Seohyun

"How to Love Someone Forever... How to Stop Loving Someone Who Doesn't Love You... When You Love Someone..." I ran my finger across book spines, skimming through the titles amusedly. "This is pathetic," I laughed a little, thinking to myself who would ever throw away their own pride and even think about reading one of these books. I shook my head and took a sip of my latte, walking over to a different section of the bookstore before Myungsoo could come over and catch me looking at the Love Advice section.

As I turned around, a familiar face quickly ducked behind one of the book racks. I frowned a little and crooked my head, slowly walking over to see Howon casually looking at a book.

"Howon," I said in surprise.

I saw Howon slightly grimace as he looked up, flashing me an uneasy smile, "Hey, Seo."

"Don't act like you didn't see me!" I said with a grin. He smiled at me uneasily before putting the book back on the rack.

"Is there something wrong?" I asked slowly, looking around awkwardly.

"Hana's probably somewhere around here," Howon mumbled.

"You're kidding," I chortled. But when I looked up at him, he was only a hundred percent serious. "Are you still with her?" I asked. Howon gave me a curt nod.

There was a silence before I switched the subject. "We haven't talked in forever and you're my only friend," I said with a small smile, lightly punching his arm, "What happened?" I ignored the whole situation about Hana. My one and only best friend was taken away by some girl who was more than obsessed with her boyfriend. I mean, Howon wasn't even able to talk to me decently without looking around uneasily and fiddling with his fingers.

"You know what happened," Howon muttered. The last time we met, I felt like I drew him off of the edge by basically telling him that his girlfriend was no good and all. I knew it wasn't the nicest thing to say to your best friend but hey, he needed to know the truth. Either way, I didn't want to upset him again but my tongue was itching to tell him off once again about his annoying girlfriend.

There was a silence as I thought to myself. When Howon finally decides to wake up at leave her, I'm worried about how he'll act towards other girls. Although he's strong and all, Howon attaches himself to people he loves and lets them take an advantage of him.

"Are you okay?" Howon asked.

"Y-yeah," I replied, "Are you?"

Howon didn't answer.

"Do you wanna talk or just hang out sometime?" I asked, trying to look him in the eyes. Howon just kept looking down. Where did my boisterous best friend go?

"Hoya!"

I saw Howon stiffen up in fright as I looked behind his shoulder to see Hana walking towards us with an eyebrow raised and two coffees in her hand. She walked up to where we were standing as Howon greeted her with a grim expression.

"Hi," she replied with irritation evident in her voice.

"Hi, I'm Seohyun. Remember, you came to m-"

"Yes, I remember," Hana cut me off with an eye roll. I looked at Howon who took an awkward sip of his coffee and then glued his eyes to the ground.

"What are you two talking about?" she asked, looking at Howon with suspicion.

"We were talking about hanging out together sometime," I answered. Howon darted his eyes up and gave me a warning glare.

"Really? When?" Hana asked with a small eye-twitching smile.

"I dunno but you can't come," I answered. I wasn't the type to get super angry at people because of disrespect or start fights but this girl just pissed me off. Who was she to come talk to me like I was an insect and make my friend's life absolutely miserable? Even if he didn't say it, I could see that Howon was suffocating under Hana despite the fact that he went around saying that he "loved her".

"Sorry?" Hana's smile disappeared. I don't know what happened to me in those three seconds but the fire and rage I had been hiding in for what seemed like years finally burst out. Maybe it was the unfamiliarity of Howon's silence or just the atmosphere in the quiet bookstore that dared me to disrupt its peace. Either way, I felt like I wanted to hurt someone, preferably Hana.

"You need to get out of Howon's life or just realize that you're hurting him and stop driving him insane and clinging onto him. He doesn't even like you, get over yourself! Stop acting like you're nice or whatever-"

"Hana," Howon warned. I looked over at him and managed to stop myself before I went insane, my anger fueling up as my heart pumped wildly with rage.

"Are you jealous of me?" Hana said with a disgusting, teasing smile, leaning back and crossing her arms.

"Jealous?"

"You're jealous because I took your only friend away from you and now you have no one. You don't have any friends, do you? And don't act like you do because Howon tells me everything," She spat.

"Hana, stop-" Howon held her wrist and pulled her back. But before Hana was a safe distance away from me, she threw her hot coffee at my shoes and slapped me across the face. It stung but my shamefulness hurt more as some bookstore customers around us "ooh'ed" at the sound of the crack of her hand meeting my cheek.

Maybe I just took it too far this time.

Myungsoo came right in time to save me and from there, everything was a blur. He gave Hana the dirtiest look I had ever seen and took my hand, leading me to the car as I followed him, burying my face in my hair as the spectators watched with big eyes.

We got into the car and I felt my face heating up as Myungsoo gently put his hands on my shoulder, shifting me from side to side to examine my face and the huge red mark on my right cheek.

"That was so embarassing," I said, feeling my heart burn with shame as I forced my lips to curve upwards in a smile. I didn't know what drove me to the edge but I had never gotten slapped before. I wasn't apologetic towards Hana but more for Howon. I couldn't imagine what he felt right now. I guess it wasn't in my place to say all those words but I just hated the girl.

"Does it hurt?" Myungsoo's eyebrows creased in worry as he examined my cheek.

"I'm not usually the type to start a fight," I mumbled, "I was childish to do that-"

"-Does it hurt?" Myungsoo repeated, touching the stinging wound on my face. I shook my head but my cringing told him different.

"I have medicine at home," he said softly, "Are you gonna be okay?"

I didn't know.

Was I okay?

I felt more alone than ever. Even if I surrounded myself with "friends" and colleagues at work and even a boyfriend, in reality I had no one to lean on but myself. I knew that I shouldn't have let Hana's words get to me but it was only the truth.

You have no one.

I was jealous of her because she stole my best friend and chanegd him. I felt like I was abandoned with nowhere to go. I had no friends and I definitely didn't have any family. I looked over at Myungsoo who started to drive out of the parking garage, taking my silence as a "Yes, I'm okay". But my heart was crying out and I felt hot tears stinging at my eyes. I felt like an emotional teenager, crying over the feeling of loneliness.

But what joy in life is there when you have no one to enjoy those small moments with?

Sure I had Myungsoo but I kept pushing him away. Personally, I agreed that that was my fault.

I didn't even understand why Myungsoo stayed with me. I was a crazy delusional girl who couldn't trust him or return his love. All my insecurities were poured onto him and I was just such a huge burden on everyone around me. The wall, the fortress of pride and fake happiness that I had built up around me was degrading. Maybe I was going through a late puberty stage or an early midlife crisis. Either way, I felt messed up.

From the car ride all the way up until I was waiting on the bathroom floor with my back against the counter for Myungsoo to get my water and pills, I acted as if I were fine. But something in me cracked and my tears started to fall without end until I was practically crying all the water out of my body and wailing in agony of my brokenness as soon as Myungsoo left my side.

He rushed in to see what had happened as soon as he heard my sobs to see me in my terrible state with my hair all over the place and tears endlessly flowing down my red cheeks.

I buried my face in my knees and curled my body up into a ball when I heard the glass clink on the counter as Myungsoo sat down in front of me, bringing me in for a warm hug as he kissed my hair, "It's okay, baby," he murmured endlessly.

But his words just made me wail and cry even more like a crazy person.

I didn't know what was wrong with me but I just felt plain sad.

And with Myungsoo's presence, I felt even more terrible because I felt like I was such a burden on his light heart. Like all I was doing was recieving his love and not giving anything back.

But his embrace and his husky voice comforting me all just felt so good. I loved the way he inhaled the scent of my perfume and ran his fingers through my hair, planting kisses on my forehead and whispering words of love in my ear, his lips brushing against my swollen cheek.

I loved how he didn't even ask what was wrong and how he didn't hesitate to just pull me in and give me his love.

I didn't deserve any of this.

But I wanted Myungsoo so bad and I hadn't really realized it. I just thought out everything so much that I didn't just think plainly if I loved Myungsoo or not without all of the circumstances. I wrapped my trembling arms around his toned waist as he swallowed me up in his arms as I felt him sigh, smiling in the process as he whispered one more time, "It's okay."

That night, Myungsoo and I layed on my sofa and just talked about everything. We were always so close to each other physically yet emotionally far away because of me. And that night, Myungsoo proved to me how much he loved me. The way he just listened and gazed into my eyes with such passion and love made my haert beat faster for the first time in years.

Maybe now that everything caved in, it was just a matter of time until we'd be happy again.

Together.



- - -

"I have a surprise for you," I said when Myungsoo opened his door.

One week passed since my breakdown and Myungsoo had been with me every second of the way.

Literally.

And as much as I thought that I would never heal and that I'd be crying for weeks, Myungsoo found a way to make me smile and rescue me from the pit of darkness I was trapped in. And through that, we got closer.

I learned that loneliness was something that I could fix on my own by opening up and just realizing that there was at least one person that was always there for me ; and that love wasn't something that you could think out. The darkest times of my life turned out to be the ones that led me to find my true happiness.

"What is it?" He asked with a smile on his face.

"Mmm, well first of all, I brought chicken!" I held up a box I was holding behind me full of chicken and soda. Myungsoo clapped his hands in excitement as he ushered me in.

"You read my mind, I was craving chicken," he said as he his lips, sitting in front of the table to devour the food. I poured soda into red solo cups as we dug into the chicken, laughing at the spicy sauce all over our faces due to the violent eating.

"Myung-ah?" I looked over at Myungsoo, getting ready to reveal the real surprise.

"Mhmm?" he answered, eyes glued to the soccer game on TV.

"I think I want us to move in together now," I said surely.

Myungsoo looked over at me slowly as he set down the drumstick in his hand, "It's not too quick?"

"Psh," I laughed, "We've been together for like eight years now, Myung." The smile on his face grew as Myungsoo tackled me with excitement, giving me a kiss on the lips. "Oh my God I can't wait," Myungsoo hollered, pumping his fist into the air. 

"You're that excited?" I laughed.

Myungsoo looked at me with big eyes, "It's only the thing I've been waiting for for like three weeks." I laughed as he happily ate his chicken, listening to him planning out our moving in together as we cuddled on the couch. How fast can you fall in love?

Very quickly. 

i hope i'm not skipping too much time or rushing everything. this fic is getting so longgggg. i was supposed to end it at like chapter 35. LOL that didn't happen. ooops haha.