It felt as if the song "A bridge over troubled water" was playing over and over inside my head. I have never really heard the entirety of the song. I would just hear it at times and sing along the chorus "a bridge over troubled water~~" that line and all. I mean, I think the words somehow fit the situation and as if everywhere I turn and everywhere I go, that would be the song that could be playing. I have lost some of my problems. My education is going well. Minho's company provides well and I can save a small amount almost every other week they send my allowance. In two months time, I can buy a good class handphone if I desired. 

When it comes to Jonghyun, it's weird. I find it weird. We meet every now and then but it's been some time since I last saw him. I still find the new dynamics of our relationship a bit odd. Though somehow, I know that somewhere I wished for this. That somewhere in the depths of my mind, I hoped that our relationship would turn out into the way it is now. Don't get me wrong. I know I have feelings for him. I am aware but I myself find it odd I don't freak out over this reality. 

And when I thought things were getting better, here it is taking another turn. If someone new stepped into my life, another would be taking a step away. It had been like this for the past few months and it felt as if it was something I should be expecting. 

These are those moments, when I feel alone and unwanted.

------------

It read 11:52am on the watch that was placed on the wall across the hallway. It had been one hell of a morning. After the things that happened two nights ago, I can't help think and ponder how I arrived to where I am right at this moment. All I could do is sigh. I want to sulk but it wouldn't help. I want to cry but it wouldn't help either. I know there are better options. I am just too lazy to go around and look for it.

Krystal had been walking to and fro the hallway or if not would be sitting on one corner of the hallway. It had been my sight for the past hour or so. I want to just stand and grab her by the shoulders and fix her on a certain place. It was starting to get annoying to be honest. But I can't really say that. It will sound insensitive and unlikely from a friend like me.

"Calm down Krystal.. The doctors are doing their best about it. You walking around frantically along the hallway wouldn't really help. "

"Can you blame me Ambs? I mean, please.. Come on. Give me a break. Things are bad as it is and now you're telling me to calm down? I can't do that!"

I backed off. There isn't really anything I can say to counter that. I felt her pain in some way. The situation she was in was more than stressful enough. And there, another obstacle course has come her way. I'd be flipping if I was in her place. I know our cases are somewhat different but we all have our fair share of woes in life. Krystal may appear happy, lucky and perfect but things are definitely far from that.

From afar though, someone I wasn't expecting to come came. He himself is having his own share of the pie of problems as of lately. I haven't talked it out to him. I can't find the right time or maybe I don't have the guts to ask it. Key has his own dynamics of things. Sometimes I understand him and sometimes I just don't. I hate it like that. But I hate it more that he understands me in ways I never thought anyone can. He gets me. I appreciate it and I am thankful. But it scares me. The familiarity scares me.

"Hey Key.." I said as I waved him hello. He waved back with a plastic bag in his hands. It looked like canned coffee. The labels were showing through the already moist plastic bag. He sat beside me with his ever so cool yet indifferent aura of his. He handed the cans to me and Krystal. I gladly took one and popped it up. What made things weird was that I was oversensitive of his actions that day. I looked as to how his fingers cradled the can, the other set popping the can open and then taking it into his mouth and even his gulping. I had to see that. Great.

"Excuse me. I'll just go to the comfort room."

---------

She had to excuse herself. Great. Of all the times, why now? She knows how awkward I can get with other people. I am not one that trusts people so easily. Not after that. Let alone, she left me with someone who knows that guy! How small can the world get? I mean, after all of those years of trying. Life has to be the that would knock on my door and enter so gladly without my consent. How am I to talk to this girl? Dealing with emotions, I've had my fair share of it.

"Thank you for coming along Amber. It means a lot for me to have some people nearby. I don't think I can stay sane if this goes on and nobody is there to support me."

Okay. I didn't say anything. Well, I can't say anything. I don't know what to say. Let alone, what am I supposed to do? I brought them canned coffee? Is that good enough? Heck, where is Amber when you need her? What made things a lot more random was that Krystal started crying two chairs away from the chair I sat opposite from.

"I didn't have a nice relationship with my parents. Not after the accident that happened that almost ended my life. It was something I didn't want to happen. It was 5 years ago. I was fourteen. The top of my problems were boys and why they don't give me chocolates. But no. My parents never saw it like that. They saw the whole accident differently."

I didn't say anything or rather I'd rather not say anything.  She just continued sobbing there and I felt completely clueless on what I should do.

"They took my sister's death heavily. I remember my mom, crying for days, weeks and months unendlessly. She can't bear that her perfect daughter, my sister, passed away so unprecedentedly. They blamed me. They treated me like garbage. A garbage that they can mold into becoming their lost daughter. I didn't want to be a fashion designer in the beginning. I wanted to go into engineering or maybe literature. But they never approved. They pushed me to do the things Jessica did and were supposed to do. I hated it! I loved my sister but I hated on what they were doing to me. I know I said I hated them but I didn't want this to happen to them. There in hospital beds? Fighting for the brink of their lives? No, not like this!"

I stood from where I was and sat beside her and placed my arm just on her back and patted it. It was the only means of support I can offer her. I can't share advice. I'm not very good with words nor do I have anything concrete on sharing