***

“You can’t possibly avoid him…Sooner or later, you’ll need to talk to him and clear this issue between you two…”

Remembering this line from my brother, I hadn’t thought that this ‘sooner’ will be five days after I came over to his house. Until now, I still can’t get over with me being dumped and I know I’m being such a fool for acting stupid to everyone.

When Jae asked me to meet him, I was hesitating for the whole night and it’s like my head was going to break because of confusion. But I guess, at that time, my heart overpowered my mind, telling me that I’ll just get hurt if I decided to see him. And it earned me a lot of his messages and calls which I didn’t replied nor answered back.

Does one hate me for doing that? I’m assuming that I’m the victim since I felt all the pain and as days passed by, it got worst, making me feel helpless and more miserable.

Why did it end up like this? This question always ran in my mind. In just a blink of an eye, a once close relationship suddenly turned into a ruined friendship. Am I at fault? Did I make the wrong move by confessing to him? Or is it that I’m just too stubborn to start a new relationship with him, just like our first greetings that soon changed into long conversations?

It hurts me more that I don’t know how to approach him, even if he was doing the initiative, I just can’t talk to him so easily. Maybe because I’m scared? I’m scared to be hurt again? Is that it?

Living in this cruel and unfair world, will I be able to receive a blessing after all these bad memories? Or I’ll be surviving with all these miseries until my time comes? This is seriously giving me a headache. It keeps me wondering that out of all people, why did it happen to me?

I snapped back to reality when my manager opened the door of the van and told me that the shooting will be postponed for an hour because of some technical problems on the equipments. We went to a different location instead of going to the Han river, and it must’ve felt so good running along the shore of the sea and feeling the sand by my feet.

But here I am inside the van, wasting my time waiting for the last taping to begin. I don’t have any courage to go out there and meet him. Even if they don’t know that I already arrived, it hurts my heart seeing him and Liyin, talking and laughing with each other. But what hurts me more is that probably I was the first one, excluding them, who knows that both feels the same way and I know that I’m just a nuisance to them.

“There you are” I tilted my head to the right and saw Yunho entering the van. I’m quite surprised seeing him but I guess its fine since it’s not ‘him’ because if that happened, I don’t know what I should do.

“Hi Yundori” I cheerfully greeted him, not wanting him to notice my gloominess but I guess I can’t masked what I’m feeling right now as my eyes got teary and he frowned next.

Yunho leaned his back on the seat and sighed. There was silence for a while since I don’t know what to say to him and probably he knows what I’m going through.

“Right now” He started and I looked at him, wondering what he will say. “I don’t know how to cheer you up”

I smiled a bit, hearing that from him as it actually warmed my heart. Even if we tease each other a lot, he’s still the Yunho I know, always caring for my sake and helping me through bad times.

But even I’m not sure of the answer, maybe when I already moved on and accept that Jaejoong and I were not meant to be, I’ll be able to put a real smile and show it to everyone.

“Sorry” I looked down and bit my lip. I’m such a bad friend, not noticing that I’m giving him problems too. He’s my friend and is worrying about me while I’m being emotional and neglecting people who care for me.

“He’s waiting for you” I looked at him again and saw that he’s pointing something behind me. I turned around, looking at where I was staring earlier. Jaejoong was sitting alone now while holding his phone and his expression made me feel guilty.

My phone suddenly rang and my eyes widen when I saw Jaejoong’s name. I’m always having this mixed of emotions whenever I’m about to press the read button, hesitantly wanting to know his message for me.

From: Jaejoongie
‘Where are you? I’ll be waiting’

My tears started to fall continuously and as much as I wanted it to stop, I’m unable to. It was as if there’s no endless of crying for me as pain stung my heart again.

My eyes got blurry and I felt a different warmth than the one I got used to. I realized that Yunho was hugging me but it only made me cry much harder. For these past days, I managed to hold back my tears but seeing Jae like that, I can’t help it but to let it out.

Am I making him suffer? But how? He should be happy now with his love and not care about me anymore since I know that being lovers is stronger than only being friends. But why did he waste his time contacting me? Am I troublesome to him? I should be distancing myself to him after this project and soon we will forget about each other. Right. That’s what I’m going to do.

“Boa..don’t cry” Yunho comforted me but I can’t fight with my feelings anymore, It’s more powerful than I am.

“Boa” I held my breath for a second when I heard his voice. Seeing Jaejoong at the door, he probably heard my outcry and walked towards here. I looked away from him and hid my face on Yunho’s back. I don’t want him to see me like this, being a pathetic girl in his eyes. But the real reason that probably he already forgotten is when he told me years ago that he only wanted to see my smiling face whenever I’m with him.

“Boa” He called again but the same thing happened when he went to my brother’s house.

“Go away!” I don’t know how or why but I just shouted at him. Even if I really didn’t intend to be harsh, I’m still not ready to talk to him at that moment. His appearance is way too sudden and my mind can’t think straight.

“Jaejoong, will you?” I heard Yunho said and the next thing I know, the door shut. I peeked over his shoulder and with the second time around, Jae left without saying anything.

After some minutes, my tears subsided but my head was still throbbing hard. I seriously don’t want to feel this pain but I guess it’s much less than what my heart is feeling.

“Sorry” I apologized as I wiped my tears. I saw him massaged his temples and it’s clear to me that I’m giving him another problem again.

Yunho sighed and held my arms as my attention to him was undivided. “I know it’s hard for you. I know that you’re hurt Boa, but please…please realize that it’s not just you. We, your friends are also affected and we’re really worried about you. Do you know that? It also hurts us seeing you like this. Where’s the Boa I knew back then?”

My tears started to fall once again, hearing those words from my close friend. The time I saw the two in the music room, I started to be selfish, only thinking about myself and never thought that someone would be minding my situation.

I wiped my tears for the nth time and looked at him, thankful with what he said. Maybe this was the blessing God gave me, to have true friends that stay even in your darkest time.

“He’s crying” He continued and I shot him a curious look. “Every night, I heard him crying in his room”

My expression changed into a shock one when I thought that he’s talking about my best friend...no, my ex-best friend.

“B-but…” I uttered not believing what I just heard. Is that possible? But why?

“I know you know the answer” He smartly said but I really don’t get it. Why is Jae crying? Is it because of me? But it’s not right. There’s no reason for him to cry or is it because Liyin broke up with him because of me?

“Oh no!” I exclaimed and I started to move restlessly. “What should I do? Where’s Liyin?!”

“Liyin?” He gave me a dumb look and I nodded while fidgeting my fingers. “How come Liyin is involved in this?”

“She broke up with Jae….right?” I asked as if it’s obvious but he only chuckled in return, making me shot him a questioning look on why he’s acting like that.

“Seriously Boa, you and your ideas” He ‘praised’ me and I punched him on his arm. He’s making me look stupid even if we’re the only ones in the van.

“If it’s not Liyin, then what’s the reason?” I asked him again since I can’t think of another possibility other than the first one.

“Of course, I won’t tell you” He had that playful expression on his face, the one that I missed when he teased me and it brought my smile back to my lips.

“I’ll be going now, have your ‘beast’ rest” He teased me as I smacked the back of his head and we both laughed. I guess, like Jae, he’s able to change my mood and made me happy in the end.

“Good luck later” He added and closed the door of the van after he stepped out. In an instant, I frowned, thinking that I’ll be meeting Jae once again and it made me nervous all of a sudden.

I can’t possibly stay away from him now even though I struggled not to reply or answer his calls and talk to him in person. I only got two options left, the first one is to talk to him and listen to what he’s going to say and the second will be I won’t approach him and I’ll try to move on, accepting the truth. And it’s up to me to choose the best selection in which I hope, I won’t regret in the succeeding days.

***