Epitome Of Loneliness
Secret: Between The Two Idols
On an almost empty restaurant, you spin your spoon on the soup plate.
"Why are you daydreaming while eat like this? Did the meeting going bad? Or what? The zombie take over the world?"
Suddenly Lee Tae Goon the food brand young CEO who's also your friend/sunbae sits in front of you.
"Oh! What are you doing here?" You bow to him then look around, the restaurant hotel is still almost empty like before, you didn't recall saw him before.
"I just finish my meeting here and then I saw you eating alone. Are you waiting for someone? Siwon sshi?"
"No.." You chuckle. "I just.. got bored with any places near my office."
"Shall I join you then? Your expression looks likes sh.."
"I know. Sit please.."
Without your own knowing, you smile. For the first time today. Having a companion that at least know how to see things from your perspective.
But a few minutes later.
"You're mastering in business and properties right?" Lee Tae Goon asks. You properly nod. "But your father once showed me a piece of your art displayed at your hotel, it's quite good. I'm impressed."
"It's actually not that good. He shouldn't hang it at the hotel.." You laughing at your plate. And silently look up at him because his laugh sounds so genuine.
You suddenly feel so grateful that you fhim accompanied you like this. Him, the young CEO who carved his own name to been able to stand beside all of country's most known entrepreneurs. Him, the man that if the news of you two dating, both of your company's stock can raise up high, and the merger of the two company into countless new branch companies.
"Don't you want to try acting?" He suddenly asks.
"No.. Haha."
"Who knows you might look a little more compatible with your oppa."
You gulp. Aah whyyy?? Why even him indirectly told you that you and Siwon are not compatible in every possible way?
"Well.." You just falsely laugh and speed up your eating. Losing the will to be with someone else right now.
~
Since then you never go out with anybody, barely even talking more than needed to anybody at your office. It's so lonely to the point you used to plug the earphone directly when you get into your office room or go somewhere else, turn the radio on the car as soon as you star the engine, turn your tv on the bathroom, living room and bed room at the same time and never bother to turn in off even after you fall asleep.
So when the next Saturday Siwon's mom asks you to go out with her, you're not complaining. At least you don't have to spent the day talking to a wall.
"Too bad that you mom had to go to Shanghai with your dad, and Siwon also still in Beijing. I worried that you might spent this whole saturday alone.." Says Siwon's mom, holding your arm tightly. You just take her to a brunch in one of your hotel. "Jiwon is now busy with her boyfriend. One time she said she could go out with me, another time she said she already had a plan."
You laugh, "It's cute when you're sounds so jealous like that, ommoni.."
"Hehe.. Girls are all like that, they'll leave home eventually."
You nod and almost hit her when she suddenly stop in front of a building.
"Well now let's just indulge ourself." She motion the place name. It's a spa where she's the regular costumer.
It's really luxurious, dimlighted and soothing just from the moment you enter the door. The receptionist also greet both of you very warm. You smile to yourself when you realize that this is exactly what you need for.
While smiling, you look at a girl with a really long leg and nice body walk towards you. She's wearing sunglasses. Inside this dim lighted room!! So you think you're some kind of super star or something?
But she suddenly walk faster to your direction.
Ommo! Mwoya mwoya mwoya???!
"Ommoni!!!" She run passes through you and hug Siwon's mom instead.
"Sooyoung~ah.." Siwon's mom just recognizes her after she let her go. "Everything's all right?"
Who is she?
"Of course.." The girl still holds both of Siwon's mom' hands and bounce it up and down as if she really happy to see her. "How's your business ommoni?" She asks. That made you regret why from this early morning you never ask that question even once.
While they're talking you look closely at this girl. She's amazingly tall. Really pretty. Skinny like ASDFGHJKL.. It's almost like you're overall silhouette twice wider than her. Her skin is flawless. But her face is really familiar.. You think hard to remember where did you see her.
"Oh, have you meet each other? Sooyoung, this is ____, Siwon's dongsaeng. ____, this is Sooyoung, Siwon's hoobae."
Both of you shakes hand and bow. Oh, a celebrity? Who is she exactly.. You keep on remembering where did you ever saw her face, as they continue to talk.
"Don't really thought about all the dating issue.. Beside all of you already grown up. Are they expecting all of you the SNSD member stay single for the rest of your life?"
SNSD member???!!
You know they're very pretty. But this.. Is there any words to describe 'beyond pretty'?
They continue on talking as you nervously playing with your nails. Just by stand beside her feels like emphasized her beauty and your ugliness.
"Then I'll get going ommoni, enjoy the spa." She kiss Siwon mother's cheeks and bow politely to you.
You see her picked up by a black van, like the one Siwon usually ride.
Siwon mother continue talking to the receptionist calmly, but nothing about you is calm right now. Siwon surrounded by these girls when he's on work. And he indeed better with some other girls like that. They have the same lifestyle, same work, same... world.
"Honey, they ask you to lie on your back.." You could feel Siwon's mom hand on your fingers.
"Oh, yes." She woke you up from your thought.
"Are you really tired? You can sleep after this scrubbing.." She smile to assure you. "Siwon told me that both of you are getting busy lately, you don't have time to see each other."
"Yes.. I'll find time to see him if he's in town," then you're fall to your thought again. "Ommoni.. Siwon oppa's hoobae that we saw earlier, she's really pretty.."
"Yes she is."
"You know all the SNSD members well?"
"Some of them. They're basically struggled together from the first time they're debuted, so.. them and all the suju member already feels like our own family.."
"Oh, I see.." You close your eyes when the masseur start to massage on your face. "They're so pretty I bet at least once you ever want one of them to be your daughter in law."
You couldn't see Siwon's mom, but you could tell that she's quite lost for a few second before she could answer you.
"Ani.. Who doesn't want them as her daughter in law. But all I them are just Siwon's hoobae, that's why.."
You politely laugh to her answer and pretend to fall asleep. Half regretting you ever asked..
You randomly googling 'Siwon SNSD' after not being able to make peace with yourself. And you realize it right away, all of them are so pretty, it doesn't feel real. And he's being shipped with the prettiest among them, like with Yoona, Yuri, Tiffany, Sooyoung..
You don't know if it because you just have meet her or anything else, but the rumor with Sooyoung seems to be more convincing. They're often meet outside of the formal occasion and their family seems really close with each other. It's like riding on a heavy rain in the middle of the night, thrilling and dangerous it is as you drill about their real relationship. Until you find a name that often came out as you googling about Sooyoung and Siwon: Stella Kim.
Once you find out about them, you put down your phone and try to put down your fuming anger.
She's his ex? From when? Until when? Why he wasn't tell me anything. She lived in New York, so do I. Even in just a few month, a lot of friend of mine were there, they must be at least knew her. What was I thinking, he's not even mine in the first place, then why?
Because better than anyone else, you know she just the right girl to be with Siwon. She's a trainee with a marvelous talent that she almost got debuted but her parents didn't want her to become a singer before she got her degree. And she gave it up. Now she's living her career in New York and still manage to be 'that' celebrity without even debuted.
Sounds like a pretty nice girl comes from a pretty nice household.
Sounds like a pretty perfect accompanion to Siwon.
"You met Siwon!!! Oh my god!!!" Jenna screams at the first time Hyerin pick up her Skype call.
"Heeh??!" Hyerin, like always, annoyed.
"What on earth did you think?! You met Siwon and not telling me! I asked about your whole Korean trip! And you tell me not a word about Siwon!"
"Aah so annoying.. Call me just to ask about Siwon. You're Song Joongki's ex girlfriend for god sake. What that fangirl things for Siwon?" Hyerin rolls around on her bed and move away from the web cam.
"Hyeriii~iin!! Ah whatever, I'll ask ____. I'm going to call her anyway."
It made Hyerin roll back in front of her laptop. "Don't even think to made her introduce you to him. Siwon is hers.."
"Really??? So it's true???" Jenna squealing like a crazy fangirl. "Oh my god!! My friend is my bias's girlfriend!! Really??? Hyerin how could?? Did they really met at the health club the three of you went in?? Did she met him somewhere else?? How could I found these things from fansite that amazingly linked to your blog??? Shoot, it feels like I'm betrayed."
Hyerin scrunch her eyebrows, as far as she knows, you and Jenna are so close, that you ran to her all the way to New York after Jae and Hyerin got together. No one really know how hurt you when your bestfriend and your ex boyfriend were actually in relationship. But Jenna knew.
So for her not knowing that Siwon and you already met a long time before this, only could means that you one of a damn hard core introvert, which made you never really shared anything to anybody.
And Hyerin feels guilty to knew about you more than anybody else.
"I'm going to Asia-Australia trip in a few weeks. And the last destination is Seoul, so I thought about staying there for a few weeks. Do you think ____ could give us a tour?"
Jenna wakes Hyerin from her thought. Wait.. What??? Jenna's going on an Asian trip? Isn't Jae also planning to go on that kind of trip too?? They're going to Seoul??
"Do you think she would let Jae come near her in ten feet distance?"
"But, it's ____ we're talking about. Of course she'll..." Jenna stops, knowing this case is sensitive for both you and Hyerin. "Well.. Do you still like Donghae and Eunhyuk?? You better come to my place.."
"Haha how can you know? Are you stalking me or something?"
"They're all over your blog, the whole world know about it.. Maybe ____ is the one who didn't know her name related to Siwon if someone googling her name."
"Yeah, the old school girl never even take a look at my blog even though almost half of the posts include her. Just tell her Hermes will use her pattern for next f/w collection. I demand my paycheck when they already paid her royalty.
Jenna lets out a bit of her tongue. "Tell her yourself.. I'm gonna call her, bye!!"
You stare blankly at your window while talk to Jenna on the Skype.
Have her and your other friends, including Jae, to visit you in a month already a big news. To share the fact that she knew that you're in some 'unnamed' relationship with Siwon shocked you even more.
"I won't be really shock if it Hyerin or someone else. But it's you!! I thought you're going to date some thirty years old guy who's the owner of Korean major communication company, not an idol. And it's Siwon for god sake!" So she said
Why? Can't I? Stella is more proper for him and I'm not??
But in the middle of your talk, you remember that Jenna lives in New York. And Stella also lives in New York. You tried to calm your tone and ask about her casually.
"By any chance, do you know Stella Kim?"
"Your grammar becoming so Korean. Hahaha. Who? Kim who?"
"Stella Kim, she's a journalist for Nylon or something.."
"Oh.. of course, it's one of Sonia's friend.. You knew Sonia right? Jason oppa's girlfriend. They're like 'the pretty gang'. If they're came to a party, they light up the mood. Like every guy went nuts for them. Jason is one of the victim, hehe. Oh! Siwon also their victim, Stella was his girlfriend few years ago and a.. Ehmm.. Oopps.."
Although you expect this, but this confirmation feels like a pillow that smashed into your face.
"Oh.. I know." And you force a big smile. Jenna bits her lips regretting her loose mouth.
Knowing the fact that you're not even deserve Siwon adding miserable to your live beside lonely. Every day you've spent feels like hell. From wake up early morning but still feel sleepy, not having breakfast because you're too late, beat up the traffic jam to get into the office, have a ty meeting or never-ending task, until get into (now) more crowded gym in the night. It's like a devils circle you never going to break.
"Oh so you're elf from US?" Ask a girl to another girls in front of her.
"Yeah, I'm from Atlanta, but I'm currently teaching English here, so we're just want to.. You know.." She turns her voice down. "Yeah in case Siwon oppa come to this gym after he went back to Korea."
"Yeah me too.. I'm not even Siwon biased, but when I googled about which place do the member went to, I found this one, and it's the only gym I could attend while I visit here, because it has daily pass. Although it's really expensive for a day visit, but I hope it's worth it."
"Exactly. I knew this gym from a famous blogger that come here and got into the same class dance with Siwon's... ehmm you know."
"Oh yes! My friend told me to give a gift to that girl.. Ridiculous, how could I found her? My friend is just crazy.."
"Hahaha.. Where are you come from?"
"I'm from Philippine, nice to meet you Sara."
"Me too.. Oh, the class has started.. Let's get in."
"Aah it's too crowded around here at night.. The daily pass fee here is so cheap, so everyone could come in. It's so not exclusive." Says the famous fashion magazine editor that usually get into the same yoga class as you do. "I'll get to the manager so the dance class would be canceled. None of us attend it anyway."
Since a month ago, there's always a group of young girl that went into a dance class that you and Hyerin started a few months ago. And for those 'exclusive members', the feeling of their 'club' being intruded with strangers, stranger that in a different level with them is annoying.
"Miss Shin.. Miss Shin.." You look back to find your dance instructor calling you on your way to the sauna from locker room.
"Oh, Miss instructor, it's been long.." You bow to her, holding into your towel.
"How are your injuries? I heard you've got a fracture on your arm." She look at your hand.
You automatically lowered it down so it out of spot light. "It's not, it was just minor injuries.. It's alright now."
"It's a relieve, you have to be careful in the future.. Ah right, how is Hyerin? She didn't plan to come back here?" She asks, innocently.
While you amaze, how could she ask about something so connecting without even know it's connected.
Hyerin and your injuries.
"She's fine.."
"If you meet her again someday, told her I was really thankful because of she upload the video of us did the dance cover, there's a lot of people come to my class even though you and Hyerin who initiate the class didn't even come back to the class."
Uploaded the dance cover? Sounds like Hyerin.
".. Ah I'm so sorry, I don't really have time after I've done the work out. And without.. Hyerin too, it's a bit awkward to have a class just for me."
"You can ask Siwon sshi to join us again.. Hehe.." Not even in your dream. "There's a lot of my visitor ask whether he would occasionally come to my class, they were asking about you too as one of the person in Hyerin's video."
"Ah, really? Siwon is really busy, he often work overseas so.."
"You have to told him to take care of his health.. You too.. And if you have time, I just open a dance class outside of this health club, because of the demand from non club members were so high and it bother this club. Please come over.. And take Siwon too."
"Yes.." You bow.
"I'll slip my name card into your locker, okay.."
"Yes.." You bow again and went into the sauna room.
Alone.
Reminiscing the old time. When everything seems easier.
Suddenly..
"Upps.. I'm sorry.." Said one of blonde Caucasian young girl as she accidentally step on your foot because she's trouble opening the dry sauna room' door.
"It's alright.." You help her close the door.
But just a second after that, there's another three foreign looking girls who also almost step on you because they're seem unfamiliar with the step in front of the door.
You're close the door again silently but one of the girls got shock looking at you.
"Oh.. I'm sorry I'm sorry.." She says while keep in bowing.
She's using English and her face look Asian, and all of them just so awkward with everything in the sauna room.
Everybody usually pretty much expose every inch of their body in the locker room, that's why you're just in your underwear right now. But seeing all of the younger girls covered in their towels made you silently reach your own towel to at least cover your thigh.
Most of them eyed you indirectly on your exposed skin: belly, chest, thigh..
So you impulsively stand up to get out of the sauna room.
"Sorry but, eonni, excuse me.. Emm.. How to reduce the heat?" Asks the blonde girl.
"Ehm.." You got shock, that they're talking to you. Her korean looks bad, so you thought for a moment to answer in English instead. "You can't, but just don't put more water in the stones, it'll get hotter. And just sit on the lower level, down here. It gets hotter up there." You're wondering who are they, daily visitor that took the dance class?? Why there's so much little girl who would attend that such class?? "You can use the olive oil near the washstand there, it'll moisturize your skin during the dry sauna so it won't get dry."
You slightly bow to them before get out. But all of them stand up and bow their deepest to you.
Flustered, you smile and slowly get out.
"Oh my god!! That's her!!!" Squeals Sara, the blonde one.
"I can't believe I went to the same sauna as Siwon's girlfriend!!"
"Sshss!!"
"Her skin looks soo..."
"Glowing.."
"She's so polite!"
"And pretty!"
"Oh my.. She's so lucky.."
You went to the shower alone and lock the cubicle, finally.. this time with no disturbance.
As the water drops on your hair, you got lost in your thought.
If you could back into that time, would you listen to everybody not date him. Stay in your boring work life, and maybe Hyerin would stay. Or try harder to hold him since the beginning, fixate your place in his heart and his in yours, get work not as your first priority so you won't be hurt badly like this because at least you've got Siwon to catch your back if you fall.
Any choice would be fine, any choice would do. Anything but this, because it's not like you let him go nor you hold him tightly, and it's also not like you dedicated to your work like before nor you neglect it too.
You caught in between.
~
"I should have got it wrapped hours ago.." Kyuhyun sighs in frustration and throws himself at the couch.
"Why?" Ryeowook joins him and puts the lyric papers on the coffe table.
"I told my friend to grab a lunch together, and she drive away from her office in Jung to here but I haven't finished today's schedule. Not to mention we have to practice new choreography tonight."
Ryeowook laughs, "It's not like you've been Super Junior for a year or two.. Being super busy and missing date like that was an old story. We're jerks."
"I know right.. But she stays.. Even for a jerk like me. That's different story." Kyuhyun leans deeper into the couch and looks at the ceiling.
"She's the girl who sent food?" Ryewook turns his position toward Kyuhyun.
"It couldn't be anyone else.." Kyuhyun is smiling to himself.
"Ya ya!!! You haven't tell me about her!!" Ryewook shakes Kyuhyun body.
"Haha.. I'll take you if we go out sometimes. Too bad she didn't join our dinner at Hongkong concert last time."
"Hongkong concert? Super Show?" Ryeowook raises one of his eyebrows.
Kyuhyun nods and buries his head under his lyrics.
"She's there?"
"Eng.."
Ryeowook tries to connecting the dots inside his head. Who's the VIP came to the Hong Kong concert? It couldn't be.. Ah no way, she is Siwon's.
"Why you didn't tell me we're going to this place? I even wear jeans. I just came from choreography practice " Kyuhyun take off his coat and sit in front of you. He's slightly smiling but as soon as he looks at your face the smile's gone, "Why? What happen? You didn't dress up too. What happen to your eyes?"
Kyuhyun casually sent you a message after he canceled your lunch yesterday and ended up taking you to a dinner today, which place he allowed you to choose and will meet you there. But he didn't really pay attention to place name, and got surprise that you brought him to such a fancy dining. And what surprised him the most is that you just wear your office attire and look so tired and almost gaunt.
You just smile.
And Kyuhyun hates how your smile can got him totally forget what's he's going to say.
"You told your coordi to put thy clothes on you, didn't you?" You could see how he's dress up more stylish than his original self although without suit and tie.
"No.. Of course not." Kyuhyun stammering. That's make you laugh, knowing he's lying.
"Did you bring your car, oppa?" You ask him while open the menu, "Shall we order wine?"
Kyuhyun tilts his head to see your eyes behind the menu. He just know something went wrong, but couldn't figure it out what is it. "We shouldn't, you've got low acid tolerance." I want you to stay sober when we enjoy this time.
"A glass woulnd't kill." You just purse your lips, nod, and continue to ask him about his day.
"Everything alright, right?" Asks Kyuhyun in between his meal.
"Hmm."
"Then why do we eat Dalkkalbi here?"
"With kimchi & mackerel stew."
Kyuhyun almost face-palm himself, "Yes, with the stew. But here?"
You frown, "But you said yes.."
"I did. But if you really want Dalkkalbi, I could take you to the best Dalkkalbi place ever, I mean, I'm not complaining.. But this is fancy dining, I love the food, but usually people order pasta or foie grass or .."
"I don't want to eat wherever my employee can be seen." You whisper, cutting him off.
Kyuhyun sighs, and put a piece of chicken in your bowl. "Why?" He ask calmly. "Something happen in your office?" You keep in silent. "You can tell me, you know.."
You look up at him without any intention to really tell him anything, but Kyuhyun's brown eyes capture yours and that made you talk nonstop for almost one hour about your live.
"That's what they called the higher the tree.."
"... The stronger the wind will blow." You finished him off. And both of you laugh. "Suddenly my problem feels like nothing when I talk to you. I mean look at you, stand tall, no matter what in front of you."
"That's right. Look at me.." Kyuhyun's joking around, but you prop your chin with your hand, and looking at him.
"Thanks for being inspiration for me and thousand other people there, oppa."
Kyuhyun perplexed, "Mwoya... It's strange to hear those from you." He tries to reach your fingers, just across his.
But you unconsciously take the menu and open it, "Shall we order steak then? Just to celebrate this event?"
Kyuhyun scoffs and holds his nearest glass instead. "I'll treat you anything you want after I've done my first new musical in a few weeks."
"What musical?"
"Moon that embrace the sun."
"And you'll be the main lead?"
"Of course, they know exactly that I'll fit the king role."
"You'll be king?? Heol.." You laugh.
For a second Kyuhyun felt so much relieve to see you've been able to at least laugh just for a second.
"You'll be surprise that people would like me instead of Kim Soohyun."
"Haha, he played the same character in the original drama?" You pat Kyuhyun's arm, joking to be sympathy. "Oppa.. Practice hard."
"Woah, this kid. Aiyoo.." Kyuhyun rumbles your hair. When you pout, he just laughs. "I'll let you see my second or third show."
"Why not your first?? Your girlfriend watch your first show?"
"Hahaha.. Why? Jealous?"
"No! It's just doesn't feel right. I'm the type that will never neglected my friendship over lover."
Kyuhyun just smiles and props his head, looking at you. "I'll test the water on the first performance, I'll make a lot of mistakes, and got really nervous. So.." You will make me more nervous.
"That's why I should be there!! To ease you up." You take a bite of chicken without noticing Kyuhyun.
Kyuhyun tilts his head, looking at you.
"I don't like the way you look at me like that." You just look up from your bowl and see him with his stare at you.
"Why?"
Kyuhyun props his head and move closer to you. Still looking to your eyes intently.
"Because you will get this kind of feel.." You move closer and also look at his eyes intently too.
He wavered but keep on looking at your eyes while smirking. Suddenly regrets to made the first move. Now that you made him falls too deep.
Kyuhyun backs up, too dangerous.
If I continue like this, it's too dangerous for us. I'm enjoying this pace, I don't want to moving too fast.
He's laughing at his lap.
You're laughing too, Too dangerous, he's the only person who can make me laugh in this such hard time.
I'll get addicted.
"Let's get going after you finished your fruit." Kyuhyun pays the bill.
"Kyuhyun ah.." A girl taps on Kyu's back just after both of you get out from the elevator.
"Oh Jane noona, where are you going?" Kyuhyun shakes hand with her.
"I'm going to a dinner meeting." She catches your eyes and got surprised. "And.. Who is thiss??" She's all smiley and teases Kyu.
"Oh, a friend of mine, we just had dinner together.."
"Aaa..." She smiles suspiciously to Kyuhyun. "She is?"
Kyuhyun who is afraid that you might get uncomfortable with all of her teasing, peeks at you and shakes his head to the noona.
You who have no idea what's going on just smile although you feel incredibly intimidated just by her presence. She's so pretty and tiny, like she's so fit to be at any men's side. It makes you look like a hulk in front of her.
Kyuhyun continue talks to her, as you begin to feel smaller and smaller compare to all of them. It's the world where their imperfection is perfect, where even though they had some haters, there would be another million lovers, where they're would never feel lonely and miserable.
"What's with your face?" Kyuhyun links your arm with his. "Do you want to have a nice strolling at the park?" He asks.
In which you would never say no to.
For another few minutes you knew Kyuhyun had his own problem about work and stuff and he talked about it over and over again. But all you can do is respond to him just with a words or two. And you feel bad for him not to being able to be there when he needs you, mentally.
Because although your body is here your mind is flying to nowhere thinking about Siwon and silly enough about Stella. For ages, everybody telling you that he's not suitable to be your partner, with you as the representative and all that. Now you can see it clearly, that YOU are the one who is not suitable to be his girlfriend. You're not pretty enough, fair enough, famous enough, or even loveable enough for his million fans to accept you.
"It's not going to work.." You said
"What?" Kyuhyun looks at you endearingly.
"Nothing.. Hehe.. I hope you really enjoy your musical because at the moment when you really have nothing to do beside your job is the most depressing time, you've got nothing if you're not deeply in love with your job." You widen your eyes and smile at him. "Let's go home, you need to rest. And I also need to find out about this movie you're going to play. I need to compare you with its original actor."
Kyuhyun playfully knocks your head with his knuckles.
You smile at him and look at the far end across the river.
That's it then..
"Oppa.. I hope we can still be friend. Even if I wont be around anymore.."
"What are you talking about.." Kyuhyun rubs our hair while walking back to the car.
"Because you're the celebrity, and before this I easily went aboard to your concert, or visit you filming and stuff. But now, I feel like I'm kind of too old to do that.."
"Yes, you can be my girlfriend instead." Kyuhyun opens his car door for you without any sound of joking. So you slightly hit his chest while climb into the car.
"I'm sorry I got someone else in mind right now.."
"Oh?!" Kyuhyun surprised, "Who?"
"Kim Soohyun." You close the car door in front of Kyuhyun's face.Kyuhyun clenches his teeth seeing you laughing from inside of the car.
I got someone else in my mind right now..
"Oh!" You get shocked as you open your door a few days later to find out the one person you wanted to see the least us right in front of your house.
That someone else in your mind.
Siwon smiles and leans on the door, "Mom said I should pick you up.."
"What for?" You stare blankly at him.
"You promised to go to church this Sunday right?" He also stare dumbly at you.
"Am I?"
"Mom said.. Wait, you didn't??!!" He exhales and looks a bit outrage.
"No no, I just.. I should go to the church anyhow.. But.." You ran out of reason. "I haven't showered yet, and I think I'll be late. You can go first." There's not a second that you didn't think about Stella every time you see his face.
"I'll just wait here." Siwon smiles at you. You can't help it but force a poker face not to smile back at him. "She will kill me if I get back there without you."
Your face turn sour. Because of his mom.. Everything he did for me is has to do with his mom..
You let him in without saying anything. And continue the silent until both of you ride his car.
Feeling uncomfortable, Siwon speak up.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you when I was in Beijing." Siwon steals a glance on you.
You don't even change your expression, "It's okay."
It's to cold for comfort, so Siwon try to lighten it up. "Let's grab a dinner once you've got a free time."
"Yes." You answer it soulless.
Siwon gets back to the road but all he wants to do is scratching the asphalt and screaming to God. 'Whyyyyyy??'
Your silence does not stop there, but it continues until the mass finished and both of you have a family lunch with his parents.
"Where's your parents? You don't usually go to this church do you?" Ask Siwon's dad after they finished order the meal.
"They're overseas for a week, and yes, I usually go to the church in Yeoksam-dong with them." It's the first time you see Siwon's dad after you rejected all your mom effort to get you close with Siwon on your high school days.
He keeps on talking about the verses that the pastor previously preached. Only after he had to leave for a moment to take his phone call, the rest of you could talk about something else.
"His preached usually could get longer after he saw Siwon take off hiss clothes on stage or have another kissing scene." Siwon's mother sighs. "But you take your clothes off to much nowadays Siwon ah, right ____ ah?"
You just laugh. "But the fans love it, ommoni."
"His image change to much compare to his rookie days."
"I don't even do it lately.. But there's even a rookie junior that already take off his clothes. Junior these days already had a nice body even before they debuted."
You maintain your expression and try not to look up from your plate. "Speaking of junior, by any chance, do you know Stella..?"
There's like a few seconds of silent where, even without you take your eyes off the plate, you could see Siwon mother shockingly turn to you.
While Siwon although he didn't even move an inch, his chopsticks stop in the mid way to his mouth.
"Oh, of course we know.. They've been friends since trainee days." Siwon's mother is stuttering. "But it years ago.. They all are friends with each other."
"Oh really?" You face her, smiling. She smiles too, although couldn't hide her nervousness. "But I heard they just only debuted."
"What?" Siwon's mother asks you.
"I happen to knew Shinhwa's Eric's family back in LA, and they told me he just debuted a girl group named Stella a few years ago, and they told me to watch them, but I haven't heard about that group here. So.." You slowly turn to Siwon. "So oppa you knew her since your trainee days?"
Siwon's dad just get back from his phone call.
"No.." Siwon answers slowly. Staring right at your eyes for the first time since today.
"I'm mistaken them for someone with a same name." Siwon's mother places her palm on yours.
You just faking a smile at her. That's the only thing you've been good at recently. Faking things.
"What is it?" Siwon's dad try to join the conversation.
"Nothing.." Siwon answers him. "Whose phone call was that?" He tries to change the topic.
"From Hong Kong, they just report about shipment." And they talk about work and stuff that make you just politely engage to the conversation.
"Are we going to your house directly? Do you want to buy something else before that?" Ask Siwon as both you waving goodbye to Siwon's parent who take off first with Siwon's dad's car.
"I have to run errands first, it's okay, you don't have to come along." You put your phone inside your bag, ready to walk alone.
"But.."
You cut Siwon off with bowing to him. "Thanks for the meal.. I'll be get going." You walk and ignore every single gesture he made.
Siwon walks faster to go after you. "Do you have something to tell me?"
You stop your step and face him, try to look innocent. "No.. Why?"
"Hmmm... Just call me when you get home." You nod and bow to him once more, "Do you want to grab dinner latter on today?"
"I don't think I'm available latter on today. There so much to do."
"Are you sure you don't have something to tell me?"
"None.." You take a deep breath, "Well then.." You bow again and walk straight ahead.
You never call him again, despite his four miscalled in four different times.
And that leave Siwon empty. He already planned to spend time with you as soon as he's got back from Beijing, so it could make up the time that you being apart. But now..
She's definitely angry, but the Stella things, it's not what I think I it is right? It must be the girls group right? She must be angry because I was away without even told her anything right?
What is this???
For you not calling him is usually okay for Siwon, he could just drive away to your apartment and bring food there comfortably without even have to call you. But everything about you this day that make him hesitating even just to keep calling you. He'll be back working overseas in two days, so there's a lot of thing he needs to do before that. Today was the only day he's got. But all Siwon do now is slouching on the couch, checking his phone every few second for your call. Which is not coming after all, so he decides to sleep broken-heartedly.
He miss you though.
And when there's no more call coming from Siwon since midnight until a few day after, you knew it, that that was all of it.
It how its end.
Author's note: It takes too long.. I'm sorry.. Thank you for subscribing and reading..
8 December 2014
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