***

“Is everybody here?” the director asked when he entered the room and all of us nodded. We will be rehearsing the script for the finale of the movie and I was unhappy to think that my first movie project will end soon. And to the fact that I haven’t been able to talk with him ever since that incident also added to my depression.

He always walked out and left me whenever I approached him. And with that, I got more anxious and guilty. Does he want to imply that I was rejected by his actions? I really don’t want to believe it but what proof should I get to tell myself that I’m wrong?

“Boa? Boa-ssi?” I felt myself getting nudged by Seulgi as I was in my own little world, worrying about my relationship with him. I looked up, only to saw all the people in the room looking at me, including him. But as I stared at him, he tore his gaze away from me and looked at his script.

I sighed. This is getting worse. If only I didn’t told him that then probably nothing will change but on the contrary, I won’t be able to confess to him. Was it right that I did that?

I stood up and bowed to them. Right now, I need to focus on the script and just accept the truth that the bond we shared was ruined.

***

Several hours had passed and the rehearsal was finished. People started leaving the room while I still sat on my chair, re-reading the script. The new ending is somehow a normal way to end the movie; the couple will be reunited and will live happily ever after, just like in fairytales. I like the ending and it will be easy to shoot it but knowing that I will act that with him, I felt uneasy.

As I placed down the script on the table, I was surprised when I saw him looking at me. I thought that all of them already left but he...he stayed. I looked away and I know I blushed for sure. I never expect him to be here since he ignored me this couple of days. My heart was racing when I heard his footsteps and I slightly flinched when I felt a hand on my shoulder but disappointment came when I saw Donghae in front of me and not him.

“What’s with the look?” He pulled the chair behind him and sat next to me.

“Where’s Jae?” I looked at the door and around the room but he’s nowhere in sight.

“Huh? He was the first one to leave this room a while ago” I stared at Donghae, puzzled. Are my eyes playing tricks on me? Was that the effect of confessing to him?

“But..but..I just saw him there” I pointed the direction where he was supposed to be sitting and shook my head because of all this confusion.

“You know, I think you’re just hungry” Donghae stood up and held out his hand. “Let’s eat”

I smiled and placed my hand on his as he pulled me up and we both walked out of the room.

--
But little did Boa know that Donghae looked back, only to see Jaejoong saying ‘thank you’ in a low voice. 
--

During lunch time, all my worries were put away as I chat along with some of the SuJu members. They really know how to make me laugh and I’m glad that for once, I was able to think just only happy thoughts.

I bid goodbye to them as I entered my room and picked up the paper where the lyrics for the track of the movie was printed on it.

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ueb2NPcze_Q)

“Perhaps love” I read the title and it reminded me of my confession. Perhaps it’s really love that I felt for him. But the thought that it was only a one-sided love, made my heart be broken much more than it is now.

“♫ Is this love? And if you feel the same way, is this the beginning?
My heart keeps saying it loves you and the more the world listens
The louder it yells it.
Why is it just now that I hear it?
That the love has been found us so we might be together ♫”

If only...If only he loves me then my heart will be contented. But I still don’t actually know his answer. Does he love me? Perhaps...perhaps….not.

I groaned and hit the pillow beside me. Why am I like this? I’m becoming stupid for him. 
If only God can give me a sign to prove Jae’s love to me, I won’t be worrying too much.

“Boa?” I tilted my head at the door and my manager was giving me a questioning look. I sat up straight and laughed awkwardly to him.

“Okaaay? You’re acting strange nowadays, and it scares me” My jaw dropped and I was really embarrassed, even my manager noticed my actions.

“Aniyo oppa, I’m fine. Totally fine” I quickly put on a happy face and made a V sign.

“Anyways, you need to record the OST. Are you ready?” A lumped formed in my throat suddenly and my heart started to beat fast again. “Are you sure, you’re fine?”

I nodded and stood up, walking towards the door. “I’m fine”

“I guess” I uttered after I went out of the room.

I went to the recording room, only to be saddened for the reason that he decided to record his lines earlier. I thought I will be able to confront him about that day and ask him what he felt about me…but I guess that won’t happen.

“Thank you” I said to the people inside the room before I walked out. I dragged myself, feeling depressed as ever, towards my room.

As I was about to turn right, I heard someone singing and the melody was really pleasant to hear. I searched for the voice and I realized that it was coming from the music room. I slowly walked towards it and saw that the door was partly open.

Much to my surprise and my depression got worse when I saw Jaejoong and Liyin together inside the room. Jaejoong was singing and playing the piano as Liyin was standing near him and it looks like she was about to cry.

♫ Love is a nervous feeling in your heart
It is like a breathtaking loneliness
Please keep looking at me with the same eyes
Always and forever like this
If I knew you could stay close to me
So that my heart can relax
So that I could see you
I would be very happy ♫

Every word that he sang kept on repeating on my head. Is he? No…I don’t want to believe it but is this the sign that God wanted me to realize that I need to move on? 
Jaejoong..he is serenading…he is…he’s confessing his love for Liyin…

I didn’t realize that I was crying until Jaejoong went out of the room and was shocked to see me there. I ran away from him as I wiped my tears from my face. I’m such a fool to even hope that he feels the same for me…a real fool indeed...

“Boa!” I heard his voice and as I looked back, he was catching up on me. I quickly went in the elevator and sighed when it closed before he can reach me. I sat there, weeping. I can feel my heart beating hard and it was like telling me that it’s over now.

The elevator door opened and I ran towards my car. I got in and started the engine as I saw Jae running to my direction. I quickly put the car in drive and stormed out to the high way. I looked at my rear view mirror and I saw him still running but was stopped by the guards when he was about to cross the street.

My tears kept on flowing and I hate myself for the mere fact that I don’t know how to stop them. I don’t know where to go and it’s impossible for me to go back to the building. I can’t face him now and the others after all that happened.

Everything I hoped for, the time I confessed, the time we talked and teased each other. Those moments, it will only be left in our memories. I never thought that it will end like this...why did I even confess to him in the first place? Now that I felt my heart is dying. There’s no use for me to love again. Everything is over for me…

***