I can go on and on and on about last night. Let me tell you, it's one of the most exciting nights I've had in a long while. Call me foolish for feeling like this when the girl I adore doesn't even know me but then again, can you blame me? After telling myself to forget her or somehow move on from her, then seeing her alive and well, I can't help try to rekindle everything. In all honesty, there is this japanese girl I dated for a few months during my third year in Japan. She was really nice, sweet and spontaneous. I really liked her but I ended it with her after realizing that everytime I'm with her, I just keep on comparing how similiar she is to Amber. I didn't dare to prolong the relationship with her. I never told it to anyone. Even Minho who I confide in has no clue about it. 

Anyway, I feel like a little boy that just got his toy on Christmas. After a short visit to her house in the morning to force her in letting me treat her breakfast, I finally got hold of Amber's number. She saved it herself when she got hold of my phone and named it under Hana. To be honest, I am still new to the feeling of calling her Hana but I feel I'll get used to it eventually. The name suits her in some way though it has always baffled me why "Fury" is the meaning of her name. 
So, yeah. I invited her to come join me for lunch. I don't have work tonight so I can spend the entire afternoon with her. I'll meet Woohyun and Hyorin later that night. A company has called us and we'll talk about it. The company gave us a week to decide whether or not we'll take or reject their offer.

Going back, she agreed to meet me. So, here I am about an hour early or so at our designated meeting place waiting for her with a small flower on hand. I know I said it the other day that I'd take things slowly but I changed my mind. If I want her back, I need to be blunt. I need to express myself and make my feelings known. How in the world will she see me in that light if I don't do anything? Okay, I've been talking a lot yet I've still got an hour and ten before she arrives. I need to contain myself.

----------

I can only laugh at the look of his face last night. I can't believe he actually believed my actions to be sincere. I can't really blame him. He's hung up on me. I am everything to him basically. I can spin him at the tip of my fingers and he won't even notice what I have done. Do I sound like a up to no good? Forgive me if do but I am not the same Amber you guys knew.

A lot has changed in the near five years I was gone. To be honest, the truck was all coincidental but I was determined to die that night. I didn't know how to do it. Initially thought of jumping off a building, seriously. The truth is I could've easily got out of the phone booth. I had a lot of time to react and get out and run for my life but from the moment I saw the man that was shot drop dead and when everything became clear, I wanted to run away. Death was the only option I saw. I was in pain; emotional and psychological pain. Can you imagine, more than 15 years of kept memories came rushing into you in three minutes. Can you take it in?
I found some answers yet others remain unanswered. I am not in search of the answers just yet. The only thing I am determined to do is to get the justice I deserve. Love me or hate me for what I am about to do, I have decided to pursue it no matter what.

Donghae oppa took me in. There were two of us that were the victims to the truck. About 500m before the site where my accident happened, another woman was ran over. I heard no news about her but I did hear some info that she died. So, as I said, Donghae oppa found me and took me in. It took a year of everyday therapy for me to get better but he helped me every step of the way. He's the only person I can trust. Even the mother I learned to hate yet still love is someone I can no longer trust.

"Don't you have somewhere to go today, Amber?"

"Oppa! I told you to stop calling me that, right?"

"No one else is around, so it's fine. It's your real name anyway so what's the problem? You could've easily said it instead of using Hana."

"It's a choice I made and you can't do anything about it!"

"Whatever kiddo. Anyway, I have somewhere to go to as well. You better get ready if you're going somewhere. We are  never late for appointments."

And indeed he left, late schmate. I'll go at the time I believe is right. Do I sound too bratty? Fine but so be it.
Aish, fine. I am meeting Key.  It was so early in the morning and he rang our doorbell. He greeted me looking so fresh while I am still in my pjs. He asked me to let him treat me for breakfast. Before I could even refuse, he dragged me out of the house. I saved my number in his phone without even expecting he'll call me and ask for a lunch date. 
I plan to take this slowly but he is making things all too easy.

We agreed to meet at a small cafe in Hongdae. The designated time was 11:30 but here I am arriving almost an hour late. As mean as it is, I partially did it on purpose. Traffic is too blame why I am so late. By the time I arrived, I didn't see him in the cafe. "Aish, where is he?"

I waited for five minutes or so until I checked my phone. It came as a surprise he messaged me almost thirty minutes ago.
"Sorry Hana, an emergency came up and it's urgent. I'll call you once everything is okay. Mianhe."

I locked my phone. Why am I disappointed?

----------

I did not like this feeling. Is this connected to that? Was it a sign I failed to read? My mind is telling me it can just be coincedence but my gut is telling me it's not. I ran to nearest bus station but staggered. I've been crying. I am worried.. Of all the times for this happen, why now? No, it's not  because I missed my supposed date with Amber but it happened just a day after I last saw her.
I needed to meet Minho asap. Judging by the time, I believe he is the office. His text, it was that scary and I am that fearful for me to actually bail out of my date with Amber.

" My meeting ran late but I needed to proceed to the company asap. Is Jinri having fun with you? She told me she'll be back by late afternoon. Tell her I'll wait for her at our house. Thanks Key. I have yet to give you a housewarming gift."

What he was talking about, I had no idea about. Sulli is not with me and has not been in my care since the other night. Whatever is going on is something I don't feel too good about.
I ran to his office without even noticing that the guard at the entrance was running after me. I needed to see Minho and get a clear picture of what is going on. I ran from corridor to corridor only to realize I passed by his office twice. I came in and I found Krystal with him. 

"Hey Key. What's up? Regain your breath first but may I ask why the sudden visit? Is Jinri outside?"

"Outside?!" I couldn't contain my voice. "What do you mean outside?! Sulli hasn't been with me and I haven't seen her since she left the other night from my housewarming party! She said she'll go home to prepare for your arrival so tell me, what in the world do you mean by she is with me?!"

"I informed her that I'll be another day late so I thought---.. Then, who has been texting me?!"

I started to panic. Minho started to panic. Krystal looked at us with panic though she was not running back and forth in the room unlike us men. I looked at Minho and I started to see panic is written all over his face. I on the other hand is starting to feel furious. We are confused but one thing is clear, Sulli is nowhere to be found. I am sure this is not another runaway scheme of hers. She's over that phase.

"Guys, we need to calm down to fully figure what is going on."

"Shut it Krystal! Look, punk. I am going to figure out what is going on but once something bad happens to my sister, I am telling you Minho.. Consider yourself a goner in our lives." 
And I left. I am going to find my sister no matter what it takes.

----------

"This is my fault. This is all my fault."

"Calm down Minho. You need to regain your senses and after that we can plan on what to do about Sulli. Please.."

"Calm down? How in the world can I calm down Soojung? Tell me! My wife is I don't know where. Someone has been texting me the other day and now I have no clue if it really is her but somehow deep inside me, something is telling me it's not her I've been talking to. I don't like this feeling Krys. I lost her once.. I can't let it happen again."

It was a pain to see Minho the way he is as of the moment. He's always been an oppa I can depend on. I'd be lying if I didn't see him as a prince in shining armor but it came to me it is more of an admiration instead of actually having romantic feelings for him. He is more of an older brother figure to me. He helped me cope when my sister Jessica died. He gave me words of motivation to try and push through.