“You are really, really dumb, y/n,”

The cherubic pout you are wearing gives no effect to Rina’s anger, but the girl is sane enough to restrain herself from giving you an earful of nags. Heeyoung, who looks a little too unbothered with the dreading scene that the three of you have to face together after this, has her chin propped on her open palm.

“So, we’re caught sneaking in beer cans just because your drunk unconsciously threw some of them in the main school trash? The more I think about this, the funnier it gets,” Heeyoung snickers, head shaking lightly.

Well, it’s true. The low-key, sly trio delinquents of the school who has been disobeying the school’s rules for years, exceptional in being smooth for every crime - no matter how big or small - and manage to commit them with no scrutinization from either the teachers or students, get caught drinking illegally just because of a simple mistake that is made by a barely conscious you. Even though how laughable it sounds like, having to present yourself to the discipline teacher still sounds very intimidating, which makes all three of you feeling a little edgy.

The memory from last night flashes in your mind which was minutes before you reached your room where you had downed at least three cans and recklessly threw it to the main trash (well, at least your drunk didn’t litter), the trash where the entirety of school community - students, teachers, wardens, security guards - use it. You facepalm and mentally slap yourself for being so dumb, so careless. It gets even worse since your other two besties shouldn’t be at here, sitting outside of the discipline office, waiting to be called, when the one who did wrong was only you.

“Hey, what’s with that face huh?” Rina lays her palm on the back of your hand, concerned eyes hoping for meeting yours, lips curling into a little smile. Sometimes, you wonder how undeserving of you to be blessed with very compassionate and understanding friends, of what have your past self did to deserve them. Heeyoung quickly turns her face to you when Rina’s fond voice is overheard, trouble crosses in her features.

“Nah, nothing. It’s just… I’m just... “ you sigh, eyes shutting close, head falls down, “I’m sorry,”

Both of your friends beam warmly, changing fond gazes and smile before diverting their gaze on you back. Heeyoung brings her fingers to play with the strands of your hair, smile curving even wider.

“What are you even sorry for? We are in this together, aren’t we?” she murmurs, a soft nod followed up from Rina.

“We’re totally fine, y/n. Don’t worry about us,”

The words make you feel even more guilty, even though you know those words are genuine since they come from your friends. Your frown doesn’t disappear but you lean towards Heeyoung’s soft touches, giving a sign that you’re listening. You want to say something, but before you could even open your mouth, other voice interrupts your intention of doing so.

“Kim y/n, Lee Rina, Choi Heeyoung, Mrs. Heo and Mr. Shin want you in the office,” the school’s secretary announces at the door frame.

Okay, wait what? Why the hell Mr. Shin is here too?

Considering today is a Sunday, which clearly is a weekend, there are usually no teachers - except for wardens - would be present at the school unless they have extra tuitions with the students. And even if Mr. Shin does have classes, he shouldn’t be wandering around here at 8 freaking a.m. since that’s the typical hour he would conduct his classes. Mr. Shin isn’t even in the school’s board of disciplinary, so what’s the purpose of him wanting to see you? To be honest, you might know what’s about to come, what the purpose of his presence so sudden. And maybe your friends are having the same thoughts in their minds too, especially when their eyes are now filled with hesitance and dread, sensing an impending danger.

You muster all the bits of courage left in your body before giving them a quick nod and step inside the office. You are greeted by familiar faces of one of the discipline teachers, Mrs. Heo and the uninvited one, Mr. Shin standing leisurely beside the woman, wearing a nasty grimace and arrogant gaze. Luckily, you are unbothered to give any damn to that old man as you are tired to give him any more.

Heeyoung and Rina plant their feet right each side, sandwiching you. Thanks to their presence, you don’t feel too inferior under their eyes, you can’t detect any weak in your knees. Hence, you stand there straightly, eyes manage to meet with Mrs. Heo’s.

“Good morning, ladies. I’m sure you already know why you are requested to be in here, am I right?” Mrs. Heo puts her fingers in steeple, lazy eyes gazing on each of your faces.

“Yes, Mrs. Heo,” you voice out clearly, face remains stoic.

“Good. Since sneaking in some liquors and drinking them are not small offenses if we referred to the school’s rules, the penalties won’t be small too. Therefore, you will have 12 hours of detention each and 24 hours of charity work, right?”

You find both of their eyes, try to seek for approval in them for the rhetorical question. They do not have to do this with you, but their eyes are more than enough to deliver that they are being insistent.

“Oh, and,” Mrs. Heo breaks the gaze, taking her handbag and rummages through it before fishing out a handphone in her hand, “give me any of your guardian’s phone number,” she says so bluntly, sliding her phone on the table to three of you who literally frozen on the spot. Damn, this school sure does know how to handle brats - to report their behaviours to their parents. And of course, none of you find this easy, to just give in and grab that phone and dial in their parent’s number. No child wants to burden and disappoint their parents by receiving a call from school about a discipline record.

You shift your gaze to Rina. She looks panicked, no, she looks frantic. Well, who doesn’t? As a child of a single father who put high hopes on his eldest child in the family, Rina keeps endeavouring to give only the best news for her father, especially when she managed to earn a full sponsorship in furthering her high school years in this elite alma mater. But if this one reaches her father, Rina can’t bear to endure the disappointed face of her father’s. Heeyoung, too, is known to have a very strict parents, completely the opposite of the amiable trait she owns. She’ll be grounded for life.

Therefore, despite how scared you are to do this, you decide to speak.

“Mrs. Heo, I’m sorry to interrupt but my roommates have nothing to do with this-” you voice out, trying to stand up for the innocents when your words are cut in by none other, Mr. Shin.

“Like you’ve mentioned, they’re your roommates. They should have stopped you from doing those dirty works, but they didn’t. Which means, they are as guilty as you. Am I right, Mrs. Heo?” Mr. Shin says with oh so cynically, you feel the urge to go and punch him in the face. Mr. Shin should be thanking God you are very much sober now, or else you’ll cause a bigger offense that can make you expel from the school.

“They’ve tried to stop me, I swear I’m not lying!” you rebut, not missing a beat, desperation is evident in your voice, making the others in the room caught off guard by the sudden cry.

“Please, Mrs. Heo, Mr. Shin,” you add, waiting a beat to pass by for you to inhale and exhale properly, even though your breathing still remains a little uneven, “Just… Let me do this alone. They weren’t involved in any of this and that would be the same for the penalties too. I’ll take anything, I’ll take the hours, I’ll give my guardian’s number. Just… Leave them alone,”

The room is achingly silent, only glances exchange by the teachers and the students. You know Heeyoung and Rina are burning a hole in you with their gazes, but you refuse to lock your eyes with them. Mrs. Heo seems like putting your words into consideration, eyes wandering somewhere on the ceiling, fingers tapping quietly on her desk. However, before she could even decide anything, the old man strikes again.

“You said, you’ll take anything, right?’ Mr. Shin sounds utterly cryptic, but you ignore the detail and give a quick reply.

“Yes, sir,”

He crosses his arms over his chest, chin lifted a little up, looking more superior and intimidating than he already is. His smirk is dirty and oblique as he takes a few steps forward, only a metre separating both of you.

“I don’t think the hours of detention and work is as equivalent as the crime you’ve done. You have to be more responsible than that, don’t you?” he speaks, pushing his spectacles up on his nose bridge, ugly smirk still plastered on his thin lips. You know this is about to come, and you know you’re trapped. Yet, you can’t put your friends in a risky place when the fault is yours. No matter how cruel the penalty will be, you want to do this alone. Your friends have helped you enough, and it’s time for you to lend a hand to them.

“Quit the national competition,”

And you feel like the whole world is crashing down upon you.

Heeyoung and Rina’s eyes are wide opened, totally shocked with the unfathomable choice of penalty that Mr. Shin decides. Of course, of course he does see his opportunity on ruining a student’s life to save his position. You see this coming, but that doesn’t mean you’re not overwhelmed by it.

“Sir, I don’t think that’s-”

Heeyoung’s words are brought to a halt immediately when you quickly grip on her wrist tightly, turning to her slightly before shaking your head. The aforementioned girl furrows her brows, bewildered with your action. You can’t meet her eyes, because you’ll crumble if you do so. A simple head shake would do before you shift your gaze back to Mr. Shin who’s smirking victoriously. The emotions in your heart are mixed. You’re angry, you’re crestfallen, you’re scared, you’re disappointed of yourself, but you can do nothing to express them.

Cause you have lost.

“If that means you’ll leave my friends alone, I’ll quit,”

…

“He’s not eating for dinner,” Taehyung plops himself on the stool, a hopeless sigh comes afterwards.

“Again?” Hoseok mutters, lips displaying an obvious frown that looks like an upside down V.

“Did you mention that we’re having pork tonight?” Jin asks, eyes blinking.

“We did! And he doesn’t even bother to open the door!” the youngest of them all huffs in dismay, a pout plastered on his lips.

“Damn. He barely eats these days. I can’t even sure the last time he had a real meal,” a hint of concern is evident in Yoongi’s voice even though his face doesn’t match with his tone.

Namjoon, who has gone silent from the start remains that way for the whole dinner. Well, it’s not only him, but the whole table becomes quieter than before. Jimin’s absence in the table is truly felt by each member, and that shows how only by a person’s disappearance can affect the entire group. They are fond being on each other’s side, never missing out even a single person and always stick together as seven members wherever they go. They miss Jimin. Jimin is there, under the same roof as theirs, but they could barely feel his presence. However, neither of them could help Jimin. Not if the guy can’t even help himself.

After eating and cleaning up the table, Namjoon pours a glass of cold water and make some sandwiches. The younger needs to eat something because like what Yoongi has said, his eating is getting irregular to the extent it’s unhealthy. Jimin sure is hungry anyway, he just has no energy left in him to get out of his room or even to lift his body of his bed.

“Jimin?” Namjoon voices softly, trying his best to not startle Jimin and at the same time to wake him if he might be dozing off in his bed. Namjoon’s frown gets more obvious when there’s no reply from inside, so the guy knocks on his door again. No replies again.

The guy tries to twist the knob and surprisingly, the door isn’t locked.

“Jimin? I’m going inside, okay?” Namjoon says before stepping ahead without waiting for the younger to answer him. After closing the door behind, he quickly catches the sight of the guy on the bed with his blanket engulfing his whole body. A broken sigh escapes the older’s lips, as he saunters to the nightstand and put the tray on it.

Throwing his gaze to the sniffling Jimin - which startles him cause Joon thought his baby was sleeping - Namjoon crosses his arms, shaking his head to see what a massacre Jimin is.

“What?” Jimin murmurs with his hoarse voice, acting like a five-year-old being all sulky. Namjoon is sure that the younger is pouting beneath his blanket only by listening to his tone.

“I bring you sandwiches,”

“I’m not hungry,”

“Get out of that blanket and sit properly, Jimin. I’m not leaving this room without an empty plate,”

Though Namjoon sounds like his own mother, he doesn’t care if that is the only way to force Jimin to eat, and thank God, the kid is compliant. Shifting his weight on the bed beside the younger, he hands the plate to Jimin and receives a whispered ‘thank you’.

“I’m glad you take some days off, Jimin. But, spending those this way isn’t right,” Namjoon says as he watches the younger nibbles on the sandwich little by little. At least he’s eating.

“I… I just can’t concentrate on my job well, hyung. I just need some rest and I’ll be okay,” the younger breathes out, voice sounding anything but convincing. The younger lifts his gaze up to meet Namjoon’s, who is staring him down in skeptical. Jimin tries his best to look strong, to look persuasive but of course, we’re talking about Kim Namjoon here. The older knows him well enough that Jimin can never hides something well enough from him.

“I just miss her, okay?” he mutters in dismay, head falls down instantly and shoulders slump down, “I know I don’t deserve to even say that, but crap. I just miss her so much,” Jimin puts back his half eaten sandwich on the plate, other hand cupping his face.

“I can’t do any because I can’t stop thinking about her, hyung. I can’t let her go. And, I can’t do anything about it,”

Namjoon feels a tangible sense of guilt in him to make the younger suddenly throw another tantrum. He is speechless for a moment, observing the other staring voidly on the floor. He has cried too much he doesn’t have any tear to pour out already, and the view before Namjoon is heart-wrenching. Lastly, Namjoon just pulls the younger into his embrace, fingers brushing on the grey locks fondly.

“I’ve lost her, hyung. I’ve lost her,” the younger cries weakly, head resting on Namjoon’s shoulder.

“We can find a way, Jimin. I promise you,” Namjoon whispers into the younger’s ear, fingers caressing his hair with hope it soothes Jimin down.

As much as Jimin wants to believe those words, he just doesn’t think there’s any hope left for him. Why would you spare another chance just to get hurt more? Why would you get back with someone that can’t even make time for you? Even if Jimin does have hope, Jimin can’t see you suffer anymore. So, Jimin thinks, both of you just needs time to let the wound heal.

But why does it feel like the wound hurts even worse?

…

The whole week goes excruciatingly slow and painful. You will go straight to bed after finishing your homework, you can barely be focused in your classes, and you avoid yourself from spending your evening in the gym, probably not sure why. Yes, you’re the one who choose to back off from the game for the sake of your friends. However, you can’t really avoid to mourn over it especially when the game is just weeks away.

Your condition is very concerning yet Heeyoung and Rina have no idea to get you out of this unhealthy cycle. You feel sorry to make them feel worried and to look at their brokenhearted faces every time you say ‘I just need time’. Everything comes tumbling down in your life one by one, and being optimistic isn’t exist in your dictionary for the time being. It’s not a lie when you say you just need time to get over all of what had happened. You really have nothing else left in your life anyways. Releasing your stress with gymnastics? You’ll just gonna throw another tantrum. Jimin? Already out of your grasp.

Oh crap. I shouldn’t think of him again.

You probably should stop thinking about how warm it feels to have his chest on your back, his strong arms looping on your waist with so much care and softness. You definitely should start forgetting how sweet his peach and fruity scent smells like. How feathery his kisses on your nape when he’s spooning you from behind. How angelic his giggles chiming in your ears. How your hands fit together when they intertwined. You shouldn’t think of him now. You shouldn’t think of him anymore.

Because it’s already over.

Just like other nights, you sleep with tears stained on your cheeks, brows furrowed, lips frowning, body donned in his big sweater, hands wrapping around your own waist with a despairing hope you can call Jimin a past in the next morning.

...

A/n: (Very) Long chapter because I'm not sure if I can make it up for the next update in less than a week, so here you go hehe

and btw, 1k+ reads tho. are yall being serious??? thank you for spending your time reading this not-so-fantastic-but-at-least-ive-tried piece, i really appreciate it :'''