Myungsoo

My heart hurt like no other.

For Seohyun. And because of Seohyun.

Even if I'm right in front of her with my arms wide open, she refuses to come to me. She refuses to show her tears in front of me and it's breaking my heart. It was this undescribable stinging pain that wouldn't go away. My heart was heavy with the thoughts of her and they would forever be heavy until she was in my arms.

Was she that hurt because of that bastard?

Could she not trust me?

Was I that bad of a memory to her?

"Seohyun," I called out.

She turned around and gasped a little before putting on her guard again. "How'd you get in?"

"Door's open," I replied, pointing toward her wide open front door, "And I heard you crying."

"That doesn't mean you can just come in whenever you feel like it," Seohyun snapped. She wiped away her tears and glared at me. "Get out!"

I refused to. I walked toward her. She was sitting on the wooden bench on her balcony, staring out into the landscape at nothing in particular, crying her eyes out. I wish I could hold her and comfort her. I wish I could be the one that could take care of her and wipe her tears away. But the coldness of her voice and hostility of her actions told me otherwise. After what I had done to her, nothing could be the same. , I'm probably the reason why her breakup with Woohyun hurt more than it was supposed to.

Seohyun went into the battlefield already wounded. By me.

"No," I refused as I walked toward her. I took her by the shoulders and hugged her close and closer to me as I felt her fidgeting under my embrace. "You don't know how much you mean to me... I hate seeing you like this."

"Shut up," she whispered.

"I love you," I stared at her in the eye as I pulled her slightly away from me to get a good look at her, "I love you and I'll fix everything. I'll fix our past relationship, I'll fix what happened with you and Woohyun... We can be happy again."

But Seohyun shook her head "no". "Stop feeding me those lies, Myungsoo. Do you think that you can just play with me like you did before and break my heart again? I'm done with you. I've been done with you for a long time. Don't act like you care and get out of my life."

I ignored my heart's screams of pain and held her close to me again. "Seo, you don't understand. I love you," I mumbled into her shoulder. I was pouring out all my heart's feelings out to her to be openly rejected. Although I was practically forcing our bodies to hold each other, our hearts were miles apart. But hers was running and mine was chasing.

"I don't know what I have to do to make you believe that I love you," I pleaded.

"If I do believe you," Seohyun said, "Do you think that'll change my feelings for you?"

"It's one step closer," I whispered. Does Seohyun not feel the feeling I have in my stomach, my heart, my legs, heck- my whole body when we're near each other? Desipte my pain, I'm practically jumping with enthusiasm due to the fact that she fits perfectly under my embrace. Due to the fact that she's merely breathing the same air as me.

Seohyun pushed me off, slamming the balcony door behind her as she huffed back into the apartment. I followed a while after, trailing into the living room where she had walked into. And there she was, standing in the middle of her room, clenching a tissue and crying her heart out.

I walked toward her but she turned around quickly. "Just stop!" Seohyun begged, "Stop and leave me alone..."

"Seo-"

"Myungsoo. Why are you trying to confuse me even more when I'm already broken to pieces inside?! Why do you always insist on breaking me down when I'm already at my lowest?" Seohyun cried, "Stop trying to help me. You can't."

"No, I can. I promise I can! God Seo, you don't even know how much I ing regret every second I treated you wrong," I took her hand.

"Out of all people, Myungsoo," Seohyun said bitterly, "You definitely can't promise me anything." And with that, she yanked her hand out of mine and huffed into her bedroom, slamming her door behind her.

What Seohyun said to me scared me. The way she said it - It didn't even seem as if she was mad at me or still sad that I did what I did to her. More like she was scared. Scared of me.

Seohyun was right. She wasn't even ready for another relationship yet I kept forcing myself onto her. I needed to give her space. I might be in the back of her head throughout the day but she's all I can think about. And no matter what, I'll always be there for her when she needs me to be.

If that's all I can do for her now, that's what I'll do. Even if it drives me insane.

- 3 Weeks Later-

Seohyun

Time was all I wanted.

Time to myself. Time to heal.

I got what I wanted, but it didn't help me like I thought it would.

I don't know what made me, but earlier this morning, I called Woohyun. I know I shouldn't have, but I did. The longing I felt for him was just too big to ignore. It was driving me crazy. So I negotiated and decided that I'd see him one more time and then decide whether or not to forget about him or make him mine again.

I called him out to the restraunt in front of our offices for lunch, just like what would happen when we were together.

"Just as friends, right?" I remember him asking over the phone. I nodded eagerly. Anything to see my man's face again. But I didn't know that he took the whole "friends" thing as far as he did.

I had that same mentality of being "just friends" but when Woohyun walked in hand in hand and beaming with another happy girl, I felt devastated and straight up betrayed. But who was I to say anything, he wasn't mine anymore. And he definitely showed me so.

"Hey, this is my beautiful girlfriend-" And I didn't really hear anything after that. At that spot, I contemplated running and never looking back. But I decided that it would make me look like a coward. After all, I was the one that called him out. The way he talked to her and looked at her disgusted me. Maybe because it was the same way he used to look at me. Woohyun even called her the same pet names and used the same pick up lines.

Recycled.

That's how I felt.

After some small talk, the couple had to go on a date. They left just as they had come in, hand in hand and smiling like there was no poverty, hunger, and brokenness in the world.

Like I didn't exist.

There was a time when I was like that with Woohyun, too.

And even with Myungsoo.

After the little meeting, I absolutely refused to go back home. Again, I could feel myself breaking down. Because whenever I had that feeling of throwing up in the pit of my stomach at the thought of returning back to my apartment, I knew that there was something wrong.

My brain easily decided without a doubt to forget about Woohyun. Even if I still loved him, there would be no point. He clearly moved on and I would not make him break up with his girlfriend for me. And cheating was not even an option.

But my heart was squeezing with pain. Like a movie, Woohyun smiling with his girlfriend just killed me, stabbed me with a knife over and over again unendlessly. And the tears. The tears I thought had dried out by now started to fall out of my eyes and drop onto the sidewalk.

I wiped them off to have more wet drops replace them.

Just as they say. The thing that hurts the most is watching the person you love, love someone else. It was only the undeniable truth.

Everything. Every grain in my body hurt. Yet, I didn't even understand why I was so upset. I thought I was over Woohyun. We clearly didn't work out, whether I held on to him or not. I knew I wouldn't have a chance anyway, so why was I so grieved?

There wasn't a word for how tired and exhausted I was feeling now. I was sick and done with crying and doing nothing at home, doing nothing at work, eating, sleeping, and thinking about Woohyun. Earlier, I was so excited to see him. I guess I needed a slap in the face- a reality check to wake me up. There was no way Woohyun and I could be together.

I guess love doesn't have second chances.

I didn't know where I was going but I just walked where my feet took me, keeping my head down low and my hand covering my mouth to stifle the sobs and cover my tears. I even ran into a couple of people but just merely muttered a "sorry" as they threw me glares as I went along my way.

Who knew that Woohyun could cause me so much pain?

I didn't want to face reality and move on. I wanted to be happy with him. I thought his arms were where I belonged. I thought his heart was where I was.

"Seo."

That voice. It generated that sick feeling of melancholy nostalgia. I don't understand why Myungsoo tended to find me when I wanted to be alone the most. I did believe in fate but the way he would just appear at the most perfect times made me wonder how his timing was so exact. Fate wasn't even the word. Him always being there... It was unevitable and maybe,  destined...

"Myungsoo," I sobbed. The memories of me and Woohyun's happy moments together came flooding into my brain as I played back our best times together. Myungsoo didn't even ask and pulled me into a hug as he kissed the top of my forehead. I didn't push him away. I didn't even struggle.

Because it felt good- The embrace that I had been avoiding for so long. The person I had been afraid of loving so much.

The way Myungsoo enveloped my body in his felt too right. It made me cry even more and harder.

"I'm here. Don't worry," Myungsoo cooed. I cried a waterfall into his chest.

"I've been here the whole time. You could've done this sooner and you would've gotten the tears over with already," Myungsoo chuckled as he hugged me tighter, rocking me back and forth.

My brain was telling me to back off. Myungsoo was old news. He was bad news. All he wanted to do was hurt me. Myungsoo always had a way with words and he was just charming his spells on me again. In a few months, he would be off with another girl while I was alone. And then, I'd be sure to regret.

But my heart.

My heart was telling me that after all the pain it went through, it felt good to finally get some loving and someone that would take it in. Even if it was fake.

"So. I'm guessing I'm kicking Woohyun's ?" Myungsoo joked. I laughed a little as I pulled away from the hug. Myungsoo raised his hand toward me, moving to wipe the tears off my face.

I felt bad. Because I flinched.

I wasn't sure what to do. I was confused beyond measure. One part of me was fighting for Myungsoo and the other part, against. I stared up at him as I watched his face turn hard and his eyes display that hurt and longing again.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. Myungsoo slightly nodded as he put on a fake smile to cover up his dissapointment.

"No, I'm sorry," Myungsoo mumbled.

There was a silence.

"Would it be okay if I asked what happened?"

I nodded and paused before I started to explain, "I called up Woohyun and asked him to go out and eat with me." I looked up to see Myungsoo's reaction. His face hardened even more. I continued, "He showed up, but with a girl..." I stopped there. Hearing it come out of my own mouth made a huge lump form in my throat as the tears piled up in my eyes again.

"Seo," Myungsoo chuckled a little, "You don't need Woohyun."

"You don't understand..." I sniffled, "He was supposed to be the one. He practically.... saved me."

"Saved you from what?" Myungsoo asked. He already knew the answer..

"You," I said in a small voice after some contemplation. Myungsoo shook his head and sighed. "Sorry won't ever be enough, will it?" I just looked down as Myungsoo mumbled incoherent words under his breath.

I let a few more tears slip out of my eyes. Little did I know that a billion more would follow. I just stood there crying as Myungsoo took me into his arms again. "When are you ever going to get a man that'll treat you like you should be treated? ... Woohyun didn't... I didn't..."

"Maybe I'm just designed to be alone," I muttered into his wet flannel.

"Then I'd be designed to be alone," Myungsoo said. I took a while to process what he said as I clung onto his shirt, looking up at him. "Wanna come over?" Myungsoo switched the subject. I hesitated before I eagerly nodded. Just as much as I didn't want to go home, maybe I just didn't want to be alone either.

"Good," Myungsoo said. I looked around and finally realized that I had actually walked myself to the front of Myungsoo's apartment. Ironic? Maybe it was because I was used to it. Well, used to it about 2-3 years ago.

Since then, I had ignored the mere presence of the apartments when I walked past them. I felt the familiar serenity of the place as I climbed up the stairs, watching Myungsoo's figure walking in front of me as I smiled.