It all started when you were still a trainee. 

After basically moving continents where you have no immediate family member nearby, things can get pretty lonely. 

It's been three months since you joined SM and the last time since you saw your parents face-to-face. Yes, you call weekly and sometimes have video calls but being fourteen and away from your parents, with no one to parent you, it gets pretty hard to face your insecurities alone. 

After practice, you went straight back to your dorm for some alone time. Considering you weren't put into a group yet, you were fortunate enough to be given a room to yourself while sharing a three-bedroom apartment with other trainees. While kind, the other trainees were all older than you and had been a trainee much longer than you so you weren't close. 

It's been a rough day. When you woke up, you were dawned with the feeling of dread that you were familiar with. It's going to be one of those days; days where you feel down and just feel like everything you're doing is not enough but too much at the same time. You did your schoolwork as scheduled and had lunch, then went straight to practice, starting with vocal lessons. 

It wasn't the worst but it clearly wasn't your best since the vocal coach kept correcting your mistakes and seemed disappointed by the time you finish your session. Feeling even worse, you continued your training until everything was finished and you felt like you have zero energy left. Due to what you were going through, you didn't realise how Irene kept an eye on you when you have the same classes. She noticed how you weren't yourself, per se, and how stoic but sad you looked. 

So, after you left immediately without saying goodbye to either her or Seulgi, she told Seulgi she'd try and talk to you to see what's going on. This wasn't the first time she saw you in a bad mood but it's never this bad. 

After you entered the apartment, you went straight to your room and just threw yourself on the bed face first. You could feel your eyes tearing up but before you could let any of it out, you heard the doorbell. You knew none of your roommates was in so with a heavy sigh you got up, went out and opened the door without looking at the peephole only to find the famous trainee in front of your door.

Your eyes widened when you realise just who was in front of you. "Joohyun-unnie? What are you doing here?" 

She gave you a small smile even though her eyes showed worry. "I came to see you. Can I come in?" 

"Of course," you nodded before stepping aside as a gesture for her to come in. 

"We can go to my room, sorry I haven't showered yet though." 

She laughed slightly. "It's fine, I haven't showered either so don't worry." 

Despite all the storm of emotions you were experiencing, you couldn't help but smile. I mean, who could resist Irene's smile? 

After leading her to your room, you sat on the bed and gestured for her to sit beside you. 

"What's up, Unnie?" 

She sighed before putting her bag down and turning to face you. "I've noticed that you weren't yourself today. How are you doing?" 

For the second time that day, your eyes widened in shock. How did she notice? No one seemed to pay attention to you during training but now that you thought about it again, you did feel like somebody was staring at you at certain times. You just dismissed that as someone seeing how horrible you were performing. 

You looked down, feeling tears welling up again. You wanted to tell her, you were desperate for anyone to listen to you, but you didn't want to burden her. Not her, your senior who surely had enough on her plate already. 

You shook your head as a sign that you didn't know whether to talk or not before you felt your body being pulled to a warm embrace. With that, you finally cried. 

Irene just hugged you tighter and your back in a soothing motion, trying to give at least some comfort. She knew you probably miss your parents, your home, a normal life, she knew the feeling; she had felt it many times. 

You just let out all your tears as you sobbed, hugging her warmth tighter in your embrace. You felt like you would crumble if you let go. 

After a while, your cries turned into hiccups and sniffles before you finally went quiet, having no tears left to cry. Irene tightened her hug one last time before pulling back a bit, still having you in her embrace. 

"You want to talk about it?" Her voice was soft and that's all it took for you to make a decision.  

You nodded. 

"I woke up feeling down, so I knew it was going to be a long day. I don't know, Unnie, I think I miss my family and my home. I also don't know where I'm going with this, I don't know when I'll debut, there's no fixed future that I can rely on. I'm also not the best dancer or the best singer. Am I going to debut? When? It's an endless circle and I don't know who to tell, who to find the answers from." 

With that answer you basically let out all of your insecurities and doubts, hoping you hadn't scared her away yet. 

Irene stayed silent for a few seconds more before hugging you again. You snuggled into her neck, breathing her scent that smells strongly of detergent. 

"I know how it feels, Eli, I've had it since I've joined I don't how many years ago," she tried to joke and felt accomplished when you giggled. "And I know how insecure it can make you. I just want you to know that it's normal to have this feeling, even Seulgi has them, but you can't let them pull you back from doing what you love. I know you miss your parents and I know no one can replace them but I'm here," she pulled back to look at you in the eyes. "I'm here to listen to everything you have to say, mend your wounds, and chase away your insecurities," she smiled, tears threatening to spill. 

You smiled a teary smile back. 

"I'm here to be a big sister if you'll let me. You also have Seulgi who I'm pretty sure loves you already so no worries there," she grinned making you laugh. 

You wiped away your tears before looking at her. "Thank you, Unnie. That really helps and thank you for lending me your shoulder to cry on, thank you for listening to me and thank you for being the big sister I never got to have. Just know that I can be an understanding little sister when you need me and you can also rely on me too. This goes both ways, Unnie," you teased with a smirk but a serious look in your eyes. "I know it's not easy but you also have to rely on someone when you need to. Nobody's perfect and nobody can bear the weight alone. I just want you to understand that." 

You ended your speech there, knowing you had hit a sensitive spot. You noticed she had the tendency to take care of other people without letting them take care of her and you've only known her for three months so that's saying something. Or maybe you're just good at reading people, that's always been the case. Plus, you couldn't let this chance of saying what you needed to say to her go. 

She let out a big smile this time before hugging you again, slightly swaying you both left to right. "Why do you like making me cry so much? Stop being so sweet!" 

You only hugged her tighter and laughed out loud in response. 

Having another familiar presence calmed you so you dared to ask for another request. 

"Unnie, do you mind sleeping in my room tonight? I feel better with you," you asked shyly, fearing that you've stepped another boundary.

Irene couldn't help but smile at your shyness. "Of course I don't mind. Can I borrow some clothes though? I only have a shirt in my bag." 

"Of course, Unnie." 

Ever since that episode, dare you say that she had become a big sister that acts more like a parent most of the time; she's your guardian angel. After you debuted, you moved to a dorm where you had to share a room with someone. Irene immediately tagged you and just dragged you to your new room. Before every time you have to step out of the dorm for any kind of outing, she'd always check the weather to make sure you're wearing the correct type of clothes. 

"It's going to be cold today, Eli. Make sure you bring a coat!" She raised her voice so you can hear her from inside the bathroom. 

"Yes, Unnie!"

She'd make sure you have food if you have any solo activity, even if she's not the one who prepared it. 

"Do you have your lunch?" 

You shook your head no. "Manager-unnie said she'll buy me something."

Irene just shook her head before retrieving the lunch box that you didn't realise was on the dining table and giving it to you. "Seungwan knew you have a solo schedule today so she prepared you lunch."

You beamed and she grinned. "Where's Wan-unnie? I need to thank her!" 

"She's in her room. I'll wait for you here." 

You ran toward's Wendy's room and Irene could only chuckle at your antics. 

She'd make sure to hold any part of your body when you're on stage with other people so she won't lose you. 

"Don't let go of my hand before letting me know if you're going somewhere, okay?" 

You chuckle before rubbing your thumb on the back of her hand, hoping to ease her worries. "Yes, Unnie. I promise." 

She smiled and put her head on your shoulder as a response. 

When you had to get off the stage, you had to let go of her hand because there was just so many people and you couldn't walk beside her. 

As a result, she had to pinch the back of your top and walk behind you. Hers and your fansites had a field day when they saw this happening. 

When short holidays came where you couldn't go back to Australia, she'd take you to her hometown in Daegu. 

"You're coming with me, right?" 

"I don't know, Unnie... I mean Wan-unnie is alone in the dorm, I don't want her to be alone..." you pouted and she, in turn, pouted too. 

"But she said she'll be out with her friends during that time. Then you'll be alone." 

You raised an eyebrow. "Really? I didn't know that." 

"She told me just before she left for her show. Call her. Besides, mum and dad told you to come with me right? They don't want you to be alone." 

Irene called your parents as such because you told them how she's like your guardian and they had asked for a video call, telling her how thankful they were and how she should call them mum and dad because she's your big sister now. You also gained another set of parents and another sister from Irene's family, having come back to their hometown so many times during the period you knew her. 

You rolled your eyes jokingly. "Yeah, yeah, I'll call her and make sure." 

She patted your head with a teasing smile. "Good girl." 

Really, your relationship with her couldn't get any better. Yes, she can be annoying and bossy like any other big sister would but she's the best big sister you'll ever have. 

You just make sure the other unnies are not jealous though, that'll be a disaster.