You grab your purse and tighten your outwear before you stand up. You slightly squeeze his arm to say goodbye when you notice he wears the gift you gave him in his right hand. For a second you feeling slightly touched because he always wears it everytime he met you, but then you quickly change your mind and bid him a goodbye.

As soon as you step in your room you throw your purse on the bed beside where Hyerin's lay down with her belly on the bed.

"What the??!!" Hyerin takes out her headphone and look at around  from her laptop to find you. "Oh you scared me!!!"

You ignore her and lay beside her. Although you want to ask her why the hell she put the headphone on when she's staying alone in your place, but your mind is too occupied with something else.

"What's happen? Don't blame it at your bags! It’s birkin for god sake!!" She elbows your ribs.

"He brings his friend over again.." You say with a sigh. "What the hell should I expect if EVERY time we meet there someone's joining." You look through your ceiling. "It's like he avoiding me. But if he really wants to avoid me, just don’t meet me; don't ask me to meet him with his friends coming over. It's not that I complaining that I had the chance to meet new friends, but he should told me in advance. Eunhyuk really nice in person, I should brought him something, for him, not the package I intended to give for Kyuhyun." But I also want to be alone with Siwon.

Hyerin gets up from her position and grab your collar and shake it like frenzy. "You've met Eunhyuk?? When?? Why you didn't tell me? I thought you just met Kyuhyun!"

You shove her hands. "I just met him today.."

"How is he? What kind of clothes he put on? What did he say to you?" Hyerin sit on her knees facing you while you're back to laying position.

"He's nice, he's really nice, he make me laugh all the time..."

"And???" Hyerin getting more impatient. "What does he look like in person?"

"Just like the last time I saw him. He doesn't look like a bad boy at all.. He wears spectacles with no glass on. He looks much more approachable than Siwon.."

Hyerin turn to her laptop again. "They really are bestfriend. I thought it just in the twitter."

"What twitter? You know his account? You followed him?" You shock. Hyerin's pretty famous because of her blogs and stuff so she has hundred thousands of followers. Because of that she's only follow limited amount of people that fit to her image.

"No I just put Donghae Eunhyuk and Siwon's twitter on my bookmark." She opens it on her laptop for you and started to show you their twitpic one by one. "It's when they're in Brazil."

You look at the pictures and realizing something. "He never wears my gift in all these picture."

Hyerin scroll up the web page and there's one new tweet from Siwon just a few minutes ago. He tweets to say good night with a picture attached. It was Siwon gives a V sign with his right hand in the same outfit he wore a few minutes ago when he met you. "He wore my gift just a few minutes ago on his right hand, and now he took it off."

"What gift?" Hyerin asks.

"An Hermes bracelet that I bought in Singapore." You say blankly.

"What??? That's worth hundreds dollars!!" Hyerin wants to grab your collar again but you dodge away. "What else that you gave him??"

You close your eyes to avoid Hyerin. If that's considered as too much, you don't know how will Hyerin act if she knew the sum of all the gifts you gave to Siwon.

"That's too much okay ____~ah" Hyerin lays beside you. She sighs. "I like you better when you're single or not in love."

"Why?"

"Because you had your pride. Not this easy girl who gave everything to someone she's fell into. Just remember what you did to Jae." Hyerin says that lightly while mentioning your ex.

Those words hits you hard to the point that your heart literally hurt like someone just stab on your chest.

"Easy?"

"Yeah, easy. I can't find any more polite word for it. Because you literally just threw yourself to those guys. Like what you just did to Siwon. Why don’t you just spread your legs for him?” You close your eyes and try to control your breath. Hyerin turns to you. “When you didn't like the guy or you're not in love with someone else you would become really unreachable woman, you stand tall like nobody could come between you and your goal, you become independent girl."

"Is that a relationship lesson?" You sit straight up.

"Yeah." Hyerin answers it confidentially.

"From you???" You ask her, because you found it unbelievable.

She always told you that she gets lonely there so she followed you back to Korea, but you know that the real reason she come here because she just broke up from a boyfriend that she used to say 'means nothing to her'. That’s so immature and irresponsible. And now she gives you advices?

"Yes! From me! From someone who more experienced then you in the term of relationship with guys. I mean look at you! How hard was Siwon's effort just to get you head to heel for him? Compare this with how hard did Jae's effort to chase me. You have to play it cool.. Do push and pull technique."

You can't take it any longer. Hyerin behave so outrageously like a bi*** right now, so you get up from the bed. You grab your bag and intentionally hit Hyerin on the process.

Since you have a reserve personality, it's not your nature to talk back. So rather than have a worse fight with your bestfriend, you choose to avoid her until you're calmed down.

You walk as fast as you could to your door and ready to leave your home. But then you think. You can't go to your parent's home without being ask by your mom about what's happen. And you're really not in the mood for explain anything. So you freeze, facing the door.

You have nowhere to go.

But then you think again, this is your own home, you bought it with your own money, if someone need to get out of this home then it should be Hyerin, not you. So you timidly walk back inside.

You're feel angry to Hyerin. But because she’s right about your behavior towards Siwon. That makes you feel angry towards Siwon too.

It's really not easy for you to trust people, and when you decided to trust Siwon and let him came into your life, you never expect him to have such a big part in your heart. And with that big part, now you felt that he's starting to play with it.

For the second time of your live you felt so ashamed and angry at the same time but can’t do anything about it. You really want to get rid of this feeling.

You walk into your bathroom and stand in front of the mirror for a long time. You thought about going clubbing and wasted yourself with some stranger. But with your really low alcohol tolerance, (even a few gulp of cheap beer could made you totally forgot what happen last night) clubbing seems like not a good idea. I’ll be found killed by my own parent tomorrow if I did something bad when I’m drunk.

Keep flipping your phone over your finger, you soon remember about Kyuhyun. Randomly, you sent him a message, just to get you distracted from thinking about Siwon and Hyerin over and over again.

Shin ____

> hi

> why you're not joined your Hyung when they're hanging out tonight?
> I brought you a flower bouquet as you requested, but you're not there.

It took a while before Kyu replied your message so you forget about it and lie on the dried bath tub with a scented candle instead.

You're mature enough not to be controlled by your anger. You keeps on enchanting those words to yourself.

Once you have been able to manage to breath slowly, your phone ringed. It's from Kyuhyun.

"They didn't invite me along." That's the first words Kyuhyun says in such a rush when you pick up his call.

"Hello..." You greet him slowly despite of his first words.

"Oh, yes. Hi!" Kyu says. "What are you doing now?" He follows your rhythm and started to talk slowly

"Err.." You look around. What are doing exactly? "I just light up a scented candle."

"Ah.. So that's how you heal?"

"Heal? No, I guess. I'm hiding I'm my bathroom and got nothing to do. So what are you doing?" You ask him and laid back on the tub and started to close your eyes.

"I'm in the middle of packing my stuff. That's maybe why the Hyungs didn't tag me along to go with them. By the way.. What are you doing to heal yourself?" He asks.

"Going home is used to be my escape. But now... I don't think I heal myself. What are you doing to heal yourself?" You started to open your eyes again. Getting absorb to the conversation.

"I.. Traveling alone would be a nice way to.. you know, recharge."

"Yeah. I think it's a nice way. I haven't done it for years though."

"I'm leaving to Jeju in early morning tomorrow. You could join me if you want to.." Kyu says.

"Why would I join you if you want to recharge yourself by traveling alone?" You lazily close your eyes again.

Kyuhyun chuckles, "There would be another friends too.. We'll probably have a dinner together and I'll spent the rest of the day alone." You realize that Kyuhyun have a really nice voice he could be a radio DJ.

"Wouldn't that adds the awkward situation, I mean you're with your friend and if I came along, they would find it uncomfortable."

Kyuhyun laughs, "You're the most un-easy-going person I know.."

You shyly laugh a little too, "I heard that somewhere." You wondering why you didn't even offended by his words. "I like things well planned and in scheduled."

"Me too. But sometime it gets you boring like it drags you to live your everyday live and you had no time just to breath easily."

And then you remember that he's a singer, of course he have a nice voice!!

"Yeah.." You absentmindedly comment a little just to encourage him to talk more.

"It's still an open invitation, I'll leave around six from Gimpo tomorrow, it's the most early flight for korean air to Jeju. And I’ll come back here in Monday morning. Feel free to join." Kyu ends his call with a warm invitation.

"Sure.. I'll let you know if I change my mind."

As you put your phone down you realize how much your live changed gradually until it becomes like this. You used to travel around with your friends during college break, climb mountains, went to the most isolated village in Europe and stayed there for weeks without knowing the language first and feel confident enough to step your foot outside of your comfort zone. Now, you barely change lane when you're driving to the office.


Later on, you decided to sleep on the couch to avoid Hyerin that night. The couch is wide enough for two people sleep in it side by side, so you didn't really hesitate at first.

But no matter how comfortable the couch might look like, it's still uncomfortable compare to your own bed. So you involuntary wake up in the middle of the night because your hands feels hurt. You try to roll over to get a better position when you realize that Hyerin must be enjoying her sleep in the big bed alone.

You staring at the window that you never covered it with a curtain again since Siwon opened it. It nears three in the morning and the sky is still dark, but the sky scrapper still sparkling because of their light.

You sit up straight and hold your knees. Kyuhyun was right, I need to cut loose. So you suddenly get up from the couch and get your laptop, searching for Korean Air online booking.

                                                                                                                                    ....

"Yah!! I was waiting for you, why are you checking in first?" Someone pull your backpack bag.

Author's note: Thank you for subscribing and reading..

2 July 2013