Your members knew you as a reliable figure; someone they can trust with their deepest darkest secret and someone who can also make them feel better and laugh freely like their worries were nonexistent. You were always a welcomed sight after a long day, offering warm hugs and snuggles whenever they needed it, even the ones who didn't like hugs that much would always welcome your embrace. You also felt the same about them though you still had troubles in sharing your worries and concerns with them, sometimes not knowing whether it was a good idea to open up or if it was even necessary to share such trivial things. The members always tried to pry things out of you, knowing sometimes you're so dismissive of your own problems because you don't want to bother the members with your problems when in fact, it made them worry due to them not knowing whether you were facing some issues or needed their help for something. You had gotten better over the years the group had been together but you had your moments that made the members want to pull their hair out because you're so quiet when it came to your own struggles. 

The first time the members truly comprehend your level of dismissiveness of your own struggles were before your debut. Kpop trainees were known to have training hardships even more so when they were about to debut, so no one was surprised when they saw the soon-to-be Red Velvet members constantly in practice rooms, practising their dance and singing to make sure everything would go according to plan when the debut day comes. Irene, as the new leader, tried her best to check on her members occasionally, constantly making sure they were rested and fed even just a little. With you, however, she literally had to force you to take breaks just so you would rest your body a little. She knew of your worries regarding your dancing skills, or lack thereof as you liked to claim, so she tried her best to help you but she couldn't help but feel like you didn't understand how harmful you were being to your body. 

"Eli-ah, can I talk to you for a bit?" It was after one of the late-night practices that Irene pulled you aside, pulling you away from the rest of the members. They all looked questioningly but somehow knowingly for a little before shrugging and going their own ways, breaths heaving after a particularly intense dance practice. They knew what the leader was going to talk to you about, as they had expressed their concerns, so they left it to her.

You looked at your leader with furrowed eyebrows, concern painting your gaze. "What's up, Hyun-unnie? Is something wrong?" 

Irene almost scoffed in disbelief at your concern for her. Shouldn't you be concerned about yourself? "How have you been doing?" 

You furrowed your eyebrows, confused at her question. "I'm great! I'm excited about our debut and I know I have to work on my dance skills but I promise I'll be decent, Unnie." 

This time Irene truly looked at you and found traces of exhaustion, way beyond the effect of the practices you've been having. Even though you had a smile on your face, you looked dead tired that Irene was scared you would fall any second. Over the past few weeks, Irene had begun noticing that you would stay at the company to do some extra practices. The first few times she didn't say anything as you said you would try to go over a few things as you thought they weren't good enough. You were a perfectionist, that she was aware of, so she didn't question you, just reminded you to take breaks once in a while and not to tire yourself too much. Your answer of "Yes, Unnie!" reassured her. Now, she wasn't so sure anymore.

What she thought would only be an occasional thing turned to an everyday thing and she noticed you would stay over every time you had group practices and she was beginning to get worried. Your already slim but muscular build turned even slimmer due to your excessive workout and less food (your diet had changed as well as you began to limit what you eat and not as often anymore) and she didn't like what she was seeing. So, she was going to try and get to the bottom of things, hopefully making you realise that what you were doing wasn't healthy. 

"Eli, what you're doing is not healthy." Irene tried to come up with something more subtle, she really did, but her worry won her over and she just blurted those words out which caused her to internally chastised herself. Could she be any less subtle?

You frowned, "What? I'm fine! I'm not doing anything wrong, right? I'm doing what I had to do so I can debut and make everyone proud!" You were both confused and worried. What were you doing wrong? Were you not doing enough? Were you not performing enough? 

Irene saw how frantic you had become and she instantly blamed herself again for not being all that subtle. "Hey, hey, calm down, El, calm down." Irene had put a comforting hand on your shoulder and one on your cheek, making sure you were looking at her in the eyes. 

She waited for you to visibly calm down by your cheek and watching you lean into her touch made her let out a small albeit genuine smile. 

"Good?" 

You let out a sigh then nodded. Irene frowned, feeling guilty for what she had caused. "I'm sorry, Eli-ah, I didn't mean to make you panic like that." 

"It's okay, Unnie," you gave her a tired smile, "can you explain what you meant? I don't get it, what am I doing wrong?" 

Irene shook her head and you can see the clear worry painted in her eyes. "What you're doing, extra training and all that aren't wrong but you're overworking yourself, El, we all noticed. Are you not seeing that?" 

You stayed quiet as you through about it, eyebrows furrowed in concentration. Irene tried to take a good look of you again, this time wishing she had confronted you much earlier but then again they were all high on adrenaline and exhausted to the bones at the same time. All of you would do anything it takes to debut. 

You eventually shrugged. "I don't think so. I practice singing and dancing as usual, just some extra because I don't feel confident in my dancing yet. I want to be good when we debut, Hyun-unnie." 

You honestly didn't find anything you were doing weird. You were used to working hard and achieving your goals no matter what it took, so this was nothing new to you. 

Irene sighed. "I know, Sweetheart, but you were not looking after yourself! You train to the point of exhaustion, you don't eat well or rest well. How are you going to debut if you don't have enough energy, Eli-ah?" 

It was silent as you tried to digest everything your guardian was saying. Were you overworking yourself? Had you really not taking care of your body that everyone can see it?

"Do you feel like you have no energy left every day? Had you not noticed that you lost a substantial amount of weight?"

You looked up at her. "I thought losing weight is always a good thing." 

Irene huffed and glared. "Not when it makes you look like you're sick, Eli-ah." 

After a while you sighed, accepting it. "Okay, maybe I went a little overboard with the extra practices and not eating well, but I need those extra practices, Unnie!" 

"Then do it with me, with Seulgi," she put emphasis on her and Seulgi, "how would you know if what you're doing is correct without someone else seeing it? Your movements are great, El, maybe you're just too hard on yourself that you don't see anything you do as good enough but they are." Irene had put both of her hands on each of your cheeks this time, making sure you knew she truly meant what she was saying. 

You looked down as you allowed yourself to feel whatever you were feeling and you could feel the tears starting to form in the corners of your eyes. You had been pushing your emotions away for the past few months so you could train as hard as you could. You didn't want to fail yourself or anyone else, you had to make it work. 

"Hey," Irene your cheek whilst brushing away the tears that were starting to roll down, "trust yourself a little more, okay? And trust your members more, Eli-ah. They want to help because they care about you. Okay?" 

You nodded, giving her a teary smile. She replied with her own warm smile, then letting out soft chuckles at sight in front of her. 

You gave her a questioning look. 

"You look like a kid right now, El, too cute." 

You pouted and whined, making her pinch your chubby cheeks. "Unnieee~" 

After that, every time you need someone to practice with because you felt like you weren't good enough, you pushed yourself to talk to either Irene or Seulgi even though you were always scared you were burdening them. They always chased away those thoughts by showing their excitement of you trusting them more with your worries and agreeing to help quickly whenever you asked for help. Another problem arose, however, whenever you would get away from them every time you were feeling down, or you would try to mask the feeling by giving out hugs and clinging to the members without them knowing why. At first they thought you were just on your period and you were just feeling extra affectionate but over the years they had noticed the pattern and knew you were doing that to gain comfort without talking about your issues because you felt like hugs were enough to make you feel better. They were fine with you wanting comfort but they couldn't just settle on you facing your problems by yourself. 

"Seulgi-unnie~" 

Seulgi looked up from her phone, her smile turning into a frown after she saw the look in your eyes. "What's wrong, Eli-ah?" 

You shook your head before slumping your body on top of hers, head snuggled into her neck and arms wrapped around her tiny waist. Seulgi grunted in response though she still wrapped her protective arms around your back. 

"What's going on, hm? Tell your Unnie what's wrong." 

You only snuggled even closer in response, shaking your head eventually. You knew there were other much healthier ways to talk about your problems but being wrapped in a warm embrace is what you needed right now. 

Seulgi relented, knowing you probably wouldn't want to talk until you were ready, so she just continued rubbing your back comfortingly, humming some calming tone under her breath so you would feel comforted. 

You stayed quiet for a while before Seulgi couldn't hold off her concern anymore, leaning back a little so you would look up at her. You reluctantly followed her lead. 

"What's going on, Eli-ah? Remember what we say, tell us your problems because we want to help, dongsaeng-ah. Hugs are great but sometimes it's not enough."

You looked down and played with the strings of her hoodie, making you look like a kid. These moments reminded Seulgi just how young you really were when you were separated from your parents, making it hard for you to open up to other people just because you thought it was your burden and you're the one who's suppose to carry it and solve it. 

"Or is it something that we're not supposed to know?"

You looked up, a pout on your lips which caused Seulgi to coo, her hand pinching your right cheek softly. "Not really. I just feel like this is not important enough to tell you, you know?" 

Seulgi frowned, not believing how dismissive you could be of your emotions. You always made sure the members are happy and always helping them out with any kinds of problems. What couldn't you do the same for yourself? 

"If it's making you feel sad then it's most definitely important, at least to you," Seulgi looked at you seriously, making sure your gaze is on her, "nothing is unimportant enough and even if it is, you're very much allowed to tell us, okay? We'll listen regardless, we promise." 

You looked at her intently looking for the hesitance that might be written in her eyes. You were making sure that she was just not saying it for your sake, though you know she never said what she didn't mean, you just had to make sure for yourself. 

Then a genuine, breathtaking smile made its way on your lips, your eyes turning into small crescents. Seulgi looked at you in awe. 

"Thank you, Seulgi-unnie, I believe you."

Those words caused relief to flood through Seulgi, grateful that you now fully believed in her and the members. That was a great first step into opening up. 

"I'm glad you do, Eli-ah. Now tell Unnie what's wrong."

The last one that happened was during Chuseok three years after your debut. Your parents were supposed to come celebrate with you as they managed to get some days off and decided it would be the most appropriate time to visit you and celebrate the holidays together. This was supposed to be the first Chuseok you spend with your parents after your departure to Korea. Your members already left for their homes with exception of you, Wendy already on her way to her relative's home as well. She thought it would be a good time to celebrate with her relatives due to you celebrating with your parents as well, so no one would be left behind at home alone. 

"Are you sure it's okay for me to leave? I can leave at the same time as you, you know."

You gave your unnie a warm smile, hands resting on her shoulders. "Yes, Hyun-unnie, I'm sure. You have a long way to go and it's better to leave now before it gets too late." Your parents were supposed to land in two days but you urged your sisters to go home earlier so they could spend extra time with their families. 

Irene sighed because she felt bad leaving you now, though the thought of you reuniting with your parents made her perk up. "You'll see your parents! Are you excited?" 

You gave her an excited grin. "Very! I can't wait to spend our first Chuseok in Korea together. I'll video call you sometimes when you're free, maybe you can talk to Eomma and Appa." 

"Sure thing, El," Irene tiptoed to your hair with a soft smile painted on her lips, "let me know when they're here, okay?" 

You nodded to her question, leaning closer to press a light kiss on her forehead. "Thank you for everything, Unnie. I wouldn't be here without you." It was a little random but you felt like you just had to say it, so you did. 

Irene replied with a hug as she wrapped her arms around your waist, causing you to wrap yours around her shoulders and back. "I love you." 

"I love you too. Say hi to Eomma, Appa and Unnie for me, okay?" 

She noddedd whilst melting further into your embrace, enjoying the warmth. She'd miss this but she's happy everyone got to be with their families this time of year. 

A day after they left, early in the morning you got news that your parents wouldn't be able to come after all. Your dad was called into work due to an urgent issue and your mother couldn't just leave him behind by himself, though he had encouraged her to do so. Spending time with one parent was better than with none at all, right? But alas you understood, making sure your parents didn't feel too guilty for not being able to visit. It wasn't their fault anyway. That didn't make you feel any less horrible though. You had high hopes that you would be spending some stress-free time with your parents after so many years a part, and now that planned is ruined along with your happiness. Was the urgency that urgent? Were you not that important anymore? As soon as those thoughts came to mind you shook your head to get rid of them. Alas, you tried to make the best out of your break. 

With your plans cancelled and you feeling like for actually having hope that your parents would be here and you imagining what you all could do together, you sent a quick text to your manager just because you felt like you had to. Maybe it was better to not disturb her but it felt wrong not letting her know where you were going. 

'Unnie, my parents couldn't come so I thought it would be a good idea to go to Jeju Island and stay there for a few days. Don't worry, I made sure it's safe and I'll let you know when I'll be back. Please don't tell the members because I want them to have a good holiday without worrying about me. I love you and happy Chuseok!'

With that you left the dorm with a small bag and nothing else, ready to take some solace in the island full of nature for a few days. 

Due to you not wanting to be disturbed you turned your phone to silent and only used it when necessary, not aware the group chat was going crazy. When Chuseok came, after all the traditions and eating, the members wished the each other a good Chuseok in the group chat, only a few replying. The members didn't take anything to heart as they knew people were probably busy with their families, including you. On the second day, Irene texted you asking how it's been with your parents and after not receiving a reply after almost a full day, she became concerned. She knew no matter how busy you were you always check your phone just in case your members needed you, so this was strange. Irene texted the group asking if anyone had texted you and they all replied that they have and never received a reply but thinking that you were busy with your family, they let it slide. Irene, worried to the bones, eventually asked your manager if she knew where you were and her reply worried her even more. 

"Jeju island?! Alone?!" 

Your manager sighed. "Yes, she texted me saying that her parents couldn't come and she decided to go to Jeju. She didn't give me a chance to reply and by the time I had read the text she wasn't replying." 

Irene ran her hand on her face, releasing a big sigh. "Has she texted you back?" 

"This morning actually, saying that she'd be coming home tomorrow morning and that she's feeling much better. She said this was exactly what she needed and a trip with you guys should be arranged here." 

Irene couldn't help but scoff, shaking her head in amusement. "Typical Eli. Always thinking of other people." 

"That's our Eli." Irene could hear the smile in the manager's voice. Her answer calmed Irene down though because now she knew you were safe. She was just upset that you hadn't replied to her texts or answer her calls. 

"Okay then, Unnie, thank you. I'll try to talk to her again maybe tonight." 

Manager-unnie hummed and Irene knew she was nodding along. "Be gentle okay, Joohyun-ah? She's even more vulnerable right now." 

Irene sighed, agreeing to her words. You must felt horrible for not being able to spend time with your parents but not wanting to disturb the members, you decided to face it alone. "I promise, Unnie." 

True to her words, she tried calling one more time that night and she was surprised when her called was immediately answered. "Hello~" 

Listening to your voice made the leader smile, no matter how much she had tried to suppress them. You just had that effect on her. "Hello, Sweetheart. How are you?" 

This time you answered genuinely, "I'm great, Unnie. How was your Chuseok?" 

"It's always great seeing my family and the extended family. I can't wait to see you again though, I wish you were here with me." 

That was your sign that your guardian already knew where you were and what had happened. You sighed. "You knew, huh?" 

You could hear the concern sigh she let out. "I found out from Manager-unnie this afternoon. I thought I might try to call you tonight before you go home tomorrow morning." 

You shook your head, a melancholic smile on your face. "At least she kept her promise of not telling any of you before Chuseok day." 

A comfortable silence then fell you both, broken by her after a while. "Why? Why not tell at least me that your parents couldn't come?" 

You let out a big sigh as you laid down on the bed, facing the ceiling. "I didn't want to ruin your happy time with your family, Unnie. You haven't seen your family in a while and knowing you, if I told you, you wouldn't fully enjoy your time with them because you'd want to be with me." 

"But still!" You smiled, already picturing the adorable pout on her lips. "I'd rather you tell me yourself, Eli-ah, not facing this alone. I am, we are, here for you, remember?"

Your lips turned up even more. "Of course, Unnie, I just really didn't want to disturb any of you and I felt like I needed to spend time alone with myself, so I did." You truly did and you were glad you got to spend this time alone. Now you felt much better and had let out the negative emotions you were feeling. 

Irene let out a sigh but a smile formed on her lips. "Eli, Eli, Eli, what am I going to do with you." 

"Love me?" You smirked and then laugh at the loud "yah!" coming from the other end. 

"I'm glad you got to relax by yourself. How are you feeling about your family failing to come?" 

You hummed in thought before replying, "I was really upset because I had high hopes that we would finally be able to spend time as a family during a family holiday but then life happened and my dad got called into work the morning on their flight day. I couldn't let my mother just come by herself and leave my dad alone, can I?" 

Truly a selfless person you were, Irene thought, shaking her head. "But you're the one ended up being alone." 

"I know, but I know I'll see you and the members days after that anyways and the thought of you all getting to spend time with your families made me feel slightly bit better actually. I do know I needed some time alone still, so I decided to stay at Jeju Island because I heard it's beautiful and it is. We should come here as a group, Unnie, spend some time together here. It's breathtaking!" 

Listening to your tone eventually going up as you felt happier from the upset start made her smile, picturing the signature warm, excited smile on your face. 

"Yeah, I've always wanted to do that as well. I'll make sure we can do that in the future, El. I'm glad you're feeling better now. Just remember to open up, okay? We were quite worried when you didn't reply to any of our texts." 

You chuckled nervously, knowing you made a mistake there. "I'm sorry... I didn't mean to make any of you worried. I thought you wouldn't text me until maybe tomorrow, when I'd be back home. I promise it won't happen again." 

"You better." You could just picture the glare she on her face and you shivered thinking about it, knowing she was serious.

"I'll see you when you get back, okay, Hyun-unnie?" 

You could hear the smile on her voice. "Yeah. We'll spend time together and I'm not taking no as an answer." 

"I know you won't," you chuckled, "okay, Unnie. I love you." 

"I love you too. Text the group back please, they're worried." 

"Will do, Unnie. Bye, have a great time with your family!" 

"Enjoy your time there and have a safe trip back. Bye!" 

You sighed in relief. You felt even more relieved after talking to Irene. It hadn't been easy to open up to others about your burden or what problems you might have but you'll try, for them and for yourself, knowing that want you to do so because they care. You've always been helpful and someone to depend on for them, it's time for them to do the same for you.