AN: For this chapter's playlist, listen to Baekhyun's Beautiful and A Rocket to the Moon's Ever Enough. :)

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CHAPTER 47

[Sol Han Na’s POV]

“Do you remember the first night you slept in my room?” I asked wistfully as I played with his fingers. “I was in the kitchen that time when you suddenly came. God, you were so scared you looked absolutely ridiculous.”

I let myself chuckle halfheartedly, clearly recalling the moment. It was how we began. It was how everything began.

“It was the very first time I opened myself up to someone I don’t know. Or not entirely close to. I don’t even talk to my parents about such things but you… you made me confess so easily. It’s like you hypnotized me into telling you my darkest and well-kept secrets. It was amazing. And terrifying at the same time. Because I didn’t know then why I was so comfortable with you. But I guess I know now.”

I sighed and laced my fingers with his. Normally, this would have made him smile. He would’ve already tightened his grip and pulled my hand to his mouth to kiss it. But nothing’s happening now. I am on my own. I don’t even know if he’s hearing any of what I have been saying the past hours.

“Maybe I still didn’t know it yet,” I continued, drawing circles on the back of his hand. “But back then, maybe my heart already knew. Maybe it already felt. That this guy – you – are the one I am going to fall in love with.”

I sighed one more time before lowering my head and closing my eyes. I haven’t slept in a few days. Maybe for a few interrupted hours and minutes – if you could even call that sleeping. It’s like I can’t even take my eyes off him, not even for a second, afraid that once I opened them again he’d be gone. I am tired and restless and I know it’s slowly affecting me and my career but I don’t care. I can’t even remember the last time I went home. I’ve been spending most of my time here at the hospital watching him, talking to him. My parents would come by every once in a while to bring me fresh clothes and those were the only moments when I’d see them. Whether they’re worried about me, they didn’t show. Whether they’re against my staying here, they didn’t say anything. They’ve been very supportive and for that, I am entirely grateful.

I must’ve fallen asleep.

I woke up with a jerk moments later and immediately glanced at the clock. I’ve only slept for forty five minutes but it’s enough to replenish some of my energy. I sighed and glanced back at Baekhyun, my eyes narrowly missing the small white box resting on the desk beside his bed. I breathed deeply before rising to get it.

It still has the same things inside – the CD, his wallet, and his bracelet. Wherever the key was, I have no idea. I’ve already tried asking the policemen who came to rescue him on the day of the accident but they said no key was found within the vicinity. It doesn’t matter now. It was too small and could easily get lost, anyway.

However, for the CD, Manager Song told me the whole story behind it. How it contains the last song Baekhyun had recorded and how it was a gift he’s supposed to give me on the day we were scheduled to meet.

“I could still remember how delighted and ecstatic he was,” she recalled dreamily. “He came to me and he had this bright glint in his eyes. I could almost see them burning as he told me how he wrote the song and how it was actually the very first piece he’s ever successfully written. He was so proud and excited to let you listen to it. I even helped him with furnishing and recording it.”

Since then, I wasn’t able to touch or listen to the CD. I don’t think I can do it. A lot of emotions crept in my mind. Scared. Terrified. Somehow, I even hated the song. He came from the company after recording it when the incident happened and if not for that song, he would’ve still be fine.

I pursed my lips and shakily took out the object, my eyes lingering on the words written solely by him: To my Hanna. I closed my eyes as I felt the sickening pain surge within me.

I debated with myself for long on what to do. In the end, I gathered up my courage and stood to place the CD on the player his parents had brought weeks ago. Baekhyun had loved music and so they’d play music to him every once in a while – music he’s loved ever since he was an innocent child.

My index finger lay frozen on the play button. I don’t know if it’s right to do this, if I’d still be able to hold myself together after listening to this. I’m scared I might break down. I’m terrified that I might not be able to bear hearing his voice again – his voice that I’ve longed for two months now. But then he wrote this song. And he almost died having me listen to it. So I should do this. For him.

I pressed the button and sat back on the stool, holding his hand again. It took a few seconds for the song to begin but when it did, it was accompanied by soft piano music.

“Annyeong naege dagawa

Sujubeun hyanggireul angyeo judeon neo

Huimihan kkumsogeseo

Nuni busidorok banjjagyeosseo

Seolleime nado moreuge

Hanbaldubal nege dagaga

Neoui gyeote nama.”

Tears immediately brimmed my eyes as soon as his voice resonated through the speakers, filling the entire silent room. I haven’t heard his voice for months, ached so much to hear it once again, and now that it came true – I am slowly breaking apart. All the walls I’ve managed to build within these past weeks, all the strength and courage I’ve tried to muster to stay strong and not let the situation affect me, have been thrown outside the window in just a press of a button. I am falling into depression and I know it. I am crumbling down. I am losing hope. And I’ve never felt this much lost and defeated. I’ve tried so hard to shy away from reality but now it’s here, waving its hands in front of my face.

I am about to lose him… I am so close to losing him…

“Neoui misoe nae maumi noganaeryo