I'm not aware if it was a conscious choice. I'm not sure what was the cause behind it. I'm not sure as to what made her do it. But either way, I wouldn't care otherwise. All I could see was pain. The only thing I can see were suffering and anxiety. The only thing that I saw she yearned for was understanding. She sought company. She sought someone that can share the pain with her. The way she tugged unto me and poured her heart out was one of the most heart wrenching things I've seen in a while. It was as if..

-----

I can only look so far into the horizon. I can only wish for so much. It's been one thing after the other. It's been problem after problem. If one finishes, a new one arrives. If a choice is made, another crossroad is to be taken. I can only wish for piece of mind. I can only wish for so much, and yet here I am..

"Amber.."

School. Being in school is the only chance I feel I can be normal. After being with Jonghyun several years back, having no proper job and earning money, it was all too weird and odd if others were to know what was going on. Again, that being said, going to school and attending classes and working hard for it are the only instances I can say, that I am living. 

"I know this is really hard for you.. Why don't you take a break? I am sure the professors would understand. It is family-related, isn't it? The school is more lenient when it comes to such cases.."

"I'm fine Soojung. I'll be fine."

"Come on, it's not easy to deal with such things.."

"Please, Krystal.. I told you I'm fine.. Excuse me, I'll just go to the cafeteria."

How can I say I'm not doing fine? Do they think it is so easy to say and blurt it out that you are hurt and that the world is falling apart right under your feet? Can I..

Ouch.

"Ohh my, I'm so sorry. I wasn't looking as to where I was going.."

Talk about unlucky. First, Krystal bugs me and now I bump into someone and fall on my behind. Today is just.. I looked up to see who it was. 

"Sorry about that.. I wasn't looking." He said as he reached out for my hand.

I reached for his hand.It's a familiar warmth. "It's all good. Uhmm, excuse me. I really need to go."

I walked along and placed what happened into the box of insignificant events box inside my head. I needed to be alone. I just wish people would get that. I know it is not easy to understand what was going on and it was difficult to comprehend why I am acting this way.  But isn't that the point? I, myself, cannot take in all these things that have been happening. 

-----

The day passed on with nothing else on my mind but my mother. I didn't even bother to listen at the lectures that our professors were conducting. I just can't wait for the day to get over so that I can visit her. They did promise to accompany me but I'm not hoping. Do I have enough reason to?

"Okay, class. Since I will be out of the country for the remainder of the semester, I have already prepared someone that will replace me as the lecturer in this subject. Everyone, please welcome your new teacher."

Okay, that got my attention. A new professor? Who could it be? I mean, Professor Im is good but it would be interesting how the replacement would teach us. All of us turned our head towards the door. We heard footsteps. Someone slowly came in and only then did I realize that our new professor was the person I bumped into earlier.

Great. He was scanning the room and locked eyes with mine. I wanted to hide. I bet he recognized me from this morning. Can this day get any worse?

"Good morning everyone. I will be your professor for the remainder of the semester. My name is Lee Donghae. Pleased to meet all of you." He bowed courteously and the girls in our class were obviously swooning over him. I on the other hand is  cowering under my desk for him not to see him. But to my disappointment..

"You, over there..The girl who is hiding under her desk.. What's your name?" Everyone in the room looked at me. I fixed myself. "My name is Liu.. Amber Liu."

He didn't say anything after that. He proceeded in asking the name of everyone in the room. The class ended early after the introduction of everyone. I left hurriedly and went on to go to my next class, my last class. After that, I can finally go and visit my mom. I need to take care of her. 

------------

Finally. Okay, good thing the lecture was about a brief history of a certain European brand designer. It was no sweat in reading and following through with the lesson. I rushed out of the classroom, out of the building to quickly head unto to the bus terminal. 

"Woaah, woah. Wait up, missy."

"Eh? Key? What are you doing here?"

"You look so surprised. Come on.. I did promise you that I will accompany you to the hospital right? Sulli left for somewhere earlier so she can't come."

"But.."

"Yahh.. Enough of that. Come on."

He actually did what he promised. I never expected him to come with me to the hospital. I mean, I was never one to expect. I never got used to expect things from other people. I'm not like that. But I do appreciate that he lived up to his word. Goes to show that there is still hope for humanity out there. 

"Stop staring at me like that.."

"What? No.. I'm not staring." He flicked my forehead. "Liar, liar, pants on fire. Get some rest. You haven't been able to sleep properly lately. And don't deny it. I see the lights in your room are always on whenever I head on upstairs"

"Oohh. How did you know? Always checking up on me, eh?" I . Again, he flicked my forehead. "Whatever. Just, rest." I did as he told me. I rested my head upon the chair in the bus.

Flowers. Beautiful and fragrant flowers, they filled up the yard. Roaming around, with no care in the world. 

"Amber.. Amber dear, come here."

Who was that?

"Come, let us go inside. Hurry up, it's going to rain, dear. You wouldn't want to get sick.."

Who are you?

"No.. No!! Go!"

----

"Amber, Amber! Wake up!"

"Ehh? Wait.. No.."

"Stop it. You were having a dream.'

A dream? Everything felt so real..The flowers, that were dancing with the wind. The flowers that were filled the yard with beautiful colors. It was all tangible. It was as if..

"You, okay? We're near the hospital already. Gather your things. We'll be going off." He told me. I was still a little disoriented on what happened. Was it all really just a dream? Let alone, who was that person that was calling me? Ahh. This is all too weird.

"Eomma.."

My mother has already been transferred to a private room. The bills would be problem but I'll try my best to manage. She's still a little bit unconscious but the doctors said she was already stable. It was unfortunate however that she sustained a head trauma after what she went through. 

We decided to stay at the rooftop for the meanwhile. The nurses are down in her room checking up on her statistics, saying it'll take them some time to check everything.

"Your mother, she's strong.."

"Yeah. I suppose so.. Though, I am already thinking of ways to be able to pay the hospital bills. This is why we hate getting sick. W