Don't

The Girl Behind The Camera | A Park Jimin's Story

(Mood : Blackpink - Hope Not, Jeremy Zucker, Chelsea Cutler - you were good to me)

You end the call immediately, stuffing in your phone into your pocket without eyes leaving the brown hazel eyes you’ve been longing for. But the bewilderment and a hint of anger that is painted on his features makes you realize that the scene before him can be interpreted wrongly. Well, there's your ex standing cluelessly behind you, and Jimin finds you in a game room that supposedly can be accessed by a member only, and Jimin probably saw you sat on the stool with the table with other three men, poker cards scattered.

 

Jimin's eyes are scurrying all over the place and when his eyes stops on the familiar younger man that would be the last person he wants you to be with, the sliver of anger in him blooms more violently.

 

“Jimin, let me explain,” you say hurriedly, trying to distract the guy from keep throwing daggers on the dumbfounded Jisung.

 

“Not at here,” he claims without missing a beat, voice sounding as cold as ice and eyes still pining menacingly on the other. You flinch a little when the guy snatches your hand into his steel grip, pulling you away from the room before pausing his step.

 

“And you,” Jimin aims his index finger straight to Jisung, making him jerks, intimidated is an understatement, “stay the hell away,” Jimin hisses before striding away.

 

You follow his hasty steps quietly, when you can feel something foreign surges in you. His steel grip around your wrist is burning into your skin but you don't dare to voice out any words. His gaze is kept forward, not sparing any glance on you who are attempting your best on catching with his steps. Your heart is beating rapidly, dreading for what's about to happen and how things happening right now is leading to a wrong turn. Shooting your gaze to Jimin when you can only see his back, nape and head, you then realize that you're feeling scared.

 

You're terrified. That kind of terrified when you feel like Jimin can kill you for real.

 

Jimin on the other hand is trying his best to make a way in the crowd, constantly being bumped into his colleagues wishing him happy birthdays and asking for a photo.

 

“Hey, birthday boy! Where are you rushing to? Let's take pictures together!” a group of people with phones in their hands manage to block both of your way, as they instantly shift their eyes to you.

 

“Hey, who's this cute girl, huh?”

 

“She looks familiar somehow,”

 

“She’s in one of the vlogs perhaps?”

 

“No. I don't know. But she's preeeetty familiar to me,”

 

“Wait. Yeah, she rings a bell though,”

 

You start panicking, trying to hide your body behind the other. Jimin gets the hint immediately, realising your body shrinks by the attention that is diverted to you. He quickly excuses yourselves from his friends and pull you out of the club right away.

 

As soon as both of you reach outside, the cool breeze that hits your skin makes you want to beg for his hand around your wrist back. But in this situation when Jimin shows no interest for warm touches, you cut the intention off right away. The guy across you are utterly fumed, you can see it by his eyes. The glitters and stars that are supposed to be visible in his eyes are nowhere to be seen, and you’re a little bummed up for that. This isn’t the expression that you want to elicit from Jimin after months of not seeing each other. Though you feel like your heart is going to combust due to the abnormal rate of heartbeat, you know you have no other choice than to communicate.

 

“I-I can explain,”

 

“Why was that boy with you? I thought you can't even see him in the eye again,” he retaliates, giving you no rooms for explanation. You want to answer the question, clear things out even if the question is meant to be rhetorical.

 

“Jimin… It's not like what you think,” you breathe out the words weakly, legs wobbly under Jimin's stare. It hurts your feeling a little when the guy displays his distrust towards you, but it's reasonable, you guess. The scene that was witnessed by him was kinda messed up, other people would take it the wrong way too.

 

But, Jimin isn’t just other people to you.

 

“Why are you even at here?”

 

Maybe you are, to him.

 

The words cut through deep in your heart you can literally feel the excruciating bleeding, but you never let your facade crumbles.

 

“This is so impulsive. All of these. Sneaking out of school, asking help from that boy, just… you being here. Don't you have thought about bad things that can happen to you? You can't even face a small group of people and how do you even have a thought to enter a club?”

 

Jimin just realizes the words that he just uttered and he can't even believe in himself that he just literally threw those craps right onto your face. And when he can see your eyes turn a little glassy, brows furrowed, looking both bewildered and disappointed, he knows he effed up big time. He internally curses himself for being too controlled by his emotions, can't manage to bring himself to make rational thinkings resulting him to spit without wondering what the consequences of his own words.

 

Don’t get him wrong, he is beyond ecstatic to see you to be physically present right in front of his eyes. But when he zooms out to see the bigger picture, the place you’re in and the people you’re with, Jimin instantly took it in the worst way. As stupid as it sounds, Jimin really can’t stand seeing the other boy (who shall not be named because Jimin prefers it that way), thinking about how the lad had hurt you.

 

But now, does it make Jimin and the boy any different?

 

Now he feels so ty, he feels so bad he doesn't think that things can go right anymore. Both of you are drifting apart, and he’s sure it’s really clear to the point which both of your friends can even realize it. He wishes he could turn back time and stops himself from being controlled by his mixed emotions. This just proves how much of a he is.

 

And he doesn't think he deserves you any longer.

 

“I…” Jimin gulps, tears threatening to fall out, “I think we need a-”

 

“Don't,”

 

After batters from Jimin, you finally let out something, even though it's just a word. Jimin, who has his head hung low, instantly shoots his gaze up, meeting a glassy pair of irises. Jimin studies your features, your brows are slightly furrowed but overall you manage to keep a stoic on your face, showing no sheer emotions when your eyes say the opposite. And then a fact dawns into his mind immediately, which he has never seen you cry in front of him. A trait of the Kim’s siblings that he should have realized earlier, you and your brother are really good in faking smiles and hiding emotions, seldom wearing your heart on your sleeves.

 

A heavy sigh escapes your lips as you shake your head lightly, fingers resting on each of your temple before you run them through your hair. You inhale deeply, mustering every bits of composure left in you before talking.

 

“I don't know what's going on in that head of yours, babe. But whatever it is, just don't. Don't say it,”

 

Jimin can't handle his b tears anymore, so he just let's it slide over his cheeks silently. You just pin your cold gaze on the guy even though he averts.

 

“I can't afford another lose, Jimin. Not with you,”

 

Your brows furrow harder, declining the urge to pull Jimin closer, to kiss the tear away because you think that might be the last thing Jimin wants right now. He literally just about to ask for a breakup minutes ago, he doesn’t need any comfort from you anymore. But, you're a coward. You can't face the pain of heartbreak anymore. You can't take the aftermath again, especially when this one might hurt worse than the last time, and you wonder why.

 

“I'll beg. I'll give you time. I'll give you how much space you want. I'll do whatever you want me to. But just don't, Jimin. Don’t do this to me,”

 

Jimin prevents himself from choking on his own tears, pursing his lips from voicing out any sobs. After what he has said, after bull he threw on your face, Jimin doesn't fathom how you could even ask him to stay. Jimin keeps hurting you, and he is determined that he can't do this to you anymore even though the pain that he has to endure is excruciatingly bad.

 

And even though it's the same for you.

 

At least the pain will fade away by time, that's what Jimin thought. Jimin needs to end this torture that he has done to you. Jimin needs to stop you from constantly being hurt by him.

 

He needs to. He has to.

 

“You said you'll do anything for me, right?” Jimin ignores the tears that are streaming heavily on his puffed cheeks, still manage to utter the words clearly.

 

You nod instantly, eyes reeking with plead and hope.

 

“Then, leave. I want you to leave,”

 

The cool breeze blows against your skin again, biting every inch of exposed skin yet it gives no effect on you. Your hair is tousled lightly by the wind, adding an ethereal effect on your beauty in Jimin's eyes. You feel numb, your brain stops processing any words, your tongue can't feel itself, your heart drops, and you feel weak in your knees. Your gaze is the only thing that is unwavering, reluctant to stray away from those eyes.

 

You can't believe it by yourself when things turn out this way. But there's no one to be blamed for except you. You deserve to accept this. You have never been enough for him, so what's there for you to fight for your side?

 

Jimin is caught off guard when you suddenly close the gap, hands cupping his wet cheeks as you plant chaste kisses on both of his cheeks. You run your thumbs across his skin, wiping the tears off. Jimin shuts his eyes, giving in to the kisses and touches. It would be a lie if those touches don't manage to ease Jimin right away, but it's too late for him to make things right again.

 

“What have I done, Jimin? What mistake did I do this time?”

 

Jimin let those words sink in his head as he can feel your touch fades away. His eyes are remained close after a while before he stumbles forward, falling on two of his knees. His frame stammers hard by the meltdown, gasps of silent sobs escaping his trembling lips, tears wetting the asphalt. He can feel his heart contorts in very abnormal way, making him clenches his chest forcefully. How can he endure this? Are you feeling the same as him? Is this what a heartbreak feels like? He now wonders how you could even give a chance to him, only just for the past to repeat itself.

 

The words are still lingering in his mind, but his condition right now is making his brain a little hazy. Nevertheless, he is very sure those words are something he has heard before. The exact lines, not even a word is singled out.

 

“What have I done, Jimin? What mistake did I do this time?”

 

And that when it rings.

 

Those words. Those very similar words. They were told by someone that was about to commit an act that was very dangerous. A sudden fear surges into him as he flings his eyes wide open, seeking for your frame anywhere but to no avail. His throat becomes tight again as his chest heaves up and down heavily, trying to catch his breath. It panics him, the thought of you doing the same thing, or even the thought of you having a thought of doing it.

 

No, you won’t do that. You won’t do it. Jimin wants to believe to those words even though his heart is being skeptical with the statement.

 

Making up his mind, Jimin decides to search for a particular person that he is sure can help him in this, someone that knows you well enough than anyone else. Brushing the dirt of his palms, he gets up of his knees, giving zero s to the tears that have stained his cheeks and turns his back to make his way to the club back. However, a figure makes him put a halt on his steps. The figure has been there since the first second Jimin pulled you out of the club, it was just neither of you were too bothered to notice the other’s presence.

 

Jimin is hesitant for a moment to walk to the guy, even though he is the guy Jimin is seeking. But when Namjoon flashes his pitiful dimpled smile and spreads his arms, Jimin chokes in his sobs again in the older’s warm embrace.

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A/n: I'm sorry guys I just have to :\

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Kkomaenggi
#1
Chapter 45: Its okay! Take care of yourself :)
hermion8
#2
Chapter 45: Hey, it's alright... i've never gone through heartbreak myself, but I believe you can get through it. If you ever need to talk to someone, just drop me a message :) It's alright to be down, to cry, and to be hurt... Just remember there are other people who love you :)
Kkomaenggi
#3
Chapter 43: JXJSHDUDBDJDKFOFNEICJDJEO TOO SHORT
manggaetokki
#4
Chapter 43: FINALLY JCNDNCJDNCJD
manggaetokki
#5
Chapter 42: finally something good is happeninggjfjfndjbcjdbcndjd
Kkomaenggi
#6
Chapter 42: Oh my god finally out of this depressION IM SO EXCITED
manggaetokki
#7
Chapter 38: noooo i’m so sad thank you so very much :(
Kkomaenggi
#8
Chapter 38: Are you kidding wowowow im sad thanks
_Kaira
#9
Oh no :'(
_Kaira
#10
Chapter 37: Is he going to misinterpret the whole scenario?!?! Its getting exciting!!!!