"Fortune comes to those who are brave." I am not particularly sure where I first heard it nor am I sure whether or not I truly understood what it meant for someone like me. My life has always been filled with gaps and questions. I grew up most of my life without a father.. I had a family. I had a mother who protected me and loved me for who I am, all the flaws included. Truth be told, there was a point in my life when I finally learned to accept that the emptiness I had in my life will forever remain a void; that it will be forever empty never to be filled.

That's where I went wrong. It was filled but even more filled to the brim. The void disappeared and what filled it overflowed. I received my answers. What I didn't expect was how I would receive it. The moment I met him, never did I expect my life would turn out as it is. It was a complete table turner for me. I asked and I received so much more than what I had wished for. In fact, a little too much that it drove me mad.

I can still remember how I hummed along to his music. It brought me peace. A peace I came to forget only to be revived by the same person. It was soothing that it almost came to a point I could sleep so soundly. It gave me a feeling of being safe. I felt I was secure, that no harm can come across my path. I loved the feeling. I loved it so much that even I to myself can't fathom why there was a point in my life I decided to turn away from it.

I held responsibility for my actions. I've said it before but what I did was stupid. It was stupid, selfish and irrational. I succumbed to my emotions. I was clouded by anger. My eyes were closed despite seeing what was around me. I sought a pointless vengeance. I was driven mad that I ended up hurting him in more ways than one. I was stupid enough to say to myself that I didn't love him anymore. I did. I always did. Nothing ever changed. I was just too proud to admit it to myself.

Let alone, the moment I found out the truth of who we were and what we meant to each other even before we fell in love was an even greater punch to the gut. In all fairness, I was impaired. I chose to bury a phase of my life that needed to be buried. But that decision caused me to forget the good memories as well. I forgot who he was. To be honest, that instant when I found out he was more than just Key but he was my Kibum, I was more scared than happy. I was scared because I knew we were in danger and that conscious state made me fear the thought of losing him once more. I was scared to lose him once and for all. I feared that the world I forgot and learned to rekindle with will be destroyed in one blink. 

He's a selfless man. He has a temper. He can be nagging, alcoholic, moody, irritating, annoying, romantic, sweet, inspirational, frustrating, reliable, responsible, manly, stupid and all other words I can think of. Bottom line, he is not perfect. He has his faults. But I was never perfect either. I am just thankful that someone like him exists in this messed up life of mine. I don't think I can ever find someone like him.

Call me corny, cliche or chessy.. Call me whatever but I love him. I love Kim Kibum. I am consumed by my feelings for him that somehow it has turned into a drug for me. I have to be around him. Despite my wishes to stay away, I yearn for him. I will yearn for him everytime.

Kim Kibum has turned me, who was once a quiet, pessimistic, questioning and apathetic, aspiring fashion designer into an emotional wreck that is a hopeless romantic all at the same time. Have I mentioned that I love it?

Today was a busy day for me. I was in charge of all the necessary preparations that I needed to take care of. The fashion show would be in less than three days. The media is driving me crazy with all the questions especially what happened. I decided to not give in to the pressure of allowing an interview. I wanted to keep matters private. It's a sensitive issue in my part that despite being a "public figure", I don't really like people prying into my life.

Sulli and Minho are kind enough to offer me assistance at tough times such as this. The past two weeks have been extremely painful and stressful on my part. I lost two important people in my life which adds to the whole equation of my desire to not entertain the media.

"You know it still amuses me that the media never fails to follow you around. They've been following you in and around the venue. It's not yet even the fashion show yet they're here asking for you."

"You know why they would want to interview me. Come on Ssul, do you really think I would want to answer such stressful in this state? I am stressed enough in organizing this event."

"Fine, eonni. I am just saying. Minho oppa will fetch me later on so there is no need for you to drive me. Remember eonni, we have been through a lot but despite that I will always be by your side. I will always be willing to help. Despite these trying times, I'll be here. We'll be here."

It nearly brought tears to my eyes. I held her hand and kissed the back of it and uttered a thank you. "It's what I need the most at the moment. Words of strength and encouragement. I am thankful to Sulli for it."

Past noon quickly came that we had to wrap up what we were doing. Sulli left with Minho soon as we packed the things we were using. Sulli mentioned that they were heading to the hospital for reasons I do not know of. As I bid the staff goodbye as they were going out, I gathered my things and sat at the sofa just near the entrance of the hotel. 20 minutes passed by, I remained where I was.

"He's late." I uttered.

Just then, a bouquet of flowers welcomed me. It brought a smile to my face and a blood rush to my cheeks. Even if I know that he loves me too, he never fails to express it everyday in every way possible.

"Forgive me, I had to run to the flower shop to get this prepared. Never did I imagine it would take what felt like forever in preparing something like this."

"You better came up with something good. I had to work a half day less because of this plan you said you had for me. Will I enjoy this?"

"Just come with me."

Have I mentioned that Kibum got a car already? I didn't even know he could drive. Nevertheless, he fetched me and we're heading to wherever he said he will take me. We drove along and by the time we left Seoul and entered Ilsan, I started to wonder where we were really heading. We eventually stopped at a house. He brought me in and I waited. He looked at me with a worrisome look on his face.

"Why?"

"Before anything else, please don't hate on me for doing this. I had to do this."

By then, creaking sounds which sounded like wheels started to get louder as if it was getting closer. I then had a view of what it was, rather who it was.

"Kibum!"

He pushed me down on the sofa. It was his father. Let alone, my adoptive mother was the one assisting him. Of all the places he had to take me, he decided to take me here. Why did he decided to stress me out like this when things are bad as it is.

"Ms. Liu?" he spoke. I was pinned to my seat. I took a good look at him and he looked completely different from when I last saw him at the hospital. His wounds have healed but he looks rather weak. He has turned pale and he coughs all the time.

"I know you do not wish to see me nor be even near me. But please, hear me out. Please listen to what I have to say."

"Wh...what is it?"

"I can never atone for the sins I have done. The people I have murdered, the faces of each and every one of them will forever remain with me until I take the pictures in my head to the grave. It was a life I never got the chance to escape from. To tell you the truth, I came to a point my life that killing felt second nature. I no longer felt anything when I pull the trigger. It all changed when I stumbled upon your parents. I received the order and went over to the house. I heard your mother scream your name and told you to hide. I knew you were inside the house but never did I think you will see your parents die in front of you. I saw your tears glisten from the small opening of the cabinet that it hit me. I remembered Kibum and Jinri's faces and what they would feel or look like if ever they knew of what I was doing. It was just that I realized it a little too late. I had pulled the trigger.. I felt the need to leave. After that incident with your parents, I decided to leave."

Somewhere in the conversation, Kibum and my mother left. I started to cry. Why was he saying this to me? That's what I thought.. Wasn't it all too late for him to tell me this? I appreciate his initiative in wishing to see me. I applaud his bravery for having the courage to face me in such a delicate situation.

"I know my words may mean nothing. They can never bring your parents' back but believe me, I am and will forever be grateful to your parents even in the afterlife. In their last breath, they made me realize there is more to life. Thanks to them I was able to save Kibum from all the anger and darkness my family wishes to instill in his mind. Also, I would like to thank you for being in my son's life." He started to choke in his words which made me tear up even more.

"I see a light on his face that I've never seen before. My remaining time in this world will never be enough nor equita