„Hakyeon…“

My cousin was still standing there watching me and Leo silently. He looked so hurt and disappointed..I took a step forward but he put his hands up.

“How long?” He sounded so angry and strict. I looked at Leo and then we both looked on the ground.

“Since our camping trip..” I whispered then and heard how Hakyeon hissed.

“You mean..this thing between you two is going on since the camping trip and you didn’t tell me? You hid this from me?” I wasn’t able to look him in the eyes. Tears were coming up in my eyes but I tried to hold them back.

“We wanted to tell you today about us.” Leo told him with his soft voice and I was surprised how calm he was. I saw Hakyeon turning around and leaving the apartment. He left without saying one more word. I wanted to follow him but Leo held me back by putting his hands on my shoulders.

“Don’t follow him now. Leave him alone for now.” He whispered and I watched the closed door of the dorm. I couldn’t hold back my tears now and felt them running down on my cheeks. Leo turned me around and pulled me into his arms. He pushed me to his chest and then I started crying. My tears were falling down and down and down..Leo’s shirt got totally wet but he didn’t care. He just held me tight and my hair.

“He will understand it. Just give him time, ok?” He whispered and I nodded. “I have to go out..I forgot something at Jellyfish. You should study now, ok?” He kissed my forehead and I looked confused.

“Yeah. Maybe I calm down a little bit because of studying.” He nodded and also left the dorm then.

I went back to my room then. I threw myself on the bed and pulled out the notes from the last art class. I started to read the first few sentences but my thoughts quickly changed to Hakyeon. Where did he go? I needed to talk to him as soon as possible. I didn’t want this to turn out like this..why did this happen? I started crying again and hugged my pillow.

After one hour of crying I heard that the door of the dorm was opened and then I heard footsteps. I wiped away my tears and took a deep breath. I walked straight into the kitchen and felt glad when I saw my cousin standing in front of the refrigerator.

“Hakyeon.” I whispered. He turned around with a bottle of banana milk in his hand and looked at me. He closed the refrigerator and walked by me without saying anything. Tears were about to roll down on my cheeks but I quickly swallowed them and followed him into his room. He sat on his bed and drank some banana milk.

“Hakyeon, please, can we talk?” I whispered and watched him carefully.

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“Yes..there is.” I came closer to him and sank on my knees in front of him. I wanted him to look me in the eyes. “Please..listen..”

“Why?” – “Please…?” I begged him to listen to me and I had the feeling that he would listen to me now so I started to explain.

“I..we..didn’t mean to hide this from you. We were scared. Dating as an idol..a relationship..it’s..”

“I know. You don’t have to explain this “idol-dating” thing to me.” He interrupted me coldly and I didn’t know what to do.

“We wanted to tell you today. That’s why I wanted to meet with you in the coffee shop.” I explained to him but he just shrugged.

“Oh, really? How do I know that this isn’t just another lie? Why did you change your mind now and not right after the camping trip?”

“It’s not a lie. I’m telling the truth. We wanted to tell you today about us..” I tried to stop his rage mode but he just started.

“I don’t believe you, ok? I can’t believe you. I trusted you..and Taekwoon. I thought we were friends. I am your cousin. You betrayed me.” His voice sounded so cold and disappointed.

“Sun, you know what’s ironic about this whole thing?” He looked at me sad and disappointed. I looked at him..

“Remember the meeting I had with our manager? He told me that there’s a rumor spreading online that Taekwoon is having a girlfriend..a close friend of VIXX. He thought of you right away..I defended you. I told him that you would never date Taekwoon without telling me. I defended you in front of our manager because I trusted you..” – “Hakyeon..I..”

“No..I’m talking now!” He interrupted me. “I know what I said on this camping trip. I know about this “not-having-a-girlfriend” promise and I totally understand that you might have been scared to tell me. But I don’t understand that you hid this for such a long time..”

“But would you have accepted it so easily?” I started crying now again. I understood my cousin..I totally understood him but this situation now was breaking my heart. He thought about it for a few minutes.

“It wouldn’t have been easy for me to accept your relationship that’s for sure. But..I love you. You are my beloved cousin just like Leo is one of my best friends. I would have tried to accept it at least especially if you two are happy together..” I looked on the floor still crying. Then suddenly I raised my head up.

“And..what now? Do you hate me?” I couldn’t stop my tears..

“I am hurt, Sun, and disappointed. I just want distance, ok? I feel so betrayed..I don’t know.”

“I understand.” I nodded, stood up and wanted to walk out of the room.

“Sun?” I turned around.

“I am not going to tell the other members. Just one advice: Tell them as soon as possible. It’s only fair and it’s better if they hear it from you and Taekwoon than from somebody else.” He told me. I nodded and went out of his room. I closed his door and stood there for a while. I lost my cousin. I really lost him..I needed to talk to someone now. I went back into my room and grabbed my phone. I dialed Lin’s number. It rang..and rang..and rang..nobody picked up the phone..I tried to call Leo now because I felt so down but he also didn’t pick up his phone..

Damn it..what should I do now? I hesitated for a moment and kept looking on my phone. This was so wrong..but maybe..without thinking about it one more time I dialed Minah’s number and called her. This was so wrong..this was totally wrong. She immediately answered my call:

“Hello, Sun. Do you want to come to the coffee shop? Leo is also here with me..I’m sure you need somebody to talk to.” I let the phone down. He was with Minah? I thought he forgot something?

“Yes, that sounds great. I’ll come to the coffee shop.” I whispered after I put the phone back on my ear. Leo lied to me. He met with Minah and didn’t tell me about it. He just said that he forgot something..why?

I hurried and quickly arrived at the coffee shop after 15 minutes of running. I was breathing so hard..running the whole time wasn’t the best decision. I entered the coffee shop and spotted Leo and Minah sitting at a table. I joined them and sat down. Minah kissed me on my cheeks again and Leo looked at me with guilty eyes.

“So..you found what you forgot at Jellyfish?” I couldn’t hide the sarcasm in my voice and Leo just nodded. I saw Minah looking at Leo with a smile.

“Taekwoon told me about your cousin. This was really bad.”

“I talked to him. He’s disappointed.” I explained and Minah nodded. Leo suddenly stood up and went to the restrooms. I watched him but Minah continued talking.

“Oh yeah, dating an idol is so hard. Do you really think you are strong enough?”

“Huh?” What did she mean?

“This was just the beginning. Just wait until the fans know about this.” She continued.

“Starlights love the boys. I’m sure they would be..” - “..happy? Are you really so naïve?”

“I’m not naïve..” I defended myself. What was happening here?

“He’s the bias of so many girls. Do you really think they would accept you as his girlfriend? A normal girl..a non-celebrity..” She sighed and looked at me. I felt so uncomfortable.

“I’m so glad Leo called me and asked me if we could meet.” What?

“He called you..?” I whispered.

“Yes. Didn’t he tell you?” She smiled at me. That was enough. I stood up from the table.

“I’m sorry. I have to go..I totally forgot that I wanted to meet with Lin.” I rushed out of the coffee shop and started to run. I ran as fast as I could. I just wanted to leave everything behind me now. Leo, you are such an idiot. I stopped running because I couldn’t get enough air anymore. I pulled out my phone and tried to call Lin again. Luckily she picked up my call now:

“Yes..” She sounded sleepy.

“Lin, can I stay at your place tonight? Leo..Hakyeon..he..” My voice broke and I started to cry again.

“Oh my god, Sun, of course. Should I pick you up somewhere? Where are you?” I looked around.

“I’m about 10 minutes away from your home..” I explained.

“Then hurry and come. We’ll talk then.” She ended the call and I started to walk. I couldn’t stop crying the whole time. My heart felt like somebody stabbed it with a knife..it hurt so much. I felt like I lost everything right now. I saw Lin walking towards me. Did she really…?

“Lin..” I fell into her arms and she hugged me tight while I couldn’t stop crying.