A/N: HI CHINGUS! :)

CHAPTER 40

Cold.

Really cold...

I can feel the chill in my bones that it makes me shiver uncontrollably ... every part of my body is aching from the inside...

Being chained like an animal... the tip of my boots doesn’t even touch the ground because of how they suspended me from the ceiling. My arms tied at my back by a thick rope that it already hurts to the core, a chain also tied around my waist. I feel like a carcass in a slaughter house hanging and waiting for the time I will be slaughtered to death.

My body feels heavy and weak... even my head feels heavy. Is this how it feels when you’re near death? 

“Arrrrgggghhh!” 

I felt another hit at the back of my thigh sending the now so familiar pain in my veins. Just think happy thoughts Amber... think happy thoughts... don’t mind the pain... you are good on this...

Think happy thoughts...

Krystal’s smiling face crosses my mind drawing a small smile on my bloody lips...

“We can finally start building the house!...” 

Sajangnim... you will always be my happy thought…

*THUD!*

“Hnnnngggg!”

All i can do is bite my lips til it bleeds, just not to release a cry of sorrow. The rod hitting the back of my thigh again so hard it stings. I can do this…

*THUD!*

“ youuuuuuu!- ” a hard fist connected with my face that sent my head turning on the side because of he impact. Blood gushing from the cut on my lips adding fuel to my disdain on this dog face .  

Just hold on Amber...

A little bit more…

“You can do it baby… I know you do.”

Her caring smile plastered on her lips while caressing my nape lovingly is what I terribly miss…

Krys… give me strength…

I tried to open my eyes slowly... slowly peeking to see the face of the person giving me the rod today. Blurry... too blurry... need to focus Amber... focus... my head slowly hanging low when I heard a voice in my head again yelling...

“Yah Soldier! Your eyes on my face not down there!” 

A small smile crossed my bloody lips hearing Krystal’s voice inside my mind... ahh... I’m hallucinating again Sajangnim... but thank you, thank you for being with me my love...

“Arrrrggghhhh!!!!” 

When will this dog face stop?... How many times is he going to hit me with that rod? He has been hitting me since the Sun was up... I don’t even see any ray of sunlight peeking at the broken window...

I don’t see any sunlight now... or is it my eyes having a problem?

Is it already night time? I guess soon... if night time comes its the only time I can rest...

Please night time... just come quickly...

“Gaesaekki! (Son of a !) Bastard!” I felt a sudden blow in my gut, this dog face soldier sending his fist strong on my stomach treating me like a punching bag. Every jab he makes on my face and my body feels like being hit by a school bully, sloppy and full of foolishness. Is this how they learn close combat in their camp?! Or maybe he didn’t have lunch this afternoon.

Think about it... I haven’t eaten anything proper since last night... even a drop of water...  

I don’t even know how long I have been here in this dark, cold room...

My arm stings so bad...  

“Hhnnnnggg!!! Ack!” I almost lost consciousness when he punched my stomach hard leaving me gasping for air. He wasn’t even contented and took the rod again hitting my back a couple of times before he stopped. The taste of blood in my mouth making me smile like a lunatic... i wonder how many liters of blood I already lost since they started hitting me... Heol... instead of letting this blood and saliva drop on the floor might as well imagine this is water...

The crazy soldier even had the nerve to stand in front of me face to face, spitting on me and started shouting in my ear Korean profanities he thinks I won’t understand. His eyes bulging from its sockets while he shouts in my face all kinds of curse words that I answered with a snort. Everyday he does that... everyday he thinks he is doing his job good in making me crazy.

Idiot pig. Wait for me to get down here and you’ll experience the most painful torturing you will ever experience. You will pray and beg to your Gods that you drop dead immediately. You thought I’m that stupid to let your barbaric ways inside my head?! Hahaha! You never know what craziness they do to us in training just to be who I am now.

Using the little energy I have in me, I took a deep breath and released a laugh, a small laugh to mock him on his foolishness. It earned me a couple of jabs on my face that surely my Sajangnim won’t like and struck my head with a rod again that made my world spin. Ahhh... this dog face... is this blood again rolling down on my face? 

you! Don’t ruin my face… Or I’ll ruin yours if I get this chain out of my body. I’ll beat your face into pulp you won’t even be recognize!

Damn my nose… I think he broke my nose… …

Grrrrrr…. now I’m really mad!

I spitted the blood pooling on my mouth and took a deep breath smiling again at his ugly dog face. “You will really get it from me you face.”

“Mwo?!”

“I… said…” I took another deep breath filling my lungs with air and answered him in a sneer. “Tsss… I said… you are… a moron.” the confusion on his dog face makes me laugh. Idiot. His eyebrows furrowed, anger evident on his ugly face probably because he didn’t understood what I mumbled.     

He answered me with another hit of his wooden rod, swinging it like a baseball bat hitting my sides. It hurts like Hell but I can’t do anything and accept it… but I promise 10 times the pain they gave me coming back at them.

Air… I need air…

... hold on to your sanity Amber... you can’t die here...

Not here Amber...

Not here.

I closed my eyes tight fighting off the dizziness I feel and uttered a short prayer in my head...

God of Heaven... please give me strength... I don’t know how long I can hold on but please... give me strength. I still have love ones waiting for me back home... all I am asking You is to give me strength... please... I still have to fulfill my promise to a Certain Someone that I will be back... I promised her... please hear my prayers...

If my time is really coming... please give me strength to hold on and fulfill my promise... the only place I will breathe my last breath is beside her on our bed...

She’s the only one I want to see before I rest for eternity.

“Amber...”

“Hmmmm...”

“Amber....”

“......”

“Amber wake up!!” 

Mom?...

I opened my eyes and can’t believe who I am seeing. The same precious smile that only Mom gives to me, her eyes sparkling with joy while she pats my cheeks. “Hey kiddo, time to wake up! Friday School day kiddo, up! Up!” 

Is this real? Or just a pigment of my own imagination?

Or maybe...

Wait...

Am I dead?

All I remember was closing my eyes and prayed to the Heavens... after that I fell asleep...

Now this...

But Mom’s touches feels so real...

“Hey! I said get up! Hurry up and take a bath now, Dad is waiting downstairs! I told you not to stay up late every night but you still do!” Oh how I miss this kind of nagging from you Mom!

I sat up on my bed staring at Mom who was walking around inside my room, my childhood room in our house at Los Angeles, picking up the pair of socks on the floor. Nagging me about putting the dirty socks inside my laundry basket and my blanket so that she can load it later in the washing machine.

Mom... I miss you so much... I miss Dad...

I stood up from my bed and did what I have been wishing to do all these years...

All these years since they died...

I hugged her. Embraced her with my skinny teenager arms, kissed her cheeks and buried my nose on her clothes inhaling the familiar scent of Jasmine that she always wear when she was still alive. So real... feels so real...

“Mom... I love you.” 

Her body feels so warm... even Mom’s hands running on my back feels so warm too. That kind of Motherly affection being transmitted through her touch. That oh so familiar warmth giving me the strength I need to live...

“I love you too kiddo... more than you’ll ever know.” 

She raised my head cupping my cheeks, my eyes watering as the two of us smiled at each other and she muttered:

“You are strong... remember… you are strong.”

A cold splash of water woke me up from my daydream. So cold it numbs the pain I felt earlier from the hands of that dog face. ...

I gasp for some air taking shallow breaths just to make sure I am still alive and breathing. When I opened my eyes, I was already being put down on the floor slowly that my boots already touches it. Finally... finally I can rest...

“I brought corn kernels for you Lt. Liu and a little water.” Ahh…finally… thank Heavens finally…

The kind voice was in a whisper coming from a North Korean soldier who is tasked to guard me at night. For the past few nights since I woke up after that fateful mission, he has been taking care of me that at first I thought it was just a way to kill me faster.

“Comrade Noh...” I whispered in a raspy voice too painful in my throat because of how dry it is acknowledging his presence. He held my arms carefully and helped me sit on the ground my back resting on the wall. I can’t even sit without whimpering feeling the pain all over my body. I feel like a meat being tenderize everyday...

I heard the fumbling beside me and in a few moments his flashlight suddenly lit up, enough for me to see the whole place even if blurry. Ahhh.... too much blood in my eyes probably that’s why blurry...

“I came immediately because I know Comrade Song will surely not stop having his fun with you.” blinking my eyes to see him clearly, I saw a small packet of paper on his hand. He opened it carefully and showed me the contents. It was corn kernels, pieces of kernels that can save a hungry stomach. “Open your mouth and eat this Lt. Liu come on.... you need this.” 

Even though I don’t have the strength to even open my mouth, I gathered all of it slowly just to receive my nightly ration of food. The food I came to know while being kept here inside this small house.

He fed me carefully telling me how his day was and what is happening outside. I feel like a chicken feeding on corn but who am I to complain? There is nothing I can do but eat those 20 pieces of grains just to keep living. The luckiest night was around 2 or 3 nights ago when Comrade Noh managed to sneak out a piece of bread that he broke into small pieces just so I can eat it. Enough for my hungry stomach.

Comrade Noh is not your average experience North Korean Army personnel; he is just a kid force to join and serve. He said the moment he turned 18, his Father who he said is a high ranking official in the North Korean military immediately brought him to the Army recruitment for training. Crushing his dreams of studying in the university and be a Doctor. If he says no, his Mother and younger sisters will be tortured and be sent to one of the prison camps.

“Please have some water Lt. Liu... open your mouth...” he brought the metal cup in my bloodied lips helping me drink. Damn... that feels so great... the coldness of water washing down on my throat was a sigh of relief.

I finished the cup of water and asked for more. He poured me another cup coming from his personal water bag and helped me drink it again, my body regaining strength even by just a little. I closed my eyes again taking deep breaths to fill my lungs and thank the Heavens for bringing a kind person like Comrade Noh in this time of need.

The first time I met him was when I woke up after that fall. His Superior and other comrades were urging him to beat me to show his manliness. He was staring at me looking so scared and embarrassed because of how they shout at him calling him a coward. When it seems like he wouldn’t do anything harmful to me, he was violently shove aside by one of his comrades who started beating me. That was the start of my painful journey up until now.

“Please let me wipe your face Lt. Liu...” he said.

I opened my eyes once again blinking at Comrade Noh for clarity and saw him pulling out a white handkerchief from his military uniform. The only answer I can give him was a slow nod because of the heaviness in my head, he poured water on the handkerchief before reaching out for my face patting the wet cloth on my face.

Damn... that feels nice... cold but nice...

He rinsed the handkerchief with water four times because of how bloody it became that the white changed to red. I asked him in my broken Korean to pour water on my face to clear out the blood in my eyes which he willingly obliged.

The Gods hasn’t forsaken me. They sent this person to keep me company at night while I groan in pain with all the torture and beating I get from those disgusting dogs. I call them dogs because they follow what their Commanding Officer tells them to do, like a dog to his master when his master tells him to sit.

I wonder how many days I have been here... why does not a single Special Forces team has come to save me?

Are the Navy Seals that busy? Even the Green Berets? How about my own Delta Team?

Am I going to be left here til I die?

that government!

The moment I get out of here alive, I will hunt that damn CIA agent and bust his nuts. I’ll throw him at the DMZ border so that he will be shot by North Korean soldiers guarding the sentry. This is all his fault!

If only I can... I could have escape here on my own. …

My body… my body aches all over. I don’t even know if I can still stand and walk in this kind of state...

I have to recover my strength. If I want to live and see my love ones again… I have to endure everything…

Krystal… she’s probably worried by now. Maybe walking back and forth inside her office biting her fingers hahaha… that woman… I told her to never bite her fingers but she will still do especially if she’s nervous or worried.

I miss you Krys… so much.

“Krystal…” I mumbled under my breath and sighed. You’re the only reason why my life is worth living…

Multiple times I escaped death even if I don’t want to live at all. All those times I prayed to the Heavens that Earth is not the place to be anymore and just get me… give me an honorable death. Everytime I live, I always ask the Heavens WHY? Why keep me alive?!

Why keep me alive when everyone I love is gone?

Then I met you.

My question was answered with your existence.

Your existence was enough for me to go on living and daydream about things that back then I call ‘ridiculous’ and ‘delusional’.

Sigh.

If only I can squeeze more information from Comrade Noh… but even him he can’t say much because of too much fear.

Comrade Noh… he is not willing to tell me the exact days that I have been kept here. He said, “That is the only thing I can’t do Lt. Liu because I have to follow the command of my Father..” The command to him was to extract information from me about Agent Loewe and every night I tell him the same thing: That I don’t know where he is hiding and I don’t know anything about his plan especially his traitorous exploits under the U.S. government’s watchful eyes.

He said everyday after his duty he submits the recorder to his Platoon Commander who listens on the recordings without fail. After listening to it, his Platoon Commander will give an order to the next soldier who will guard me. An order to teach me a lesson and make my life miserable each day.

After cleaning me up, he finally untied my hands from the thick rope that made me sigh in gratefulness. My hands had been tied at my back since this morning resulting to an intense pain on my joints. I can’t even lift my arms now without wincing in pain… the pain shooting up inside my veins.

He sat on the floor in front of me and took out his small notebook and pen from the chest pocket of his uniform readying for his nightly chore. I wriggled my toes and fingers while waiting for him, making sure I can still feel any sensations down there on my feet and m