Watching the video made me sick. And I turned it off, before moving to articles on him. The rest of the night, I kept searching for his behaviour or any excuse on the 'freely kissing anyone' act. But I came out with a conclusion. After watcing him kissing Daesung, I touched my lips reflectively. 

‘TOP is very open minded. He didn’t care whom he kiss.’

I heard the sound of key inserted into the lock and the main door opened. I stood up and walked to the kitchen, leaving the laptop opened and put the dinner that I had cook in the microwave. Heating it up.

He put his coat on the hanger and wrapped his arms around me, with a kiss on my lips. I didnt move with his touch as he turned around and I close my eyes. 

“How’s your day?” He asked, clearly tired and worn out. The microwave stopped with a 'ding' and I took the plate out, setting it on the counter. 

“Fine.” I served it for him and he smiled. He sat on the bar stool and dug into the macaroni, while I pour some juice for him and me.

I didn’t know what to say. I am too sick to say anything. I looked at the wall clock and it is already 11pm. I took my drink with me and walked back to the living room, where I sat and scrolled the web page. My eyes ran through the screen, scanning the words in a forum. 

After 15 minutes, I could hear the sink’s tap opened and the dishwasher operating. I stared at the laptop screen and sighed again.

Suddenly, I felt weight next to me, as he sat and wrapped his arm around me. The faint smell of his perfume was still there as he cuddled closer and placed his hand on mine, clicking the cursor. He rest his head on my shoulder and look at what I've been reading. 

He too, sat silently for a while, reading the items I obtained from the internet. Slowly, I felt the weight on my shoulder lifted off, and he reached out for the laptop.

“I think I need to explain this?” He asked slowly as he shut down the laptop for me. The living room was clearly lit, that I could see he mouth turned into a curl. A guilty expression formed as he set the laptop away. 

"Listen.... I-" He got closer and I looked away. 

“Doesn’t have to. That's clear enough. Plus, you are tired. ” I said, pushing him away from me and get up. Seriously, I don’t think I wanted to talk about it. I don’t think I have the right to.

“No.” He pulled me back and I fell on his lap, where he cradled me like a baby. I felt my face burned and his held tighten.

“I used to think that.. Kissing is something common to me.” He whispered gently. I leaned on him as he continued. I wanted to hear this. 

“It is interaction, from a friend to another. Like, holding hands.” He continued. I nodded and waited for him to carry on.

“But that thinking is way passed me. That was like… I don’t know… 5 years ago? You know… young age.. silly things..” He pressed his chin on my shoulder. "You know where my heart lies, right?" He looked at me, eyebrows raised. Felt disatisfied with his answer. 

“Are you done? ” I asked after a while. He sighed and let me go. I stood up, took my half filled glass with me to the kitchen, where I do some cleaning up. He still sat on the couch, staring into spaces.

I turned off the kitchen’s lamp and walked to the bedroom upstairs. I didn’t see any sign that he will follow, so I went straight to the bathroom, washed my face and brush my teeth before putting on my baggy shirt and short.

When I walked out of the bathroom, he just walked into the room and both of us didn’t say a thing. He turned off the main light and I climbed the bed, pulling the covers on me. I lie for a while, as I heard the bathroom door closed and then, I sat up, in the dim lit room.

Maybe its true. I didn’t have the right to say anything. I looked at my phone and texted Qi. I looked at the empty screen and think for a while.

What should I say? Should I tell her how much I am disgusted by his act of the kisses? But the thing is really a no big deal. He did it as part of his work. In his movie, drama, for his fan. Geeeez... Isn't this is one of the thing that I need to be strong about?

I cancelled the text and lay back on the bed, pulling the cover over my head.

“Yup. I didn’t have the choice to that.” I mumbled to myself and rolled to sleep.

I woke up, in the middle of the night, with his hand wrapped around me. I stared at the wall for a while before turning to face him. He moved his hand away and I stared at his face. He was still sleeping, his face was calm and I could see lines on the side of his eyes. 

5 years ago. Maybe, it's the young blood thing. 

I lifted my finger and traced his face features. The strong cheek bone, his eyebrows. His lips. I suddenly realised that, everything, Every part of that, of him, belongs to me. And me alone.

They may have his kisses, but all of it belongs to me. I smiled, and I squirmed nearer to him. I sleep, hands around him and the night went on. 

I woke up in the morning, alone in bed, with my hand clutching his pillow. I looked around, and there’s no sound of him. No text on the phone, nothing.Maybe he had already went to the office. I made the bed and pulled the curtains, seeing the view of the Han River, with trees, and black branches, showing how cold the weather is right now. I sighed and and walked into the bathroom to clean myself.

He might have been hurt with how I had reacted last night, I thought and dried my hair.  I looked at my reflection and dabbed some moisturiser and some lip gloss. Tying my hair to a pony tail, I looked at my own reflection and touched my lips. Has his kiss ever been cold, and unnatural? Never. It was always warm and passionate, even though it was brief. I walked out of the bathroom, wrapped in towel and to the dressing room, picking a loose turquoise shirt and black pants for the day.

As I went down stairs, I saw food on table, and I looked around, bewildered. Suddenly, he hugged me from the back. I was startled and I turned around, to see him, with apron on his torso, and his eyes filled with excitement. I looked back at the table, lost of words to say. 

“Good morning.” He whispered and my mouth hanged in amazement.

“Oh, you made this?”I said and he didn’t reply, just pulling me to the dinner table and pulled out the chair.

He poured some juice and  I looked at the meal in front of me, beef, some veggies, ans soup. 

The smell wafted through my nostrils and I smiled.“My, it smells really good.” I said and he sat next to me.

I took the spoon and he pulled it from me, and lifted the plate with his other hand. He scooped the rice and showed it to me.

“Really? You wanted to feed me?” I asked, but still, he lifted the spoon and  direct it to my mouth.

I shook my head and ate it. We continued until the rice was finished. And through out the time, he just sat there, and keep feeding me, and sometime, get some for himself.

“We should do this often” I finally said and he smiled. He reached out for the rice bowl and added the rice into the plate. I took the spoon from him and took turns to fed him. He smiled, and munched the food happily. 

After a while, both of us were finished and I gathered the plates and brought it to the dishwasher.

“You know, I want to ask why, but well….. “ My words hanged as I washed glasses and spoon.

All of a sudden, he hugged me from behind and I stopped the tap, and wiped my hand on the towel.

“Are you still mad?” He asked in his slow voice, I smiled as he lowered his head and put his chin on my shoulder.

“Are you?” I hold his arms which were wrapped around me.

“I cant be mad.” He admitted and I chuckled. I nodded and turned to face him.

“I’m sorry..” I said and kissed him.

“No, I am sorry.” He replied and hugged me.

Both of us stayed like that for a while and he released me, and kissed my forehead.

“By the way, that’s a very nice breakfast.” I said as he walked back to the table to clear the food and I continued washing.

“Really?” He asked and I nodded. I turned the tap off and went to the bin to discard some of the waste.

“you know, you should teach me how to cook those.” I said and he smiled proudly.

“or, maybe we should go there and dine-in instead.” I hinted and he turned his head, shocked as I pointed on a paperbag in the bin.

“ouh…” He stared at it, shocked and grinned innocently.

“Apology accepted, right?” He asked and I shook my head.

“What the hell, I know you cant cook.” I smiled and both of us laughed.

“Belle?” He called out as I was watching the telly and he sat next to me, placing hand around my waist.

“Let’s go out after this.” He whispered and I hummed for a while, flicking through the channel.

“Where to?” I asked and he thought for a while.

I turned my head to face him and turned the telly off, before wrapping my arms around his neck.

“Hurmh?” I raised my eyebrows and he sighed, looked like trying to steady himself.

“I wanted you to meet my mother.” He explained and I stopped dead.

“Your m-mother?” I stammered and he smiled.

“You’ll love her. She’ll like you. It’ll be easy.” He tried to convince me. I swallowed my saliva and turned away, thinking. I just came here like... 5 days ago. I met the Bigbang a few days before, and now... I gritted my teeth, thinking.