Seohyun

The previously languid, grevious days eventually passed on.

I returned to my original schedule to be met with piles of work I had delayed, and avoided Woohyun when I went to work at all costs. The heart that I believed would never heal was slowly patching up. Slowly, but surely.

Soon, I could go a whole day without thinking about Woohyun.

As for Myungsoo, we were officially acquaintances. I liked it like that. But the way he stared at me sometimes scared me. He knew that I understood his unchanging feelings. Myungsoo still liked me. And the fact that I pushed that away and kept us in that "friend zone" drove him crazy.

I could tell by the way he tried to inch into my heart, to open it up again.

Perhaps I was just being overly stubborn. But the pain from heartbreak was too much to overbear. Besides, I had to learn how to live alone and be independent. Who said that I needed a man?

Myungsoo didn't understand that.

He didn't understand that he can't just take me back now that Jinah's gone and Woohyun's out of the picture. Besides, he doesn't love me. Myungsoo isn't going to die if he doesn't have me. No matter what the sad look in his eyes say when I refuse to be myself around him.

"I've wanted to show you this place for the longest time..." Myungsoo beamed as he gripped the steering wheel. I nodded and stared outside into the pitch darkness of the night. He had asked me to come with him after work on Friday, claiming that he had to show me something. I told him "no" at first but later obliged after his begging.

"How's work going?" Myungsoo asked, shattering the silence coating the vrooming of the car.

I nodded, "It's fine."

"That's good," Myungsoo replied. "And you and Woohyun...?" I didn't reply and just fidgeted with my fingers, staring outside at the barely visible landscape as Myungsoo was driving. 

Those were the last words we exchanged to each other before Myungsoo said, "We're here." I woke up from my daze and blinked a couple of times. We were on a cliff.

"We're on a cliff," I stated dumbly. But Myungsoo just chuckled and reached over, undoing my seatbelt. I stuck my body close to the car seat, staring at him as he smirked. His body heat radiated off of his whole self. "Come on," he said. Myungsoo undid his seatbelt and got out of the car, leaving me in the vehicle with my heart pumping one thousand miles per hour.

I shook my head.

I was falling for Myungsoo at such a fast rate. I took another deep breath before I followed Myungsoo outside where he was leaning against the hood of the car. As soon as I was met by the fresh night air, I followed the cool breeze up where I was greeted by the brightest night I had seen in my life.

I gasped and simply stood with my feet planted to the ground, gaping.

Stars.

Billions of them.

Trillions of them.

The night was full of beautiful stars.

Real ones. Not one in pictures or movies, but real stars.

"Stars," I smiled, turning to grin widely at Myungsoo. He nodded and beamed. I tore my eyes away from him and let them rest on the beauties in the heavens. I stretched my hands up to the sky. The stars looked so close and palpable. I closed my fist and lowered my hand.

"Real stars," I laughed.

"Real stars," Myungsoo confirmed with a satisfied smile, watching me in amusement.

"I can't believe they're so... big and bright," I whispered.

"Beautiful, huh?" Myungsoo asked. I nodded, my eyes glued to the dazzling stars.

"Your neck's gonna hurt if you keep looking up at the sky," Myungsoo said. I turned to look at him. Myungsoo smiled and nodded his head towards a blanket he spread out on the dirt in front of the car near the edge of the cliff.

"Come on," he said as he sat down, patting the seat next to him. Reluctantly, I slowly walked over, sitting next to Myungsoo as he lay down. I took a breath and followed his movements. When I was on the blanket, I looked to see a wide expanse of beautiful, shining stars right in front of my eyes.

I sighed in contentment.

"You like it?" Myungsoo asked. I nodded.

Myungsoo and I layed there, just staring at the heavens as the gentle nighttime breeze tickled every inch of our skin. I smiled for no reason at all as I saw the lights in the sky.

I was in the twenieth year of my life and it was my first time seeing stars. I wish I could've seen them sooner ; but I know why I didn't. Stupid me was waiting for this moment right here, where I'd first see them with Myungsoo, just like he promised.

I was amazed that the same sky I was peering into right now was the same one that was above my apartment.

It was so different.

I stared up at the sky and studied the patterns of the lights, shining down for us. The number of lights in the sky was so high, I couldn't just focus on one area. I could look at these stars forever.

"It's one in the morning," Myungsoo broke the silence between us. "And we got here at ten..."

I frowned. Already? It seemed as if we had been laying here for only a couple of minutes.  I had to force my eyes away from the stars as I looked at Myungsoo. "Do we have to go?" I asked.

He shook his head. "No," he replied.

I nodded and smiled, turning my head back to the stars. But Myungsoo kept his gaze on me. I shifted uncomfortably, eyeing him to see when he would turn away. But he didn't. I touched my face, making sure there wasn't anything on my cheek or something but Myungsoo just chuckled.

"Why are you looking at me?" I asked.

Myungsoo shook his head, "I don't know... It just makes me happy... looking at you."

It was my turn to stare. I wanted to smile and tell Myungsoo that it made me happy at looking at him too, but no words came out of my mouth.

"What am I saying?" Myungsoo said with a sad chuckle. He sighed and tucked his hands behind his head, looking up into the stars once again. I peered over at Myungsoo's side profile and studied his gorgeous features. My heart was rapidly beating.

Could he hear it?

I moved my hand as it brushed against the back of  Myungsoo's, who slowly turned his head over to look at me. I immediately moved my hand away. "Sorry," I mumbled.

Myungsoo shook his head. "It's okay." There was a silence as I  pretended to stare at the stars again. But the only thing I could think of was the feeling of his soft hand and the sound of my heartbeat protruding through my chest.

"How did we get like this?" Myungsoo asked after a while, letting out a small- fake chuckle.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, how did we get so awkward and uncomfortable with each other? We started out as friends... then lovers... then enemies- to you anyway... and now we're, what? - Aquaintances? I hate the fact that we're not even friends that can withhold a decent conversation."

"We're not awkar-" I started.

"We're awkard. And part of it is my fault because I keep trying to confess to you and send you signals about my feelings for you but you never realize how mu-"

"Why do we always have to talk about relationships when we're with each other?" I cut him off abruptly, "I told you that I'm not ready for a boyfriend and even if I was - there's a slim chance that I'd get into a relationship with you again."

Shut up.

Just shut up Seohyun, I thought as I took in Myungsoo's surprised and hurt expression. You idiot, my insides shout out ; Your lips and heart are saying totally different things.

"Can we please just be friends?" I asked, trying to soothe the knife marks I just made in Myungsoo's heart. "That's all I ask for..." I whispered.

"Of course," Myungsoo said in a stiff voice after a momentary silence.

"Thank you," I murmured before I closed my eyes, wanting to escape.

What was I doing? I was lying. And it hurt. Because I was hurting him. I was hurting myself. Maybe it was because of my stubborn personality I kept wanting to deny him; I know it's an effort to protect myself. But I don't even know what "protecting" myself is even more.

Because I'm definitely hurting myself and Myungsoo right now.

Maybe I'm taking it too far.

But going into a relationship with Myungsoo again seems like there will only be heartbreak and tears. Besides, he cheated on me. For a long, long time.

Yet, why did my heart still want him?

Myungsoo

I spent hours and hours contemplating confessing to Seohyun tonight or not. I was even about to, but after I gained my confidence, she told practically told me to stop.

She just wants us to be friends.

Seohyun's words stabbed me in the heart twenty billion times over and over again. "I told you that I'm not ready for a boyfriend and even if I was - there's a slim chance that I'd get into a relationship with you again."

I know Seohyun didn't do anything wrong, but I wanted to hate her. Because the pain she inflicts on me is the most bitter, cold, painful pain in the world. I just want to run away from her and never look back, erasing her from my mind.

But I love her.

The fact that she doesn't realize that makes me go insane.

Does she know how much she hurts me? I ask that question every single second of my life.

I was willing to wait for her, knowing that I'll love her forever- but I'm getting tired and weary. I don't want to be as stubborn as she is and stand in the middle of a battlefield, waiting for the war to end.

I could die.

Living merely as Seohyun's friend can kill me. The idea of Seohyun walking down the aisle to marry some other man that isn't me already gives me enough nightmares. I don't want to give up. Giving up on Seohyun is the last thing I want to do.

But sometimes, when I see the state that we're in, I feel like that's the only way out for the both of us.

To just have me give up on her.

That way, Seohyun can find a man that'll treat her right the first time, and I can...

... Actually , I don't know what I'd do.

But it seems impossible to have Seohyun love me again. I understand what I did wrong the first time. If only Seohyun knew how much I actually love her and hope for her, she wouldn't want us to be "Just friends".

I sent her a billion signals along with indirect confessions. 

I thought unrequited love was a part of life. Everyone goes through it.

I just didn't know that it could hurt so bad.

 

- - -

"I can't touch the sand anymore!" Seohyun shrieked as I dragged her further into the lake.

"Don't worry, I got you," I smiled as I wrapped my arms around her waist, carrying Seohyun. Her arms wrapped around my neck naturally as we went further and further into the warm lake. It was summer time and it had been three weeks since we became a couple, and three weeks since I told her that I loved her - during my confession. And I meant it.

Seohyun and I went for a drive in a convertible along the lake, had a picnic on the shore, and changed into our swimsuits to go wade in the water. The sun was brightly shining and the crowd of people gathered on the edge of the lake playing with their families and friends were far away from us.

"I love you," I said as I peered into her eyes. We were so far into the lake, that even I was on my toes, and only our eyes and nose were visible above the water.

Seohyun smiled and held onto me tighter.

"You know what?" She asked.

"What?" I asked, practically begging her to say that she loved me back with my eyes.

Seohyun laughed and splashed a handful of water on my face.

"What the hell?!" I asked, spitting out the water that got in my mouth and wiping my face. If it wasn't Seohyun, I would've been pissed off. Seohyun's love made me blind. Even if she killed or suffocated me, I'd be grinning like an idiot.

Seohyun gave me a daring smirk as I shot one back at her.

"You shouldn't have done that," I said with a devlish smile. I took Seohyun and dunked her head in the water for a brief second before pulling her back out. I thought she'd be mad but to my surprise ; she spit lake water in my face.
 
Seohyun grinned. "I'm good." 

I rolled my eyes and glared into hers as she started to shrink away. I had a sudden urge to kiss her as I caressed her face and pulled her body closer to mine. My lips met her soft ones and I felt Seohyun smile into the kiss.

Seohyun pulled apart quickly after about one second and I frowned.

"I love you," Seohyun said, suddenly.

"W-what?" I stuttered.

"Nothin'," Seohyun replied.

"You said you love me," I said with a wide grin. Say it again, say it again, my heart screamed. I was so happy. I couldn't stop smiling. The butterflies came in my stomach and my heart started beating quicker. I was surprised. Seohyun always said that words don't mean a thing if your actions don't support them. On top of that, whenever I told her that I love her, Seohyun would just reply with a mere smile.

"Say it again," I said.

"No," Seohyun said with a flushed red face.

"Say it... please?" I asked.

Seohyun looked at me and laughed, pushing my face away. "I love you," she repeated, before I planted another kiss on her lips.

- - -

I just wanted to hear her say that she loved me over and over again until I died. It took her only three weeks to say that she loved me after we first became a couple. But why is it taking so damn long now?

If only I could hear her tell me that she loves me again.

I'd give the world to hear those three words come out of for me.

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i know what's happening at the end of this fic; i'm just having trouble putting it into words. please bear with me <3
thanks so much, everyone.
<3 한나.