Myungsoo

I stared at the gray tombstone engraved with Jinah's name as the soft night wind shook the trees and stirred the leaves around me.

So it really did happen.

I wish I could just turn back time so we didn't have to get in the car accident- but I can't.

I felt my palms start to perspirate as I read the words on the stone over and over again. "Sorry," was all I could whisper as I turned around and forced myself to walk away from her. Physically and mentally. Although some mistakes can't be forgotten, maybe this was supposed to happen.

For some reason.

It wasn't like I was taking her death lightly. I mean, I was the one driving the car.

But we live for the future, not the past.

... Yet, tears started to form in my eyes as I looked back one more time.

She was dead and gone for forever.

My steps grew heavier as the already thin string between us started to uncoil and snap in half. There's no point in beating myself up for this; it's something that already happened. There isn't anything I could do anymore to bring her back to life. I just have to move on.

I slid into my car and stared at the tombstones for ages until the sun came up. But I didn't move at all. I couldn't.

I didn't even understand why I was so attached to her. Maybe because I believed that she was the only one for me. Maybe because I believed that she was there for me. But maybe because of the pure guilt.

I stated I loved her but did I really?

Did I truly love her?

I didn't want to keep covering the miniscule "no" in the back of my head with a definite fake "yes". I already knew the truth but I was lying to myself because I didn't want to admit it. I didn't want to admit that I was sad about the loss just because I was guilty and that it was my fault.

But technically, I just did.

I tore my eyes away from the lines of stones and sighed one last time, putting the key into my car and starting up the engine- driving away forever. 

The last place I wanted to be was home so I ended up driving myself to breakfast. I went to the cafe in front of Seohyun's work. She would always come here before she went to work if she didn't have time for breakfast.

And just as if on cue, she came walking through the door.

She seemed a little surprised when she saw me sitting down at the table we used to always sit at when we were together. She was probably surprised because we only came here for her. I truthfully hated the food at this cafe.

I didn't even know why I came here. I guess I was just randomly craving some of the cafe's disgusting breakfast crepes that Seohyun loved so much.

I kept staring at her as she found another seat in the cafe- for I was sitting in her usual booth. She started typing things on her phone and I could tell she was contemplating whether or not to acknowledge me or not. I knew because I was doing the same thing.

After yesterday, it seemed a little too awkward.

I hated myself for making the situation always so uncomfortable.

I wanted to talk to her but there was nothing I would say anyway. After done talking, I would probably just regret opening my mouth.

I rolled my eyes and got up and started walking toward her when Woohyun popped out of nowhere and surprised Seohyun, wrapping his arms around her. I made an automatic detour to the soda machine and watched as she smiled and laughed as he kissed her on the cheek.

He sat down in the empty seat in front of her and talked to her as she responded, laughing and smiling.

I wasn't jealous.

No, I couldn't be jealous.

I was over and done with the stage of being jealous over every single human being that talked to Seohyun.

I guess I was just kind of upset that Woohyun could make Seohyun so happy when I never could.

I scowled as Seohyun was so concentrated on what Woohyun was saying. It seems like she didn't even see me. I took a handful of ketchup packets and some napkins and headed back to my seat. I watched them closely as Seohyun finished up her breakfast and headed out the door hand in hand with Woohyun.

She loves him. 

I knew because of the way she looked at him.

She looked at him the way she used to look at me a long long time ago when we were first girlfriend and boyfriend.

I chuckled.

I didn't understand why thoughts of Seohyun started to pour into my head after Jinah was removed from the picture. I didn't understand why thoughts of Seohyun poured into my head when she had a boyfriend.

I'm so pitiful.

Pitiful and a coward.

I laughed at myself.

Now that there was no possible way I could be with Jinah now, I was developing interest for Seohyun? No. I couldn't do that to them.

Besides, It wasn't like I liked Seohyun again.

Right?

Seohyun

"Seohyun..."

I frowned at the familiar voice. No, it couldn't be. I looked up from my papers to see Howon standing at the door, his hands tucked deep into his pockets and eyes filled with sorrow.

"Why are you here?" I rose from my chair. After the argument, Howon and I didn't text once. He must've drove at least a day to get all the way up to Seoul. I told myself that I would just ignore him if he tried to talk to me but I didn't know that he would come all the way up here to see me.

"I'm so sorry," he said with his head hung low. I walked up to him and slightly pulled him inside, closing the door behind us.

"You drove all the way up here to tell me that?"

He nodded. "The other day, I came to see you and forgot how lonely you were feeling. I was just thinking about Hana the whole time and I shouldn't have accused you suddenly like that," he muttered.

I sighed. There was no way I could stay mad at him when he was being like this.

I shook my head, "Don't be sorry, I should've been more happy for you and your girl."

He looked up like a little boy to make sure I wasn't joking, "You sure?"

I smiled and nodded. "Good," he whispered, "I'm so sorry." He took me into his arms.

"I just can't believe you drove all the way up here," I said, my voice muffled by his shoulder. We stayed like that for a little while, telling each other apologies while we just laughed our mistakes off, telling ourselves how stupid we were to get into a fight over something so small like a misunderstanding.

"Your not mad, right?" Howon asked as he let go of me.

"Of course not," I smiled, "I mean, you drove all the way up here..." The door opened and I saw Woohyun come in. He was smiling but his facial expression changed when he saw Howon.

"Hey," I smiled.

"Hi," Woohyun replied. He looked over questioningly at Howon, "What is he doing here?"

"He came up here to-" I started.

"Didn't I tell you that he was a bad friend?" Woohyun asked, "Are you stupid? Don't accept people's apologies that easily." I felt like I was being scolded as Woohyun went on about Howon. Meanwhile, Howon was standing there, his fists clenched and teeth gritted, his sighs of infuriation growing more frequent as Woohyun's words became harsher.

"Woohyun," I whispered.

"What?" Woohyun spat, throwing an irritated glare over at Howon who ree back.

"He said he was sorry and he means it. Trust me, I've known Howon for the longest time. Besides, I can't stay mad at him forever," I said. The thickening atmosphere turned unpleasantly violent when Howon opened his mouth.

"Who are you to go around ordering Seohyun what to do? You barely know her," Howon snarled. I gave Howon a threatening look as he shrugged, anger bouncing off of his shoulders.

"I mean more to her than you ever did," Woohyun grit.

"Stop," I whispered. I was scared to get into their argument. I didn't even understand why they hated each other so much. The two boys scowled, piercing holes into each others eyes.

"Come on Seo, you can do better. Just break up with this bastard," Howon huffed, "I don't get why you always pick the hella annoying boyfriends." I stood there in between the two in pure confusion as Howon grabbed my hand and started to lead me out the door. I had no clue where he was going but I tried to pry my hand away.

"Are you planning on staying with him?" Howon asked, nudging his head toward Woohyun.

"Don't do this," I sighed in frustration. I eased my way out of Howon's grip.

"She doesn't want to go with you," Woohyun smirked.

"Fine, do whatever the hell you want. But don't come running back to me when he finally leaves you," Howon said, anger dripping from his voice. He left the room with a slam of the door and left Woohyun in silence and me speechless.

"He's crazy," Woohyun shook his head. He took my hand and smiled at me but it didn't seem right. I took my hand out of his.

"What?" he asked.

I shook my head and sighed, "I have to work." Woohyun frowned but left the room when he noticed my darkened expression. As soon as the door closed, I picked up my phone and called Howon right away for his phone to go into voicemail.

After about the twenieth time trying to call him, I gave up and slammed my phone down on my desk, sighing in resentment as I laid my head on my arms- waiting for the feeling of irritation and bitterness in my heart to go away.