„I can’t believe that annoying is Ken’s ex girlfriend who only used him!“ Lin was totally in a rage mode since we went back in our room. “Like..she is only interested in him because he is an idol..she wouldn’t like him if he was a normal guy!”

“Hmm..” I replied and watched Lin stamping through the room. Up and down..up and down..she did this for almost 30 minutes now. “You should sit down for a few minutes..” I suggested.

“Ugh..I don’t want to sit down. This girl is so annoying..I can’t stand her. I don’t even remember her stupid name!”

“Kairi..”

“Whatever! She is a trouble maker! We need to get rid of her! We need a plan..” I shook my head, stood of and pulled Lin into my arms. She was totally surprised.

“Please calm down a little bit. I’m also annoyed but we have to accept the fact that she’s a friend of Minah. There’s nothing we can do about this and besides..Ken likes you, not her..” She hugged me really tight now and hid her head in my shoulder.

“I was so close..I almost told him about my feelings..and then..” She started to cry and I her hair and held her tight.

“But that doesn’t mean that it’s over. You should still tell him about your feelings when the moment is right. Don’t give up.” I tried to encourage her but I knew that finding a right moment was hard.

“Maybe..” She wiped away her tears and looked straight in my eyes. “Maybe you’re right. I shouldn’t give up.” She smiled a little bit. “Thank you,  Sun. I’m going to take a shower now, ok?” I nodded and when she went inside the bathroom I threw myself on the bed and grabbed my phone again. I started to watch a few fancams on youtube of the latest concerts. I was so proud of all six boys..they were so great and they were always giving 100% no matter how exhausting a performance was. On top of that..I was really proud of my cousin..it was his dream to become a singer and now he’s enjoying it so much and was working so hard everytime. I stopped the performance of a song called ‘Hot Enough’ because I received a text message on kakaotalk..from Ken?!

“I need to talk to you..alone..do you have time?”

What did he mean? Meeting him alone? So..he didn’t want Lin to come with me? I decided to write him back immediately.

“Sure! What’s wrong?”

I sent the message and waited for his answer. He replied within a few seconds.

“Come to the roof top of the hotel…”

Woah..seemed like he didn’t want anybody to overhear our conversation and besides..the hotel had a roof top?! I stood up from the bed and thought of an excuse I could tell Lin because obviously Ken didn’t want Lin to know about this.

“Lin?” I knocked on the bathroom door.

“Yeah?”

“I need some fresh air, ok? I’m going outside a little bit.” I told her through the closed door and then I left the room.

I looked around on the hallway and decided to go straight to the stairs..maybe I could get on the roof top this way. Did I ever mention that I hate stairs? And damn..so many stairs..I lost my breath and was really glad when I reached a door after I climbed about 1000 stairs. I hesitated for a moment because I didn’t know what would happen now with Ken but I also wanted to know why he wanted to talk to me so I slowly opened the door.

The roof top was really big and the night sky was beautiful. So many stars..little Starlights, I thought to myself and started to giggle. I looked around and then I saw Ken standing at the edge of the rooftop leaning on the handrail and standing with his back to me. I didn’t know why but he looked depressed to me. I slowly walked towards him and when I reached him he heard my foot steps and turned his head.

“Thanks for coming.” He whispered and looked down the railing again.

“No problem. What’s up?” I stood next to him and also looked down. It was so high and you could only see the lights of the cars on the streets..everything looked so small..but also beautiful at night.

“You have to promise me one thing, ok?” He continued looking down. I looked confused at him. “Please don’t tell anybody about this, ok?”

“I promise. Don’t worry.” I answered him and he looked relieved.

“What’s your relationship with Kairi?” He asked me straight away and turned his head to me.

“She’s in our class at university. Lin and I..we both don’t like her. She kept talking about her ex boyfriend ‘J’ the whole time but I would have never guessed that she was talking about you..” I explained to him.

“She kept talking about me? What did she say?”

“Ehm..I can’t remember everything..but she said that she moved back to Seoul because of you..yeah..that’s all I can remember..” Why was he asking me those things?

“Yeah..she told me the same thing earlier. She also told me that she still likes me and yeah..”

“She likes you?!” I was totally surprised that she told him that. He just nodded and I bit my lip.

“Well..as I said before..Lin and I don’t like her..” I whispered and looked up at the sky.

“But Lin likes me a lot, right?” I held my breath and looked shocked into Ken’s face but then I tried to play innocent: “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I quickly said and looked at the sky again.

“She wanted to tell me something tonight before Kairi showed up and I’m pretty sure that she wanted to confess her feelings..” He sighed. Where was this conversation going?

“Do you like Lin?” I asked him without even thinking about it. He looked serious now and I could feel him thinking about this question now.

“Yes. I like her..” He answered then and I was happy now.

“That’s great..then..” – “But I don’t want a relationship with her..” He interrupted my sentence immediately and now my mouth fell open. What was he talking about?

“What? Why not?” I asked him but he just smiled..it was a bitter smile.

“Sun..i’m sure you know the reason..” He sighed and I shook my head. “Please explain it, Ken..” I really wanted to understand him.

“First of all..we all made this promise to not have a girlfriend while we’re still idols. Second..dating as an idol..no relationship can stand this pressure..” No relationship? So..he was literally saying that there was no future for Taekwoon and me?

“But..”

“And third..I don’t want to go through all this again. I like Lin as a friend..but I won’t let my feelings grow for her anymore.”

I was so confused now because of his words. On top of that I didn’t really understand why he wanted to talk to me now. Did he want to see me to tell me all this?

“So..why should I come up here?” He took a deep breath.

“Stop Lin from falling in love with me. You’re her best friend and I don’t want to break her heart. She deserves better than this. I wouldn’t be able to give her all my love..music is my life. If I had to choose between music and her..I would choose music no matter what may come.” He looked at the night sky and I saw his eyes shining a little bit.

“I can’t do this..she’s my best friend..” It was impossible..Ken was insane now.

“I knew that you would say that.” He sighed. “Anyway..thanks for coming here and please don’t tell anybody about this.” He smiled at me.

I looked at him confused when he suddenly hugged me and then left the roof top without saying one more word. I stood there confused for a few more minutes until I decided to go back to our room. I kept thinking about Ken’s words when I entered our room. Lin was already sleeping and a little smile was on her face. I put a blanket over her and laid down in my own bed. I can’t help Ken..I won’t hurt Lin..I decided and then I fell asleep.

My phone woke me up the next morning and when I looked on my phone I saw a message of Leo.

“Do you know the roof top? Meet me up there.”

I smiled and wondered why it was the roof top again. I changed my clothes quietly and hurried to get up there. This time I almost ran the stair up and even almost tripped a few times but then I arrived at the door safe and sound and opened it.

It felt like the last night just with the difference that this time Leo was standing at the handrail and was looking down. I sneaked up behind him and poked him in the sides when I reached him. He turned around (obviously I didn’t scare him) and smiled at me. I smiled back and he kissed me on the lips for a few seconds.

“Isn’t it beautiful up here?” He looked back and I stood next to him. It really was and I totally enjoyed the sight. Leo stood behind me all of a sudden and put his arms around me. I closed my eyes and just enjoyed the feeling of his embrace. Whenever he hugged me I felt safe..I felt like nothing else could ever hurt me as long as I had him by my side.

I didn’t know how long we were standing like that at the railing looking over the city but at some point my stomach got really loud and then I felt Leo giggling behind me.

“You seem hungry. We should go and have breakfast.” I wrapped my arms around my tummy and he blew a kiss on my hair. “Let’s go.” He took my hand and we went back to the door. He let go of my hand when we reached it. I knew that we had to be careful but letting go of his hand right now felt really hard. We went all the stairs down..like normal friends and went to the breakfast room.

When we entered the room I spotted Minah already sitting at a table. Leo spotted her too and headed straight to her table. I followed him although I felt uncomfortable around that woman. Leo decided to look at the big buffet and I sat down on the table where Minah was sitting.

“Good morning.” I said and watched Leo out of the corner of my eye. Minah smiled and drank from her coffee. Right in that moment a young couple entered the breakfast room. They were holding hands and were acting lovey dovey the whole time. I started to watch them carefully.

“It’s hard, isn’t it?” Minah’s voice brought me back into reality and I looked at her confused.

“Being together with Taekwoon, I mean.” She explained but I still didn’t understand her.

“What do you mean?”

“Ah you know..dating an idol..you can’t do all the normal things couples do. Holding hands..acting like this couple over there.” She pointed at their table and I saw them feeding each other with different food.

“Walking together and holding hands..always afraid of the cameras..it’s so hard.” She sighed and I started to feel more and more uncomfortable around her. “I really admire you, Sun. I wouldn’t be able to accept being number two the whole time for the man I love.”

“Huh?” What was she talking about now? “Number two?” I asked her and she looked surprised.

“Of course. Music is Taekwoon’s number one. He would always choose his music. Music is more important to him than everything in this world..” She explained and once again she gave me this fake smile.

“He loves me..” I tried to defend our relationship but she just laughed.

“Not as much as he loves his music. He would never give up his music for you.” I felt so many anger in me right now and felt the urge to splash coffee right into her face. Right in that moment Leo came back to the table and sat down next to me.

“What were you talking about?” He said with his calm voice and placed a plate full with fruit on the table for us.

“Sun and I were just talking about the party yesterday.” She smiled at Leo and took a few grapes from the plate. Oh, this stupid woman, I thought and held back my anger. I tried to grab Leo’s hand under the table but he immediately pulled it away when I touched it. I felt the disappointment growing inside of me. Was Minah right with her words? I wouldn’t have a chance against his music? He loved music more?

I just ate a few grapes the whole time while Minah and Leo were talking nonstop about the party last night and Leo told her about the concerts and also how proud he was that so many Starlights came to see VIXX. I was still watching the couple a few more times while listening to Leo’s stories and I still couldn’t forget Minah’s voice. She couldn’t be right..Taekwoon loved me.

When we were finished with the breakfast and wanted to go to the elevators I tried to catch Leo’s hand on our way outside and again he pulled his hand away when I touched it. He didn’t even look at me and together with Minah we went inside the elevator. They were still talking and Minah left the elevator on the 3^rd floor. Now we were completely alone and I leaned against Leo’s side but he just stood there without doing anything. We reached our floor and met Ravi, my cousin and Lin on our way who were on their way to the breakfast room.

“Ah..there you are. You already had breakfast?” My cousin asked while hugging me and we both just nodded. “Well..good..so you can pack your bags now. We will go back to the dorm in one hour. Don’t be late.” My cousin said and the three of them entered the elevator. I wanted to go to my room but Leo held me back.

“Come with me.” He said and opened the door of his room. I followed him inside and closed the door.

He stood in the middle of the room and looked at me. His eyes were confusing me and I tried to get closer to him. When I reached him he put his hands on my shoulders and stopped me from coming closer. What was wrong?

“Don’t ever do this again, ok?” I looked at him really confused because I had no idea what he was talking about.

“What do you mean?”

“I’m not going to hold your hand when people are around. We discussed this..I told you that it’s not possible.” His voice was really cold now and I got angry because I couldn’t believe that Minah was right with her words.

“But other couples can do those things, too..it’s..”

“It’s not normal for me. Just accept it or..”

“What?” Ok..what did he want to say?

“I’m an idol. There would be a lot of trouble if somebody found out that we are dating. Please understand that it’s not that easy..” I got really angry now..

“So your idol image is more important to you than my feelings?” This question was unfair..I knew that but I couldn’t believe that Minah was right..I didn’t want to believe it. Ken said the same yesterday..music was his life. He stopped himself from falling in love with Lin because of this. Was Leo thinking the same? Leo just stood there, watching me and not saying anything. I need to know it now, I thought. I need to know the truth.

“Leo..be honest with me. If you had to choose between music and our relationship..what would you choose?” I looked at him carefully..watching every reaction of him. He was looking at me..shocked..confused..please..answer me. Please, prove me that Minah was wrong. He took a deep breath..

“I would choose music…”