We were just standing there, staring at each other without saying anything. I wasn’t able to do anything right now. His words..they hurt so much..I wanted to scream..I wanted to cry..but I couldn’t control my body. I just watched him standing there. I felt tears coming up in my eyes.

“I understand..” I whispered while looking into his brown eyes. They looked at me in a way I’ve never seen before. What was he thinking right now?

“Sun..I..” He was interrupted and stopped talking when we heard that the door was opened. I turned around and saw Ravi entering the room. He was really surprised when he saw us standing there and looked confused.

“Oh..I didn’t want to disturb you. I just forgot my phone. Sorry for interrupting you.” He apologized. That was my chance.

“You didn’t interrupt anything. We were done anyways.” I tried my best to hide my tears. I just turned around, pushed Ravi slightly away and left the room without turning around one last time. I hurried to get into my own room. I pulled my room card out of my pocket and quickly opened the door.

After I closed it I just leaned against it and sank down on the floor and cried. I cried so hard..it hurt so much. His words..it felt like somebody stabbed my heart with a knife over and over again. He would give me up if he had to. He wouldn’t fight for me..he didn’t love me the way I loved him. I loved him more than anything in this world. I would give up everything for him without thinking about it. I was lying to my own cousin because of him.

I didn’t know how long I was sitting there. I didn’t know how many tears I cried. Lin was done with her breakfast and tried to enter the room but she couldn’t open the door because I was still sitting in front of it..blocking it. I stood up and when she opened the door I just fell into her arms..still crying.

“Sun?! What happened?” She was totally shocked and didn’t know what to say so she just hugged me tight and closed the door of the room. After that we sat down on the bed and she gave me a tissue.

“What happened? Please tell me..” She seemed so helpless because of me.

“Taekwoon..he..” I was interrupted by my own tears. “He would break up with me for his music..” My tears interrupted me again. After a little while I had told Lin everything what happened today and she was really shocked because of Leo’s reaction.

“You know..I can understand him in some way. Holding hands in public is not easy for the boys..but telling you that he would break up with you right away is so stupid. What do you want to do now?”

I shrugged: “I don’t know. I don’t want to see him now. I need to think about this..” I told her and wiped my tears away.

“Maybe it’s better that way. Let’s pack our bags, ok?” She hugged me once more and I nodded. We really needed to pack now.

We didn’t take that long and had to wait in the hotel lobby for the guys then. Minah and Kairi were the first ones to arrive and Lin and I both rolled our eyes when they said good bye to us and left the hotel. We both didn’t like Kairi..she was so annoying. And Minah..I still didn’t know what to think of her but Lin really disliked her. After 15 more minutes of waiting finally the boys arrived. There wasn’t enough space in the van for all of us so the manager of VIXX drove Lin and me home. It was really nice of him. During the drive I received a text message in the kakao talk group. The boys were discussing in there and made the plan of having a movie night at the dorm together with Lin and me. I showed Lin the message.

“Thanks for driving us home.” We both thanked the manager after he drove us to the dorm.

The boys didn’t arrive yet so Lin and I had to wait outside. We started to talk about the plan the boys made.

“We can do something else tonight. That way you don’t have to see Leo.” Lin suggested but I shook my head.

“No..let’s do it. I will see Leo anyways because I’m living there so it doesn’t matter. The evening will be funny..I’m sure of it.” I forced a smile. I really hoped that I was right about this and that I was also able to ignore Taekwoon.

“Are you really sure? We can go somewhere else.” Lin sounded skeptical but I shook my head.

“It’s going to be fun. My cousin would be disappointed..please?” She smiled and hugged me.

The boys arrived 15 minutes later and together with them we entered the dorm. Hakyeon and Ken were totally hyper and were jumping around excited because of our upcoming movie night. We all sat around the dinner table and started to discuss everything.

“We need to prepare everything. Groceries shopping, getting a movie, cleaning the dorm..” My cousin told us.

“Can we do the shopping part?” Lin asked my cousin while looking at me.

“Good idea! I’ll help you, ok?” My cousin answered us excited and we smiled.

“I think a 4^th person should come with you..” Leo suggested and the boys looked surprised at him because he said something. Usually he didn’t say anything but right now..

“Good idea!” I smiled at the boys and looked around. “Ravi, will you join us?” I smiled at the rapper and saw how Leo held his breath obviously unhappy about my reaction.

“Yes, of course!” Ravi got excited.

“Ok, let’s head off then!” My cousin jumped off and Ravi, Lin and I followed him.

“Hey..what are we supposed to do now?!” Hongbin asked and my cousin shrugged.

“Cleaning the dorm and getting a movie!” He laughed when we headed outside. We heard Ken, Hyuk and Hongbin discussing about who’s going to clean the dorm and I was sure that Leo wouldn’t clean it. I knew him too well.

We walked to the grocery stop for 20 minutes. Lin and Ravi were walking in front of us and this way I had time to talk with Hakyeon. We talked about normal things but I totally enjoyed the time with him. It felt like when we were kids. When we arrived at the store Ravi and Lin got a cart and pushed it inside; Hakyeon and I followed them.

“Ok..we need snacks, Ramen for dinner and beverages!” My cousin told us. We played gawi, bawi, bo and so Ravi and I were in charge of getting the beverages while Lin and Hakyeon would get snacks and Ramen. Lin and Hakywon walked away so the cart remained with Ravi and me. The rapper sat inside of the cart and I looked confused at him.

“Push me through the shop!” He laughed. I hesitated for a moment but then I decided to push the cart. It was really funny because Ravi was a cool guy and you could have a lot of fun with him. While I was pushing the cart through the shop Ravi pulled his phone out.

“Let’s make a picture together.” He said and placed his phone in front of him. I stood on the cart and bent my head down next to his head and we posed. It was so funny and instead of making only one picture we took several ones and laughed a lot. The people in the shop watched us carefully because we were acting like little kids but it was so much fun..I really didn’t want this moment to end.

“Ok..what should we buy?” I asked Ravi who was still sitting in the cart and looked at the different beverages.

“Soju!” Ravi laughed and I glared at him.

“I was talking about non-alcoholic stuff.” I scolded him. “And besides..remember the last time we drank Soju? Leo and I had problem to get you home!” His cheeks turned red a little bit and I laughed. After discussing with him a few more minutes we decided to buy the normal stuff like Coke, lemonade, water and yeah..we decided to buy five bottles of Soju. In fact..I wanted to buy two bottles but Ravi suggested taking 5 because we were eight persons and it would be a long night. Ravi finally climbed out of the cart and placed the bottles inside.

“Ok..I guess we got everything we need..let’s search for Hakyeon and Lin..” I said while walking the way back.

“Do you think we have enough? Ravi? Why don’t you..” I turned around and noticed that he was walking in the different direction. I hurried to reach him. “Where the hell are you going?” I asked him. I got my answer faster than expected..he found toys. He left the cart alone and looked around totally fascinated. I was kinda surprised because he was a grown man but seemed happy in this place.

“Here! Catch!” He threw something long into my direction and luckily I grabbed it. A light saber? Was he serious? I saw him also having one in his hand. Did he really want to play Star Wars in this store?

“Come to the dark side!” He said with a deep voice which reminded me of Darth Vader. I had to laugh but then I decided to fight against him.

“Never! I will destroy you!” We had a lot of fun with the sabers and player around like little kids. I never noticed it before but Ravi was really cool and sweet. He was cautious that he didn’t hit me too hard with the saber but he was also eager to win this fight against me.

We had a lot of fun but then my cousin interrupted our playing because they got everything we need and so we decided to get back home. Before we left the shop we forced Hakyeon to take a picture of us together with the light sabers.

“That was so much fun!” Ravi laughed and I agreed with him. Thanks to him I forgot about Taekwoon for a little while.

When we got home we helped the other boys cleaning the dorm because they were way too slow for this. Leo and Ken went out to get movies and Hyuk and Hongbin weren’t good in cleaning.

The evening arrived faster than expected and after preparing dinner and eating together Ken a horror movie. Leo and Ken were the only one paying attention to the movie because we were all talking the whole time.

“We should play truth or dare!” Ravi laughed while drinking the second glass of Soju. Drunk Ravi was fun, I thought to myself. Except for Leo everybody agreed to this and so we sat in a circle on the floor cross-legged. Ravi put a bottle on the floor and span it around. The game started and we all had a lot of fun. Truth or dare playing with them was really funny. Leo was lucky because the bottle never pointed on him. My cousin had bad luck because almost everytime he was in charge of doing something. One of the funniest things was when he had to play the pepero stick game together with Ravi. It looked so funny when Hakyeon tried to eat the stick and Ravi continued to pull his head away because he was afraid of touching my cousin’s lips.

Finally after playing many round and after drinking many glasses of Soju the bottle pointed at Leo. Lin was in charge of asking Leo and she asked him “Truth or dare”.

“Dare.” Hyuk wolf whistled and we all got curious now what his task would be.

“I really like your voice so can you sing a song which describes your feelings?” She asked him with burning cheeks. Lin obviously had too much Soju, I knew that because she was my best friend. He just nodded and I got curious now which song he would choose. He took a deep breath and started to sing:

I only want to be with you
I only want to hug you
I don’t care about other’s eyes
As if we’re alone right now..I love you..

He looked at me when he sang the ‘I love you’ part and I got shivers all over my body. I looked away and tried to stop my heart jumping out of my chest. Why did he do this.

“Woah..why ‘I love you’ at the end? That’s not in the song..” Ken teased Leo who just shrugged.

“I wanted to sing it..” He whispered and looked on the ground.

“That was one of your songs?” Lin was totally excited now. “It sounded so beautiful.”

“Yes..it’s called ‘Someday’. The song was on our first album..” Ken explained to her and Lin couldn’t stop smiling so Ken also started to sing a few parts of the song. His voice was also so great. I really enjoyed sitting here with the boys and Lin but deep inside I felt the feeling of throwing up. Taekwoon’s voice and his look when he said ‘I love you’..it hurt so much but made me happy at the same time.

“I need fresh air..” I mumbled, stood up and left the apartment. The others were surprised because of my reaction but I didn’t care.

Outside I took a deep breath and felt a few tears running down my cheeks. Why did my body react this way? Why was I so confused just because he sang a few words and looked at me? He would give me up because of his music. He would give our relationship up. Minah was right..I would always be his number two..

“It’s because of Leo, right?” Lin followed me outside and took me in her arms. I just nodded. “I thought so but I think he was serious about that. Have you seen his eyes? He loves you..” She tried to calm me down.

“But his music..he..” – “Music is his life but that doesn’t mean that you’re not important to him, too.” She explained. Right in that moment Leo came outside and looked shocked when he saw us standing there. Lin let go off me.

“I think you guys need to talk. I’ll take care of the boys so take your time.” She said and left us alone outside. A few tears were still running down on my cheeks and I looked at Leo. He pulled me into his arms and pushed me to his chest.

“You are so stupid, do you know that?” He whispered in my hair and I pulled my arms around him and tried to pull him closer.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you. When I said that I would choose music..VIXX without me wouldn’t be VIXX anymore. What would the other members say if I left them? What would our fans say? I can’t give up music but that doesn’t mean that I would give up so easily because I love you way too much. I can’t let you go..” His voice broke in that moment and I looked into his face. I saw tears in his eyes and before they could fall down I put my hands on his cheeks and just kissed him. He returned the kiss and then we just hugged each other.

“We should talk with the boys tomorrow and especially with N hyung…” He said and I nodded.

“Do you think they will be mad at us?” I was really afraid of the reaction of the others and felt him shrugging.

“I don’t know but they need to know the truth. We can’t act like a normal couple in public but at least we should tell our friends about this..” He answered and I knew that he was right. It was better to stop this lie now and tell my cousin and also the other members the truth.

“If they don’t accept our relationship it will be hard but together we can make it.” I tried to sound confident and looked at my boyfriend. Before we went inside again we kissed once again. Leo suddenly broke the kiss and looked around in the dark.

“What’s wrong?” I asked him.

“I heard something..” He whispered and continued looking around. I searched in the dark for something but couldn’t see anything.

“Maybe it was just a cat or something like that..”

“Yes, maybe..let’s go inside again. It’s getting cold.” Leo took my hand and we walked inside but I noticed that he was still looking around for this noise he heard. I didn’t hear anything so I didn’t pay much attention to it. Tomorrow was the big day. Tomorrow we would tell Hakyeon about our relationship. How would he react? I was afraid but I also felt happy..we could make it together. We would get through everything as long as were together. Our love would succeed in the end. I was pretty sure about this.