It’s been three months since Boa was discharged from the hospital and it’s been since then when she started searching for Jaejoong.

She always went to where Tohoshinki was performing but unlucky for her, there’s too much security. She didn’t get any chance to talk to him or even be near him due to many fans pushing each other just to get a glimpse of them.

And it’s been three months since she’s having a second thought.

Boa’s pov

Saturday evening

“I’m home!” I spoke loudly for my parents to hear me but they didn’t respond.

“Why is it so quiet?” I went to the living room, to their room but there’s no sight of them

My stomach growled and I decided to go to the kitchen. I saw a paper on the table and picked it up. It was from my parents telling me that they’ll come home late. I went to my room and changed then headed to the kitchen and cooked some food.

~**~

I started eating when I remember him again.

You used to cook for me Jae. I miss you so much...Why did you made that decision? I tried calling you but you won’t answer…Is this what you want? For us not to see each other? Did you already forget about me? Is that it?...

I’m really tired. All my attempts to talk to you failed. I guess you already moved on. I guess it’s my turn to do the same. I can’t reach you anymore. We have different lives now. You’re a singer, many looks up to you…and me? Who am I to you now? I’m just an ordinary girl wishing for you to look at me…Is it time for me to say goodbye?

I cried and cried until my head starts to hurt.

~**~

“Boa..Boa wake up” I slowly opened my eyes and saw my mom. I sat up and rubbed my eyes. I guess I fell asleep.

“Go to your bed now Boa..it’s past midnight” I looked at the clock and it was two in the morning. I looked back at my mom and saw her clothes

“Omma, you only got home now?” I saw her nod “Why?”

“I’ll tell you later. For now, you need some sleep. You still have work later” I agreed and went to my room.

~**~

Later…

“Morning” I went downstairs and saw my parents packing things.
“Why are there many boxes here?”

They both looked at each other and then to me.
“Boa, we’ll be returning to Korea” I was shocked..completely shocked.

“It’s alright if you stay since you’re already studying here in Japan” I was speechless. It’s too sudden. I don’t know what to say.

“You should go now, you’ll gonna be late on your work” I looked at the clock and I quickly took a shower, dressed up and go to the café.

~**~

“Yah Boa! You’re spilling the tea” Yeonhee told me and I looked at the cup, it’s already full.

“Oops. Sorry” I quickly wiped the table. I was staring into space again.

“What’s wrong? You’ve been spacing out lately” Yeonhee looked at me, worried

“Nothing. I’m just thinking of something”

“Him?”

“Yeonhee~”

“Sorry” I sighed and went to the customer to take their order

~**~

“What happened here?” my boss went to the kitchen after hearing a loud sound.

“I’m sorry” I bowed and apologized. I looked at the plates I broke. I’m not really doing a good job.

“Boa, I think you should go home and rest now. That’s what you need” I bowed once again and went to the locker room.

“Hey Boa..” Yeonhee entered the room while I’m placing my uniform to my bag
“I’m sorry for reminding him”

“Yeon, don’t be sorry. You’re not at fault. I guess I’m just tired. I need some time alone”

“Call me if you need a shoulder to cry on” She held my shoulders and I smiled at her

“Thank you”

~**~

I was in this place again…making myself calm. The place I always go when I want to be alone. The place where I can express my feelings freely.

The sound of the waves is like a melody that makes my heart in serenity and the cold breeze enveloping and taking away my sadness. But today, it's different..

I sat on the sand at the shore and hugged my legs. I stay quiet for a while, thinking the things that happened…Tears started to form again as I closed my eyes. I want to erase the thought of him.

“Why am I crying again?” I opened my eyes and wiped the tears running down my cheeks.

But he’s the only one I can think of now that I’m here in my solitude. He keeps invading my mind and making me miss him much more. And I started reminiscing our past..

When we became friends, I was really happy to find such a good person. You made each day special..even if you don’t know that I’m always excited to see you in front of my house, holding my hand as we both went to school. I always act tough but you had found my weakness which other people hadn’t notice. This made me realized how important you are to me. You made my heart warm just by seeing your smile and looking at your eyes. Did you know how much I want to see that everyday?

When you confessed to me, did you know that I was smiling like crazy whenever I remembered that? When we were on a date, did you know how much I want to stop the time so I can stay with you longer? When you cooked for me..when you teased me..when you sang for me, did you know that I cherished all those moments? When you talked to me and broke up with me, did you know that I’m hesitating to do it? When you told me the three promises, did you know how much I cried? Did you see all my pain?

Do you know how much I love you? If only I can say it to you once again. But do you want to hear that from me?

Why do you need to leave me? For me to be happy? If only you can see me now…I’m already dying, not having you here by my side. All this time, I really want to see you and hug you tight.

I’m so stupid not remembering you when you found me. I know that you suffered a lot. I saw it in your eyes on our last encounter. I made it hard for you and added more sadness in your heart. I shouldn’t act like that. If I didn’t ran away from you, maybe you’re here with me… both of us, mesmerized with the sunset.

Is this the punishment I get? Do you think I deserve this? I bet you suffered more than I am...and I know I’m the reason. I’m sorry. You wasted a lot of time for me. I can’t repay the kindness and the love you gave.

You already moved on and decided to let go of me…Does this mean I need to move on too?

But can I move on? I thought about it quite a lot but still I can’t make up my mind. My mind tells me to forget you but my heart tells me not to give up. All I want is to be like before…when we’re both happy and enjoying each other’s company. But now, all I can do is to watch you from a distance.

Am I selfish? For not letting you go until now? I just want to bring back the memories of us together? Is that being selfish? Am I a bad person?

I sighed at this thought…maybe…maybe it’s really for the best if I move on. I’m just a stubborn girl who hasn’t accepted her defeat…but now, I’ll end it. I, Boa Kwon, will forget about you. I’m going to live a new life and achieve my dream without you. I’ll be strong. I should be if I want this to happen.

I wish success on your career and I hope you’ll find someone who will love you much more the love I gave to you.

Thank you for coming into my life. But now…

Goodbye Jaejoong. Goodbye