Emotional exhaustion hollows a person’s soul.

I’ve been trying to live my life the way people wanted, like how the earth naturally revolves around the sun. Every beat of my heart still reminds me of the pain and every breath makes me think of ‘what if I didn’t let her go?’

I sighed as I adjusted my coat, looking at the reflection of the empty shell that used to be my being. People told me I am beautiful, but it didn’t matter anymore. I touched my hair and ran my hand through it. I glanced at my watch and sighed again. I don’t want to be late.

Studying business and culinary at the same time should be exciting for me. I’m doing what my parents wanted and I was also chasing my dreams. Ever since I always wanted this, I wanted to be in this school, HEC, and stay here in Paris to know the culture. I always loved to cook so I took up a culinary course as well.

Everything I planned before is now in front of me. But I am still unhappy.

I started walking and adjusted my bag hanging on my shoulder.

“Hey, good morning! I bought you coffee.” I stopped and looked at the coffee cup a hand was trying to give me.

I looked up and saw a familiar face.

“Oh? Good morning Dan.” I replied giving him a small smile.

“The coffee?” He offered again. “Do you drink coffee?”

“I don’t. I’m sorry.” I said and gave him an apologetic smile. He shook his head, embarrassed.

“No, no, I’m sorry. I mean, I just went on without even asking you.” He said and flashed me a smile.

“I guess I have to throw this. Excuse me.” He said and hastily walked to the nearest bin and discarded the drink.

I waited for him. Somehow I felt like I have to. He walked back and smiled as he stood beside me.

“So, are you ready to go to school?” He said.

“You sound like my dad.” I chuckled and started walking with him beside me. I wonder what he’s up to.

“Well, I’m too young to be your dad.” He grinned.

 “How young are you exactly?” I asked as I saw a couple walking ahead of us holding hands. I stuffed my hands into my coat’s pocket to stop myself from missing the feeling of her hand in mine.

“How young should a 2^nd year criminology student be?” He chuckled.

“Old?.” I smiled and he laughed. We walked in comfortable silence and after a few minutes we arrived at the bus stop I usually ride to school.

When we rode the bus, he let me sit by the window and he sat next to me.

“I’m sorry for the coffee earlier.” He said as he looked at me. I smiled at him.

“It’s okay. You didn’t know.”

“I should’ve asked first.” I glanced at the couple sitting across from us. The girl’s resting her head on the guy’s shoulder and I caught the guy kissing the crown of her head. I looked down to stop the memories.

“Are you love sick?” I snapped my attention back to Dan and stopped my behaviour. I shook my head and gave him a small forced smile.

“Oh, I thought you had someone back home.” He said.

I wanted to say yes. But I know I don’t have her anymore. I could never call her mine.

“No.” I said.

“You’re single?” He asked again. Now he shifted so that he was almost facing me directly.

“I am.” I am now.

“That’s unbelievable!” He exclaimed with total surprise taking me aback.

“Why?” I asked with furrowed brows.

“You’re too pretty.” He said genuinely with a smile, making me blush.

I smiled to him and I arrived to my school.

“This is my school. Aren’t you going to be late for yours?” I asked as we both exited the bus.

 “Don’t worry about it; I’ll walk you to your building. Is that okay?” He asked me with hopeful eyes that I can just nod. I felt people staring at us but I decided to ignore them.

We stood in front of my building.

“Well, thank you Dan for walking me here.” I said politely.

“No, thank YOU, for allowing me. I hope we can be friends?” He asked.

“Sure. Why not?” I smiled.

I was about to walk away when he called out and I turned back to him.

“Can I send you home later?” He asked as he shyly rubbed the back of his neck. I found the gesture cute. I thought a bit. Oh well, at least I have a new friend now. Right?

“Okay. I’ll be done by four.” I said.

“I’ll wait for you.” He said before he walked away.

Somehow his words made me sad. I wish she was the one to say those words and maybe now I can still be happy.

*

“Yoong! Get up you lazy kid! I didn’t know living with you can be this exhausting!” I ignored their voices and tried to go back to sleep. I shifted my position and when I finally felt comfortable my door just burst open.

I sat up immediately.

“OH MY GOD! WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY DOOR?!” I snapped as I saw my door broken down by the cousins.

“You should worry more with what we’re going to do with you instead!” Angry midget Taeyeon growled and I ran to the safety of my bathroom, laughing a bit.

“YOU ALLIGATOR! YOU BETTER HURRY!” They were still shouting but I focused more to the face in the mirror.

I look okay. At least I don’t have those puffy bags under my eyes anymore. The first few nights were the worst. I couldn’t even sleep a wink and I end up crying to sleep.

I touched my chest. It still hurts.

I sprinkled water to my face before I start crying and reminiscing again. I have a new life, but my heart remained the same.

I started to take a bath before the cousins’ break down the door to my bathroom too.

I prepared myself to school. It wasn’t that different to my high school since I have the cousins as my classmates and with their cheerful personalities, it’s no wonder we started having friends. They were worried about me first since I barely move, even the basics of eating and talking. I didn’t really tell them the real reason and they assumed I was just missing my parents.

I hope today I can find happiness again.

I told myself before I left my room, keeping the broken door to the side. I’ve been telling myself that line every single day, but it never seemed to work. I always come home with my heart still looking for her.

I glanced at the door again.

What on earth are those two taking? Steroids? For their size they have amazing strength!

I chuckled. I went down and saw them eating.

“Good morning unnies!” I greeted them well. I hope they cooled down by now.

“You fix your own door later.” Tae said without even glancing at me.

“Can’t we just hire somebody?” I asked, taking a seat and started eating. I am so blessed to have them as housemates. They cook really well!

“Nope. That’s your punishment you brat! You’ve been like this since the start and it’s been a freaking year already!” Hyo unnie exclaimed, her red getting flushed with anger. I laughed a bit and stopped when I saw them glaring murderously at me.

I shrugged and continued eating.

It’s been a year since I lost you. But every passing day, the wound you’ve caused just goes deeper and deeper. I might die soon.

“Let’s go!” Tae-unnie said as she walked out from the kitchen. They’re finished already? Just how long have I been zoning out?

They were now waiting for me by the door.

“I’ll catch up.” I said and went upstairs to brush my teeth again. I was about to go down when I stopped in front of the painting of the lake.

Not again.

Just one memory and everything I built to move on just crumbles and buries me further into heartbreak.

I hurried and drove my car to the university.

This is going to be yet another long day.

*

“You’re early.” I commented as I saw Dan there waiting for me by the gate.

“Well, I don’t have your number, I don’t want to miss you when you go out.” He smiled. I chuckled. We may talk a lot now and I consider him a friend but he never asked for my number.

“Well—“ I cut him off as I picked up my phone. I glanced at him, my way of saying sorry.

“Yes?”

“Hi, how are you?”

I sighed as I know it’s pointless talking to her.

“I’m okay.”

“Are you sure? I’ll be there if you want to.”

“No, really I’m okay.”

I looked down as I waited for her to speak.

“I miss you.”

I looked up and let my eyes wander around, the heavy feeling in my heart getting heavier with each second.

“Why do you have to call?”

“I can’t?”

I bit my lip.

“I don’t want you to.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Look, it’s not going to change anything. I’ll hang up now.”

I stuffed my phone back to my coat and walked over to where Dan was standing idly.

“Let’s go.”

He just nodded.

“Who was that?”

“You don’t know her.” I focused on the road before us as a lot of people walked around during this busy time of the day.

“Oh okay. Do you want to eat ice cream?” Dan beamed at me as we passed an ice cream parlour. He looked like a kid. His eyes sparkled with the sight of food, just like her.

“Sure.”

*

“You should pay attention to class more.” I heard Tae said as I stretched up and yawned. It’s a good thing our professor never bothers me whenever I end up sleeping the whole time.

“Mr. Gordon doesn’t mind.” I smiled. He’s going to be my all-time favourite teacher at this rate.

“Don’t mind her Tae, she gets high grades so let her sleep all she wants.” Hyo said as she joined as walking out.

“You end up sleeping in class because you spend the whole night talking to your phone!” Tae furrowed her eyebrows at me. I smiled.

“Just let her be. Tell us about this long distance relationship of yours, would you? Where did you meet him?” Hyo teased. I smirked and shrugged them off.

“Wait, if you’re really in a relationship right now, do something about Ken, okay? He’s like all over you.”

I glared at them and walked towards my car.

“Hi Yoona.”

Here he goes again.

“Hi.” I smiled and opened the door to my car and placed my bag there.

“Uhm, I have this friend who owns this ice cream shop. They have really great stuff there. Want to have some?” He smiled back. Ken’s a nice person; any girl would never have trouble falling in love with him. He’s a great friend too; I don’t mind spending time with him.

“Okay. Just drive there and I’ll follow.”

He smiled wider and walked towards his car while I entered mine.

Ice cream. I haven’t eaten that for a long time now.

*

I settled on the chair and settled my things aside.

“I’ll get our ice cream. What flavour would you like?” I looked up to Dan.

I spaced out as a memory invaded my mind.

“I want mango.” I looked up to him and gave him a small smile.

“Okay. I’ll go order then.”

After a few moments he came back with our ice cream.

“Thanks.”

“No problem.”

We started eating but my mind was elsewhere.

“So, mango is your favourite flavour?” I heard Dan asked.

“No.” He raised a brow.

“Really? Then what is?”

I pointed at his ice cream.

“Strawberry.”

“Oh. You want to share?” He smiled as he offered his cup.

“No, I’m okay with mango.”

“So, why’d you choose mango if strawberry’s like your favourite?” he’s like a child, always full of questions.

“Because it reminds me of someone.” I smiled gently as I remembered her face as she had trouble choosing between mango and strawberry when we went out to eat before.

“Must be someone special.” He commented as he scooped some ice cream.

“Very.”

*

“Unnies, I’m here with Ken getting ice cream. You want to come?” I spoke through my phone as I parked the car.

“No, we’re okay. Just say hi to him for us.”

“Okay. Bye, see you later!” I smiled.

“Yeah, see you later alligator.”

I shook my head with the lame joke and went out of my car. Ken was there waiting for me by the door.

“Let me get our ice cream. What would you like to have? They have amazing mix-ins here. You want to try?” He asked as he stood up from his seat across mine.

“Strawberry.” I answered without second thoughts.

He smiled.

“Your favourite?”

“No.”

He raised a brow.

“It brings good memories.” I gave him a small smile and drift off wondering how's she's doing.