“Where’s y/n?”

Yoongi, who is lounging on the couch with his laptop on his lap and his headphones on, turns to the younger and shrugs as a response. The grey head his brow, feeling a little off with your absence in his vision. Usually, you’ll play around with any of the members, watching them fooling with each other or at least stick around with any members present in the house. Since today seems like a very hectic day for all of the members, all of his youtuber friends are having their own schedules outside.

“You’re home early?” Yoongi pulls the headphone off his ears, but eyes still pivoted on his laptop.

“It’s just a meeting for a collab project. Nothing much,” Jimin places a paper bag in front of the older, before Yoongi quirks his brow, questioned.

“Lamb skewers,”

Yoongi jolts from his seat and ditches his laptop and headphone, hastily scurries of the couch and takes a peek into the paper bag. His gummy smile makes its appearance, eliciting a cute giggle from the younger.

“You can have all by yourself. I already had my lunch,” Jimin leaves the overjoyed lad alone and immediately wander to the direction of your room. Jimin is sure that no one’s bringing you along to their schedule, so he’s assuming maybe you’re just spending your free time in your room.

Tilting his head a little, he slightly frowns as he receives no response after knocking a few times. Maybe you’re in the shower or having some nap time. Jimin turns to his back on his heels and start to walk away when suddenly a high-pitched gibberish resonated from your room. As panic starts to surge in the man, Jimin quickly turns back to your door and twists the knob open…

Just to find you stomping your palm on the mattress while bursting into bombs of blasphemy to your own phone.

“STOP BEING A GODDAMN DUMB AND JUST ADMIT THAT YOU LIKE JIMI-” your words are stopped at the middle when a dumbfounded Jimin pops out on the door, blinking inquisitively. Getting on your senses back, you just realize how awkward it is to find a main character of a fiction is standing in front of you.

“Oh, erm, hi?” you smoothen your slightly unruly hair, and successfully displaying your gawky side.

”Have you had your lunch?” Jimin tries to ignore his inner self who is screaming for your cuteness.

“Err… I’m… No? But, I’m not hungry,”

“Get ready, I’ll wait you in the car,”

…

“I told you I’m not hungry. You guys are starting to have Namjoon’s habit on babying me,” you sip your iced matcha tea and wait for your food to come over.

“You are hungry and you are a baby,” Jimin says, enunciating some words.

“Well, if you didn’t mention about lunch, I might forget about being hungry,” you reply, because when you are too engrossed in your fictional world, you can also lost track with time. You can go hours and hours without drinking or eating, and you just realize that this addiction isn’t really healthy.

“What were you doing just now?”

“Reading,”

“Novels?”

You nod, as you make way for the waitress to place your food on the table and thank her before she walks away.

“You have to understand, my man. My only two friends are having a girls time at Ilsan without me and I have no boyfriend to talk and communicate to. Fictions provide you a kinda decent, social life that you’ll never achieve. Well, that's why it’s called fictions for reasons,” you state as a matter of fact.

“Speaking of boyfriend, you had some before?” Jimin props his chin on his palm as he rests his elbow on the table.

“I… Don’t know if I can deem his as my former boyfriend or not. Cause, well, I don’t know, I was immature, he was immature, we were not too serious but I don’t know, it’s compli-”

“So you had one,”

Averting your gaze away, you try to hide the embarrassment that is evident in your face.

“It was that Park guy, right?” Jimin asks rhetorically.

Sighing as the dark memories flash in your mind, you just remain in silent as you chew your food noiselessly.

“You were a wild, funny girl, weren’t you?”

You break into a little bitter smile, before nodding lightly.

“Of course we all did have that one phase in our lifetime. And logically, everything that starts will end,” you mutter.

“Why did that wild phase end?”

“I have college entrance exams to attend, gymnastics competitions to win, full concentration and commitment are both essential,"

"It's more than that, isn't it?"

You decide to reply his question with a bitter smile, as your mind replays the memories that you’ve been trying to discard from your life all these time.

…

“You guys have been together for 2 years and you’re calling this off?” Heeyoung questioned, as you were lying flat on your stomach, face digged into the pillow.

“Can’t you understand? Those 2 years were meaningless! He had never declared a crap and I was the only one who thought that these whole years was a thing. I’m such a stupid b-”

“Shut up, yn! You’re not freaking stupid. He did say that he liked you, so, technically, you weren’t wrong,” Rina cut you in, standing on the side of the bed in akimbo.

“That was like the first few months of us chatting together. You can’t expect him to still like me after that. Especially when we did nothing other than chatting, and we never had put any label between us. And how goddamn dumb am I to think that he’ll be loyal to me. Of course there’s tons of girls out there that are more worth than me,”

“Kim y/n, stop saying that…”

“I love my tanned skin. I love my eye bags, my flat chest, my too skinny body. I feel damn comfortable without makeup. I see my worth in my eyes,” you said, tears trickling down by your cheeks.

”But, do other people see that worth in me? In their eyes, do they appreciate my kind of beauty? Can they say I’m beautiful even though I don’t have fair complexion? If I don’t doll up like other girls in our school, will Jisung actually approached me at the first place?”

Heeyoung and Rina just left their mouths agape, as they had nothing concrete to retaliate your insights. Your lips were swollen and your eyes were bloodshot, as tears streamed down your face heavily.

Rina shifted her weight on your bed as she circled your little physique into a warm hug as you broke into heavier meltdown. Heeyoung ran her hand on your back up and down, trying to soothe you down. Their hearts sank to see how broken you were, how vulnerable your mental was when you seldom showed your emotions directly, how much self-doubts had eaten you from inside and how much pain you had to endure to build a masquerade, to act tough after all this time.

“y/n, dear. I don’t know. I’m not sure if I can possibly answer that. But, you are beautiful. You don’t have to wear anything like makeup or any stuff to make you feel that. You cannot stick to other’s definition of beauty. You shouldn’t feel uncomfortable to feel beautiful, to be beautiful. You don’t have to follow such trends like the others do to be that. You’re not being beautiful, you’re just imitating and duplicating the same crap that public label as beautiful. Be your own kind of beautiful, your own version and definition of beautiful. Beauty standards are cliche and mainstream, you should be unique and not like them,” Rina wisely and carefully picked her words.

“That’s true. I can’t guarantee that all people can see the worth in you, y/n. Sometimes people are just too cruel and get too used to beauty standards. But, trust me, y/n. If you embrace the flaws you have, when you finally embrace your own beauty, people around you will do the same too. And trust me, you’ll meet someone that can see your worth more than you see in yourself,” Heeyoung joined in, trying to comfort you with her words.

Their words did soothe you a little, but that didn’t mean your confidence and self-esteem were completely healed. It took only a second for your faith on yourself crashed into pieces but it took only-God-knows-how-long for your self-confidence to be constructed into a complete chunk back.

…

“He took your confidence away,”

You stare on the lake ahead of you, contemplating on how serene it is. After having your lunch, Jimin takes you to a lake that is close to the college that he used to attend with Namjoon. You take a seat on the boot of the car as Jimin leans against it.

“Maybe. I don’t know. That's what the girls have been saying,” you sneer gawkly.

"I... I'm not sure when did I start to seclude myself, when did all the wild and funny me fade away. But, yeah, I think after that happened, I found myself to be this way. Closed, taciturn, serious, indifferent. I think it's better for me to be this way," you add, muttering slowly.

"You're afraid of getting hurt again," Jimin voices, earning an insincere smile and a light nod from you.

Your eyes wander around the lake and the trees as your mind replays back a few of memories of your old self in her element. You really were a very talkative, easy going girl back then. Greeting and waving to every person that walked on the hallway, made new friends every time you went on any competition regardless age and gender, had pretty bold choices of wardrobe outfit and all smiley.

And because of that personality of yours, you got hurt.

You trusted the wrong person. Your first experience in relationship was ruined. Wait, it wasn't even a relationship. You didn't even know what it was. You were fooled for good two years thinking that you were someone's love when you were just someone's toy. Thanks to that 'Park' guy, you hate the way you think about relationship, about love, about trusting someone. Negativity is the one you want to keep at bay but it's the only thing that you are reminded of when someone mentions about relationship.

However, these boys are those minority in these public that still allow you to have faith in humanity and love. Their bonds are stronger than what best friends usually have. They claim themselves as family and they prove themselves that they are one indeed. After having some thoughts, you make a conclusion that you are actually really lucky to be sent here to live with them for a month, meeting and getting along with these dorks. They teach you a lot of things and take care of you really well.

Especially this guy here.

“Thanks,”

“For?” you quirk your eyebrow.

“For opening up. I know that’s not an easy topic for you, considering on how many times you try avoiding to talk about that Park guy,”

You sneer, shaking your head lightly. You get off the boot and lean against it, beside him.

“I’m the one who should thank you. You have to waste your time listening to my sto-”

“You are worth for me to spend my time, y/n. I’m the one who make you tell me,”

You can’t help but to tear up a little, but you fight those tears back by faking a chuckle. However, when the guy suddenly wraps his arms around your back and pulls you into a hug, you could not register what is actually going on, until he says…

“Stop holding it back. You’ve smiled a lot enough,”

And you finally break into silent sobs, clenching onto his shirt tightly.

---------------------------

[A/n]

So... Who's watching Grammys for the first time? *raise my own hand*