first kiss.

“I’m sorry but the patient did not make it. Please arrange his funeral accordingly,” the doctor placed a consoling hand on the woman’s shoulder but that did not prevent her from breaking down into tears. She ran to her husband’s arms and seconds later slid to the floor, sobbing to her heart’s content. 

Miyoon slowed down her pace at the scene. Curiosity got the best of her and she couldn’t help but peek inside the open door the trio was stationed outside of. Sweat began formulating on her palms discovering a nurse covering the upper body of a pale adolescent male who only looked like he was resting with the blanket. Her eyes flickered with sadness as she forced herself to rip her gaze from the painful and unfortunate scene. He was so young. She resumed walking and with each step she took, Miyoon’s feet started feeling heavier and heavier. Her knees were suddenly feeling unstable and wobbly as she held her breath, gradually approaching the room the woman at the front desk had told her Myungsoo had been assigned to. 

Being at the hospital during such tragic events seemed to be becoming a new frequent habit of Miyoon’s and she did not like it at all. First harabeoji then Yunhee after Kris and now Myungsoo? Miyoon was starting to think she was cursed or something. Why were all the people around her getting hurt while she was healthy and perfectly fine? Okay besides for her recent fever.

The main reason Miyoon wanted to become a doctor was so that she could save lives. Nurture the sick and ill into good health; emotionally and physically wise. She wanted hospitals to be a place full of life and miracles. Not sorrows and tears. But if there were tears, she wanted them to be only tears of joy and glee. However, Miyoon was aware that her hopes and dreams were impossible to reach. Because in this world, dying was inevitable along with pain and hurt. And pain and hurt was what she was feeling right now as she dragged herself down the corridor. For some reason everything seemed to move in slow motion as his room came into her view. 

Her heart palpitated against her chest hastily and uncontrollably. It was shouting for her to hurry the hell up and go in there as her hands clenched into tight fists by her sides. She swallowed and reached out to the knob. When she turned it and pushed the barricade open, she was greeted by Mr. and Mrs. Kim, Taela, Sungyeol, Hoya and Maerah, the only one who was planted by Myungsoo’s side, grasping on his hand affectionately. For a second she just stood there, taking in that this was her reality. That none of this was some sick and twisted joke someone decided to play on her. Now I know what unnie must’ve felt like when she walked in to find Yifan unconscious. 

“Miyoon! Thank goodness you came!” Mrs. Kim cried as she rushed over and embraced the stunned child. “You didn’t answer anyone’s call and we thought something bad might’ve happened to you as well. Are you alright? How are you handling everything?”

“Omonim,” Miyoon quietly whispered as she raised her arms and coiled them around the elder’s body. “Mianhe. T-this was my entire fault.” She brokenly admitted. Mrs. Kim then broke the hug and stared at her. 

“Don’t be silly, sweetheart. It’s no one’s fault. Accidents happen.” She reasoned. 

“No,” Miyoon shook her head. “I did this to him omonim, abeonim. Myungsoo, he-he was going to see me in the hospital and that’s why he ended up here. It’s because of me that he got hurt.” She narrated in disgrace. Her head was hung low as she avoided meeting their eyes. She knew they’d be infuriated with her but Miyoon would understand it if they hated her. She was the reason their beloved son was lying in a hospital bed and even if they weren’t disgusted with her, Miyoon would still find herself despicable. How dare she have the audacity to even show her face to them. 

She was waiting for them to yell at her; release all of their pent up anger. She thought they would scream at her to get out, ordering her to disappear from their son’s life for forever. She expected a slap if not a harsh shove but none of those came as she found herself emerged in another warm embrace. “Don’t you dare say that.” Mrs. Kim moped. She Miyoon’s hair and tilted her head up slightly, not wanting any trickling tears. 

“Yes, Miyoon. Don’t blame yourself. Myungsoo would be upset if he knew you did.” Mr. Kim pointed out as he walked over to the two women. 

“How can you guys even look at me?” Miyoon whimpered. “How can you look at the face of the woman who almost sent Myungsoo to his death sentence?” 

“Mimi,” Sungyeol called out. “Please don’t be like this.” Miyoon let go of Mrs. Kim as she made her way to the tall male who was standing by Hoya’s side. She altered glances between the two of them as her eyes shimmered with guilt. 

“How is he?” She murmured, glancing over her shoulder to catch a glimpse of Myungsoo. Like she was earlier, he was hooked to an IV and a heart monitor. His head was bandaged and on his cheeks there were a few cuts and scratches from the shards of glass which had broken. She saw Maerah placing his hand on her cheek and Miyoon remembered all the photos she had seen of the two of them kissing. Her heart cringed as she turned back to face Sungyeol. Miyoon wanted to be the one by his side right now but it wasn’t her place. It was rightfully Maerah’s. He doesn’t love you. He kissed her that day. He loves her not you. Don’t forget that. 

“The doctor said his head injuries were critical. They were able to stabilize him but the chances of him waking up anytime soon are slim.” Hoya answered. 

Miyoon met his gaze but it only lasted for a few seconds before he looked away. He couldn’t bear to stare at the hurt displayed in her expression. It pained him too much. She nodded solemnly and Taela was the next person to greet her. “Tae—” and that was all that escaped her lips before a hand swatted her cheek. Her head turned to the left and that stinging ache resided soon after. 

“If everything you said is true Wu Miyoon and you’re the cause of oppa’s accident, I hate you!” She growled. Unlike her parents, Taela was not as considerate or forgiving. She loved her brother a lot and to see him in such a state birthed a pit of hate in her stomach. 

“Taela!” Mr. and Mrs. Kim exclaimed at the same time. They were about to march up to their rude daughter and reprimand her but Miyoon placed her hand up to stop them. 

“It’s okay,” she weakly assured. She lifted her face with the red handprint showing and wiped the tear which had fallen. “I deserve this. If I didn’t faint and get sick, Dr. Yoo wouldn’t have told Myungsoo to come see me. If I was okay, he wouldn’t have rushed to check up on me. So hit me as much as you want, Taela. I won’t fight back.” 

Taela grew more enraged as she held her hand up, ready to smack her again. Everyone’s eyes rounded while Miyoon’s fluttered shut. Hoya couldn’t stand to watch Miyoon get hurt and as he was about to intervene, to their surprise Taela dropped her hand back down. She began to speak and Miyoon opened her eyes.  “I won’t hit you again but just know that it’s your fault oppa is in a coma. It’s your fault that he might be a vegetable for the rest of his life. How could you do this to him? Why are you—” 

“Stop it.” Hoya finally declared, noticing how hopeless and drained Miyoon looked. “Yelling at her and pointing fingers at each other won’t help Myungsoo. If he knew you slapped his best friend, do you think he’d be happy with you, Taela-sshi? No. So stop playing the blame game and get over it. If you have nothing nice to say then you’re better off saying nothing at all because some of us are actually grieving here.” 

“Enough,” Maerah finally voiced out. She stood up and placed a chaste kiss on Myungsoo’s hand before she put it on the bed gently. She spun around and sighed. “Miyoon-ah, can I talk to you alone please?” 

As they stood out on the rooftop, Miyoon was quiet as one could be. The hot humid air of the season made the atmosphere between them more intense as neither spoke. Maerah had her back facing Miyoon as she gazed out into the city of Seoul. “You love Myungsoo, don’t you?” She questioned.

Staring at the ground, Miyoon’s eyes widened as she snapped her head up at Maerah. She captured her bottom lip with her teeth as she remained mute. “I-I,” Miyoon didn’t know how to answer her. 

“I should’ve known.” Maerah chuckled bitterly. She twirled around and smiled softly at Miyoon. “I should’ve known that you love him just as much as he loves you.” 

“No,” Miyoon immediately disagreed, feeling awkward. “He doesn’t love me and I don’t love him. At least not in the way you two love each other.” 

“And what way do we love each other?” She asked, quirking a brow. “You mean the one-sided love I have for him?” 

“E-excuse me?” Miyoon stammered stagnantly. “One-sided love? You and Myungsoo? You must be mistaken.” 

“I wish I was.” Maerah breathed. “But it’s true. Sure, he once loved me and maybe he still does but what he has for you—I can never compare.” She walked in closer to Miyoon. “I should’ve known better than to think that everything about us wouldn’t change. I mean after I left him for all those years, I should have moved on but I can’t, Miyoon because I love him too much.” 

“If you love him why are you telling me this? Shouldn’t you be with him right now?” 

“You’re right I should be. But I just wanted to tell you that I can’t let Myungsoo go; I won’t. I know it was selfish of me to do this but when I figured out he had wavering feelings for me, I had to make sure he wouldn’t leave me. So I planned a way to keep him by my side. At the recital we attended a few weeks ago, I kissed him in front of everyone in order to publicize our relationship. I knew he wouldn’t want to break up with me and I had also heard about the rumors concerning you and Hoya-sshi. I believed this was the best way for all of us. You and him and Myungsoo and I. But instead of bringing us closer together, the actions I took was actually tearing us apart. And when I heard what that man said after Myungsoo’s accident, I couldn’t help but cry because the last person he was thinking of wasn’t me. It was you.” She explained, crushed. 

Miyoon was at a loss for words as she let every single word flooding from Maerah’s mouth assimilate into her brain. It was all too much to handle and her head was beginning to spin, still vulnerable because of her fever. started to feel dry but she quickly gulped down some saliva to keep it moist. “You love him that much?” She muttered actually in awe of how far this woman was willingly to go for the man who owned her heart. It was a little overboard but it proved how deep her love ran. 

“More than anyone could ever imagine.” She replied without a hint of reluctance. 

Miyoon inhaled and took up her hands, “So answer this, if Myungsoo never wakes up will you still be by his side?” 

“Always.” The younger woman smiled; she acknowledged Maerah as being a nice person and by the look in her eyes, Miyoon could tell she really meant everything she was saying. If there was someone out there who could love Myungsoo this much, she was willing to give him up for good. 

Although Miyoon promised she would no longer associate wi