Myungsoo

Suffocated.

That's what I feel whenever I step foot inside my stifling house. I still haven't cleaned up the place since Seohyun left. Piles of garbage lay around the apartment, clothes were still strewn across the floor. Truthfully, she did all the cleaning up around the household. I didn't spend a lot of time in the apartment, anyway. I just ate and slept here. It would get dirty whenever I tried to clean it anyway.

"Seohyun!" I called as I passed by her turned-around figure leaning against the metal rails of the balcony.

"Yeah?" she turned around and gave me a beaming smile as I tucked my hands into her blanket and hugged her waist.

"Hey," I whispered into her ear.

"Hi," she slightly shuddered. She was ticklish. How cute. Her voice twinkled as she laughed when I planted a kiss on her jawline.

"What are you doing out here, aren't you cold?" I shivered, rubbing her shoulders. But she just shook her head and gazed lovingly down at the street lights.

"Is your Romeo down there?" I joked.

"No... But don't you think the lights are so pretty?" she then frowned as she looked up helplessly at the pitch black sky, "I wish you could see the stars here... I've never seen stars."

"You've never seen stars?" I asked. She shook her head "no" and sighed, cupping her chin with her hands and putting her elbows on the railing.

"There's a place not too far from here but far enough so the city lights don't get in the way- but if you look up, there are billions of stars."

Seohyun's eyes shone, "Really?"

"Yeah, I'll take you," I promised. She grinned and nodded, excited as I watched her amusedly.

I passed by the lonely balcony as a flicker of Seohyun gracefully turned around and gave me a small smile.

"Seohyun."

But she was gone. Everyday at about this time, I would pass her looking out into the sky, pensive in thought as she smiled to herself. I got used to it and it'd feel empty if I didn't see her out there for at least five minutes every night... but now the balcony looked forever lonely with its overgrown plants and faded furniture.

"I think I'm going to regret showing you this place but if you can't find me, I'll always be here," Seohyun told me as she led me through an unkept forest to a nature trail. She smiled as she trod down the familiar green path.
 

I can't find you, Seohyun.

You look the best by my side, with me. But your not here...

I paced the floor as the strong longing impulse that beat in my heart grew bigger.

As much as I hated it, Hoya was right when he told me that I kept holding onto small things of Seohyun. I tried to keep part of her alive in me. Alive with me all the time, even if she wasn't by my side like before. But I didn't care. It was the only way I could go through being without her.

Despite the weather, I grabbed my jacket and headed for the trail.

...If you can't find me, I'll always be here.

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Seohyun

"What'd you do to your ankle?" Woohyun asked wide-eyed when he saw me with my wrapped ankle that morning at Starbucks.

"Snake bite," I muttered as I sipped on my warm hot chocolate.

"Are you okay? Is it serious?" Woohyun furrowed his eyebrows.

"I'm fine, no biggie," I replied with a smile.

"How did you even manage to get a snake bite in the winter?" Woohyun scolded. I just gave him an ill laugh in response as we started to walk to board the bus to work together. I groaned when I saw the sillhouetes of dozens and dozens of people that were already on the bus. 

I took a deep breath as Woohyun and I squeezed into the crowd of people in the bus mushed into the seats or being helplessly clashed together. Woohyun smiled down at me as I uncomfortably shifted around with my head against his chest as other people and the movement of the bus forced our bodies to bump together occasionally.

"Sorry," I muttered, muffled by his chest.

"It's okay," he smiled.

Throughout the whole ride, I kept bumping into him. Once or twice, he even wrapped one arm around my waist to keep me from falling. By the time we got to our stop in front of the office, my face was flushed red.

He chuckled at me. "Why are you blushing?" he asked as we got into the empty shiny, silver elevators.

"What?" I unconciously raised my cold hands to my face to cool down the red color that was burning up my cheeks. He raised his eyebrows amusedly, teasing me. It reminded me so much of him- Myungsoo. He'd always used to tease me about the way my cheeks would turn red when he held my hand or gave me surprise kisses.

I just stared at Woohyun as his laughing expression started to turn into worried one, "Are you okay?"

An ice cold tear rolled down my cheek. I didn't know I had any of those left.

"Yeah," I wiped it away, "I thought I was going to sneeze." I'm a good liar.

"Oh," he laughed, believeing me. The lift dinged open and we got off and seperated into our seperate departments. I crashed onto my swivel chair and took care of the papers I got left and lay my head on the desk. There was an empty void in my heart that Myungsoo chipped off from me that left with him so long ago.

I knew that I could never fully leave him when he had that chunk of me. That's why I was scared that I would never love any one else again.

I was frustrated. Even more frustrated when I finally realized that all this time, I wasn't forgetting him but pretending, even lying to myself that I didn't need him.

I checked my watch after a dull, lethargic meeting and it was finally time to go home after another day. With more business reports to type up and important people to meet and promotions and getting my pay, I didn't even want to think about worrying about anything else so I left Woohyun and hurried out in a daze. The wind outside hit my body but I ignored it. I stood at the bus station but when my ride came, I stepped back and mindlessly wandered around the streets a couple of times for no reason.

But each time I went around the familiar buildings, I felt like I was degrading gradually.  I shouldn't have even acted like I was okay because in the end, it's just hurting me. The further I walked, the harder it was to take a heavy step through my sobbing tears. People stared at me like I was crazy but it wasn't like I was going to see them again, right? My heart hurt twenty thousand times more than I thought it would.

I felt stupid. Like a stupid helpless girl who can't get up with one meaningless boy.

But he wasn't meaningless.

I thought of his billion dollar smiles and his priceless hugs and words and presence.

I tiredly sunk down on the corner of a busy street and tucked my head into my knees and cried my heart out, ignoring the world moving and changing around me.

I pissed myself off by the way I was acting. I never liked the girls who were couldn't be strong and get over a man. I guess I'm a hypocrite.

Or I just didn't know.

Because it hurt. So bad that I couldn't breathe. The pain in my heart felt like it was going to kill me. It hurt to death.

The tears I thought I would never shed again were all showing up now.

I thought I was over him. I thought I'd be okay if I forgot about him.

I'm sorry heart, your tired of being bruised over and over again, aren't you?

I didn't want to admit it but deep inside buried by my own lies and fakeness, I know I still love Myungsoo. I need him.

After more crying and walking around, I finally got to my apartment but just stood in front of the doorway. I took in my weary appearance as I passed by the mirror but just sunk into my bed. To anyone: Don't love. It hurts to death and the pain is unbearable and a seperation is guaranteed.I thought I could get over him and forget with new people but I guess my type of love never was that way.

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PLEASE READ: confusing, a little? well, myungsoo's part in the chappie was right before he found Seohyun in the snow [ch 11 ] in case you didn't figure it out (: so no he's not a stalker (: altho i would like it if he stalked me too ^____^, it's just that the heavens want Seo&Myung to be together. hahaha
 

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don't have to read what's below;; do as you please (: 
so i really always strongly disliked stereotypical weakling main-girl characters like seohyun who just COULDN'T get over the freaking boy like a helpless idiot but idk why i wrote Seohyun to be this way -.- i hope you don't find her annoying, she just merely reacting to her broken heart 3... and if you do, that's fine. I UNDERSTAND. i'm semi-heartless (?) hahaha ^___________^

 <3 한나. aka.prettysinggg
I LOVE YOU GUYS! ((: