Seohyun

When I finally made the precious time to just sit back with a warm mug of coffee in my living room and evaluate my life ; I came to the conclusion that a lot had happened in the last couple of months: I broke it off with Woohyun, went through a stage of depression, miraculously got over that stage of depression, and became awkward used-to-be-lovers friends with Myungsoo. The only missing part of my life was Howon.

Lee Howon... Howon, Howon, Howon.

Where do I even start?

I felt like we were in high school again with all the pointless "drama". It had been so long since our argument that I barely even remembered what it was about. Something about Woohyun?

It didn't matter. Because frankly, I wasn't going to be a little girl about it and fight with my friend because of a boy. Especially my best friend.

Besides, that boy that started our fight walked out of my life days ago.

During the last couple of days, I went out of my way to retrieve Howon's work number. I don't quite know why I didn't do it before, I guess it just didn't seem appropriate to give him a long speech about our friendship while he was at work. But frankly at this stage, I didn't care.

Going this long without my best friend because of a petty little fight wasn't going to work. He was the only thing that was stable in my world. But again, shouldn't he be calling me first? If my memory serves me correctly- wasn't he the one that walked out the door- not me?

And if he was your best friend, wouldn't he have apologized by now?

Yet again. Howon's stubborn.

And so am I.

I shoved my conscience out of my head and pressed the call button. He probably wouldn't pick up anyway. 

"Hello, this is Shinhan Finances." 

My previous self slouched over the sofa sat upright. I was getting closer to hearing Howon's voice. "Hello? Uh- Um, is there someone by the name of Lee Howon here?"

"Mr. Lee has been in Seoul for about five months now."

"Excuse me?" I stuttered. Howon? In Seoul? For about five months? That's exactly around the time Howon and his girlfriend came to visit. I felt something inside of me tick off like a bomb.

Why didn't he tell me?

I was extremely confused - But now that the woman said it; I guess it made sense. That time he visited my office to apologize to me - of course he didn't drive all the way up to Seoul from Busan just to say that he was sorry. I had a feeling that there was something fishy but I just shook it off at the time.

"Yes, he moved back quite a while ago. He's living with his girlfriend."

"What?!" I literally yelled into the cell phone, clenching the electronic device in my hand. He's living with his girlfriend of like half a year? In Seoul? I wasn't angry. I was everything but angry.

I was confused. Overwhelmed at the sudden flood of information. Clearly, we had a huge lack of communication for the last couple of months. I've been trying to get a hold of him for the longest time and I hear that he's right in my home town when I thought he was two hundred miles away. "Do you know how I can contact him?"

"I do have Mr. Lee's address," the woman replied.

- - -

I gripped the hastily scribbled on- post it in my hand and sighed, staring up at the devastatingly tall, sleek silver apartment building.

"Thirty second floor," I mumbled, stabbing the floor button with my finger when I entered the elevator. Even the lift was super fancy. Since when did Howon rake in all this money to live here?

I got to the hallway and stood in front of Howon's front door, not hesitating to loudly knock on the mahogany. "Who is it?" A familiar muffled voice called from somewhere inside the apartment. So the woman wasn't lying. That voice was definitely Howon's. I didn't want to give myself away just in case he wouldn't open up so I knocked again.

"Who is it?" His irritated voice repeated. I knocked louder. I heard footsteps approach the door as the sound of locks unlocking filled my ear. The door abruptly opened as an angry Howon stood behind it, a toothbrush in his hand, dressed in a wife beater and sweats. I stood my ground, staring him down as he stared at me, big-eyed.

"S- Seo? Seo? ... What?"

Really? That's all he could say? I rolled my eyes and blew my bangs out of my face.

"I'll be back..." Howon said slowly before attempting to close the door. But I shook my head and stuck my foot between the crack before he could lock me out.

"Why didn't you tell me you moved to Seoul?" I asked, disappointment present in my voice.

"Are you mad?" Howon squeaked.

"Not really... Just a little surprised. You didn't tell me. After we got into the fight, I just thought you were ignoring me. Do you know how many times I tried to get a hold of you?" I tried to keep calm.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled.

"Why didn't you pick up your calls?" I asked. "And why are you living here?"

"It's a really long story. But Seo, trust me, I was going to call you right after I got mad at you, I swear."

"Why didn't you tell me that you moved to Seoul then?"

"Well we got into a fight," Howon awkwardly rubbed his neck. I frowned. He was being so jittery. "I mean, our fight wasn't that serious and I was just not in a good mood that day and I'm sorry."

I nodded. "So we're good now and I can talk to you about all the crap I've been through this couple of months over pizza, right?" I grinned.

"Seo... You really shouldn't be here," Howon said to my dismay.

I frowned, "What are you talking about?"

"There's a reason I didn't pick up your calls," Howon sighed. I raised an eyebrow. "I'm sorry Seohyun. You kinda have to leave right now," he said.

"O- Oh." I didn't know what to say. It was fine that I had to leave - but he was being overly pushy about it. "You can come over tomorrow," I said before Howon stiffly nodded, shutting the door behind me quickly and locking it back up again.

The next day, I called Howon and for the first time in about half a year, and he actually picked up. We decided to meet at the usual restaurant. It was nice to catch up with him. We talked and laughed like the old times as I told him everything that had happened while he had been absent from my life. It was like the odd-happenings yesterday never happened.

"You know," I started, "You still have to tell me about how you managed to move up to Seoul without telling me."

"Yeah, about that..." Howon said, "It was actually because of Hana."

"Your girlfriend?"

"Yeah," Howon nodded. He had a grim expression on his face and took a sip of his drink. I cocked my head. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," Howon smiled.

"I can see it..." I stared into his wandering eyes.

Howon sighed and leaned back in his chair, digging his fingers into his temples. "It's Hana... She's getting possessive and it's scary... but I love her. I mean, we moved to Seoul because she said she loved it so much - that's how much I love her. And you had to leave yesterday because she would flip knowing that there was another girl at our apartment. Even if your just my friend- That's why I couldn't pick up your calls."

"Are you sure you love her?" I asked.

"Yeah! Of course I love her," Howon replied. 

"You seem scared of her," I pointed out.

"I'm not!" Howon defended, "I just... I can't see you or talk to you anymore. Hana doesn't like it." His voice faded out toward the end of the sentence.

I felt my heart violently cascade down to my stomach. "Is my best friend breaking up with me?" I murmured jokingly, laughing a little. But I looked up at Howon who was staring at his lap and awkwardly playing with his fingers.

"You know she doesn't own you," I said quietly.

"Well, I lo- she's calling. Be quiet," he said. Howon pulled his phone out of his pocket, slapped a smile on his face and started talking a cheerful voice. I just sighed. This wasn't love.

"I'm out with my friend," Howon said into the phone, "Y-You want to talk to him?"

"This is ridiculous," I mumbled. I watched Howon dive into a state of panic as he formulated excuses as to what he was doing and who he was with.

"I gotta go," Howon whispered, pointing to the exit. I nodded as he quickly got up with his phone still to his ear. I rolled my eyes and payed for our drinks before I headed back to my apartment. Howon was so stupid. The feelings he has for his girlfriend were definitely not love. I wish I could just tell him but I don't want to break his heart or get into another stupid fight. Perhaps this is how he felt when I chose to keep trusting Woohyun and Myungsoo.

I thought his girlfriend was sweet...

My phone rang and I lazily looked at the Caller ID. I was still processing the fact that my best friend practically ditched me because his girlfriend said that he couldn't talk to me. 

"Hello?" I picked up the phone.

"Hey Seo." It was Myungsoo.

"Hi. What's up?" I asked.

"I was just wondering if you wanted to hang out today," Myungsoo said slowly.

"Uh. Well, I kind of just got dumped by my best friend. I'm not sure if I'm in the mood," I grumbled.

"I'll cheer you up," I could practically hear him smiling through the speaker. "We'll have fun -Just as friends, of course," he quickly added. I thought about it for a second. It wouldn't hurt if I just went out and had some fun, right?

"Sure," I replied.

"Good, I'll pick you up from your apartment in about thirty minutes," Myungsoo replied.

"Alright," I murmured before I hung up. And just as he said, he was at my door in thirty minutes with a smile on his face.

"Where are we going?" I asked once we got into the car.

"Sokcho," Myungsoo replied with a grin.

"Sokcho... beach?" I asked, looking over at him. Myungsoo nodded, his grin growing wider. I smiled to myself and leaned back in the car seat. 

Sokcho was one of the first places we took a trip to when we first became a couple. Sokcho had a beautiful boardwalk along with cute little local restaurants and stores across from the beach. Usually the shore wasn't too crowded and in the night, it was simply gorgeous with all of the lights lit up.

After about two hours of driving, the taste of the salty blue sea along with the sound of the seagulls' cries greeted Myungsoo and I. I rolled down the window as I excitedly stuck my head out the window, watching as the huge expanse of blue sea pass by us.

"It's still beautiful," I smiled. 

Myungsoo nodded in response, "It is."

Myungsoo parked the car in the parking lot of the beach. While he unloaded whatever he had in his trunk, I hurriedly flung off my Converse and socks, and ran towards the sea. The weather was perfect. Although it was more cloudy than sunny, the sky was a beautiful shade of light blue that blended in right with the sapphire ocean.

I ran straight into the warm waters, ignoring the adults staring at me. I turned around to see Myungsoo walking cooly towards me with his backpack slung over his right shoulder. It was like perfection was stepping toward me.

I smiled to myself as I felt my heart pounding in my chest.

Myungsoo grinned at me with that smile I loved so much. The last time we were at this beach was seven years ago. The last time we were at this beach, we were together and our hearts were whole. We were holding hands and laughing like there was no tomorrow.

Back then, I loved him so much. And he loved me so much. As much as Myungsoo lost me ; I lost him too. And although some bitter feelings toward Myungsoo still remained, even to this day I wish that we could've worked something out so we could stay together until the very end. I still wish I could run up to him and have him hold me like he used to. But so many things changed and I simply returned his smile, turning back to face the horizon, kicking the warm, ankle-high water underneath my feet.

My feelings for Myungsoo were confusing. As much as I wanted him, I was distancing myself so I could officially forget him. But again, they do say that you never really get over that first love. In this case, it would be Myungsoo.

Soon, Myungsoo accompanied me as I felt him gently sneak up beside me.

"The water's nice today, isn't it?" Myungsoo asked. I smiled and nodded.

"It reminds me of the one time we came here," I murmured. I looked up to see Myungsoo looking at me.

"Me too," he said. We both turned to look out into the sea.

"Did you bring an extra change of clothes?" Myungsoo asked with a little smirk. I shook my head.

Myungsoo just smiled and bent down, cupping his hands down into the water as I realized what he was doing. "Oh God, don't," I started to run away but Myungsoo had flicked the water onto me already.

"Be glad it isn't cold," Myungsoo laughed as he saw my appalled expression.

"Oh it's on," I kicked water up onto Myungsoo's face as he accidentally swallowed some of it. I laughed as I watched his face scrunch up because of the salty water. I quickly ran away before Myungsoo could regain his focus.

I stuck out my tongue at him jokingly as he came racing after me. I ran away with a head start but eventually, he caught up with those long legs of his and hauled me over his shoulder.

"Put me down!" I screamed and laughed uncontrollably at the same time, kicking against his well-built chest and punching his back repeatedly. People were staring- some were cooing at how cute we were as a "couple".

"You said that it was on," Myungsoo said with a smirk. Myungsoo went knee-high into the water and I covered my eyes as I felt him let go of me, plunging me into the water. At the last minute, I grabbed onto the edge of his jacket, pulling him into the ocean with me.

I emerged out of the water before him and he came out of the sea spitting water out and coughing just seconds after. "I'm good," I laughed. Myungsoo shot me a joking glare but his eyes widened a bit as they started to wander down to my body. I looked down to my wet shirt and yelped, covering up my chest where my bra was showing through my white t-shirt.

"Lace. Nice," Myungsoo chuckled, awkwardly.

"This is embarrassing," I grumbled. I didn't know that we were going to be "swimming". I thanked the Lord that I chose to wear darker shorts as we just stood there - my arms covering my chest. Myungsoo coughed awkwardly.

"Here," he took off his jacket and hung it over me.

"Thanks," I mumbled. I zipped his jacket all the way up and Myungsoo was left with a wet wife beater on.

"Aren't you going to be cold?" I asked, noting the cool breeze.

"I have another shirt in the car. And it's better than you walking around with your bra showing through your shirt," Myungsoo smiled a little. I looked up at him and I must've looked pretty ridiculous with my wet hair flung all over the place and his jacket on me because he started laughing. I rolled my eyes and started to laugh along with him, making a joke out of the whole situation.

After we got out of the water, we walked around the beach boardwalk sharing a huge crepe we bought from a street vendor - Myungsoo with his wife-beater and me with Myungsoo's jacket zipped all the way up to my chest. We were still drenched and the weather getting colder wasn't helping.

"So are you still the queen of carnival rides?" Myungsoo asked.

I turned to look at him with a grin. "Of course I am," I replied.

"Can you still ride the twirly thing five billion times and walk in a straight line and go eat your heart out at a meat restaurant after?" Myungsoo held the crepe to my mouth and I took a bite out of it, nodding. 

"The twirly thing happens to be my favorite ride," I responded with a smile.

Myungsoo clapped, "I don't know how you do it, Seo. Wasn't your record like fourteen times in a row?"

"Eighteen, actually," I responded nonchalantly.

"Do you want to ride it today?" Myungsoo asked, suggestively.

"Shall we?" I smiled. Myungsoo and I headed over to the ticket stand where we bought all the tickets we could without spending our dinner and gas money. We headed our way to a gigantic ride called "The Zipper".

", I already feel myself throwing up," Myungsoo said as we got ourselves buckled into the ride.

"The ride didn't even start," I pointed out.

"I know, but this atmosphere makes me dizzy," Myungsoo sighed. I laughed as the ride conductor started to count down.

"It's starting," Myungsoo said with a sick voice.

"Since when were you scared of rides?" I asked, amused.

"Ever since I turned twenty," he replied. I didn't get a chance to reply because the ride started accelerating and flipping us upside down. I heard Myungsoo start yelling next to me and throughout the whole ride, I just laughed and watched Myungsoo amusedly as he gripped his stomach.

The ride finally ended- to Myungsoo's relief, and he stumbled out of his seat, holding his stomach while I calmly trotted out. "Well that was fun. Wanna ride again?" I grinned. Myungsoo glared at me.

"Sorry," I put my hands up to my defense.

"That was terrible. I haven't done that since I was a teenager," Myungsoo shook his head, trying to erase the memories of the ride from his brain.

"Come on, your not even that old," I nudged his shoulder playfully.

"Old enough," he replied to my amusement. We walked around the park looking for a calming ride for Myungsoo when a man walked backwards and collided into me.

"Hey, watch it," He snapped in my face.

"Sor-"

"Hey, hey, it wasn't your fault," Myungsoo stopped me from apologizing.

"Excuse me?" the man looked at Myungsoo with raised eyebrows. 

"I think you owe her an apology," Myungsoo told the man and pointed at me.

"She bumped into me, little boy," the man told Myungsoo. Myungsoo scoffed and leaned back, rolling his eyes. "This is ridiculous," he muttered. The man eyed Myungsoo and shoved Myungsoo's shoulder to have Myungsoo push the man onto the pavement.

"Hey, Myungsoo, stop," I tugged on the hem of Myungsoo's shirt. My eyes widened when I saw the security come running up to us with whistles in their mouth. I grabbed Myungsoo's attention and pointed to the police running towards us.

"Seo, your going to have to run," Myungsoo murmured before he took my wrist, ran around the man and started running toward the exit of the park. The security chased us all the way until the end of the beach but eventually, we outran them. We were panting as Myungsoo laid down on the sand, his chest rising and falling as he tried to grab his breath.

"Sorry," Myungsoo panted.

I shook my head and laughed a little, "No. That was surprisingly fun."

After the whole police-incident, we walked around the shore of the beach and when it was time for the sun to set, we watched from restaurant overlooking the ocean. The sky was a beautiful portrait with pink, purple, and orange all blended into the shining blue color of the sea.

When we had finished our dinner, it was time to leave the beach. I watched from the car as the pool of blue became more distant and soon - I couldn't see it anymore. "Thank you, Myungsoo," I said as we were driving back.

"For what?" he asked.

"For the fun... and the laughing," I replied with a smile.

"Anytime, Seo, anytime," Myungsoo replied before I fell into a deep slumber - the low humming of the car engine as my lullaby.