“I wonder what y/n’s doing,” Rina sighs, ditching her pen and takes her water bottle, chugging down the water.

“I wonder if y/n’s finally losing her V card,” Heeyoung mutters, making the other chokes on her water.

“Heeyoung, what the fu-” Rina is about to rebut when a few knocks interrupt the scene, making the girls quickly shoot their gazes towards the door.

That’s weird, it’s already five past one in the morning, and who the hell would be knocking on their door at this very ungodly hour? The warden has never strolled around the hostel at this time, and they don’t think any of their friends would bother them now.

The knocks echo again, sounding more impatient than before.

“Rina, no!” Heeyoung stops the girl from stepping further, making the other her brow, confused, “What if it’s a ghost?”

Rina couldn’t breath any words for a reply, rolling her eyes and shaking her head with Heeyoung’s wild imagination. That girl must have watched too much horror movies.

“I’m coming! I’m comi-” Rina voices when the knocks echo again for the third time, yet the view before her makes her tongue freezes, eyes wide opened, jaw dropped. Heeyoung, who witnesses the change of expression of the now speechless girl immediately dashes toward the door, hauling it open, heart whispering prays that the ‘ghost’ isn’t too horrifying.

Heeyoung jerks, shocked to know that the ‘ghost’ is actually you.

No words exchanged for a moment, just eyes and telepathy as tools for communication, and those are enough for the both of them to get a hint about what has happened. The glassy eyes of yours display the sorrow that you’re concealing. The pursed lips tell that a waterfall of tears are held in from cascading over, and you’re afraid if the dam breaks as soon as you open your mouth. The fists in both of your hands, the pain of your nails burying deep in your skin gives no effect to you, cause there’s a more unbearable pain you have to endure right now.

Rina quickly pulls you into her warm embrace, hands clenching tight on your back as your silent sobs escape your lips. When your cry becomes more audible, gasps and whimpers coming out from your lips, both of your friends can’t help but to mirror your action. Your cries are usually silent, and only a few of them are loud. So, when your friends hear the weeps from you, they know that things have gone entirely wrong.

“Who the  hurt you? What happened?” Rina places one of her hands in your hair, acting so soft towards you when her voice sounds completely opposite. You, who’s head buried in the crook of her neck just shakes weakly as a reply.

Heeyoung joins in, creating a group hug and trying to ignore her streaming tears when something catches her attention. Something is odd about you, not because of your outfit, or your hair, or anything about your appearance.

Your smell. You smell like alcohol.

“y/n… How much have you drank?” Heeyoung mutters in between her cries, making Rina shoots her eyes open, sniffing into you who are too messed up to bother about it. You know they’re mad, because you break the rule, and you just risked your dear life. But, you are desperate for a distraction, for escape at the moment.

Rina unhooks the hug slowly, eyeing on you with furrowed brows and deep frown. They are angry, of course, with your reckless behaviour. But, pointing it out on you when you’re in this state feels wrong. Therefore, they just let it slide for a while.

“At least you’re here now. You’re safe,” Heeyoung mutters, forcing herself to form a little smile.

However, her smile drops completely when she sees a plastic full of beer cans in your grip. Rina, too, loses her words, baffled with your demeanour.

“y/n, darling, you’re not thinking straight,” Rina voices, voice reeking with concern.

“You owe us an explanation, y/n. We’re not spending our night with those,” Heeyoung follows after, every word is evident with disapproval.

“Who says we?”

You keep on making both of them surprised, wondering if you’re being the blunt, savage you or you’re just drunk, or both.

“You do know I explain s better when I’m drunk, don’t you?”

They gulp in jinx, playing back things that happened *the night you joined in drinking with them. The night where you spilled over the things that have been troubling you, the insecurities and thoughts that are killing you internally. The night where you unveiled your facade, hiding no secrets from them, spitting only truths no matter how hurt they sounded.

And probably another one thing that no people knows about you; you never forget every you talk when you’re drunk.

…

This is the worst birthday he has ever had.

But, of course, there's no one else to be blamed except himself.

He feels sorry for his friends and his party guests for his sudden absence of his own celebration event, but he really couldn't go on with the party after what had happened just a while ago. The birthday boy ends up spending his night with choked sobs and self-loathing words both spitting out from his lips and his mind, sounding like an incessant incantation. Gladly, Namjoon follow the crying boy, ditching the party after informing the others and quickly drives themselves to their house, a better place where they can talk and snuggle into each other.

“She doesn't deserve this, hyung. I don't deserve her. I'm such a piece of . I'm so sorry, hyung. I-” Jimin muffles in between the blanket that is cocooning him, covering his whole body, half of his face buried into it. The older keeps his hand rubbing at his back, deciding to let the smaller to ramble anything he wants to, giving all the chance to Jimin until he has no more words to utter.

Namjoon scoots closer, cradling the crying baby into his arms on the couch at their living room. The house is so quiet they could only hear Jimin's cries that has subsided to soft sniffles. This scene before his eyes sends a sudden hit of deja vu into him, as his mind plays back on the dark old days of his life, where he almost made the dumbest decision that he would even regret just by thinking about it now. The older’s monologue is interrupted by a sound of throat clearing from the baby, struggling to voice without stammering.

“H-hyung… I n-need you to answer m-me something,” Jimin manages to form a sentence even though Namjoon has to take a good 30 seconds to exactly comprehend what’s mumbled by the younger, before nodding as a reply.

“What exactly happened? What actually snapped you that night?”

It impresses Jimin that Namjoon knows which night the younger is talking about without having to give more details. Plus, the blonde is quite grateful that the cobalt headed guy is on the same page with him, since this is a very sensitive topic for any of them to bring up. Though the last thing that Jimin wants to do is to force Namjoon remembers that he wishes he could forget, Jimin really needs this. Maybe people won’t recognize you as Namjoon’s sister in terms of physical features - other than that signature dimpled smile - but Namjoon and you share almost the same personal traits that Jimin find both baffling and endearing at the same time. Since the words that you uttered just now were the exact words Namjoon once spoken in long time ago, Jimin needs to know the correlation and information that he might could gain or otherwise. The mess that he has initiated, he is desperate to know the aftermath that can occur.

If Namjoon is hiding his fraught, he’s doing a very great job since there’s no contorts in his features or brows furrowed visible. The solace that is displayed by him - even if it’s not sheer - marvels Jimin at how calm he appeared considering the heavy topic that’s been touched.

A soft, yet bitter sneer slips out the older plump lips. Namjoon’s gaze is casted down, somewhere on the fluffy blanket.

“I know you guys wouldn’t believe this but… I had a girlfriend back then,”

Jimin’s jaw dropped a little dramatically, but his reaction is genuine. Namjoon was and is always a decent guy. He can sweep any man or woman off their feet just by a single glance of his dimpled smile and sweet hazel eyes, and they would be head over heels. But the point here is, Namjoon wasn’t a social butterfly back then. It took Jimin a whole month to make a proper conversation and establish a brotherhood with the aforementioned, and to know that Namjoon had experienced anything further than a friendship? Shocked is an understatement.

“Well, it was my first serious one. And before you could be mad about me not informing any of you about it, let me explain first,” Namjoon lifts his arms in air in defence, making the younger breaks a soft chuckle.

“I’m afraid that it won’t last long, you know? Since it was only a little tiny trivial crush, I just kept it by myself. I thought it would be only a short one, perhaps just a fling. But, it wasn’t. It wasn’t for me,” the bitterness that’s undertoning both his voice and smile is evident as he pauses for a while. Jimin’s sure if he stares into the older’s eyes closer, he can see that Namjoon is flashing his memories at the back of his corneas, reminiscing.

“But it was for her,”

Jimin can’t avoid the urge to cringe on the sudden twist even though he does see that coming. It’s a typical heartbreak that people will always hear about, but can only know how foreign the pain is once they experience it by themselves. Maybe because Jimin finally knows how it feels, how agonizing it is, how he feels like he’s not alive even though he’s breathing, he now understands why Namjoon almost made a fatal decision.

“So, yeah. It ended before I could even have the chance to tell you,” he sneers again before shifting his gaze to the blonde, confusion crosses in his features, “I’m totally fine with you asking me this but… Why so sudden?” It confuses Namjoon, to be honest, since Jimin asks him something so random, at the early hours of his birthday, and is insisting - since Jimin needs to know - for the backstory.

Jimin fiddles with his fingers, eyes turning glassy again and lips quivering, scared to commit his own dumbness to Namjoon. Nonetheless, Jimin knows there’s no use in hiding things from Namjoon, his best friend can still read his mind accurately. Though guilt and pain blooms wildly in his heart throughout the whole storytelling session, he can’t help but to spill the whole thing to the older who never fails to listen attentively to every single cry.

“I ed up big time, did I?” Jimin says in between his sniffles, cheeks and nose flushed with crimson, eyelashes drenched.

“Yeah, you did,” Namjoon reiterates without missing a beat, puts no effort in sugarcoating in that part, “But, don’t worry, Jimin. She’s way smarter than me. Like both intelligence and emotional wise,” Namjoon replies, voice fill with conviction.

“You’re not that dumb, hyung,” the younger giggles weakly, eyes barely opened due to amount of tears he poured out while ago. The older beams fondly, probably feels endeared.

“Trust me, Jimin,” Namjoon pauses, waiting for the younger to pay the attention Namjoon wants from him, “She’ll never do that,”

Though they are just words, Jimin can feel his heart lighten a little (just, like, very little) since they come from a man that knows about you definitely more than Jimin himself. The one and only man that has been there for you in every phase of your life, being the selfless and loving brother every other person would wish for. Of course, with no doubts, Namjoon’s words aren’t just words, they are a promise.

“But, well, I can’t say that she won’t do other dumb though,”

Jimin’s mind - which has gotten a little tame seconds ago before Joon ruins it - goes frantic as hell. He literally feels restless, unravelling the blanket off him, terrified puppy eyes pinning on the elder who looks completely otherwise.

“H-h-how dumb can it be?” Jimin stumbles on his own words, lips curling into an ugly frown. When Namjoon shrugs lightly and a light sneer sneaks out of the elder’s thick lips, Jimin can’t fathom how certainly calm Namjoon reacts to this event. What Jimin has expected that he would get from the elder when he personally witnessed the whole thing was violent scowls or a broken jaw or maybe actually worst - a broken friendship. Yet, what he gets from this is nothing with what he has imagined how it would turn out.

With a smile - that signature, dimpled one - Namjoon locks his gaze with the other before uttering with no disturbance at all hinting in his chord,

“Like really, really dumb,”

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*refer to Probably A Chapter You Should See 'It' Coming and a little from 'No Worries' where the girls wanted to talk to you about smtg but didnt have time to do so (wow, we're making references now huh?)