Today was the big day. The boys were really happy the whole time and were running around in our apartment, packing their bags, shouting around, asking the others what they should take with them and then there was me. I was sitting in my room and tried to study. I have already packed my bags for the recording of a new diary episode. We would immediately drive to the location of the filming after the concert. That would mean no or at least less sleep for all of us.

“Sun, don’t forget. We will leave at 6 pm. Be ready and pack everything!” My cousin came into my room and left again after he told me this. “I have already packed everything!” I shouted and was really stressed. I understood the boys, yes, but I just wanted quiet time to study. I closed my notes and put them in my bag. Maybe I could study a little bit when we were driving to this location I thought to myself and checked my packed stuff again. I hope I didn’t forget anything. I decided to go to the kitchen and find something to eat. My phone beeped and on my way to the kitchen I read the message I received from Lin:

“Good luck and have fun today! :) It’s great here with my grandma but I’m still sorry that I couldn’t come with you. Enjoy the days with the boys and have fun ;)
P.S. Don’t give up with Leo ;)”

I smiled when I read this. Lin and I were really best friends and I was so glad that I could talk to her all the time. On top of that I was also glad that I could talk to her about this thing with Leo. She knew about the whole stupid situation between us and tried to help me all the time and gave me suggestions how I could get closer to him. It was so sweet of her but I was still thinking that my chances were pretty low to get closer with Leo again.

15 minutes before 6 pm my cousin got really hyper and was running through the dorm shouting “Get ready!”, “Come on..it’s almost time!” and “Stop eating, Hyuk!”. It was really a total chaos but in the end we all stood in front of the van and the boys were putting our bags in the car. I sat in the backseat again together with Leo who was on his phone the whole time and wasn’t really paying attention to anybody. Ravi, Hyuk and Hongbin were sitting in front of us, Ken was in charge of driving and my cousin was sitting next to him. “Ok.” N turned around and looked at us. “Let’s talk about the schedule..Leo! Listen!” My cousin scolded him but Leo just looked up for a second and then he was texting on his phone again. “The concert starts at 8. We will arrive at the concert hall at around 7 pm. After 30 minutes there will be a break, in this break we will all practice for our solo performance and after 20 minutes the concert will continue. Right after the concert we have around 30 minutes to shower and then we have to drive to our filming location for the next few days.” He smiled at all of us and everybody (except for Leo) just nodded.

The boys were really happy and were talking the whole time about the upcoming concert and then they also started to take pictures for their Starlights which they uploaded on instagram and twitter. Leo was forced to be on a few pictures with Ravi, Hyuk and Hongbin. I was sitting in my spot, just watching them and looked outside of the window. I pulled out my phone but Lin hasn’t written me back since I answered her on her first message of today.

We arrived at the concert hall at exact 7 pm and went inside the backstage area. The boys were immediately pulled away by the make-up assistants and they started to take care of them. Making their hair, putting make-up on their faces, helping them to change into their stage outfits. It was so interesting to watch everything. My cousin noticed my surprised face. “You’ve never seen this before, right? What do you think?” N asked me and I put a chair next to him. “It’s…interesting..I never thought much about all this. And I never thought that it would take so much time to get ready.” I looked around in the room and noticed that Leo was still texting the whole time on his phone and didn’t pay attention to anything that happened around him. I was wondering who he was texting the whole time…maybe his girlfriend..? I shook my head and looked at my cousin again. You wanted to forget him! I scolded myself again and continued talking with N.

“We have a problem.” A man entered the room and everybody looked at him. “What problem?” Ravi asked the man who looked like a staff member or something like that. “One of the girls for ‘Say U Say Me’ got sick, so we only have 5 girls tonight.” The staff member explained and the boys sighed. “That’s not good.” Hongbin sighed and everybody looked at N. “Which girl?” He asked the man and he explained that it was the girl who was supposed to dance with my cousin. This was really bad because my cousin had a scene in this performance where he got really close with the girl. “Leo’s girl is the only one who can do the part of N’s girl but then Leo wouldn’t have one..” The man continued his explanation. Leo also needed one dancer because he also had one scene where he would get really close. “But we can dance without them..” Ravi tried to save the situation. “Then the whole practice for the girls would have been useless. They will be disappointed. We need a new dancer who knows the choreography.” Hongbin said and looked around. The boys were thinking for a solution when Leo suddenly broke the silence.

“Sun can dance.” The boys looked surprised at him for many reasons. First of all, Leo said something..second, he stopped texting for a moment…and third, I SHOULD DANCE?! “Sun doesn’t know the choreography.” N sighed and looked at s. “She once danced to Hyde in our kitchen although she had only seen the dance once.” Leo explained. “Well…” Hongbin started. “She saw our practices the whole time.” “And she has time to practice with the other girls again because we will perform the song right before our break.” Hyuk got excited know. “The idea sounds good. Would you do it, Sun?” My cousin begged me with his eyes and I was just sitting next to him shocked. “I..I..” I didn’t know what to say now. Leo continued texting again while the other members also begged me now with their eyes. Oh damn. “Fine, I’ll do it. But don’t be mad if I ruin it.” I whispered and my cousin jumped up and hugged me. “Thank you!” Ravi and the other boys (except for Leo) smiled at me. “But wait…” N’s voice interrupted the happiness. “You have to dance with Leo then. I can’t perform my scene with my cousin.” The boys nodded and I sat there dumbfounded. Great, now I also had to dance with Leo. I took a deep breath and decided to write Lin:

“Guess what?! One of the female dancers got sick and Leo got the great idea that I could dance her part. Guess who will be my dance partner.. >.<”

I really hoped Lin would answer me as soon as possible. I really needed her now and I felt so disappointed that she couldn’t be here with me now. Within a few seconds I got a reply:

“That’s good! Dance with him..make him fall in love with your y dance moves..you can do it! :D
P.S. Good luck to all of you :)”

Well, that wasn’t quite the answer I expected. I answered her and then put my phone away. One of the assistants pulled me away and helped me to get into the outfit for the song. It was a black mini skirt, a white blouse and black high heels. After putting on the clothes the assistant put make-up on my face and then I noticed that the boys were getting ready. The concert was about to start. I hugged my cousin and wished all of them good luck before they went outside. The other female dancers came inside the room and explained the steps to me once again. You could hear the screaming of the fans when the boys started the concert with their song “Time Machine” and I could clearly hear my cousin’s voice. The girls were really nice to me and we practiced the song 3 times. I could remember the steps pretty well so the girls were really enthusiastic when our performance was about to start.

We got ready and waited at the side of the stage for our part. My heart was beating so fast now. I was about to dance with Leo. I took a deep breath and tried to calm down. The girls my back..they knew that I was excited and whispered good luck. The song started and Ken’s voice could be heard now and then it was our part to run on stage. I was just trying to concentrate on my moves and then I was on the right place, Leo stood behind me and we started to dance to the song. I was so fascinated of the voices of the boys. It must be so exhausting for them to sing while dancing and to be honest, it was really hot on stage and I really admired them. They were sweating a lot but you could see that they had a lot of fun. Then it was my cousin’s turn and he put his arm around the girl’s neck and pulled her really close. It was my turn now. Leo took my left hand into his right one and pulled me really close while singing. I looked into his wonderful brown eyes and then it happened…I tripped over my own feet (I wasn’t used to dancing in high heels) and bumped onto Leo’s chest. He helped me not to fall and continued his singing. He was so professional and my cheeks turned red again. He softly pushed me away and sang a really high note now.

We had a few more dance scenes together then and luckily I didn’t trip for a second time but still I was so worried because I ruined their performance. The song ended and I left the stage together with the girls. I just wanted to disappear in a hole. I was so disappointed because of my mistake and just sat down in a chair. The boys entered the room and my cousin came up behind me and hugged me. “You were so great. I am so proud of youuu..” I was unable to breathe and just looked surprised at the 5 boys. Wait a minute..5? I looked around and saw Leo sitting in another chair texting on his phone again. “Great?” I whispered and looked at the boys. “I tripped, you know..” “You were really great, Sun.” Hongbin smiled at me and Ravi showed me a thumbs up. I smiled and was happy now.

“Ok, we have to practice now for our solo performances.” N suddenly said and the boys left room. I was alone now and pulled out my phone.

“I tripped on stage and fell into Leo’s chest..”

I sent my message to Lin and looked around. I was completely alone and then I noticed that Leo had forgotten his phone. He was texting the whole day on it but maybe he wasn’t allowed to have it when they have to practice. I heard my phone beeping and pulled it out. I was really surprised when I noticed that I didn’t receive a message. I noticed that it was Leo’s phone and stood up. I shouldn’t do this. I repeated these words in my head over and over again..but I couldn’t stop me and then I pushed the button on Leo’s phone. I saw the message in the lock screen and started to read:

“I hope you are having a great time at the concert. I’m sorry I couldn’t join it today..but at least we wrote all day ;) We should really meet next week. I have so many things to tell you. I miss you..Love, Minah <3”

My heart stopped beating and I felt tears coming up in my eyes. He had a girlfriend. Leo had a girlfriend. Tears were falling on the floor now and I started to laugh. I was such a stupid fool. That’s what he meant. Better this way…better for him and his girlfriend. Everything between us was just a mistake. A mistake that he regretted. I was a mistake to him. I sat down on my chair again and pulled out my phone:

“Please from now on let’s never talk about Leo again. Please don’t ask why..I just want to forget him. I love you..”

I really missed Lin and wished that I could hug her right now. I had time to dry my tears and when the boys came back I immediately started to talk to my cousin but tried to ignore Leo. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him smiling when he read Minah’s message on his phone. I ignored the pain in my heart and smiled at the others. I would just encourage my cousin and the others now for their solo performance and would forget Leo from now on. I wouldn’t ruin his relationship and would just live my life. That’s the decision I had made earlier.

My cousin was the first one and he sang the song Love Letter for his Starlights. It was so beautiful and I was so proud of him. He was so happy after it and I hugged him really tight even he was totally sweaty. The other boys were also really good. Ken made something special and performed the song “I got a boy” live on stage. He was so hyper but still his voice was perfect. Ravi rapped a song called “Ghost” and wow..his rapping skills..I really loved them.

The last one to perform was Leo. He went on stage and I noticed that there was a piano. He sat down and said with his soft voice a few words to the audience: “I hope you enjoy this song. It is special to me.” He started to play the piano and the whole crowd got silent. His band members and I were standing on the side of the stage and listened to the song he started to sing now.

Don’t need no words
Don’t need to show
‘Cause I hope that you know
What I’m feeling for you

The audience got really silent and also his band members and I were standing there and listened to Leo’s wonderful and soft voice. His feelings for someone. His feelings for his girlfriend, Minah. It was her song, I thought to myself.

It’s an up and down
You’re turning my world around
But I can’t let it go
‘Cause I still hope you know

What I’m feeling for you
Can you feel it, too?
I don’t wanna lose
And I am really confused

From the moment we met
Since you first looked at me
Everything I wanna do
Forever being with you

‘Cause I hope that you are
Feeling the same in your heart
The feelings I have for you
Please tell me that you feel it, too

The piano stopped and the crowd started to scream really loud. That song was wonderful but my heart hurt so much. The song he wrote for his girlfriend. I turned away and wiped away my tears. The other members had to go out on stage now and said good bye to their fans.

The boys took a shower and after that we all headed to the car. This time I sat between Hongbin and Hyuk with the explanation that I got sick in the backseat. My cousin was a little bit worried and gave me something to drink. I noticed Leo staring at me although he was sitting behind me. I felt his eyes in my back. It was better this way, Taekwoon. Please just let it go, I thought to myself and closed my eyes. Be happy with Minah, your girlfriend. My heart still hurt but I won’t show it. Luckily the boys were all really tired and fell asleep after 10 minutes of driving. Ken and N were the only ones who were still awake and talked quietly in the front row while I was also pretending to be asleep.