A/N" HEY CHINGUS! I'M FEELING WELL NOW! BECAUSE OF THAT I AM POSTING THIS LONG OVERDUE UPDATE!

THANK YOU TO ALL THE SUBSCRIBERS AND TO THOSE WHO UPVOTED THE STORY THANK YOU SO MUCH! 

FIRST UPDATE FOR TODAY!

PEACE YOW!~

“Amber…”

“Yes Mommm…”

“Sit straight! Did you even wash your face before going out of our room?!”

“Yes Mooommm…” I rolled my eyes on Mom’s nagging and spooned another serving of Ice Cream bringing the big chunk in my mouth. I can’t believe there is Ice Cream in this resort! I thought I’m gonna die in sadness when Dad said they don’t have my favorite.

“Amber did you like your gift?” I nodded at Dad smiling happily. I raised my left wrist showing my new Casio G-shock that he gave to me as my Christmas gift this morning. Hahaha! I got a new watch! I got a new watch!

“Love it Dad! Thanks! I love you!” Dad and I made a fist bump like we always do making Mom click her tongue. I’m an only child what can I do!? If only they will give me a sibling hehehe…

“How about me!? Don’t you like the gift I gave you!?” duh. I leaned forward from my seat and gave Mom’s left cheek a noisy peck and a tight hug.

“I love you Mom! Thanks for the new shoes!” I said to Mom earning a kiss on my cheeks too even squishing my face like a kid.

She cupped my face, scanning it with a loving smile. Mom always have that smile for me and it didn’t change. Always, always the same smile that I love to see.

“Your Dad and I loves you very much Amber… always remember that.”

Tears threatened to spill from my eyes but I kept it cool and grinned at her. “I do too Mom. I love both of you, so much.”

Their precious smiles still embedded in my mind forever.

I slowly opened my eyes, adjusting to the darkness of the room to see Krystal staring at me. Her left hand caressing my face and I can sense worry in her touch. “Hey…”

“Hey…” I placed my hand on top of hers rubbing my face on her palm to feel her warmth. A dream… it was just a dream…

“You were dreaming?” Krystal asked that I answered with a nod. I smiled at her and let go of her hand then drape my arm around her waist pulling her closer to me. She copied what I did and wrapped her arm around my waist too, running her hand on my back to it slowly.

“It was all just a dream but it feels so real… Mom and Dad feels so real Krys…”

“Maybe they misses you too that’s why.” she leaned back to look at me and smiled. “What did they say?”

“I dreamed of the last morning we were together… Christmas day.”

“Oh…” she looks apologetic for asking but I planted a kiss on her forehead assuring her its okay. “Mom was nagging me that morning because I was slouching in my chair while eating Ice Cream for breakfast.” she buried her face on my neck and giggled.

“Ice Cream for breakfast?! Weirdo!~” both of us let out a quiet laugh and I continued. “Then Dad asked me if I loved the watch he gave me. Then Mom asked me too if I also liked her gift to me… I said yes and gave her a kiss on her cheek and a hug.”

“And?”

I smiled remembering Mom and Dad’s faces that day and sighed. “Mom said to always remember that she and Dad loves me very much. And I said I love them both very much.”

“You miss them?”

I nodded again and took a deep breath, contemplating if I should tell Krystal about my Death Wish or not. There’s nothing to hide… and I feel that she should know about it.

“I miss them everyday that in every mission I have… I was always praying that I die so I can finally be with them.” her head suddenly snapped looking up at me with her widen eyes. I know… its not a good wish…

“W-what?…”

I bit my lips and sighed. “Yeah. When I told you before that I consider every missions I have as my last… it was because I always pray that I die while doing it.”

“But why!? You’re still young! Don’t you want to live!?” she hissed at me with confusion and worry in her eyes.

I stared straight in her eyes and nodded. “If you are already alone in this world… and you miss the persons you love with all your heart, it happens.”

“I’m s-sorry…” she said. Both of us just staring at each other, her hands my head. I smiled at her and reached for her nose pinching it lightly just to take away the worry on her face. “Its okay… don’t worry about it.”

“Don’t worry about it!? So are you telling me in your next mission its still the same?!”

“No.”

“Then what?!”

“Of course I will be careful next time…”

“You should! Oh my God… don’t do that again please!” she looks so cute hahaha… is she mad or what?! “Life is a precious gift from up above. Don’t waste it. You still have a lot of things to do and learn in this world that’s why the Heavens didn’t made your wish come true. It isn’t your time to be with them… not yet. You may think you are alone but you’re not.”

“Do you think so?”

“Yes! You’re not alone! Halmeoni is here, Sungjae!… I’m h-here…” the way she became embarrassed after saying her last words made me smile inside. She bit her lips and spoke again in a low voice “I will be here for you if you need me, in case you remember me in random times when you are already back at your camp.”

“Really?”

“Y-yes… that is… IF… you will remember me.”

“Why will I forget about you?...” she shrug her shoulders and gave a chuckle looking down. What should I say? What was that again I have been readying in my mind in mid flight?!

“Tsss… well it happens to everyone--”

“When its you I always think about everyday…” I heard a snicker then she raise her gaze at me, her beautiful eyes shining in the dark. Doubt… I see doubt in her eyes. What made you hate love and relationship like this Krystal Jung?

“Don’t say things like that.”

“Then what do you want me to say?…” she bit her lips and sighed after. The way she was biting her lips seems she wants to say something but can’t. “Krystal…?”

“I… Is this the talk we mentioned earlier?”

“I think so.”

“Then let me start it…” she released me from her hold and rose from the bed, resting her back at the wall. I rose from the bed too my eyes caught sight of the time being displayed on the digital clock she has on her bedside table.

2:00 in the morning… we are doing this at 2:00 in the morning!

Okay… its okay. We need to do this… because even me, I don’t know what this ‘thing’ that we have for each other.

I sat beside her and rested my back too on the wall, I reached for the switch of the bedside lamp turning it On to illuminate the room but she reached for my arm gently. “Just keep it dark.” I obliged and turned the light Off the darkness filling the room again.

My eyes still adjusted to the dark gaze at her and watch how she hugged her knees to her chest, her chin on her knee. Her face showing her vulnerability. This is not the mighty and respected C.E.O. of an empire I am seeing now.

This is a woman whose dreams has been set aside because of her familial duties. A woman that has been hurt deeply before… I want to know why but is she willing to share it with me?

She sighed when I placed my left arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer to my side. Both of us looking at the large flatscreen TV she has on the wall silence filling the room.

“I was 14 years old when Mom died in a car accident. She… she personally picked me up that day from my Cello practice and it was raining hard. I was having a silly tantrum because she promised me that morning that we will go to the Mall to buy me a new pair of shoes.”

“Didn’t you have chauffeurs?”

“Mom insisted that she drives for me when I go to my Cello practice. Even if Dad tells her she shouldn’t because its dangerous, she’s stubborn and always had her way with Dad.”

“Seems like you got it from your Mom.”

“Maybe~…” she chuckled and rested her head on my shoulder. “My Mom was younger than my Dad. She was a model and an up and coming actress when they met each other in an event that Dad’s company held. They were introduced, had a chat that night and sparks flew like how Mom tells it to us.”

“Looks like your Dad was a charmer.”

“He was. And he’s handsome that Mom said before, a lot of girls still chase after him even when they were already married. Handsome and a rich man.”

“So after that night they officially became together?” she released a soft laugh and shook her head. She took my left hand that was resting on her arm and pulled it gently turning to show my palm, her index finger making circles. “Nope. Mom said Dad asked her to go home with him that night but she said No.”

“Wow… your Mom is an admirable woman.”

“Nah… she said No because she said she forgot if she left the faucet running or not. Even if she wants to go with Dad she declined and went home in a hurry instead.” she stifled a laugh shaking her head. “Its her who took Dad home that night actually, because Dad accompanied her back home and saw the water flooding the apartment floor. So they spent the night cleaning her apartment together with Dad’s driver/bodyguard who was Kwangsoo’s Father.”

The way she talks about her parents… I can feel how much she adores them. She raised her head from my shoulder and smiled sadly “Dad said he fell in love with Mom that night when they were cleaning the house because its not everyday he will meet a woman like Mom who isn’t afraid to be herself. After 6 months of courtship and being together, they got married. Since Dad was already old, he said he and Mom tried so hard to have kids and the results are us four. I’m the last to be born… my siblings always tease me that I am the residue from Dad’s supply. Those idiots...” she crinkled her nose in disgust that made me laugh and pull her head close giving her a bite in her nose.

“Well… thank God your Dad still has some left before it was all gone!”

“I know right. I was the last to be born so I get everything I ask for.” she sighed and patted my cheeks. She fixed my hair to the side and continued. “They love each other so much, Dad treated Mom like a Queen and Mom reciprocated it with so much love that she can give. She gave up everything, her dreams to be a famous actress in exchange of being a housewife for Dad. She helped Dad in the company too, in events and made projects for the employees to give them reason to stay. Mom said she never had any regrets when she exchanged everything for Dad because she knows he will take care of her. She always tells us that if we will have a boyfriend, make sure he is like Dad.” she snorted, clicking her tongue.

So is this were the story of the guy who broke her heart will start?

“Anyway, the accident…” her face became sad again and sighed. “We got into an accident that day. A car did an overtake with ours surprising Mom, the car tires slid on the wet road and the last I remembered was Mom covering me… the car crashing on a lamp post… then it all out.”

“She saved you…” I mumbled while looking at her. She nodded and looked away, resting her head on my shoulder again. I took her hand and intertwined our fingers, the action was something new to me and… it feels good. The way her hand warms mine…

“I woke up in the hospital after 3 days with a bandage on my head. Dad was there, I asked him where Mom was and he said she was in another room. All I thought was she was okay because everytime I will ask them where she is they will tell me she’s fine until that day when I was discharged from the hospital. They brought me to Mom’s resting place… that’s the time I found out she was gone.”

“I’m sorry…”

“I was so mad at Dad and my siblings because they lied to me. I was so mad at myself because it was my fault she died. If I didn’t whine at her and forced her to drive to the mall, if I only let her drive us straight back home… maybe… she’s still alive.” she squeezed my hand and released her sniffles, my chest getting heavy knowing what she has inside her still haunts her. “I was so mad at myself because I was the reason why Dad lost Mom… and why my siblings lost our Mother… I tried to kill myself.” my body went rigid with her revelation. What the hell!?

I grabbed her shoulders and stared at her in utter surprise. At 14 she already had that thoughts… those dark thoughts that I had before. “W-what did you say?!”

“I tried to kill myself. I was so lonely, my world fell apart and Mom won’t be coming back anymore. It was all my fault and even if my siblings tells me it wasn’t, I had that thought that I really am. I blamed myself that the only way to end that heavy feeling inside me was to end everything. I locked myself in my bathroom, took my brother’s cutter and sla