional, elite neighborhood they all go surprised with your new personality. They just thought that living in a school with young people like yourselves brought down your wall.

One day, you were riding the car with your mom and she said, ' You know what dear, I think your cousin is gay.' That caused me to stare away from the window and just look at her. I said, 'Why?'

'Just a hunch, your aunt and I found it funny. She thought you were too, but I say you're just on identity crisis.' She laughed.

I sighed. 

Identity crisis my . Can't you see mom? I'm gay! 

And so i just live through my reputation of being the girl who's on identity crisis.  Graduation came and my family attended. They asked me what I want to take up for college. I don't know, I honestly don't.

'You don't know yet? Well, when time comes, I guess I will decide for you.' My father smiled. 

I don't know. All the years of pretending into someone I'm not really got me confused. Not just confused with me but confused with everything. How I wished I just stay in high school and do it all again. I guess I'll just think it over this summer. I just hope they got me a nice vacation. 

And you just look back to that perfect family of yours shaking hands and talking with people just like them.